This I know Grape, I can't do anything to stop it....

You know as I have seen so many or these stories play out it seems that the WS'S just leave and don't even try the d thing quick ....

Here I am only 6 1/2 months into this and mine has done it already... I believe its because of pressure but yet he is doing it.... He is moving so fast with all of this that it does make me wonder if he feels he has to do it fast to be able to do it. I just don't know......

Bad part is the OW he is doing it for is such a looser and user and he does not see it.... A friend of ours stopped by here today to check on me. He knows the OW as well.... This is the first time I have talked to this friend in months ... He said him and his wife were just floored by this all and especially when they knew who the OW was...

We all know how she is even WH knows... We all used to talk about how she was with men. But of course my WH thinks he is special and she wn't do him the same way... Anyhow my friend was talking about how OW hit on different married men at the bowling alley, him included once she found out he owned a lot of property but he turned her away and his wife really warned her to back off..... I know of two married men she did this to before WH..... Of course my H would be the one to fall into her trap.... Believe me if I had any idea she was going after him I would have handled this right away....

So see this is why I believe this will never last ..... I could be wrong maybe he is special but I just don't believe it due to her past behaviors.... Get what hse can and run, that is unless they figure her out first then they run....

We're not talking hope, we're talking strategy.

Have to agree with grapegirl again -- you can go down this path with dignity and grace, or you can go kicking and screaming, but whether or not you go down it is not being determined by you.

Since you are being forced, you might as well play every card to your advantage.

You can keep hope alive as long as you want -- and many couples have remarried after divorce -- but you better prepare financially for a longer haul than you had anticipated.

Day to day thats all I can do for now ....

Seems to me everyone is giving up hope he will ever get it...

I must be the only left who has any hope.......

Ok A.M. maybe I am not understanding what you all are saying to me....

I know i can't stop this...
I know i have to move on with life and make it good..

I just feel like everyone is saying in a round about way : Its a lost cause , give it up he is not ever coming back.. he is done with you ......

I agree A.M. I am preparing financially .. The most the state will allow, plus working.... I am not just sitting here wringing my hands and waiting.... I am doing what I have to do for myself and kids....

It's OK to be the last one standing.

(((hurting)))

I certainly am not saying for you to give up hope.

I don't think it's for certain that he will divorce you on Wednesday.

Have you let the children know his plans?

yes the children know.....

DD does not say much...

DS on the other hand is very angry at his father and called him a dirty SOB....

That hurt me to the core to hear this child say this about his father....

He does not want to see him this weekend at all.....

We'll see what happens....

You not the only one Hurt'n, I have hope for you. Hope can be a two edged sword though.



I think you have a valid observation. Kind of like eating those beets you hated when you were a kid. Stuff them in real fast and swallow them half chewed, followed by a gulp of cold milk.

It is to soon to lose hope.

Here is something. I went to mediation today, honestly and hopefully thought I was going to reach an agreement and be divorced in a week. But nothing happened, she couldn't agree on anything, and didn't counter with any proposals. She just said for me to give her what she wants or else. So it isn't over after all.

Maybe something like that will happen in your case. You know what I mean? Take care of yourself. He should not be rewarded for being a cheating husband to a loyal wife.

Tom,

I am almost sure we won't come to an agreement. I am not backing down on what I am asking for because I am not asking for that much really....

I will say one thing though if he does agree to what I want, then I will know he really wants out of our marriage.
If he willing gives me my terms then I will know its time to give up any hope...

Like they say, It ain't over until the Fat Lady sings. I'm not fat (or that much, I guess) and I'm not singing.

Many things can happen in a week. Hope always springs eternal. Make sure your kids, inlaws, friends, and bowling buddies...especially their wives know exactly what is going on.

If you are in the middle of an earthquake, you don't stand next to a big, heavy china cabinet. It could be a little shaker and stop. It could be a whooper and you could get covered with shards of glass or buried in broke dishes. Your personal earthquake is getting into the 8.somethings. Prudent people bolt their cabinets to the walls. I guess that would be MB principals. Commonsense says that if the shaking gets bad, you dive under the table. You probably can't save the dishes. You mourn the beauty and use you got from the dishes. You can glue some of them together and they are better than new. But you can't stop the earthquake.

We hope and pray with you that things would suddenly become different. Pragmatically, we want you to protect yourself.

I guess grapegirl and I are suggesting that you change your psychological point of view on all this. Be cold as ice, and calculating as a general. Be businesslike, and ask for the moon.

You may not get his love that way -- but you may at least get his respect. That, at least, is better than contempt.

There's nothing wrong with hope, but this is moving onto a 8.0 scale, as grapegirl says.

A lot could change in a week. But be prepared, and don't be run by your emotions.

GG,

I know everyone has my best interest at heart... And I am going to protect myself finanacially... Well the best I can legally get anyway..

But what I am asking for is not a lot compared to his money he makes. Believe me with that and me working it will still be tight. He still will have more money than me every month... To be honest with CS and SS if I get what I want it will still be under $1000.00 a month.... So see I am not asking for much.... Plus half of his 401K which I will get since its community property state. I know he will argue this out. And since it was only for a job he was on for 3 1/2 years its not that much.... right at 5000.00 is what I would get..... So in reality I am not getting much but I will be willing to bet you he is going to not agree to any of it...

Like I said if he does then that tells me what I need to know....

A.M.

I am trying not to let my emotions play in this mediation thing. The one good thing about it is we don't have to be in the same room so that will help....

As long as I don't have to see him I can stay strong and fight for w hat I want. I don't have to worry about him trying to badger me and make me feel bad for him ...

I do believe he is going to get angry and maybe try later to get to me but I won't respond to him at all....

He can have his earthquake by himself......

Hurting,

Either way, I know you will have a good future Hurting. Going to college and all is a plus. Life is a journey. God has good plans for you.
And like you said the other day, you are staying in the Land of the Living. That's how I know you are going to be alright. There will be adjustments ahead but they will all be for your good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lady

Everyone knows what is happening, my kids, his family, my family and our friends....

No one can believe he running so fast into this.... Funny part is OW still has not even started her divorce. Yet she is pushing him into his.... Guess she figures once thats done I am not a threat anymore... She told my DD once this d ivorce is done her and WH can get closer.... How much closer can she get , darn he lives with her... One good thing though after a divorce you can't get married for 6 months in Okla... they at least did that right a waiting period ... and if in that six months you reconcile you can file with the court and they can dismiss the divorce.... Kinda backwards and screwy is ya ask me.....

Heck I don't know I am guesssing at so many things anymore.... I can only go by what I know of her and what I have see and heard from her before all of this started....

There's your ray of hope. Things may not change in ten days -- but the chances are much better he'll see things differently in the next six months.

I can only hope A.M.

heck by th time 6 months is up he will have been gone a year.....

but heck OW has to get hers to and then her 6 months start... so could be a while before they can do anything .... Of course I guess they could sneek off to another state and do it .....

Does the legal system really want you to be on food stamps, Medicaid, public assistance? You are going to be 'way, 'way below the poverty line. Maybe you can get a HUD apartment like OW. You seem like a person who wouldn't want that kind of "charity" but you may be forced to.

Does the judge really want you to become the taxpayers' burden? The people of OK will be paying for what your WH husband does not. What you are asking for after 24 years of marriage is laughable. It is a crime and an injustice. They want you to have 12K/year for 10 years and a future of flipping burgers. Why don't they just issue you your baglady outfit and shopping cart right now. It's a life sentence of poverty.

NOT RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AIM HIGHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it is grape ...... Thats why I am willing to go in front of a judge .... I think I stand a better chance at getting more that way....

Thats why I say I don't think we will come to an agreement... Now my attorney does not think a judge will give me much more than that because according to him they won't make WH a pauper to help me....

Really sucks if ya ask me..... But I am going to take my chances and pray a judge sees the truth and gives me what is due....