this goes with the quitting smoking suggestion .... be sure your H knows you are quitting cigs .... and, if possible, throw in this comment

"WH was right, I should have quit smoking a long time ago. I know he worried about my health."

In other words, demonstrate a humbleness when you have admitted you were wrong. Lead by example.

Pep,

You know you are so right.... I do want to quit and I am trying very hard....

It may be to late though for those Love Bank deposits... I will do it but I am almost positive he will say why didn't you do it years ago....

But I do think back to Dec. 9 when we had court and he said to me so your still smoking.... I didn't smoke in front of him but he saw them in my purse.

But you are right about one thing admitting I was wrong is something I have to be able to do myself. How can I expect him to stop the addiction of the affair, when I can't stop my addiction to smoking....

Another thing my kids need me healthy for sure...... I need to do this for myself and them as well......

In reality I wonder if this really would make a love bank deposit?

I am going to do it for myself but I do wonder if he will really care?

I do know how he feels about smoking though and the OW smoke like a freight train, so maybe this will show him I am doing all I can to make my life better.....

STOP wondering about how your personal health improvements will be viewed by a WS. STOP IT!!! Make those changes for you.

L.

Yeah! Think about how much better your skin will look compared to the OW's in ten years time if you stop smoking and she doesn't! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Orchid,

I know your right about this , I have to stop wondering about what he thinks.

I guess I feel like I need to pull out all of the stops since the end seems so near. Crazy isn't it?

At this late date nothing I can do or say anymore..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

i agree completely


hey oklahoma......god and a legally binding document confirms that our H ARE STILL MARRIED but in thier hearts they don't "feel marrried" so they CHOSE to take their rings off already....same kind of thing isn't it??

mine would come off when I was ready too....not a second before

Eav,

You know your right , I didn't look at it from that point...

My WH took his ring off when he moved out and I have not seen it since and probably never will.....

He say we are only married by a piece of paper now.... He does not feel it at all.... While I still have the feeling of being married and faithfull. Really sucks when ya think about it.....

They move on sleep with other people and live the single life and here we sit still acting the wifely role.... Taking care of home, kids, pets and anything that goes with being married.


Somedays I wish I could be as cold as him and just move on without a thought about it. It would be so much easier. But thats not who I am.

This is just how I feel. I feel I've given up on my marriage way more than you have, Hurting, and still I want to stay faithful until we are divorced. I won't stoop to his level, and I can't be that cold, either.

The single life isn't all it's cracked up to be when you sacrifice everything for it. It can't hold a candle to the warmth and comfort of family.

BTW - Saw your pic on the photo thread. Your WH is a crazy fool, if you don't mind me saying so. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(((Hurting)))

Alph.

that's not who i am either

is any person with a heart and sanity that kind of person?

that's why they call them addicts, crazy and aliens......

I asked the WS to show me how t/d this. He couldn't answer and I asked why!??!?! Told him I was a slow learner at this A crap but since he is becoming a master at it.....well I needed t/b trained how t/b cold, ruthless, selfish, greedy, etc..... Told him I didn't want to be taught by HIS teacher (PBR). I needed lessons from someone I knew. Yep, I asked for lessons....didn't get any....got a compliment and a lot of anger from the OW. LOL!!!! Told him I didn't want to be taught by HIS teacher (PBR). I needed lessons from someone I knew. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

L.

You know Orchid, that was a smart thing to do .....

I bet it set him back a bit not sure what to say....

I wish I had the guts to say something like that to mine.

Of course I'd probably get some babble about him not being those things.....

I don't want to give up my marriage but alas all my choices have been taken away from me in that department. But the choices of how I life and handle the fallout are all mine... And I pray I make the right ones.....

Thanks for the compliment Alph.... I wish he felt that way... To bad the OW is so homely looking..... WH always told me how beautiful I was, well in his mind anyway... I don't see how he could say that to her though and really mean it..... It just makes me sick to think about it.....

When you get to that stage when u r strong enough to say those things, it will come flowing out of your mouth.....so in the meantime, practice.....practice being good to yourself. Don't take no flack from the stupid WS side of his being.

L.

I will Orchid.... I am trying very hard to be good to me.....

I know one day I will be able to say things to him and not flinch or cry and I do look forward to it......

Ok , I have not had a cigerrette in 3 hours people.... I am doing good here.... Been chewing a lot of gum but hey its cheaper.....

I figure if I can do make it through the first week I can do this.... Of course I don't what will happen on Wed. I may need a carton of cigs to get through that day....

Today was pretty good ... DS and I played Playstation this afternoon and the went to MIL's and played cards. Came home played some more Crash Baidcoot and DS is now in bed.

He was kind of down today as WH didn't make plans again this weekend to see him.... So DS has not had time with WH since Christmas eve. This really makes me mad because of all the bi**ching he did about not seeing his children. Well this is not my fault its his.... I just don't get it...

Anyhow DS and I had a nice afternoon.....

I'll be glad when I get ahead on money so DS and I can do some things and get out of this house some.... Its so depressing just sitting here and watching life go by....

Just gets my mind thinking of the past and how weekends were before all of this.... I don't like thinking about the past, it just hurts to much.....

Good Job Hurting!! I am proud of you! Something that helped me not smoke, is crocheting (or knitting, but I can't knit). You can't smoke and do craft stuff at the same time. Or keep your drawing supplies handy so your hands will stay busy.


I have court on Wednesday too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Jean,

I crochet but have not done anything in a few years.

I really dread this court thing on wed. not knowing if I will still be married when I come out or will I be single...

You know its really strange how fast this all happened. No time to get used to the idea at all.... Not that I would get used to it but its like no time to breathe and its over...

I just don't see how a marriage can be earased so easy. I see on other peoples threads all of these things they had to do, like depositons and such we did nothing but give them our finanacial and a list of what each wanted from the house and its done....

No arguing over DS or nothing.... Now there will e arguiong on Wed about the alimony and his 401k, that I am almost sure of....

its like a nightmare, I can't wake up from .....

Ok I found out some more about this money thing with WH and OW.

I finally got the whole story because last night all I got were bits and pieces.

Ok OW went and bought the MP3 player for DS since WH was on the road. She has since asked WH for the money back. Which when ya think about it is ok I guess. Anyhow she didn't have the receipt to show how much it was. So WH called my SIL to ask her how much they were. SIL said well depends on what kind and were you got it. Anyhow he told her well I need to find out because "She" is wanting her money back and I need to know the exact amount.. So sounds to me like he does not trust she told him the right amount.

SIL said he was pissed about the whole thing. I guess he didn't think she would want her money back seeig how much money he spends on her and her DD. Hmmmmm sounds like some true colors are starting to shine through....

Anyhow my MIL said BS I am sure this will end and I think its already starting. Maybe it is I don't know but one thing for sure I may be divorced before it does.

I sure wish sometimes I could be a fly on the wall in the love nest to see what happens... I would really love to be a fly on the wall wed. if we don't come to an agreement and the divorce is held off, even if its only a few weeks...

I wish there was a way to "Plan B" and fire a shot across stupid-head's bow - "Ok - so you want a divorce? Fine - but once you set me free, with how you've treated me, I have some choices and it's not likely to be you... (and then in my best Clint Eastwood snarl) Go Ahead. Make. My. Day."

Kayla,

Well said .....

The only thing I can say is this is going to be the biggest mistake of his life and one day he will see this.....

You know WS'S are so stupid they can't see the writting on the wall. The one person who has loved them and stood by them now is being treated no better than a bug on the windshield , yet here we are still wanting our marriage and still love them ...

Make me wonder if we are the ones who are crazy. What sane person would take all of this crap and still want someone who has treated them so badly.....

I never thought my husband had this in him, I have never seen any kind of behaviors like this in my 24 yrs with him. He was always the one person who helped everyone no matter what. He was the neighborhood dad with all the kids. The romantic, loving husband who always bought me little gifts and flowers all the time.... And now he is this cold, calculating monster with no feeling towards me at all.

Why do I want him back ,I wish I knew..... I rememeber the man I have lived with for so many years maybe thats what I am looking for and hoping to get back. But as I think about it even if this affair ends he still may not ever be that man again.

I often wonder wouldn't it just be easier to cut my loses and just move on than to even try. But something in me won't let me do it.... I still love the man, how foolish is that?