I just don't know what to say, Thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for the prayers and support.

All of you have been my saving grace in this horrible nightmare. I just don't know where I would be without the guidence I have recieved from this board. I thank God everyday I found this place.

I have learned so much and understand better what has happened in my life. I never in a million years would have ever thought my life would have turned this way, just as I am sure most of you have never thought you would be dealing with this as well.

Three hours to go until I have to be there. I feel sick to my stomach and my hands are shaking so bad. I am so scared I don't want to do this. I want to stop it, I want WH to say he is sorry and make things right. I just want to run away and hide and pretend this isn't happening...

I don't know if I can be strong I have tried so hard to show him see we can a wonderful marriage and all of it has fallen on deaf ears and a cold heart. Will his heart ever become warm again? Will this affair truly ever end? I can't help but have these questions......

Is the man I have loved for so long really gone and been replaced with this person I don't know? It scares me to think this is who he has become because I don't like this person he is now. Sad thing is when I see him I don't see this strange person I see my husband. I have to keep reminding myself he is not him but he looks the same.

Why is this so hard, why can't my heart harden so I can make it through this without emotion or any feelings?

So many thoughts and fears right now .... I hate this .....

Father, please walk with her and guide her today. Help her to find the strength to make it through this one day. Remove and caryy the fears she is feeling. Allow her to feel Your hands upon her. Be soft of heart hurting. Do not be cold, but strong. Do not fear, He walks with you if you ask Him to. He will not foresake you. He knows where the path leads and He will be waiting upon that path to guide you.

Take care todayyou are an amazing and wonderful woman!

BKarl,

Thank you for the prayer. I got down on my knees last night and asked God to give me the strength and courage to make it though this today.

My heart is just breaking I can feel it..... The pain is just so much right now. It won't stop I don't know how to stop it....

Why does he hate me so? I will never understand that... How do you go from love to hate so quick?

.... because you are not a hard-hearted woman

[color:"red"] XOXO [/color]

Hurting, if you are to say anything today, "you say I do not want this and I do not wish this ruin upon my family."
Do not fear your emotions because they will all see where your heart is.

Hurting:

For sure, your WH DOES NOT HATE YOU...

I have gotten bad press about this lately BUT..I will tell you that I found it helpful to think of my H as being SICK..TEMPORARILY INSANE..while he was a wayward..telling myself that after he was healed, if ever, that he would be HIMSELF again...

If your story ends like mine has, MY H IS DEFINITELY HIMSELF OR BETTER AGAIN....HONESTLY AND TRULY HE IS....

It has taken years, though...

I think it's OK for you to show your feelings of sadness..terror..your feelings are REAL...

The main thing is to make sure to STICK TO YOUR PLAN..

That's one of the things so helpful about MB..

It provides YOU/ME/US with a PLAN to focus on which helps in dealing with the TRAUMA and associated feelings...

Go into your SAFE PLACE and do this....

I am so sorry for being such a big baby today....

I appreciate all of you sticking with me...

Mimi, I guess I know deep down inside he does not hate me. It just feels like it right now. Maybe this is the only way he can do what he is doing right now is to try and make himself think he does.

I keep telling myself I can do this.... I have to be strong and stand up for whats right and pure. The evil has just taken over his life and I an trying to fight it for myself and our family... It a hard battle to stand up to evil....

I know if things don't go his way today things are only going to get worse, but thats a risk I am going to have to take. I can't or won't back down, he will either repect me or he will hate me for this. I expect anger from him and I will just have to deal with it as it comes along. The time has come for me to take a stand and let him know I will not take anymore of this crap from him. I have allowed him to control this whole thing for so long now. I have to make him see I am not a puppet but a human person with feelings and emotions and I deserve better.

I will let you all know what happens when I get back... Not sure how long this will take but I will be back here as soon as this is over....

Again thank you all for your prayers....


Love to all of you ,

Hurting

Just thinking about you Hurting.

Ok here is the update:

I talked to my attorney before this mediation thig was to happen and I upped the ante so to speak. I told him I don't want this divorce and I was not ready or able to commit to anything today. He said I didn't expect you to.

We went over to the court house and as we got off the elevator WH was sitting oon the bench, he looked over at me and turned his head and would not look at me again. I walked by with my head held high and didn't acknowledge him at all.

My attornye and I went down the hall into the room. As I passed WH'S attorney whom I know from being the f amily attorney he looked at me and smiled and winked. I was shocked.

My attorney then went to WH'S attorney with my demands and within 5 mins. he came back and said well nothing is going to happen today. WH'S attorney imediatley said mediation with a mediator is what will have to happen. He never even went to WH with my proposal I assume WH has already said what he would pay and thats it.

Anyhow mediation will be scheduled which my attorney says may take up to a couple of months to get. Then it may take another 3 or 4 months to get a court date. So it looks as if I still have about 4 months maybe longer before this thing comes to a head.

As my attorney was gettng soemthing taken care of by the judge I was looking out the window and saw WH and his attorney standing outside talking. I could tell just by WH'S body language and the way he was using his hands to talk he was pissed. He was pointing to some paper the attorney had was gesturing so I knew right off he was mad.. I have to say I got a laugh out of it..

So as we came downstairs and had to walk out WH turned and saw me again he turned away very quickly.


My attorney and I are sitting back doing nothing for now. We agreed if WH wants this so bad he is going to have to do all the work. His attorney is going to have to make the mediaction appointment and then push for the court date we are doing nothing unless I decide to ...

So as I was leaving my attorney's office and was driving down the street WH was pulling out from his attorney's office and we came eye to eye going opposite directions. No acknowledgment from either of us at all.

So here we are still at a stand still..... He is angry no doubt about it.... Oh and even if we had agreed the divorce would not have been granted today the 90 day thing about the minor child would have been in effect. So WH would not have been a free man today no matter what.

He was so sure he would be, boy he got blindsided for sure... Bet it didn't feel to good...

I was wondering if maybe he would try to contcat me today but so far no. My MIL said becareful BS because he may try to sweet talk you just to get his way.... So I have to be on alert for things now... I can't trust anything he says or does right now for sure....

I would love to be a fly on the wall tonight when him and OW have this conversation.... I am sure I will be the talk of the town with them.... I can only imagine the things that will be said. Oh well thats their problem not mine...


I feel relieved but yet still worried that his anger will push him further away but I have hopes it will cause problems with OW since things are not going their way right now....

So everyone did I do good?????? Give me your thoughts ...


Hurting

You got that right !

OW has to deal with WH's anger ....YOU DON'T <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

yeehawwwwwwwwww

Yoo Hoo Hurting!! You did great!

Now, just sit back and let 'em squirm.

You aced it girl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Now just let WH and OW stew...

Alph.

Hurtin

See you are a strong woman and made your stance known. Good for you!!!

Isn't it funny that EVERYONE sees what is happening to the WS but the WS themselves. He attorney included. They are so bullheaded that they think they are happy but we can see it in their eyes they are not.

Way to go, good job!!

Thanks All !!!!! I feel like i did the right thing for sure...

I never let one emotion show at all.... And my attorney said you have never waviered from you stance on this about saving this marriage and that means says a lot about your character and the type of person you are. You should be proud of yourself for standing in what you believe in.
It may not change things but you have done all you can to save this marriage. That made me feel good when he said that....

I'm soo happy for you!

That wink spoke volumes to me dear. I may be wrong but what I saw from your post his atty: winked to tell you do not give up yet. Attys do not tip their hands. He saw it appropriate to do so!
Oh damnit now I have to repaint my ceiling. I just noticed during my happy feet I left foot prints.
Where the heck is the icon for happy feet?
Call SH if you can and ask him for a plan!
Damnit, now I have to repaint the walls! Happy feet now under control and we return our viewers to normal broadcasting.

I rarely post on your thread but I check for updates regularly.

I just wanted to say GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I'm glad it went the way it did. You are one class act.

FIM

Wow.

well you did my dear.

quite well.

and what did you wear? that's most important...as the WS saw you and will walk away with that mental impression today since you've been so in NC...

hope you looked great <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> no red puffy eyes.

glad yous tayed in control. excellent.

NOW...IN THE MEANWHILE...

work on the 180 list. show ws somebody he does NOT want to be a single woman...YOU...!

that means...working on you...making yourself attractive as possible...going OUT to places frequented by single people..and YES...becoming the talk of the town. and your mantra? if people or men ask you out? say Well I am married and although the status is unsure, I can't date as of yet.

Let ws see you being the only one free...I'd push for this angle. say it to as many people as you can...along wtih the "i feel sorry for ws now...he isn't free. he so wanted to be and this woman is just typing him down. he'll never know what it is." or something foggy like that. make him think via other people that you're having revelations...you're loving single life...and you're moving on WITH HIM...OR WITHOUT HIM..and he'd better act now or else he'll lose the deal of a lifetime.

this was what happened to me and xh...I call it the "critical mass" stage..our d was on indefinite hold. he tried to get me to allow him to come over and before going totally dark again, he did two times. he could not just cut off ow.

so I cut ws off.

it was during this time that the ow moved in the house...and within 90 days she was preggers. she would NOT allow the divorce to sit still.

so be on lookout for craziness from the ws and ow. seriously be on lookout. she will most likely during this time do SOMETHING CRAZY TO UP THE ANTE IN SOME INANE WAY.

just my experience with the ow.

I just got off the phone with my SIL. WH called her and said he wants all of his mail that has come and he knows his statemet from his 401K came and he wants it unopened. Well its opened because my attorney needed a copy of it. I have had it since the beginnig of Nov. and just opened it today on the advice of my attorney so he could make a copy. I do hope I won't get in trouble with this. Because in my LS papers filed it said we could not mess with each others mail but I got it before he was served so I should be ok. But I figured out the paper he must have seen and was mad about must have been a copy of his 401K statement, thats why he is asking for it unopened. Oh well to late.

SIL told him he should put in a change of address then, I told her no because then he will be getting all of my utility bills because they are in both our names and I can't take his name off without divorce papers. So I told her to tell him that I will get all of his mail together and send it to him once a week.... The only mail he gets is junk mail really. But anything that comes with his name I w ill send to him junk mail and all....

He then asked her to ask me when he can come and go through our movie collection and get his tools and such. I told her he can't come get anything until this is all said and done its in the papers nothing else can be removed from the house. He called her while i was talking to her and she told him, he siad ok then I guess I have to wait.

She said he was so mad at how things went today. He just knew it would be over today. He even told her today that I have a boyfriend. She said she does he said yup he changed the oil in her car last weekend. Little does he know it was a friend of ours adn I visited with his wife while he did that. She said he didn't act pissy about tthe b/f thing but like i told her why even bring it up if he does not care.

He also told her to tell me that when I make the mediation appt. to make it on a friday. I told her what are you talking about I don't do that its the attorney's job.... So he does not even realize the attorney is suppose to make that appt. Now why didn't his attorney tell him that? Somehow he is not being told things by his attorney.

So now he is very angry and who knows what will happen next. MIL told me be prepared because we will probably hear all kinds of things now.... He right now hates me with a passion I would say... Hope that passes once he calms down... This may make him even more determined now but oh well at least I stood for myself...

So now I am preparing for the worst for sure and hoping for the best... I think the rollercoaster is on an upswing again ..... Buckling my seatbelt for a bumpy ride.....

Anyone have any nausea pills they can share?????

I wish I could call SH but I don't have the funds right now for sure so I will need all the help I can get from all of you.....


Hurting