I just think it is so great how cool you are about this. he is fuming and you are just casually fastening the belt for the next loop-de-loop. The tornado is swirling and you are nice and relaxed with a cup of tea, just watching the show.

Peachy,

I looked good if I have to say so myself.... I had on a skirt and my boots and a low cut sweater... Not to low but enough had the hair done and makeup on and lipstick.... Something new for me the lipstick thing that is .... And believe me he saw it ......

Oh I am preparing for the OW to pull something for sure. I am just waiting to see how long it will be before I am accused of making phone calls or some other such nonsense... Pretty sure the preggo thing can't happen at least I pray not.... I am sure she will be pushing for sure and i just have to be prepared for anything....

Now is the time to make sure of what I say and who I say it to.... I have to be careful with all talk around the kids especially DD.... DS was so excited when I got home and told him we were not divorced. I told him it could still happen just not soon.

I am going to live my life Peach don't worry about that. I am moving on and going to enjoy myself, I have to .....

Hurting

Jean,

Don't let me fool ya here. I am still in a little bit of chaos myself. I feel good though and I am sitting back and watching with caution....

I know he is in turmoil right now and thats one thing I'm not in. I know what I want and I am working to achieve it. Maybe I won't bt I am using my head and staying cool and calm to the world while on the inside I am just a bundle of nerves.

The thing about this mediation is it won't happen here in our town we will have to go to a diffrent city. Not sure which one yet. One is like 45 miles away and the other is by OKC.... And in this mediation it will be just WH and I with a mediator. Now that does kinda worry me being in a room with him and having to talk this all out... But I can do it....

I just keep telling myself stay cool and calm and it will work wonders and make him wonder what you are up to ....

He'll get cool in the same skin he got hot in.

Meanwhile, you scored 100 percent. I had a feeling you would.

And this has given you the mindset I spoke of several days ago: cool, businesslike, no puffy eyes or emotion. Strategy, not feeling, for right now.

As Don Corleone said, "Business is business."

Hurting:

I don't think he's as mad as you think he is..

WSes are funny...They become used to PRETENDING..PUTTING ON PERFORMANCES..

He's trying to pump himself up for the OW..pretend to her that he is mad...

Even his lawyer knows that he REALLY does not want a divorce...

Your WH sounds SOOO much like mine so I'll share that Steve told me to NOT DO THE 180 STUFF..it had been recommended to me by folks on this site.. For my H, he recommended that I give the clear message that I have WORKING ON THE MARRIAGE...You gave that message today...He knows it...It's like a hidden communication between you and him...WINK..WINK as his lawyer did...

Way to GO GIRL!! All the MB prayer power and your moxy, WH doesn't have chance. Something struck me about your post.
I think the key word is passion . Its not over by a long shot. Reward yourself you did great! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well let me say something to each of you.

A.M.
Your correct I went in with a business attitude. I knew what I wanted and I very clearly said it. Now I don' tknow if my attorney told his I do not want the divorce I don't know. But I do know WH knows I don't. I will admit it bothered me he turned his head and would not look at me but I attributed that to guilt, of course i could be wrong. I know one thing for sure if he expected me to say something to him he was sorely mistaken.

Mimi,

I can only go by what my attorney said about what his attorney said in a roundabout way. The smile and wink was something I didn't expect from him at all. As far as him pumping himself up for the OW who knows. I do know he was mad at the court house I could see it in his face and actions while he was talking to his attorney. I do believe its because of the 401K thing. I guess he didn't think I woould have that info. Now I do worry that I opened the envelope but I will let my attorney deal with that since he needed the info. I might could be in trouble for it I don't know since WH requested it unopened. SIL said when he called her he was very angry ... So he showed his anger to all just not the OW.

Confused,

Your right all the prayers helped me to be strong enough to do this. I thank all of you for them. Funny you said something about the word passion I used. I have to wonder if his anger is more at himself than me. I would rather he loved me with that passion but for now thats not the case. I know he will cool off in a few days but somehow I still feel he will continue down this path just to prove himself right.

But for now I am doing fine and feel pretty good. I still have some time, not sure what to do with it but i have it.... I feel ike I should be doing something but not sure what..... I feel like i need to show him sonehow we can make this work, I don't want him to think I am just out to hurt him and take everything from him.... I know I am not saying this right but how can I show him I still love him and want this marriage? Well for now I can't worry over that, I just need to be happy today went my way and worry about tomorrow later.....

hurting,

I am so glad that things went well, good that you listened to Mr. Harley.

I don't post much, and you have gotten such good advice that I felt like I had nothing to add.

However, I did hold you up in prayer today. I did not pray for your H, as I have given him over to the Lord, so to speak. I could not pray for him to come back to you, I just had to ask the Lord that his will be done.

And it was, I mean, how many people have the WS attorney wink at them, I mean, get outtahere!!!!! That is so awesome.

You just keep shining, and oh, if you see your WS, just be your sweet self.

HIOK, you are soooo WORTHY. Just step back, be yourself, and God will tell you what his will is, in HIS time, not yours, or mine or anyones.

I am glad for you today. You are not divorced. This is so good.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

MissM,

I have to tell you , I have gone through so many old posts looking for hope and I read all of yours.

You went through so much and now look at you. Your marriage is recovered. I hope to be there someday but I am smart enough to know that may not happen.

I appreciate your prayers for me and your right this is all in Gods hands and on his time table not mine or anyones. I prayed for a miracle today and I feel I was given a small one. God is watching out for me I know this and I will know what to do and when to do it he will let me know...

Hurting

hurting,

I don't post much cause I am not PC so to speak, I did what the Lord led me to do, and found MB later.

MB helped me to feel like I wasn't crazy.

I just pray that you seek God's will on this, regardless of what everyone says here. Sounds like you have done an awesome job so far.

Keep on keeping on. You are SOOOOOO WORTHY. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

Just don't have alot to say, as I have been so slammed in the posts I have started to ask for help in my recovery. I am in no way perfect, and have had a lot of repercussion because I did not do things right. I still suffer and have dreams, bad ones.

Please, hurting, if you end up in recovery, make sure that NC is established, you don't know what ongoing contact does to the BS after the WS SAYS they are done. Be firm and tough if you find yourself in recovery. And put it in the Lord's hands.

You still have a long row to hoe. May God be with you during this time and always.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Hurting -

You made it through today!! Yay!! One day at a time, right? Looking good in front of WH and keeping your cool in front of him. You probably don't know what kind of effect that had on him.

Good going!

Kim

MissM,

I truly will take your words and warnings to heart. If/when I get that far I will remember them.

I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you with contact still happening. It' sad that you still have dreams and suffer but like you said God will see us through this.

I know things are a long ways from over be it recovery or the divorce. Either one is going to be very hrd to handle. I have to trust in God to help me through which ever happens. Thank you for posting to me and may God Bless you always...


Kim,

Yup , one day at a time now is all I we can do.....
I hope today has some effect on him that is besides being angry. I just have to keep praying that all will be ok which ever way this goes.

I am praying for you as well, you had a rough night last night and I hope it gets better for you..... WS'S are just plain blind to the world around them.... They need a reality check bad....


Hurting

Hurting - Yep, a strong reality check. Thanks so much for your post on my thread last night. Everyone really helped me get through the day today.

You take care - many prayers and blessings to you. Kim

the 180 thing is done to make the ws think that you're not there waiting at home sobbing and pining away.

you say you're for the marriage...and you tell others you're still married...yet you go out...become a part of the world of the living. you go out and look nice. you join a bookclub at a local bookstore. many coffee shops have them too.

and you look good doing it...that is so important!

suddenly the ws sees you...you're calm. you're under control. you're thinking. you're intelligent. you read lots of books? have new friends? getting a full life? he's missing out! and all the while you do tell those who can get it back to him that you are for saving your marriage.

he will not let a woman like that go. no sir. had my xh not gotten ow preggers, he would have been back I can assure you.

if it took this long for you two to get to this point, it may take you a few more mothns to get back to being the woman he fell in love with.

use this time to plan a yourself and the kids. trust me...even from afar the ws notice it.

mine still does. and he's now decided he was a jerk...and is offering to pay for a down payment on a nice home for me and help secure a good interest rate for me. sadly, I can't take him back. I don't date married men...

Peachy,

Not to worry I am standing for my marriage have no doubts and I am doing things to make me happy while I tell anyone who listens I want my marriage.

It does bother me he thinks I have a b/f when thats so far from the truth. He just assumed it because no one told him who changed my oil in the car. I have been going out and doing things.

I am making plans for DS and I to do things on weekends when he is not with WH.

Life must move on with or without him. I am seeing this with open eyes more and more everyday. I love him but I won't sit here crying about it anymore.

God knows I want my marriage to work out and I believe he will help me get there in time. In the meantime I have to make me happy and make my children happy. We will have a full life this I promise.....

Oh and believe me I will look good doing it !!!!!!

So glad everything worked out for you today. I just got back from the hospital and had to check and see what happened today. Congratulations on a job well done.

Thanks to all of you who helped me through this last rough few days. Your prayers and words of encouragement meant so much.

I know this is far from over and I could still end up divorced. But I have gathered so much strength from here and all of your help. I know I can make it which ever way this goes.

Again my humble thanks to all.....

Hurting

You were awesome. Way to go girl. Still praying for you. I can't add to what your advice already has been so I will just lift you in prayer.

Hi Hurting,

....great going!

....now.... keep up your 'plan'....

It looks like your WS doesn't have a clue right now.... but it all looks encouraging if WS's attorney is sending you 'signals' and is eager to 'stall' the process....

...time and patience....

...while you keep getting stronger by doing what you need to do and what you can 'control'.....

...your determination will pay off...

HUGS.

I agree with Mimi .... plan B, not 180

and just be yourself

you are <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />