NOT "guilt"

more like [color:"red"] FEAR OF HIS FEELINGS FOR YOU [/color]

quote:-------------------------------------
more like FEAR OF HIS FEELINGS FOR YOU
-------------------------------------------

.....I agree with Pep....

....I think your WS is missing you.... silly silly WS..... he just needs to have the 'dots' closer together.... I think he will get there!

....give him time, Hurting....

Hurting-
Have been really busy at work the past week so not on the
boards as much, but have been thinking of you and prayed
for your court session as well-
I am glad to read your updates and am so proud and impressed
with the way you keep your cool and handle things- sounds
like the session with Steve was very helpful and gave you
a boost that helped you with the court session- you couldn't
have handled it any better !! (and way to go with looking
great and keeping your head up).
Seems to me that all signs are pointing to your WH and OW
getting to a boiling point and self destructing SOON-
I think continuing with the great plan you've been doing
is great- you are showing yourself to be the stable,
steady "anchor" that WH is really going to need when the big
A crashes !!

Things with my WH have changed rapidly since the situation
with him getting the DUI on Christmas, and his subsequently
getting himself under the care of both a psychiatrist and
counselor. Since seeing a psychiatrist last week who finally
diagnosed him with bipolar disorder and put him on the right
meds, his whole mood and personality have made a dramatic
turn for the better ! He will continue to see him for meds
management, and will continue to be in therapy with a
counselor (had his 3rd session this week). I don't know what
effect all this will ultimately have on us, but he is again
wearing his wedding ring, and we've been spending a lot of
time together, so I'm hopeful.

Giving it time is about all I can do too, so I'm in the
same boat with you !
Slammed

Quote:
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I will admit it bothered me he turned his head and would not look at me but I attributed that to guilt, of course i could be wrong.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



NOT "guilt"

more like FEAR OF HIS FEELINGS FOR YOU

--------------------


I never thought of that but for right now his feelings for me are more like hate and anger I would say. He didn't get his way yesterday and was very angry. I wish I believed he misses me but I just don't think so.. At least not right now....

He was angry enough he called his sister and wanted to know if he could come over here and get some of our movies and his tools. He wants the rest of his stuff now. Of course he can't get it because of the filing and nothing can be taken from the house except his personal stuff which he already has.

I am proud I did what I did yesterday and I will not back down but I do fear I may have pushed him even further away and made him more determined. But if so then there is nothing I can do about it and life goes on. I love him but I will not sit around anymore and take whatever crumb he wants to throw out to me. I deserve more than that and I want him to respect me and this is the only way I can show him I deserve that respect.

So now its just let the chips fall where they may... I have done all I can the rest is up to him..... I have taken my stand and will not waiver from it....

Ok so I am feeling a little sad right now...

First I know I am not suppose to listen and believe anything h says but here goes...

WH told SIL that he is getting this divorce no matter what. It's just going to tak him longer than he thought.... So I guess he is now very determined.

I am proud of myself for one thing DD and WH have been hot and heavy on the phone since yesterday. She had asked me what happened and I told her nothing happened and left it at that. She has been talking to her dad a lot he has been calling her more than usual. I have not asked anything about their conversations , I have not even mentioned WH to her at all. I would love to know what he told her though about yesterday but I will not ask..... She has not offered any info either which is good because I am sure it would be nothing I want to hear...

So here I am I got what I wanted more time but he is still determined to do this.... I wish I knew what to do ....

(((hurting)))

And I am sure 3-4 months before he met OW, he said he would love you forever, remember, his words mean nothing.

Paint your toenails and have a good night!

{{{Hurting}}}

What do you think about asking SIL not to tell you any of WH"s thoughts either. Even the tiniest bit of info about my WH hurts me. I have thought about how this has all panned out in my sitch & was just wondering if we should both cut ourselves off cold turkey.

I might help us to have more happier days instead of sad ones....

Thinking of you -

Kim

Jean,

I know your right.... I just feel like I should be doing something, to let him know I want our marriage. I feel like he is seeing me as vindictive now because of not agreeing to anything and wanting more than he is willing to give. Just something in me makes me feel he thinks I am doing this just to hurt him. How can I make him see I want our marriage not money or anything else from him....

I want the chance to fix our marriage. I am not out to punish him at all, and I feel like thats what he thinks...

God I hate this .....

Kim,

I know what your saying I have got to stop hearing this stuff because it just brings me down. I was feeling so good after yesterday and this one little sentence just sends me back again.....Makes me question so many things....

I am just going to have to tell them I can't hear anymore of what he says. They tell me these things to try and help me be prepared for things, they mean well but it does the total opposite of what their intentions are.

Time to talk to them all and say enough is enough, I can't hear anymore.....

Don't you think he might be reacting to what the SIL is saying to him?

The more she pushes him NOT to get a DIVORCE..the more the determined he will be about SAYING that he is getting the DIVORCE...

I agree that while in PLAN B you really very much need to stop hearing what he is saying...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

SIL didn't say anything to him about it. He called her and was telling her that he was still doing this no matter what. He is still angry about yesterday. She pretty much tells him she does not want to be involved and these are his choices.

Yes, he knows she does not agree but I do know she does not harp to him about it. He is still trying to justify and convince everyone he is right.

She has been a good about being the middle man for us. Yes she is tired of it but I do know she takes no sides. She does not like it but she feels its not her place to chose any side at all. After all he is her brother and she loves him. She tells him what he has done is wrong and OW is not welcome in her life but she will not turn her back on him or I.

The only one presrureing for this divorce is the OW. Of course I guess he feels pressure from me now because I didn't cave yesterday. He feels I am trying to maniuplate him now so he is angry. All I want is the chance to try and save our marriage , but if that can't be done I want what is fair to myself and my children. He thinks all I want out of him is money now so he is seeing this as me taking what he has... Why can;t he understand its not about money its about our lives and our marriage..... This all may really destroy any good feelings he had left of me.....

You're talking about what he THINKS...

Remember what Steve told you..

He is making it from DAY TO DAY...

He a WS..IN THE FOG...

You are starting to focus on what he is saying again...

Let's try to pretend that HE(YOUR HUSBAND) (doesn't exist...

like you hurting, i wonder if everything that i'm doing which i beleive is my only hope of saving my marraige is in reality doing nothing more that making his resent me even more.

maybe when they come out of the fog they forgive for these things but it feels like that's not possible because they have so much anger towards us doesn't it?

Mimi,

I know your right I have got to stop obsessing about this.... I did so good yesterday and now I am back to this.... I can't hear no more, I just can't because its killing me .....


Eav,

Your right thats how I feel as well. But I have to try and remember he is not the same man ..... But it sure is hard to do ...... The anger is awful but I also remember the opposite of love is indifference , so I guess anger is good if you look at it that way..... Keep your chin up Eav, we both have to keep it together here....

Plus, as the poster said on Eav's thread, if you keep listening to the WS and knowing what he is doing, you have the chance of losing your love for him..the love that you have tucked away...

Your job now is to get yourself stronger in hopes of Recovery..of yourself if not your marriage...prayerfully both...

Hurting,

Hi Hurting, Just want to say hi, and I'm glad the proceedings were stalled giving more time for WH to come to his senses. I cannot imagine the turmoil he must be in inside. He may direct the anger at you and about the divorce proceedings, but that is really not all that the anger is about. I'm sure you know that. Pray for God to bless him, even pray for OW as your neighbor did a few months ago.

Blessings,
Lady

Mimi,

I pray its both as well...

Lady,

I know your right his anger has more to it than me or the divorce. I like you can't even imagine what he feels like. He has to be in turmoil inside, the battle of good and evil is playing in him I am sure. I just hope and pray the good can win this battle. I will continue to pray for myself and our family.



Hurting

I am preparing a package for WH with all of his mail.

I am going to send it to him by mail unless he makes plans to see DS this weekend then I will give it to DS to give to him.

I was just wondering if maybe I could include a note about this divorce. Basically just a note to let him know I still stand for our marriage and our future. Just something short to let him know I still want to work this out. I just feel like he needs to know this. I know deep down inside he knows how I feel but would it hurt to just remind him? No declarations of love, or begging just something to say I still want this....

What do you think? I just feel like I need to do something to let him know..... I wish I could afford to call SH again but I just don't have the money ..... I just feel like I need to do something or is this my emotions taking over guiding me the wrong way.....

I need help with this ..... I am so afraid of this outta sight outta mind thing..... I just feel crappy today I guess.... Unsure and lost pretty much sums it up ....

Hurting, I am so glad that you got an extension on the D. Time is on your side. I was very sad when I read that you were going by yourself to court. Thank God that it went well for you and it was quick. Hurting, I am not kidding, I would have gone to court with you. But, it turned out great and it sounds like you did real good by looking terrific and acting so business-like.

Regarding the letter, I am really stumped here. I keep saying to you via the monitor screen - stop listening to your relatives. That is not Plan B. It is only hurting you more. Somehow you have got to turn off all the information coming into your house.

But, talking to him or a letter.... I am sure that people here will advise you not to talk to him. I understand that. But.. something here bugs me and I can not quite put my finger on it. Maybe somehow, and the experts certainly know so much more than I do, you can tell him that you do not have a boyfriend ( I am worried that this is sending him mixed signals even though a little jealousy can't hurt !) and I am worried about him thinking that maybe you really do want the d, just more money out of it. I am really not sure and do NOT want to put ideas into your head. Just throwing some things around and I am sure I am way off base here.

You have been doing so good, please hang in there a bit more. I am sure there is trouble in paradise !!

Hurting, you know i am not an expert on any of this. I just want everything to turn out the way you want it to. Whatever you think about it will probably be the right thing.

Best regards - Carnation

Carnation,

You just said what I have been thinking. I am worried that he thinks I have a b/f and just want more money.

I need him to know thats not at all true. I have no one and want no one but him. I don't want his money I would rather have my marriage anyday.

I need him to know how I feel since he seems to think I have a b/f. I thought about somehow lettig him know who changed my oil in the car so this notion of a b/f will go away....

I don't want him to think I am sitting here moping and crying all the time because I'm not but he needs to know the truth as well.... This is all so hard ....