This may mean that he wants to talk to you in person...

I don't think this is bad. I don't think you screwed up.

You've said what you've needed to say....as recommended by Steve...

GO DARK and let him pursue you...



I don't think you should be at home...

Mimi,

I don't think he wants to talk to me at all. I also attributted it to OW being around. Something tells me that he does not want her to have any idea I spoke to him, which leads me to believe something more is going on here than him just moving out.

I could be wrong but maybe they are just playing it cool for awhile until this divorce thing is over..... Could be she said get out until your divorced because I don't want any more drama.

From what he told my oldest son I get the impression they argue over this divorce and me. So maybe its a cooling off period for them until this is done.

I guess time will tell..... They are just going to be friends my eye.... Something is up I have no doubt..... I just have to be on the look out, because now I worry he will try and fool me into believing him and then whamo.....

What a mess .....

Just got off the phone with my oldest son. He said WH told him that he was leaving the OW because thing just were not working out with them and they argue a lot. WH told my son that he is going to move to San Antonio to stay with a friend. I would not think he would tell the kids these things if he was not going to do it.

What if he really goes? I can't imagine he would move so far away from his kids. But then again I could not imagine a lot of things he has done.

Maybe he just does not want to be married anymore....

I think it's time for you to get that brief message to him, as recommended by Steve Harley, somehow...

I think it's time to begin the ROAD MAP home instead of to SAN ANTONIO...

Well Mim he will be here sometime today... DD just talked to him.

He asked her was she going anywhere, she told him she would be here.

I just don't know how to do this without doing it face to face.

How about leaving him a NOTE?

Orchid: Well if you still think u did, then one of us gotta come up there and slap u silly! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: Hm.... seems like he is trying to plan B you. Stupid WS' they can't plan B, they r the reason for plan B!!! LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: You did fine. It's 'bout time you start speaking to him.....just in a controlled way. No long convo's cuz that when a BS tends to get weak and want to fix all right away..... not possible. This stuff takes a lot of patience and your mind and heart must be in sync.


Orchid: It maybe good for you to be there when he comes.....this is to assure you and the children that your home will NOT be invaded by strange characters such as a WS. In fact it is high time your children see you put the WS claims of your neglect to your H vs neglect by the WS to his family......where it really lies...... you are neglecting the WS NOT your H. Get your children to see the difference between their father and the WS. This is very important.

L.

Orchid..maybe right..in person..

But I don't think there should be discussion..if you do it in person...

Your brief comment..then exit...into your car....

He needs to pursue you...

It's important for you to not to enable the A at this time...

He remains a foggy WS so will be trying to think of ways to justify continuation of the A....

Mimi, is correct.....no long discussion. In fact use the children as your support..... like:

BS: Kids, mom needs your help. It is difficult for me to speak to your dad so I need your help. R U willing to help me?

DD/DS: Yes mom (oh don't we wish it c/b that easy).

BS: Ok, the plan is I have a couple of things to tell your dad regarding his picking up stuff here. I need you to help me keep the it short and simple. Should your dad want to keep talking, you need to help me exit the coversation nicely. ok? Just a short tug on my sleeve or a hug like be a great help. ok?

DD/DS: Yes mom. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Now u have a plan. Even if the DD tells her dad that...... doesn't matter. What is in your favor is the WS is biting at the bit to give you some of his pain....that's what you don't have to take. Ok?

L.

you two I hear you loud and clear....

Now I can do this without breaking I know that. Short and sweet I can do that as well.

But what if he won't speak to me? Then what?

Plus my son just called me and was talking and asked me if I was seeing anyone. I told him no who told you that? He said his dad did. I told him I have no boyfriend nor do I want one. I only want your father. So sounds to me WH really tinks I have a boyfriend, what do I d o about that?

Things are now at critical mass


time for another Harley session

Pep,

I wish I could but I truly don't have the funds for that...

I had to save for weeks for the one I had.....

Pep is right!

That's why I'm trying to help you to refocus on what Steve has already instructed you to do...

You said:


DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT HE SAYS OR WHAT HE DOES..

He remains a WS....

FOCUS ON YOUR OWN PLAN....

That is to provide him with a SHORT AND SIMPLE MESSAGE...

It's so unbelieveble to me that he is using the exact same words as my WH..is this stuff written in a script somewhere?

My H said: "IT ISN'T WORKING OUT BETWEEN US..WE AREN'T GETTING ALONG!" They thought this AFFAIR RELATIONSHIP would be magical..with no disagreements...

The message that you want to give your WH is "I CAN HELP YOU THIS PROBLEM OF THE OW"...YUK..I KNOW....

I agree with Orchid..

Let your OS help you..

H must see him as a support system...

Tell him to tell his D..."NO OTHER MAN EVER..MOM WANTS TO RECONCILE WITH YOU, HER HUSBAND, WHEN YOU GET RID OF THE OW...PERIOD...

Orchid: Good


Orchid: Good.


Orchid: Then what???!?!? U just say your piece and leave. Don't wait or wonder anything regarding a response. It isn't a real convo anyway.... WS' don't have sane conversations with the BS and family. Haven't you noticed, your children have been coming to you with one sided comments and questions?!?!? No real dialogue or discussion?!?!?!


Orchid: Stop fighting it, Learn to reverse babble.

Example:

DS: Mom, r u still seeing anyone?

BS: What do you mean?

DS: Dad says u have a boyfriend.

BS: (smiling)..... your dad wouldn't like that now would he, but that mean ol WS in him would. So what should we tell him?!?!??

DS: I dunno.

BS: Hm.... tell him yes..... I have a cute boyfriend.... dated him a few times (then relate something your H did for you way back during the courting ritual).... LOL!!! (After all time is warped for the WS).

DS: U do?

BS: Yes, tell your dad about it.... your dad knows this guy....not sure if the WS does. LOL!!!


Got it?!?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

I just hope when he comes he comes by himself. If she is with him thne I won't have any chance of saying anything.

For some reason though something just does not add up here. He says this is his last weekend with her because of all the arguing and stuff. But yet he is still in her apt. Says they are still going to be friends, but not date or anything just be friends. Something just does not feel right to me... I just can't put my finger on it.....

I plan on letting him know how I feel and thats all I can do. From there on its up to him and I can say and do nothing more.....

orchid,

I wish I had thought of that....

I have pleanty of things I could have said that WH would have known it was my real H I was talking about.

I sure wish I could have you in my back pocket for things like this so I could babble really good ......

No 'feeling' talk. This is a one way discussion time.

BS: I got the request you wanted some things. Here are the things.

Ws: But I want more....

BS: Yea, me too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Then exit.


You don't have to think or analyze, just practice and do it.

L.

this is going to be hard but I can do it .....

No emotion just the facts and only the facts....

And walk away ........

This is why Pep is saying that this is a CRITICAL time...

He knows that he needs to end it with her and wants to end it but as THIS IS AN ADDICTION..it is EXTREMELY HARD to go COLD TURKEY...

He needs to know that there is a REMEDY..that there is a ROAD MAP that he can use

BUT...

You don't want to ENABLE THE A..let him go back in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION...which the ADDICTIVE ASPECT is telling him to do...

So that's why we don't want you to TALK TO HIM NOW...

He's got to HIT BOTTOM and COME TO YOU BEGGING FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE...

Make sure you don't use any SARCASM..

The FOGGY BRAIN may not get it...

SHORT, DIRECT, SIMPLE DIRECTIONS....

No boyfriend..I want the marriage..get rid of the OW..GOODBYE....

PLUS..I can help you with this...