Kim ,

San Antonio is like 8 hours from here.....

As far as my depression went he was here and he did try and talk to me some. He mentioned one time maybe I should get IC. I didn't listen to him I thought he was wrong and I would be ok. So he let it drop , he never really tried very hard to get me to do anything about it.. Yes he talked to me but I clamed up, thinking he didn't want to hear all my feelings and I didn't want to burden him with them all. Now I look back I see that was wrong but nothing I can do to change it. I understand he is afraid of all of that happening again, but how will he ever know if he isn't willing to try...... He would rather walk aay than even try to see if it would work. He is going run away from all of this and pretend it all never happened..... Our marriage, the last 7 months everything...... He is just running and hiding not willing to face life.....

elspeth,

you may be right he may need this time to realize what he needs to do. I just don't know.... He may just keep running forever unwilling to face life again..... It scares me to think he has become this way but nothing I can do about it..... I still love him but it changes nothing for him....

So sorry Hurting- for the hurtful things said by your WH.
I think you handled it beautifully...

From the things he said, sounds like he is still very much
in "fog" land- still "re-writing" some of your past, and
blaming things on you instead of taking responsibility for
his own part in things and actions-
He may also be feeling pretty embarassed and angry if OW
dumped him- after all he's been telling everyone how "happy"
and great things have been, and obviously everyone will now
know that's not true so he has to "save face" !!

Knowing it is ending with OW is a GOOD thing~ now, WH has
to get through "withdrawal", and may be able to start some
clear thinking - stay patient, stay the course with your
plan, and keep your "lighthouse" shining-
I don't think this means things are any more "over" than
ever before, you still have time, and things can still
change-
Thinking of and praying for you !~
Slammed

I think it's unfortunate that you talked to him and heard what he had to say...

Didn't Orchid and I warn you about this?

It was supposed to be only a brief statement and then out you go...

It's your choice about this..whether or not you want it to be over or not..

It's your life...

You talked to a FOGGY WS is all...

I warned you that HE WOULD WANT YOU TO GIVE UP...

When my H talked like this, I didn't choose to give up because I knew that he remained FOGGY....

What he told you was CRAP....

WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE TO DO, MAKE SURE YOU GO FOR THE ALIMONY AND THE CHILD SUPPORT....

Slammed,

Thank you for the prayers.

I wish I knew what to think but I don't....

Life must go on..

He has lost everything, his home his wife all for what? To live in his truck ..... How sad is that , his life is in a shambles and he does not even realize it...

I'm always posting just before you...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

((( Hurting )))

I am always telling others how remarkably strong and wise you have been through all of this -

Now I am telling you !!!

Best regards,
Carnation

Mimi,

I did walk away..... I went to my room to away from him... He followed me in the house ..... He walked into every room in the house looking around. He talked to the dogs and looked for the cat. I stayed away from him....

Whe nhe got ready to leave he said Well I guess I better go, he acted like he dodn't want to leave. Even DD noticed this and commented on it...

I don't want this to be over, I still want my marriage but what can I do now?

The only thing I can do is stay dark and leave him alone..... He knows I still love him and want this.....

So help me out here, what else can I do ????? I don't want this to be over..... I told him in no uncertain terms I don't want a divorce I want our marriage......

I know what you mean (about not knowing what to think) as
I am feeling that way with my WH right now too-

I have thought that things have been going better, and saw
some signs that seemed hopeful, but WH saw OW last night
(said he went to her house to get the rest of his things )
and today, I felt a change in his attitude and mood and he
sounded less interested in working on us, which made me feel
very frustrated and disappointed.

Can't figure out what is going on with he and OW- he's been
spending every night with me (exception of Sat night), we
talk on the phone a couple times a day and at bedtime, and
I'm going with him to his Dr and counseling appointments
but he still talks to OW and then went over there last night. If the are still together, then I don't understand
why they aren't doing things together, and if the are not,
I don't know why they are still talking !!! So, I'm very
confused today and feeling down about it all.

I am trying to remember than Wh has a lot going on- it'll
take awhile to adjust to the new meds he's on, he's still
not sleeping well, he just started counseling, and if he
did break up with OW, I guess he's in some stage of W/d ,
but it's really hard for me to be patient- I'm so tired of
it all and want to see some progress more quickly...

We had an argument today, so I suppose I withdrew some of
the good deposits I should have made with WH lately, but
can't change it now. He did call back later and say he was
sorry we were fussing, just that he didn't feel like talking and hated it when I wouldn't "let things alone".
We are meeting in about an hour to go to dinner, so I'll
try to perk up and enjoy it.

Hang in there- there is still hope. You are doing all you
can, have handled things very well, have made changes, have
shown love and support to WH, and have laid out a plan and
map home...give him time to swallow his pride.

Slammed

Slammed,

I still have hope but I have to be realistic as well.

I don't want to give up at all. I want to save this marriage but in his mind there is nothing to save. I don't know if there ever will be for him.

Do I just continue to do what I have been? He told me today he does not want to hear anymore about saving our marriage because its not going to happen. So me even mentioning how I feel about it all is just going to push him away even further.

So what do I do now??? Just leave him alone and let him think things through or what??? I don't want to give up but he is in no way interested right now at this time in even hearing about it......

This whole thing sucks......

oklahoma

my H sent this e-mail to me just two days ago



It seems like there is no hope and honestly, since i got this, i've had such a hard time. so i understand how you are feeling....

but i do want to tell you that my H said this at other times too and as soon as OW broke things off with myH for awhile...he was again telling me that maybe we could work things out....

so I'm hoping he will again change his mind

maybe your H will too once he sees that life with OW or life alone will not bring him happiness

Hurting, I hope you did not misunderstand my last post to you. I like to make cards. Instead of buying them, have you seen the cost of one of these suckers lately ?? I have alot of scrapbook supplies here anyway, so I make my own greeting cards.

This is one of my fave ones. On the front of the card I write, I am always telling everyone how terrific you are.
Open the card, on the inside it says - Now I am telling you. Meaning, I am telling you how terrific I think you are !!!

Just wanted to clear that up in case you did not follow what I was trying to say. Probably clear as mud, right ??
I think your WH is in a world of hurt right now and extremely confused. I also believe he WILL come around to you, despite what he says.

God Bless you and your family, Hurting.

Car

I hope so Eav, I truly do .....

Carnation,

I knew what you meant... I thank you for it as well.

I also believe he is hurting and does not know which way to go. He walked away from his family for a womanhe thought was going to be there for him always only to find it didn't work out that way.

After all these months of I am so happy, never been happier in my life it all comes crashing down around him. So whats a person to do? You run from it all to make sense of it and try and figure out what you have done to your life.

You tell your spouse that I don't love you and it will never work because this is the thing you have been saying for months because you believed it because you were "Happy".

You can't go running home right now and say I was wrong because then everyone would know the life you have been living was a lie and a fantasy. You have to give things time to die down and maybe just maybe when you decide to try and come home things won't be so hard. Maybe there won't be so many I told ya so's from people.

To run home to your hurt spouse would be to easy, you have to prove to yourself and everyone else you were right. But in time you realize this is not the life I want, I want my family and my home. So after time has passed you can ease your way back in and hopefully no one will think about what you did and you can start with a new slate.

You can't let the OP know you went running home. Because you have told them over the months what a bad person your spouse was and how unhappy you have been. Going home would admit you lied again. So when time passes you can say well they changed they arn't the same boring, unhappy spouse I left.

Maybe this is not how a WS thinks but this is my take on it... It all makes sense to me.......

...your H and OW have broken up so you are part way there

I don't know Eav.... he says he still is never coming back he does not love me anymore......

I don't know maybe he just needs time, maybe he really does not love me only time will tell......

Hurting:

I actually think you can tell yourself: "Mission Accomplished". You did what you set out to do and you did it well.

I so wish we could have warned you not to listen to a word he has to say. That's why I was urging you to set things up so that you could RUN...

What the WS says during this time can be so discouraging.

Remember ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS...

Most of all that he was saying was a bunch of bull with him attempting to justify his A because he wants it back....

When they say,"it's not working", it means that they are no longer getting the "high", the "fix" from it. They crave this. They want it back.

He didn't feel his own depression because the OW was his antidepressant. Now he wants to run away from his hurt. Let him run. It won't work for him.

In the meantime, continue to focus on yourself so you can be ready if and when he comes back. I predict he will be contacting you SOONER rather than LATER.

Do not back down from getting what you rightfully deserve in terms of SPOUSAL SUPPORT and CHILD SUPPORT.

What can you do now? The same as what you have been doing..PLAN B..DARKNESS..GETTING PERSONALLY STRONGER...TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN...

BEING THE GODDESS THAT YOU ARE.....

He is LOST to you right now..He continues to be a WS..NOT to be listened to or considered to be a normal functioning human being...

That's why you saw NOTHING in his eyes.. HE IS AN ALIEN...

It's almost funny..Someone said to my H yesterday: "Man, I haven't seen you in a long time. Where have you been?" My H actually said: "I was kidnapped by aliens for awhile"... Maybe he even said an "alien spaceship". I was shocked to say the least to hear him say that ...

BTW, the WS and OW haven't broken up for good. That's right.... more babble. This is a test to mess with your mind.

As for 'him' not wanting to come back....that's the WS talking. You really need to start differentiating between the 2. Stop telling the WS you want t/b married to him. Tell him you want to speak to your H. If he tells you your H is dead, then move on. Otherwise, let him know you and others can see he is possessed.

L.

Hurting -

He's still a bit in the FOG. Give it a bit more time. His mind will begin to clear up eventually.....

He has been under the influence of OW for some time....& did he say that she kicked him out? or was it his choice to leave?

Kim

Hurting:
We did it again..posting at almost the same time...

Hurting me dear, I wish you all the best. You are one strong woman. I mean that.
Look at it this way. The affair has just now ended. What do you do once an affair is killed? Go back and follow Harley's plan once the affair is killed.
Your H is acting like everyother affairee once the affair is over.
Take heart dear!