I have gotten two diffrent stories on the breakup.

First he told our oldest son he was leaving because he could not take the arguing anymore... Which taes me back to Dec. when he told me he was planing on leaving after the first of the year.

He told me today she told him to leave because it wasn't working.... So who knows which one is true.... Maybe a combo of both...

One thing for sure she suceeeded in breaking my marriage up and now she is done with him.

In my heart I still don't believe this is the end. I hope I am not fooling myself here. I just don't feel it....

I hope with time he will see that things can be good again...

I believe Mimi I really do, I just wish he could .....


BKarl,

I wish i could feel as strong as everyone thinks I am.... I am so hurt right now but elated in one way that it seems the affair is over. Orchid may be right though that its still not finished. They may still in time try again. Who knows.

I think in one way the OW figured out he was not worth all the trouble and grief she has been getting. Maybe she is looking for greener pastures because now she knows his money is very short.

One thing for sure I will know if they really have ended it. It won't be hard to find out the truth. I know way to many people and places to find out that information.... So they can't hide for sure.... I will know....

I look at it this way. It took 24 yrs for him to do this to your marriage. Maybe a year or whatever and he is already done with her.
Hang in there until you can't. And you are not fooling yourself, you are just in a fight you are not ready to concede.

I have booties on now so if I dance on my walls I don't leave footprints!

I am not ready to concede at all.

The thing is do I still stand a chance at this marriage?

I believe it could be great but he dosn't. He said I don't love you anymore and I never will. How do you fight something like that? Right now I think he really believes it.

I just can't imagine how you stop loving someone after 24 years so easily. When just 9 months ago he loved me and was crying to my best friend how much he loved me and didn't know what to do to help me through this depression thing.... Right up until this affair started he still showed me his love and devotion I just don't get it.....

Hi hurting, just catching up...been thinking of you.

I have a question, I recieved the papers in the mail for this mediation thing. It says to call and set up a time for it.

Does anyone know how long I have ot do this? WH said he got his to and told me please make it for a friday because during the week it messes up his runs.... I want to stall this as long as possible, do i have a time limit or what?

Make it for a Monday then.
This is no different than exposing to break up an affair! Get ready for the same things that we have all heard before!
You have some time now. Make the best of it and be a little patient.

I am so tired but I can't sleep.

I keep replaying today in my mind. The things he said just keep playing over and over.... I wish I had never heard them.

Then I think of how he acted in the house like he didn't want to leave. How he looked around at everything like he was missing it. The dogs, the cat and all of our things we worked for.

I still see him standing there telling our children, this marriage of your mom's and mine isn't going to work... It sounded like he was talking about a broken toy. No emotion no anything.....

His heart is so cold right now he has nothing in him, I can see that. He never even has called his mother to tell her he is leaving town. He told his sister but not his mom. He is just walking away from everyone....

I have thought about what Kim said earlier what kind of father can he be moving away from his children. DS(15) is heartbroken his dad is going away and WH seems to not care. He was always a good father and did for the kids. Today was the first time he has seen DS since Christmas eve. He has done nothing to see him since then.....

When he left here today he didn't even hug his children goodbye. DS was in the house and not a goodbye was even said. Does he not see what he is doing to his kids? How can he expect them to repsect him at all?

This man is not the man I have know for all these years thats for sure. I pray to God this is not the man he will be for the rest of his life, if so he is going to be a very lonely person bouncing from place to place person to person.....

I wish I knew how to help him but nothing I do or say will. My heart breaks for him and all the pain he must be in.

He is so lost right now......

{{{{{{{hurting}}}}}}}}

Take care of yourself please. Your H is a WH now. So "be still" as ark says.

I am really sorry you are having a tough day. You will pull through again.

Daisy

(((hurting)))

I know this is so hard...but maybe this is EXACTLY what he needs to do. I'm glad he got a good look at what he is leaving behind...now he knows what he is missing. I'm glad he is getting away from OW...maybe the distance will help the fog to clear. Don't believe what you heard WH say...he is trying to convince himself more than anyone else. What did his eyes say? This is NOT over yet don't think that for one minute.

Well to be honest after re-reading the paper work. I have to call and they do a screening. Then he also has to call so they can screen him...

It won't be until after both of us call they will make the appointment.

So I am going to make my call but I am not going to remind him to do his... If he didn't read the paper good enough he won't realize it. So this way if it does not get done it will be on him not me.

I am not going to explain this to him... He has any questions about his attorney can explain it to him....

It may be the proverbial rock bottom he needs to hit. Let it happen, and be there when he needs you to be!

Confused,

His eyes said nothing they were dead looking.... He had no emotions in them at all. It was like looking at two black coals.... Nothing no sparkle nothing .....

He showed no emotions at all.... To myself or the kids....Just very cold and matter of fact.... I saw him smile one time and when I noticed it he stopped and put the cold look back on his face.

He had nothing ..... Like a zombie....

= WH ....not H

As I think more about this I realize his world is crashing down around him.

He has nothing right now. No family and the OW looks to be over.

He has lost it all...... I am sure he is angry and hurt and has to be cold to make it through....

Everything is gone from him.... everything......

Please don't bother. I know there's a lot of commotion going on, Hurting, but please remember you are supposed to be in Plan B.

Worrying about what he's doing, driving by his house, etc., are not part of Plan B.




And in Plan B, you shouldn't be hearing them.

I sound a bit like a broken record, I know, but I think it's important that someone reminds you that in Plan B you are supposed to be detaching from all of this.

It's still a good idea.

Thinking of you Hurting.. and sharing your restless night.
I did see WH more tonight- he called to ask me to meet for
dinner, then we went back to his rented place, went in the
hot tub, and watched a little tv.
Tried to talk a bit during dinner, but it just seemed to
make him more frustrated. All along, I've tried to express
to him that I believe people and things can change, and
tried to say that tonight. Felt very discouraged and bad
because WH said he didn't think it seemed like things or
I had changed at all as far as asking him a lot of questions, wanting to talk about us all the time, wanting
to talk when he didn't want to, and dwelling on things.
This made me feel like us not getting along as well today were my fault, and that I may have withdrawn all the good "deposits" I've felt like I've made lately. Also frustrating that he can have a bad day, be in a bad mood,
or be tired, but I guess I can't have an off day !!
Tried to just let it go, enjoyed the hot tub, and felt like
things went better the rest of the time- we joked some and
he even tried to "tickle" me while we watched TV. He started
to get really tired (this is due to his new meds), so I
left to come home, and feel a little better about things,
but decided I'm really going to try not to count on too
much, and am going to have to sit back and observe to find
out what's really going on with OW.

I agree with your exact dialogue of the OW- and also that
the WS cannot just easily come home, because they've talked
up their great "happiness" so much and have too much pride
to say they were wrong about the OP, that things at home
weren't so bad, that their BS isn't so bad and the cause
of all the problems. Also think that's a big factor in
them not wanting the OP to know if they go back home-

I hope your WS will get a big wake up call (although it
doesn't need to be a DUI like mine got !!) before he makes
any drastic changes or moves. I think his continued interest
in what you are doing, hesitancy to leave, and curiosity
about a B/F are signs that he is still thinking about you
and his old life more than you think !
Slammed

hurting....


I am really sorry hurting. But let me tell you that it really does not mean anything. I saw my H on Friday. It was opposite to what you say. His eyes had that sparkle when he spoke to me in the car, after I gave him a ride. If we were not seperated and close to D, I would think we had a great evening. Yet, just like your H, my H is gone and does not want to hear about coming home. So, my point is, how they look at us, what they say, and how they say it, means nothign. At the end, ignore everything except "I will be in NC with OW, I want you back!".....nothing else must register! You keep strong. That is how I was able to get H out of my car and go home on Friday. I worked really hard not to let any of the little things register.

Daisy

Daisy,

I know you are probably right bout the eyes but I have looked in those eyes for many years and I know what I see.

Today I saw nothing, no hope no life no anything....

His voice was so monotone, everything was said in the same tone. No emotion nothing..... It was like talking to a robot. Nothing changed in any way....

It was like talking to a stranger who looked like my H.
I know he is not the same person he is a WH. There is nothing about this person that even resembles the real man at all.... He just looks like him thats all...

even the kids said something about it.... They don't recognize this person either..... My DS does not even want to be around him anymore until his real dad comes back.... He see's the difference and he loves his dad so much...

This is all so sad ... Its hard for me but my DS is my main concern right now and he is hurting so bad.....

Hurting,

Do you want to wallow in pity or r u willing to formulate a plan with you and your children to find your H and help him come back home w/o the WS?!??

L.

I think Orchid is referring to your need to get back up on the horse.

You are remaining in the FEELING mode..which is understandable...BUT it's time to start PLANNING and THINKING again...

Interaction with him has brought you DOWN TO HIS LEVEL...

That is the danger of getting out of PLAN B....

It's too late now but you missed the significance of PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM TOO MUCH INTERACTION WITH HIM...

I believe it was a chance that you had to take but now ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...

You got it to an extent..ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS...

He was getting his GROUNDING IN REALITY BY BEING IN THE HOUSE..

My H used to do the same thing..SO YOUR WH WAS RELIEVED OF SOME OF HIS SUFFERING...This is what we were afraid of.. that the A would be ENABLED by yesterday's breach of PLAN B..and it was...BUT...

HURTING...THE A IS ENDING...it's on a downward course...

Stop this stuff about "THIS IS NOT MY HUSBAND..WILL HE BE THIS WAY HIS WHOLE LIFE, ETC."

You saw a WS..HE WAS A STANDARD, GARDEN-VARIETY WS..

You have a PLAN to combat his CRAZINESS..

Don't let him get the upperhand from this and keep you down on his level.

BACK ON THE HORSE..BACK INTO THE BATTLE..ONWARD WITH THE FIGHT!!!