PLAN B ...YOU QUIT WORRYING BOUT THE IDIOTIC IDEALOGIES OF THE WS...

you get peace...get it?

stop doing it!

and let the man crash.

he's halfway there. all on his own...so he can't blame you...he he...all ws try to blame the bs.

about the dead eyes?

I sometimes still see it in the eyes of my xh. they can change...from lifeless cold eyes...to sometimes full of life.

and it's wierd.

I hate seeing those eyes...those cold hard dead eyes. when he was at his worst...i saw those lifeless eyes. and during this summer when he was back cheating again this time on the mistress (wistress really)/wife, I saw them full force.

made me shiver in my boots.

oklahoma

i do think there is more hope in your situation since yourH may have to face the rock bottom of being homeless..and unwanted by OW....now that's living with your choices isn't it?

give him a little time to accept the reality of it and then maybe he will begin to see your marriage as a great alternative

oh yeah....since i talked to OWH and understand the situation, i now know

OW broke things off with my H twice....both times he talke about possibly coming home

but....both times he waited and hoped she would change her mind

the second time she broke things off for 3 months...in the beginning he still told me "he was done with me and moving on" but when it looked like maybe she wasn't going to change her mind....he started talking "maybe" but made no moves to reconcile other than talk....sadly she did change her mind again....

your H may be waiting to see

so give him some time.....wait this out

YOU FORGET...

OK, YOU ARE IN THE DRIVERS' SEAT IN THIS STICH.

the ws has NO POWER. just lies. do you call that power?

YOU DECIDE IN THE END IF HE COMES HOME OR NOT...

why?

It's my belief and was the belief from my awesome cousnelor I had that the majority of ws do try to come home...but the state of the marriage they left it in determines whether or not the BS WANTS THE WS HOME OR NOT...as for me, my heart broke into a million pieces when I found out about the ow shacking up with him and getting pregnant. I couldn't deal wtih him anymore. No more for me past that point. was my deal breaker (as dr. phil calls it).

He will probably try.

again, his pain has to outweight his pleasure. He has to be a no house, sleeping in a truck, got a stiff back and neck, not able to take a hot shower, smelly trucker-guy walking the block WS to feel this happen. No comfy bed. No hot water for a hot bath after a long haul. No kind words or comfort from his familiar and still comfy wife. No hugs from the kids. nada...zilch.

he has to become a broken man.

I say let the man do it my dear.

You continue on working on hurting. Make yourself stronger, better, more loving and yes, tougher.

make yourself morph into the woman every man would love to have by their side...yet at same time be the woman that every woman wants to be like.

that means what? not being needy. not worrying about the ws. keeping busy. bettering your mind. being the best mom in the world. not forgetting you are a cool woman!

and yes...by each day stepping a bit further out of your comfort zone and enjoying little touches of life! could be a good book. could be sushi (which I loooove), could be saving for a manicure or a facial..could be going to buy new heels.

let the ws crash. it's his doings isn't it girl?

the quicker he crashes, the more pain he gets...imho, the faster the man tries to reconcile.

and then YOU HAVE TO DECIDE if you really want him.

power lies with the bs.

it's just that MANY OF US DON'T REALIZE IT!

Peach,

None you have to worry I am doing nothing here... I am letting him crash and burn and whatever happens happens...

I don't know if he will try again with the OW and if he dos then nothing I can do about it.....

You know he may never try to come home, after what he said to me yesterday I don't expect it anytime soon... When someone looks at you and says I don't love you and never will again it kinda makes you stand up and take notice.

I do love him and I do believe I would try and save our relationship if he came back repentant....

But as Orchid says this may just be a test who knows..... He and OW still may try and make this work..... Onlt time will tell... In the meantime I am doing my thing and moving ahead.... I am doing just fine truly I am ..... I have come to accept things for what they are right now .... And I think yesterday helped me to accept it.....

He is lost to me right now and maybe always will be .... I still have hope but I am not sitting here crying over it I am just taking life day by day and making the most of everyday..... If/when he comes back we will see were I am and what I want ......

Don't try to hide the fact that you see the emptiness in his eyes. Expose that piece to those who know (your children, SIL, MIL, etc.). Even let the WS know. I did. I told mine he was scary and looking at him gave me the ebee gebees. LOL!!! I even winced while looking at him to show the effect. He got the message.

They need to know. They all need to know.

My MB senses tell me somebody crazy is up to something. Can't explain why, the smell is in the air. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid,

We all have noticed the emptiness in his eyes, and I doubt i will see him anytime soon to tell him myself.

I agree with you about one thing something is up because I feel it to.... Something just does not add up here. This all happened way to fast. One week ago everything seemed normal if you can call this normal and then whamo he is leaving and she told him to leave. I just don't trust it.... I just find it hard to believe its all because this divorce didn't happen.

My gut tells me they are up to something .... So many senarios have run through my mind from them both leaving the state to him coming on the weekends and being with her and playing it off he is in Texas. I mean heck I wouldn't know unless someone saw them together because he could hide his truck... And not only that if he really left her where is his car and pickup parked? I can't imagine he would leave them parked at her place....

Something is up and I am watching my back, not that I am afraid someone will hurt me but that they may try to get me in a bad position for custody with my son.... But something smells rotten in Denmark and it ain't the fish....

Maybe OW is just angry that he's not divorced and kicked him out.

Bramble,

I really do hope thats what it is ...... I truly do but something just does not feel right.... Myabe I am just being to cautious.... I don't know....

One thing for sure in just a few weeks time he went from saying I want to have a relationship with you and I do still love you to I don't love you anymore and never will..
Of course I do kow he is angry because of the way things have happened and he didn't get his divorce and now they are suposedly done... So yeah he is very angry .....

I guess it will all come out in time .....

Oh so if you serve him -they will get back together? How are you going to serve him if he lives in a truck moving around all the time? Watch your back -our senses tell us there is something to watch for. It is good when we get these feelings -to protect ourselves pay attention.

I will say onething -if I see those dead eyes again i will run so fast he will not even see me moving. I will never live with those eyes again. I had never sene anyone talk about them but I have thought about the movie Steven King did and they mentioned Dead Eyes all the time - I know what thye were talking about for 2 yrs. Scary. Orchid I wish I had told everyone.

Realtor,

Not sure what you mean by serving him, he does not need to be served anything. All that happned is the d didn't happen that day its still on going just stalled because no agreement was made we have to have mediation now. then see a judge all this process will take probably another 3 or 4 motnhs according to my lawyer.

Hopefully by then if they stay broke up he can be somewhat out of the fog...

Youe right about the dead eyes very scary looking for sure. I hope to never see them again.....

Help !!!!! I am 99% sure that OW has been reading these posts.....

I don't know how she found it but I am almost positive she has been reading all of this....

WH talked to his mom today and of course blah blah same crap he told me sunday.... Never coming back no love etc. etc...

Anyhow he said that things got back to him that he told me in Dec. and that OW knew what had been said and he told him mom what it was.... She told him BS does not talk to anyone and he said he didn't think I did either but that I talked on the computer..... The things he knew was things I had said in this forum.... So security has been breeched.... What do I do now????

How can I come here now and say what I need to and get help to move on if i have ot worry she is reading this and reporting it back to WH?

Oh yeah he is still justifying everything by still blaming all of this on me and my depression and how he will never come back to me because he won't go down that road again....

So what do I do now??????

Just what you would do if you did not suspect this.

carry on with your life as planned.

It is not unusual for OW to read MB .... not at all.

Pep,

Maybe so but dosn't this undemine everything?

If she tells him what I say and how I feel isn't that going to coause me more problems and make him even more determined to what he wants or think he wants?

She is knowing now how I am fightin gfor my marriage and what things to do to undemine everything....

This makes sense now as to how I have said and done backfired on me.... She preempted a lot of things and knew ahead of time what was happening and what I was thinking...

This just sucks..... I don't feel safe now saying what I need to ....

Oh god this makes me sick to my stomach. I have been afraid of the same thing. I am so sorry for you.

Once question to OW - so if he is SOOOOOO in love with you why is he trying to save his M?

Come on stand up and be the women YOu think you are and tell us!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a cowardly thing to do.

Continue to be clear about how you are working on your marriage.

She is threatened by this and wants you to GIVE UP...

She needs to know this.

Maybe she can learn something about commitment in a longterm R.

Maybe she can learn how you don't try to steal something that is not yours..

Let her learn what a REAL WOMAN and WIFE is all about...

It's all out on the table now for the picking..

YOU WANT THE FEAST THAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS AND NOT THE CRUMBS...

Hold your head up..SPEAK THE TRUTH..Stay on your horse...

She will likely run....

You remain too involved in their MESS, Hurting...

They live in a PIG STY..a HE?? HOLE...THIS IS THEIR LIFE...

She cannot even comprehend what we are talking about here as long as she remains what she is... the OW....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

You have nothing to be afraid of, this is not a game, neither is it a secret, YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. You have not strayed from this, you have not done anything dishonestly, you have nothing to be ashamed of...keep up the good work...

So waht if OW reports back to WH about you...that's a good thing, it keep you forefront in WH's mind.

The more he tells you it's not going to work out, the more doubt he has...you see, he's trying to convince himself, not you!

Realtor,

He is not trying to save anything but his own self.

He has no desire to save our marriage at this point. He is done with me or so he says..... He is thinking about him and him only....

He does not give a sh*t about me nor loves me.. His words not mine....

Life still goes on , I am getting right with myself and working on my issues in life and am going to have a happy life no matter what. I am learning what it takes to be a good partner for someone be it my H or another man sometime in the future.. I will be ok , can my WH say the same?

But one thing for sure for anyone reading this ..... I will never give up on my H and you can mark my words.... I will love him and be here for him when/if he needs me....

And you can take those words to the bank...........

Are you sure that the info got to him from OW and not from DD? Remember, DD posted here before, so she knows about this forum, and she has passed a lot of info to him.

OTOH, if OW is reading this forum, she could have made up the story about your having a BF and made it seem convincing by including true information she got from here. It sounds like the weasely sort of stunt she'd pull, and hardly the sort of thing that a woman who was secure in a man's love would have to bother with. And if she does know that you were thinking of reporting her fraud to the housing authorities, she and WH would have the motivation to make up a story about him moving out and living in his truck. Come to think of it, if she already knows, you may as well go ahead and make the complaint. Even if he moves out now, you have evidence and witnesses that he had been living there, and who is going to believe that he really moved out to live in his truck? So her reading this can be a good thing-it removes the only reason you had not to turn her in.

I don't think DD has said anything about my posting here or at least she claims she hasn't said nothing who knows. But some of the things WH knows could have only come from here and he mentioned the computer talk to MIL.

DD does not get on the computer much and when I am not home she can't get on here. So I know she is not reading this and telling him anything...

But if she has nothing i have said is a lie. My WH is computer illterate so I know he didn't find it himself. OW would have had to find it for him....

i beleive he is trying to convince homself more than me... As he was talking to him mo mhe was screaming the same old stuff to her over and over .... I could hear him all the way across the room.... Same old justifications he has been using for months.... Actually it was funny because I told his mom don't believe any of what you just heard its him trying to convince himself and you..... He is in ****** right now and can't do anything but be angry and vindictive... It makes him feel better about all of this... But it will one day hit him and when it does I feel for him....

Oh and one other thing , I know I am not suppose to listen but this little bit of info was interesting .... His mom told him she didn't believe OW was getting phone calls and his response to her was.... " Well OW may be what she is but she does not lie or play games, she dosn't go for that stuff." Hmmm makes ya wonder what he thinks she is .....

OK then I will not worry over this and keep posting...

OW I have one thing to say to you if you read this .... I love my hsband and I will continue to fight for him ... I will not give up despite wwhat he says because I know deep down inside he feels different..... He has proven it over and over.... You don't go from love to hate in just a few weeks.... And I mean weeks ......

Oh yeah he still is mad about the alimony thing says I can get a good job driving a truck and make as much money as him. Maybe so but I am not going on the road by myself and leave my children as he has done. And the only reason I got my CDL was so I could drive with him and be together.I am no secure enough to be by myself on now road nor do I have the experience to do it.... And I don't deserve any of his 401K since I am not the one who worked for it..... So this money thing is really eating him up..... But you know its not about the money its about wanting to make this marriage work. I don't care about the money, I want my husband not his money... But if he insists on doing this then I rightfully deserve any moeny I recieve....

He complains I was on the computer to much heck I even offered months ago to get rid of the pc to show him how much I really wanted to save our marriage.... Nothing sinks in ..... I started IC to deal with things in my past to be able to live a healthy life but nothing I have done seems to make a difference to him.... I am doing the right things to make myself a better person and be the person I used to be not a depressed mess but he still believe I can't change or won't change.... Heck I have changed so much in the last 8 months it sometimes scares me... I am getting happy with myself I see my destructive patterns and am changing them.... I am working maybe not the best job in the world but I am doing it.... Can;t imagine what more I can do.
But one thing I won't do is back down on this , I have become stronger and will not let anyone walk on me again...

For some reason today I feel so different and alive and ready to tackle anything thrown at me... Life is good ....