Glad to hear you feeling better - - See how much stronger you are now!! A few hours and you are back!!

It sounds like WH is definitely noticing things about you though. He is still paying attention to you somewhere in that fogged out brain of his. And his is fighting coming out of it SO hard. He just does not want to admit his wrong doing.

Kim

Kim,

I think you hit the nail right on the head.... He can't or won't admit to any wrong doing......

Even my MIL noticed it this afternoon , she said BS he does not look at you like someone he hates, he looks at you like someone he wants. Even she see's it.... Stupid WH'S...

Hurting

Oh hurting, I am sad that today turned out as it did. You must take joy in the fact that you looked darn good !!! Thinner, new hair do, new attitude. He saw it, you know he did.

Hey, if you would like. My e mail address is posted over on the bar be que board, I think. Write me a note if you would like and include your phone number. I have unlimited free long distance on my house phone, so I could call you back and we could chat. If you would like, only a suggestion for you - in times of need or whatever.

I am so sorry he treats you like this. But, I know he has been thinking of you ever since he saw you today, I know it.

Best regards - car

Carnation,

I will definatley look and get your email address.

He needs to think about me and what he has done. He needs to be miserable and in pain.

I will email you tomorrow. I think I am going to bed now I have only had 3 hours sleep since thursday night. I am beat this night work is getting to me..... Talk to you soon..... Take Care


Hurting

Good morning to all.....

Finally got some sleep last night and I feel so much better today.

Things always look better in the light of day....

Hope everyone has a good day.


Hurting

good for you! you were making his own mom beautiful...not a lb.

and you kept your cool.

and you looked great doing it!

hilarious of the comment you're anorexic...that is ludicrous! he's totally fogged out.

and you did great.

if the man believes for one nanosecond you're not gonna ask for alimony, he's daffy. well he is daffy.

and good for you going out to starbucks! little teeny indulgences are so good for the soul. it's an upbeat place...good music...great coffee...and rewards for being good all week long <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am over on dating/divorced...week 2 on nutrisystem (six pounds down) and need diet buddies...don't have to do same diet...just a support group/thread for us revamped girls!

keep up the great work.

he didn't look at you b/c he is ashamed. he knows what he is doing is wrong hon.

totally wrong.

keep looking hot.

it will all crash down around him when HE SUDDENLY REALIZES YOU'RE SINGLE.

I would add next time I see him...that my MANTRA STAYS THE SAME...unless I GET SINGLE AND OUR MARRIAGE IS OVER. IF YOU DO THAT, THEN ALL ODDS GONE...I WILL BE AMONG THE SINGLE WOMEN AND YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

and he will go insane.

they do that btw.

my xh is doing that now. but he crossed a huge line that is something I can't get back over...even if he committed himself to an asylum, got serious mental help, had a huge "come to Jesus" moment, and swore off gambling and partying for rest of his life. I am gone.

Implement the 180 stuff. I swear it works. it is working...hence the comment "she is looking anorexic"...and you being up in the morning early...wearing makeup...looking good. and making his OWN MOM HOT TOO!

that will get the man's blood going.

remember...THIS IS AN ALL OUT WAR WITH THE OW AND WS.

and a hot marriage building mama with a good brain can whoop some wayward spouse and ow [censored]!

this marriage isn't over until YOU SAY IT IS.

Next step...NEW WOMAN HEADS TO BOWLING ALLEY TO JOIN A NEW TEAM...ONE WITH SINGLE WOMEN IN IT...why? will change his perception of you...time to spread the wings honey...be a tad more visible to all the world in your plan B.

THIS IS WAR...and you can make it even fun.

let the Ws think he's losing you...IT IS WHAT THE OW DOES NOT WANT OK HON?

Peachy,

Your just what I needed this afternoon. A good pick me up...

The one thing for sure he saw just how much his mom and I are still close. I know that bugs tge crap outta him. I guess he figured I would be alone in all of this. She is my biggest supporter. Besides all of you here.

I just felt so down after seeing him yesterday and hearing again You will never get me back...... I just wanted to puke when he said that, but instead I just smiled and said whatever WH.

I wish I had had the sense about me to say something like , your right I don't want you back I want my real H back... but I never think fast enough to babble it back .... One of these days I will though....

I gotta feeling during this mediation there will be a lot of babble to deal with. I dread it.....

Your right about one thing I have pretty much kept to myself in planb. I have not really gone out much or see any of our friends anymore. I work and pretty much stay home. I need to get out and do more stuff.

Once I get on days at work I think it will be easier to have more of a life. Between working and sleeping I don't have a whole lot of time to do much. I have been putting in more hours these last few weeks to make some extra bucks...

Plus I will start looking for a new house before long. I need a new place to be, I want to start fresh in a new place with no memories. I think that will help me as well. That will be good for all of us. I have until June to find a place so I have time to find something decent.

Thanks again for the pep talk I definatley needed it....

Hurting

You've got to practice the RB. Make it so it just flows out.

When my WS told me he wasn't coming back, I did just that told him I didn't want him back, so we finally agree on something. LOL!!! He looked hurt and shocked. It was all I could do to NOT help him and I didn't. Let him wallow in his mire all by hisself. LOL!!!

U can do it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

orchid,

I know i need to practice the babble... When I think of senarios I manage to do great but when the real thing hits my mind freezes. It always later it hits me what to say.

I have pulled it off a few times for sure but not enough.. I keep making up senarios for this mediation so I can be prepared for anything. But heck who knows how it will go...

I am getting good though at acting cheerful and happy around him. No emotions or crying.... No that I see him much except for court and accidental meetings but I do well. My MIL was impressed by how I handled yesterday she said I did good. She especially liked me telling him I didn't really remember the conversation of two sundays ago. I pulled one of his I don't remember anything I said or did stories. lol

Anyhow I will practice more, to be prepared for this mediation....


Hurting

Good afternoon all. Just checking in to say all is well.

Nothing new on the WH front or the mediation thing. They still have not called me back. I did my thing I called them back and left a message, so now its on them. I am not making any more moves towards it.

Anyhow everyone have a great day....


Hurting

Hi Hurting....the ball is in his court. You just keep doing what you are doing...cause you are doing great!

Confused,

thanks for saying that. I still feel like i am flying by the seat of my pants half the time. I am doing fine, I just feel like there is something else I should be doing though. But for now I will just keep going like I am.

I was taking DD to the dr. this afternoon and we drove by Home Depot and she said oh yeah I heard all about you being in the parking lot here. I said so what I cut through the parking lot to get to Starbucks. She said well dad told me all about you being at home depot. I said well actually nothing to tell I cut through and OW was leaving,what do I look like i have a time clock on her and know what she is doing? She looked at me funny , I said look I am not going to hide in my house for fear of running into her or your dad, and if they are making such a big deal about me being a parking lot then to me that sounds like they are a little scared or embarrassed to be seen by me.

Like I told her why would I now after all these months start something with OW, if thats what I wanted to do I would have done it months ago, she isn't worth my time or energy.

So one little incident of her seeing me by luck of the draw and its a big deal. I mean crap thats been over a week ago and its still being discussed... How childish....

Anyhow things are calm here for once, and I plan on them staying that way....



Hurting

LB from afar.... u r getting good at it. Imagine if you raised your hands and said Boo! LOL!!! Yea, the OW (PBR) in our case was just as nutso. I told the WS if the OW is that paranoid, then maybe I should go do something....thanks for the idea. Talk about backfire! LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

I got off work early tonight, looks like i will be starting days on sunday or monday. I am so glad for it.

Things here have stayed calm today. The mediation people still didn't call me back. I don't know if i should call them again or just wait for them to call me. Maybe I should try again this morning and leave one more message. After that its on them. I just don't want to be held in contempt or something for not following through. I don't know if that can happen maybe I should ask my attorney.

Other than that looming over my head I am doing good....

Take care all


Hurting

orchid,

LB'ing from afar did work in that instance and the funny thing is its not like it was planned or anything t was just a coincidence.

Gotta think of some more ways to do it I guess..... But one darn thing for sure i am not hiding out from them. If it makes them uncomfortable running into me or accidently seeing me thats on them......

Squirm like a worm on a hook.... works for me lol


Hurting

You know as I was reading Eav's thread a few mins. ago something jumped out at me.

Talking about when her father died and how she became depressed. The last conversation I had with my WH a few sundays ago, he said to me " Every since your dad died you have not been the same." My dad died in 1995 and yes it was hard since him and I were very close. I also had issues with my dads wife and his sister. I let those eat at me for some time. WH kept saying om that sunday that these issues and his death made me someone different. He was right to a certain point. I didn't let it go for a long time. I have now come to a place in the last 6 months or so I have let it go and don't even think of it anymore.

So I see a pattern here in a way. They look for some tramatic event that happened in our lives from years ago and start usuing that as a way to justify their own mistakes by laying the blame at our feet. By saying we changed, we became depressed or whatever the case is. maybe for a while we did but as time moved on we came to handle these things and move away from them. And for the WS'S to bring these things back to use for justification is a feeble attempt to get us back there again. I am seeing so clear now on how the manipulation happens.

Make us feel that way again and they can have control. Well I for one will not allow it anymore. What happnened is over and done. Its in the past leave it there. Leave all of their lame justifications in the past where they belong. Now is the time to look for the future and stop using the past to hurt someone. Why couldn't I see this before?

I don't want to live in the past anymore, I want a happy future and look forward to tomorrow. I don't want to hear anymore about what I did or didn't do thats all over now. I am a better person for living through all I have and learning along the way from the mistakes of the past.

Time for the WS'S to stop justifying their poor choices on the past of the BS real or imagined. Get over yourselves and see the mistakes you have made and stop blaming everyone else for your poor judgement. One thing is for sure I never even thought of cheating or using my H'S past mistakes which there are many to justify anything I have done in life. I have forgiven him many things and stll loved him and tried to make a good life. I am still to this day willing to forgive his mistakes and move forward but he is not man enough to do this himself. I still have to be the bad one, the one blamed for his sad pitiful life right now. No more , he is to blame for it all, and time for him to take resposibility for it....

I am moving forward, not looking back anymore. I hope one day he can do the same.....


Hurting

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hurting:
Good for you! Wow what a great attitude you have!! I'm very happy for you. I think you are going to be just fine. In fact, I think you are going to be GREAT!

Thanks Mimi and Texas.

I will be fine. I have no doubt about that.

I still miss the big a$$ and still love him and probably always will to a degree but I am moving on for me.

I have to make life right for me, I can't make it right for him and i ma realizing this now. Thats his job and if one day he wants to share it with me again we will see where I am.

I can't or won't make any promises anymore. I can't sit here and say what I would do if he ever wants to come back part of me says yes and part of me says I'm not so sure anymore. He has way to much to learn and show repentance for me to say yes very easy. Tomorrow I may feel diferent who knows but for now I'm not even sure what I want.

Guess I am the one waffeling for now. Sitting on a fence post is not a comfortable place to be. A good gust of wind could blow me off either way......

But for now I am not going to jump off .... I am keeping all options open and what ever happens, happens......

Oh BTW I am off work tomorrow night and have made plans to go out with some people..... Time to get a life and have some fun..... Watch out world here I come .....

There you go! Go out and have some fun. Kick up your heels and let your hair down.

Pretty soon you may be able to change your name from "hurtinginokla" to "happyinokla"!! Or at least "contentinokla." What do you think??