Thanks all I am excited about this job thing.

WH picked up DS from my SIL'S and I had a packet of mail for him and SIL didn't give it to him. So as she was telling me what time they left so I would be informed about DS she said OW was with them.

SIL called me about 1 hour ago and said they were on their way back. They decided not to spend the night. So DS will be at my SIL'S tonight. So I am glad it turned out this way no over nights with her. He better be glad thats all I can say. Because I would have let my attorney know about it...

Anyhow I am off to bed, I have ot be at work 5 am....


Take care,

Hurting

I am so upset right now I don't know what to do.

This has nothing to do with my WH believe it or not. I just found out by some people that the th person who has been my best friend for almost 13 ys. is not who I thought she was.

This is a person I leaned on when all of this started who I thought was there for me and wanted to help. In fact I have now found out she has been telling people that I am a bi*ch and deserve everything that has happened to me. She has been calling my H a bas*ard and he deserves whatever the OW throws at him.

She has told WH things that has been twisted and not true. I at first confided in her about MB'S and the plans and now I know she has told him about this place and how I feel and things I have done to try and get him to come home.

I knew a few months ago WH was finding things out but was not sure how, now I know. I did stop telling her stuff a few months ago because I felt something was not right. Well now I have heard it from people plus also there is an email trail proving some of these things.

Now it makes me wonder if this friend and I use the word loosly is maybe behind phone calls and other things that have made things worse. Its like she was/is trying sabatoge any chance I had of making my marriage work.

I do know WH speakes to her once in a while because DD gave me a message from him to call her. I have yet to call her as I have not spoken to her since Oct. except for one time in dec. Something in me told me to leave her alone. I guess my gut was rght.

I feel like WH needs to know what has happened and how she has told stories and is lying. I just don't know how to handle this mess. I think just leaving it alone and her is the best thing to do. But now the damage is done and no way of undoing it. Her interferance has not helped me at all.....

It really hurts that I thought I could trust her after so many years and our families were so close. We did so many things together as famlies and as a couples. This just makes me sick that with all of her meddeling it may have caused my problems to be worse.

I wish I knew exacttly all of the things she has told WH but even if I did I can't undo the damamge.... Why would someone do this ????

Why would someone want to help destroy people they claim to care about? I am at a loss here .....


Hurting

Do you believe in EVIL forces?

Stay in the LIGHT, Hurting...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

I am not seeing much light anymore.....

I just see my life being destroyed not only by the WH and OW but now by someone I thought was my friend.....

The damage is done..... Nothing else I can do ......

The evil is running rampant in my life......

(((( Hurting ))))

When I find myself dealing with people who are mean like that, I tell myself that they are not happy. Happy people do not act like that. Sometimes that alone helps me to deal with their crap better.

Being angry at yourself is the worst. And you have absolutely NO reason to beat yourself up.

YOU have done everything right, regarding this.

I hate to sound like a broken record, but this is so true....

What goes around - Comes around.

She will get her's. And you don't have to do a darn thing to make this happen.

Sending love, Carnation

Don't worry about it. Recovery does not depend on supernumeraries like this. It will play out on a much larger canvas.

Cut the friend off, as nicely as you can manage. Don't worry about straightening out messages. Remember the story of tar baby? That's what straightening out messages is -- tar baby.

Carnation,

I know your right, I don't have to do anything. I believe in what goes around comes around I have seen it many times.

It just bothers me that I thought she was behind me and now I have to wonder what she has said to my WH. Has some of what she has said pushed him further? Has her antics of phone calls done so much damage it can't be fixed?

One thing though it makes things so much clearer to me on how he found out certain things in the beginning. Some of the things I said to her in confidence I now know went to WH and thats why he bacame so angry over certain things.

I also now know how OW found out he and I had spoken and spent some time together in Dec. on our court date. He like I had no idea what she was doing I assume. He is the one who called her and told her we saw each other and spoke and askd her not to let anyone know about it, because he didn't OW to know. Within a few days of that OW started getting these phones calls and then 2 weeks later the D papers are filed.... Of course I got the blame for it all .. It all is falling into place now .... We both got blindsided by someone we thought was a friend. But who got the worst of it I did......

I feel he needs to know but I know it won't make any difference now. So I am doing nothing, I can't fix this.....


But one thing for sure i am done with this person, never again will I speak to her...... I don't need people like that in my life.....


Hurting

Thank you A.M. I know your right. its a bigger picture than just what she has said and done.

I just feel so violated by a friend now...... I have nothing to say to her as I am done......


Hurting

Hurting -

This kind of thing happens, and it is very hurtful, especially when you are already down. Now you know that she is not a friend.

I had something similar happen, and it was very, very painful. When my WH was threatening to sell our home cheap(it is in his name), I cried about it to my best friend of 10 years.

The next day, she had the nerve to call me and tell me that her brother would be interested in getting a great deal, and she wanted my husband's phone number.

Hang in there. This is far from over, and I still have great confidence that your WH will be back. This is just the darkness before the dawn.

Believer,

Thanks for the encouragement. I just have a hard time comprehending what she has done to me.

I still can't believe that anyone still thinks he will come back. As my own confidence in this dies a little each day.

Your not kidding its darkness before the dawn. Its almost pitch blacke here but I do see a small ray of light way out there.

I am doing so much better than I was even weeks ago.... I am getting stronger and more able to live life and enjoy it more everyday.

Thanks for being here for me.......


Hurting

(((hurting)))
Some people just get caught up in the drama...meddling is the favorite pass time for some, along with gossip and mud slinging. Who knows why she did what she did. She may have had some misguided notion she was helping somehow, to make WH jealous, to spite him for betraying you. As you are well aware ... people do what they want to do.

You were treating her like a friend and confidant. I would back off...with friends like that....you know the saying. It may just be one big misunderstanding. She probably has a limited understanding of MB principles. Regardless you have enough going on in your life and no need to introduce more drama.

Give yourself a break. You don't need that extra stress. You have grown, and you are evolving into the REAL you...some people can't handle it. They get jealous. Don't you second guess yourself for 1 second. You are doing great!And we are so happy to be sharing it with you. (like most friends would) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hurting,

Well, praise God, at least you know where all the bad info was coming from.

I don't know if this means anything to you, but I sure found out who my friends were and who my friends weren't when my H had an affair.

I am sorry you are hurt, but at least you know now and can prevent further gossip and damage.

Evil is evil, but the Lord let you know, and at least it wasn't your DD. This is GOOD.

No more info to ex friend. And you don't need to call her or confront, cause you know which direction that info will go. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Please if nothing else, re read this paragraph. LOL. Let it go. No returning evil for evil, even if it could have been your justified wrath. It will come to no good. Time to be wise as a snake and as innocent as a dove.

Oh, and you are WORTHY. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Don't forget that. God has a plan for you, not in your time, but His. This has been revealved to you and now you know who is your friend. Not this person.Try to keep this in mind during all of this chaos. That the Lord knows all and nothing that is hidden will remain hidden. God has you in his graces.

You are such a good gal. Keep your cool. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Don't react, step back and do what is healthiest for you and family.

Love in Christ,
Miss M





Love in Christ,
Miss M

Confused and MissM,

Thank you both so much .... Your words mean a lot to me.

I now know to watch what I say and who I say it to.

I am glad to know that DD was not behind a lot of things I thought she was. It makes me feel bad because I thought it was her but some of her actions and words to me led me to believe it. Bad assumptions on my part.

I have no desire to confront this person or say anything to anyone else about it. I am sure she will figure it out in time.

Again thanks for listening and being my friends..... I feel I found a safe place here to vent and let my feelings out....


Hurting

Hurting,

i have wondered what your DD might have said to your WS.

I would still be careful. Do not give DD more info than she needs, and please do not confide in her. It is not her place. And it is not fair to confide in her. You come here. She has enough on her plate with what her dad is putting her thru.

Like I said, be wise as a snake and as innocent as a dove. And that is in the Bible.

Prayers for you and yours,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

MissM,

I don't talk to DD about her dad at all anymore. I don't ask anything or even mention him any more. If anything is ever said all I do is confirm I still love her dad.

Yup I made a mistake last week by getting angry and told her she was acting like her dad but I later apologized to her.

All the children know I still love him and want nothing more than to have him home but they also know I am not sitting around crying about it. I get out and live life such as it may be....

He crosses my mind all the time but his name does not cross my lips anymore in regards to the kids. In fact I don't speak much about him to anyone anymore except for here. I think thats the best way to be...... This way I don't have to worry about anyone saying something to him no matter how innocent it may be....

Thank you for the advice MissM, and I will be wise as a snake and innocent as a dove...... I am letting this all play out, wisest thing to do......


Hurting

You know as I was catching on on peoples sitchs here I was reading TT's about her WH asking to come home. As I was reading it I saw something that hit me. She said her WH never took any photo's from their home.

My WH never took any of the kids or grandkids either he never even asked for the pictures or the plaque I we have of his deceased father. He took nothing that would remind him of his life with us. No pictures nothing..... All he took was just his personal stuff. He has never asked for any pictures or anything along those lines. So I wonder why? Maybe it means nothing but it just struck me when I saw that mentioned.



Hurting

Ok, I'll play the "what is WH thinking" game with you - but, just for a minute, then we will stop wasting time and get on with our day!

My WH just took his clothes also, nothing else. He did ask for one of his Xboxes after awhile, and I gave it to him so the kids could play at him place. But he didn't take anything else.

When he was talking to my sister and BIL recently, he was griping about how can they order him to pay temporary support. He said to BIL "who knows what will happen, we could be reconciled in six months" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Well, I could win the lottery, but since I never buy tickets, that is likely to happen, now it is.

I think they don't like to have their "real life" reminders around them. Plus, maybe the fact they are men makes them less sentimental to stuff like pictures and what not. or maybe they are not committed to leaving completely and don't want to worry about hauling all their stuff back and they know we will continue to dust it off for awhile longer.

Ok, enough with the "what is WH thinking" game, back to our regularly scheduled thriving without them.

Jean,

Thanks for knocking some sense into me this morning. I just keep looking for things to make sense out of something senseless.

I guess I just keep grasping at straws looking for some sign.

Back to life.......


Hurting

hurting

my H didn't take anything either...not even pictures of our first dog....pictures of his past vehicles..not even his baby pictures!!!

before i knew he was planning on leaving (but he certainly knew), he "cleaned out" a bunch of things...he threw away things that he had saved since high school and college that had nothing to do with "us"

i don't get it either

((( Hurting )))

I know it is hard honey.

Detach - detach - detach

When will you find out about new job ??

Carnation