Hi Hurting,

I am curious...what would your new job be?

Also... new trick.... if ever I get the urge to play the 'if game about WS'..... since I am really dark about how things are between him and OW.... I have decided I will not hold myself back....except if I do so, it will be on one condition....

...that instead of thinking how the two are 'enjoying themselves' I am 'limited' to imagining them LBusting continually.... not trusting what one says to the other (because they are not trustable)..... WS TOTALLY missing me but toooooo proud to admit it.... and then go on to list everything that he could possibly miss about me..... and because I am modest somewhat..... the train of thought soon ends... but not after having forced myself to name a FEW great things about me..... which for a BS is not bad 'therapy'.... after the moral beating received from WS's actions..... one thing is for sure....I no longer end up feeling sorry for myself....and I certainly wouldn't want to be in WS's shoes... hard to enjoy 'dirty' money.... no matter how much you wash it!

Carnation and Eav,

I don't get it either. Eav my WH didn't clean out anything he had no idea he was leaving. He thought he was going to live here and do what he wanted. He was shocked because I made him leave when I would not play the game of having both of us.... but when he finally did get most of his things he took all the love letters and cards I had given him over the years. He said they were special and he was keeping them....

I took the drug test today. Not sure when I will hear about the job. I hope its soon though, I want this job so bad. More money and no a fast food place...... I think I will like it so much better....

I am trying to detach Carnation, i was doing very well with it until the last few days and especially after hearing what my supposed friend has done, it has me wondering again if she hurt me more than helped me..... I still am reeling about that and the betrayed feeling again has hit me..... I wil be ok, just need some time to process this in my mind....


Hurting

Luna,

The new job is for CVS pharmacy. I would be just a regular cashier and be trained in the photo lab. Sounds like fun actually.... they have great benefits plus the options to buy stock.

I like your idea of the "if game" ... I think I will try it.... My problem is I know to much crap about his life thanks to kids and in-laws..... I try not to listen but my curiosity always gets the best of me..... Like last night DD used my cell to call her dad because she ran out of minutes on hers. Well he was mad because she called from my phone because now my number will be on the bill and OW will see it and then she lets me know he is sick with bad cold or the flu. So then I worry about him driving OTR like that ..... Geezz I can't figure out why after all that has happened I even worry or care anymore...... but I do....

Ok enough thinking and worrying for one day..... Gonna go clean some house up since I am off today.....


Hurting

Thanks for replying, Hurting..

...Yeap, you still know waaay tooo much about your WS...

Good luck on your job....and cleaning is not such a bad idea...especially, if I got it right, you need to move by May?

...in the meantime...take care!

Hi Hurting,

Sounds like some people are trying to bring strife in. Don't give into it. Ignore it, resist it.

I would love to see you get into a church, or at least a ladies prayer group so that you can gain some godly lady friends and have prayer support. It would help you so much and lift you out of the worldly stuff that would try to bring you down from day to day.

Yes God is with you evreywhere, but the support of others is so important, as well for your growing. It helps keep your mind on things above too. We all need each other in the Body of Christ. So come out of your isolation, hibernation like I did!! K <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Blessings,
Lady

lady,

Thank you for the kind words.

I am not giving into the strife people are causing me, I am not responding to any of it. I am taking it for what it is someone who is not happy in their own lives.

I am really doing ok, I get out and about I don't hide in the house anymore. I go do things and go places. I say my prayers daily and pray for peace. I will be ok truly I will.

Hurting

Just had a great evening with DS. We watched American Idol and then played Monopoly.... I won ... lol

DS is taking driver ed. this summer. So now I have to start preparing myself for the inevitable mom can I drive the car ....

It is going to cost 135.00.... SIL is going to talk to WH about paying half.... I said if he pays half I will pay the other. I just have the feeling he is going to say something about the child support and think I should pay it all.... Not happening....

Still have not heard back from the mediation people. She said last week we would know the date soon. But so far nothing.... I for one am not pushing it ....

Everyone have a good evening


Hurting

Thats great news about your new job...to have benefits is really great. You sound good...sounds like a fun night w/ DS you both deserve it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes DS and I had a very nice evening. He was happy to play the game, he loves to play cards and board games.

I hope to hear about the new job in the next few days. It will definatley be a big change.

I have been doing pretty good. I dreamed of WH last night first time in awhile. They were good dreams, dreams I wish would come true.

Anyhow things here are good, the weather is warm and the sun is shining. Life is getting better......


Hurting

Good news I got the job at CVS, bad news its not enough hours for now so I will be working both jobs. Once CVS can give me enough hours though I will not work both jobs. CVS will work around my other scheduale for now... Since I get off at 2:30 and am off next thursaday and friday I will work at CVS ... So its gnna be some long days for me for a while but I can't turn this job down because its a great opportunity.

I have never worked two jobs before, I hope I can pull this off.

I never in my life would have thought I'd have to be doing this.


Hurting

That is GREAT news. I've worked 2 jobs before, and it wasn't too bad. The best thing is you save more money, because you are either too busy working, or too tired to spend it.

Believer,

Your right about that , I will be to tired to spend it. lol

For someone who had been a SAHM for so many years this is really different for me. One darn thing for sure this ought to show anyone and everyone I will do what I have to, to take care of myself and my kids...

Talk about being stronger and more in control, thats what I am now..... In does feel good.....


Hurting

Is that not the truth!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hurting.....

You really are doing great <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />...so you should feel good too!

I really hope that your WH starts to get out of the fog. I don't see you waiting forever. You are getting stronger every day, and if he does not stop and get on with it, he will be too late. I feel that Lem is right, I do get this feelign that your WH is the type to come back.....don't mean to give you false hope, but if I see it for anyone on this board, I really see it for you. But, if he takes too long you will be gone. Today, you love him, but love and respect are different things. As you step up to take care of your kids and he does not, you just may loose respect for him by the time he comes back......I really hope that your WH sees that OW is the shrew she is at this point <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

You see, the WH do come back a lot because we the BS, have not done anything disrespectful or immoral. We stand out as the once who stood by and tried to work on the M when noone expected it from us. We were willing, when the WS were not......

They are too busy in their fog to see it now, the fog of entitelement and selfishness is powerful indeed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />. Can it last forever? I don't think so.....

Take care hurting.....

HEy, congratuations on the second job, BTW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> .....


Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Daisy,

Thanks for the nice words.

I also hope WH comes out of the fog soon, but I just don't see it. Not for a long time anyway. Your right I don't see me waiting forever. I know I still have a lot of love for him but respect for him is dwindeling a little each day. It's hard to respect someone who has done this to youand your famly. But I try and remind myself he is not him right now.

the biggest thing is to me anyway, is that this could become him for real if this keeps up, and i have no place in my life for someone like he is now. Selfish and cruel is not my cup of tea.

I think at some point in time he will try and come back, it may be months or years from now but I see it happening. But where will I be is the question. I now realize that I am the one who holds the real power. It will be my descion not his in the long run.....

You take care Daisy, things will get better....


Hurting

Hi Hurting,

Congrats on your new job! I'm so happy for you.

Things are really looking up for you, that is great. You see, your Father is taking good care of you. WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. HE IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lady

Hurting,

Congrats on the new job! I always thought that developing pics would be a fun job. Do you get a discount too, I love a job with discounts. (I work at a nursing home, don't know if I get a discount and crossing my fingers that I won't need one anytime soon!)

Anyway, I thought your remark about you still love but your respect bank is draining fast - I can really empathize with that. I wonder how that pans out when/if the WS gets their head out of their butt. Does the BS start to regain some of the lost respect for their FWS?

jean,

I think it would take some very serious work on the part of the WS for me to regain the respect I have lost.

Thats not to say it can't be done but it would take me a long while and a lot of remorse and repentance on his part. I just don't know if he would have it in him. I would truly hope he can but as he is now, I just don't see it. Maybe when/if he ever truly hits the bottom and crashes he can do the work.

For now he is a sad excuse for a man, who thinks of no one but himself. Today was our oldest sons birthday he turned 22. WH actually called him and wished him HB. My son was happy about it. I guess I find it funny he remembered because on DD'S BD he didn't even mention it to her until he was bringing her home (Christmas eve same day as mine). Of course WH'S BD is on this monday so its easy for him to remember our sons only a few days apart. Yup thats right my adolesent acting WH will be 46 on Monday. A day I am going to try and ignor.....

My oldest son and family are planning on coming to visit in the next few weeks or so. I am so excited about seeing them. I can't wait to get my hands on my little grandsons. I miss them so much. I know they are going to see WH and I want them to but it makes me sick to think my grandbabies will be around the OW. I don't want that witch anywhere around my grandbabies but I can't stop it. My son told me his dad is going to let him use the pickup while they are here to move some of their stuff they have here into his storage unit. Which is good since i will be having to move, but in the process of this he wants my son to pack up his tools here from the house and move those s well. I told my son nope you can't do that. Nothing can be moved from here until the D is over. And besides WH has has pleanty of time and opportunity to do this himself and hasn't. Like I told my son he isn't man enough to come get this stuff himself he wants everyone else to pack his stuff and move it. I packed all his clothes and such he has packed nothing from here. So I told him he was not moving anything of his dads. WH wants it WH can pack it and move it, my kids are not doing it for him or helping him do it....

Since my SIL is going to buy the house once I move out WH can come get his stuff because I will not move it. So whatever I leave here he is welcome to it.

Still have not heard from the mediation people on a date yet. They told me last week we would know early this week but so far nothing. So who knows whats up with it.

Anyhow enough rambling from me for one night.... Oh yeah BTW I get a 20% discount from CVS..... lol


Take Care ,

Hurting

Good morning Hurting.

So sorry I have not had a chance to read your thread lately. Kinda busy with my own sit. this week. I know, no excuse. You know that I think of you often and you and your family are in my prayers.

Congratulations about the new job !!! And, a 20 percent discount. Is that for sale merchandise too ? I worked at HL for a long time, we got a 15 % discount and that included what was on sale.. and everything is always on sale at Hobby Lobby. Dang, I miss that place.

Working two jobs is just what you need right now. It will keep your mind BUSY. And, it will make you feel good about yourself.

I am so happy for you. We all knew you could do it. You are getting through the hardest time in your life... the rest will be cake !! - a cake walk, not cake eating, lol

My very best to you - car

Carnation,

Thanks for checking in. I know you are having a rough time yourself this week. This whole infidelity thing sucks but we will make it through it.

Working two jobs will be a little tough but I will be able to do it. Keeping busy is the best thing for now.

You got one thing right it will be a cake walk compared to what I have been through. No cake eating will ever be allowed here again.

And the 20% is for everything including sale stuff.... whoohooo sounds good to me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />



Take Care

Carolyn

Well I just got the call, mediation is schedualed for March 3 at 1 pm.

Why do I feel so sick to my stomach over this? I know once thats over it won't be long we will be in court and it will be over.

Why couldn't I have one of the WS'S who threaten to D but not follow through? I am just not ready for this....

I still can't believe this happening, walking away has been so easy for him. Damn why can't my heart just let go?