Time for your daughter to get a job. I don't care if she has to walk 10 miles to work.

Also you know that she is going thru some problems. Keep your bank card, credit cards, and car keys locked away from her.

Thats terrible DD did that to you Hurting. You did the best thing to press charges. I remember her friend (so she said) had taken money out of your purse a few months back. It seems stealing is becoming a habit for her.

Are you going to allow her to continue to live with you?

It may be a good idea to have her live somewhere else if she doesn't get a job within a specified period of time, say 30 days. If she hasn't gotten a job in the specified period of time that you choose, she can find elsewhere to live. You may have to push her out of the nest for her to get responsible, as difficult as that may be.


At least you get the money back...I'm glad about that. But I know how it feels to have your own child steal from you like that. It's another betrayal and I know it hurts. And she knows better. No matter the circumstances between you and WH, she has to know there is no excuse for it. It was wrong, and against the law, not to mention doing it to her own mother...disrespect of the worst kind. She is resorting to stealing because she has no job. She has not kept her word about starting back to school either.

Boy I'd be angry too. Be angry, but not to the point you are gonna hurt yourself and the peace of your home.

If you need to tell her stay away a few days right now...do it.

Lady

Thanks to all of you for being so supportive. I know I did the rght thing but it hurts like he!! to have to do this to my own child. But she has to become responsible for her actions I can't keep sweeping the stuff under the rug.

Mimi as far as WH sounding less foggy I don't know. As of 2 days ago he was still very adament to his mom our marriage will never work and he is happy where he is. I think maybe the way he was today is because he felt sorry for me more than anything. he didn't offer to help me though not that I expected him to but it would have been nice. His voice sounded like my real H but I know his mind isn't. He was very respectful and calm with me which is a change from our last conversation. But I am not looking for anything f rom him at all. I see no changes at all......

Anyhow DD is home and I have not said anything about this to her and I am not for now. I am just going to wait for the police detectives to do their job. This whole thing just sucks.....



Hurting

Well DD has been home for hours now and not once has she said anything to me about this or even tried to give me my ATM card back. No apologies or anything...

I guess she figures because I have said nothing all is forgiven... I have to be honest I am afraid to tell her I filed the charges for fear she will run..... I think its best just to let this play out.... This way it will also be a shock to her and she won't be prepared...... Sometimes shock value is worth gold..... I do know one thing I know WH was shocked I filed the charges even without him saying so. I know this because when he called me back and I told him I had already done it he was like Really, you did???
He knows how protective I am over the kids so I know he was shocked.... Guess me telling him I would no longer be walked on by anyone told him just how strong I have gotten....

What a day ....... What a last 9 months of my life, I don't care to repeat .....


Hurting

Hurting, I am so sorry to hear this. I hope there is a big cosmic payoff for you in your future for all the pain you've been through this past year.

This is just my opinion and I don't have a teenager yet so take it for what it's worth. I think you need to ask your daughter for your card back. I think you should try to talk to her and tell her that she has crossed boundaries and there are consequences. I do agree that you should not tell her yet that you filed charges so she doesn't run away. She really worries me as this has the potential to become a very tragic situation. She was just in jail for that ticket thing. She should be very scared so soon after to do anything wrong. Do you know why she is stealing the $? Are there drugs involved with the boyfriend? Is there someone who could talk to her besides anyone in your family? A family friend, counselor, someone at the school? Anyone that might be able to get through to her?

Hi Hurting -

Sounds like you have your hands full. My sister's son has been in trouble lately too. First time he was in jail, she bailed him out immediately. The second time, she did not. It was so hard for her but she knew he needed to learn from his actions.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this....

Hugs!

Kim

Shattered,

I do believe the boyfriend is a big influence in all of this. I found out some stuff today about him that really shocked me. I found out he has been in jail for 11 years for armed robbery two counts and is on probation until 2010. He is doing drugs also... I found his mug shot on the internet by doing a search. I printed all of this out and plan on talking to WH about this. We did speak some today and we both agree he is leading her down a bad road. I tried talking to her but she keeps making excuses for him. I am really worried for her. I do have a friend thats a counselor who has talked to DD before and I plan on calling her and giving her the info and see if she will talk to DD.

I think the boyfriend is behind the money thing because DD has never done anything like this before. I did tell her this morning about the consequences of what she has done that jail time could happen if I decided to file the charges. I guess she figures since I didn't tell her I did it that its all over. Little does she know.

I like you Shattered hope there is a payoff for all of this crap that has happened. It sure wouldn't be fair if there isn't.

Thanks Kim for the hugs I appreciate it very much. I actually am handleing all of this very well. Even talking to WH today didn't upset me. Its like it was nothing hearing his voice didn't phase me one bit.

In fact tonight DD was talking to him on the phone and he was getting on to her about a job and her boyfriend. Then he told her to tell me he saw some wild pigs on the side of the road down by Houston did I want him to pick me up one. I collect pigs and he always brought me pig stuff. Anyhow I said no thank you I have enough wild animals living here already. So see he still thinks of things I like....

Another funny thing he was talking to his mom on monday and she mentioned something about our front yard and his rocks. He said yeah I wish they would get the front yard looking good. I told her that makes no sense he does not want to be here but yet he is concerned the front yard doesn't look like he wants it to. Shows me how foggy he still is.....


Anyhow thanks all for the support. I will make it over this hurdle as well.... I don't know were the strength is coming from but it sure feels good....


Hurting

Get your cards back and send her to live with the A folks. Best she be in the company that condones wrongdoing. That will keep you and your son safe.

JMHO,
L.

orchid,

You have no idea how many times that thought crossed my mind yesterday. I got a feeling though the A folks would not take her after this. OW I am sure won't allow it and seeing how its her apt. she will have final say. But i may bring this up to WH and see what he says.

As far as the card goes its no good now its been cancelled by the bank but I will ask for it anyway.


Hurting

{{{Hurting}}}

Your DD is at a bad place right now, and you can bet that she will avoid talking to you about it at all costs. Does she get that conflict-avoidance trait from her father maybe??

I realize that she's what, 18? Kids are hard to "ground" at that age, or even really discipline... Even more difficult when there's an older bad-[censored] boyfriend in the picture that she could run away with. You did the right thing by filing the charges.

You have grown so much since you started posting - I'm so proud of you! I told my H about you last night (I don't post on your thread too much, but I have kept up with most of the reading). I hope that the good karma is just around the corner for you...

Cat

Oh no Hurting....11 yrs in jail, no 11 yrs in prison. I am shocked too, I could imagine how you are feeling with DD being with a guy like him. I certainly would not allow him in your home. Now he's baiting and teaching her his criminal skills. You see if she does it, he doesn't get into any trouble. He is so dangerous for her, and I'm praying God will deliver her from him.

Talk to DD or have a close good friend talk to her, and let her know her destiny is in danger right now as long as she stays on that path.

Remember....The Lord is your refuge and strength and a very present help in times of trouble.

Lady

Cat,

I have wondered where you have been. It makes me happy to know you and your H are using the MB principals to get your marriage off to a good start so you never have to go through any of this mess.

Yes, DD is in a bad place right now and it scares me so. I hope me doing what I have done will help her see the consequences for bad actions are not good. She is 19 now and thinks she knows it all. Yup she is a CA just like her dad, she more like him than me thats for sure. Sad thing is they are both in for a world crashing event and I don't think its going to be pretty for either one of them. But unfortunatley I can't stop either one, I just have to stand by and watch it happen.

I also hope the good karma is around the corner as well. Just not sure how much more I can take before I totally go bonkers. This has been more than any one person should have to live through. It has made me stronger but I fear it will make me bitter and never able to trust anyone again.

I am so glad everyone thinks I did the right thing in handleing my DD. Even my MIL and whole family agree I did the right thing. I am sure DD won't think so and may hate me for it but she did this to herself. Life happens and this is a consequence of bad life choices.


Hurting

I'm concerned that you are not being truthful with your daughter and telling her you filed charges. What is up with that?

Hurting,

My sister is 19 and has made some bad choices (daddy's little girl, that's for sure, and he cheated on my mom, left when I was 12, married the OW, and had almost no contact with me or my brother after my sister moved to live with him). I can see a lot of similarities between my sister and your DD, and unfortunately, jail time did nothing to stop my sister's destructive path. I hope and pray that it will slow your DD down (if jail time is the result of the charges).

I know that it's hard, and I can't tell you anything that will make it easier. Well, maybe one thing - I have a SUPER close relationship with my mom (whom my sister does not get along with) and brother. Pehaps in your sitch you'll have a much better R with your son.

Sorry - I don't mean to take your thread and make it about me. I just want you to know that even with a ton of drama in the teenage years, it is possible to grow up with lots of good stuff, too.

As for the b/f... There could be a lot of reasons - like rebelling against you, showing him off to her friends, seeing the good in him (hey, it's possible), trying something different...

BUT, I would definitely make it priority to watch his behaviour towards your DD. If he's spent 11 years in prison, that would make him at least late-twenties, right? If he's going out with such a young woman, it could be that he's controlling, or abusive, and likes dating young because they don't "know better" and will put up with behaviour that most women wouldn't. If he is abusing her, charges can be laid without her consent.

(Please note that I have no issue with big age differences, just that this particular man, given his record, could quite possibly have control issues.)

Cat

Believer,

I am afraid if I tell her she will run with this guy and God only knows what would happen.

I am so afraid of what he may try and have her do next. I wish I knew what to say to her.

I feel like I am in between a rock and a hard spot here.

If you have any advice on how I can tell her without her running please tell me... I am open to all suggestions...



Hurting

I agree.....I wouldn't tell her at this point either Hurting. If she wants to talk about it then talk. Other than that, bringing it up may just cause alot of anger.
She may say she took the money to pay her back for her paying for Harley consel for you. She may say she took the money to pay her car ins. She will have a lot of excuses and try to weaken you. So just leave it to the detectives and authorities as you are doing.

Lady

Cat,

he is 30 years old and does not have a pot to piss in. No job living with his grandmother... Not a good situation for sure. I have already told her he is not welcome here anymore.

Lady,

Seeing how she has no car or does not even know I counseled Harley those excuses won't wash. Her reasons fr taking it were, putting money on her pre-paid cell and buying something to eat. 260.00 worth I don't think so, I believe some of it went to her b/f. Anyhow I will never know the truth for sure.

I start my new job today. I will only be getting about 12 hours a week for now but thats ok its extra money and a foot in the door. I have to be there in about 45 mins. I am a little nervous but it will be fine.... I can actually get dressed up and not have to wear a uniform and flip burgers.... I fixed my hair and put on my makeup and was like yeah .... You looking good ..... Nope I'm not vain at all .... LOL


Hurting

Oh, I thought she was giving the money for you to counsel with Harley. And I thought she had a car, when she got the ticket?

Well...no excuse is a good excuse for her.

I hope you have a good day at your new job. Congrats again! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lady

lady,

Thanks I think I will have a good day.

Nop ethe ticket stems from August when she took my car in the middle of the night while i was sleeping. This was right after WH moved out the second time. But she can't do it anymore seeing how i lock my keys away at night.

Anyhow I must leave now , I will let everyone know how it goes today .... Have a good one all ...


Hurting

Good luck today at work!