Hurting, you are such an incredible person! It seems like whatever is being dished out to you, you just deal with it, and take it in stride! They say, God won't give you more than you can handle! And in the long run, it just makes you stronger! You are the perfect example of this! KUDOS to YOU! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer

PS...I agree with whoever it was who said that your new name should be "Healing"! I think you should do this! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer,

Thanks for the vote of confidence, I don't know how much I am taking in stride its just that there is nothing I can do to change any of it so I just deal with it.

It's really hard to keep myself from just giving up but I know thats not the answer either so I keep trudging along this awful road.

I would love to just sit down and cry... But I am afraid if I do that I will never stop.

Coming here and just venting and gettin all of this crap and my feelings out of my mind helps me a lot. I appreciate everyone and all of their veiw points. I take the advice seriously as well as the 2x4's.

My only regret is I didn't find this place before I kicked my WH out and did a better plana. But thats all water under the bridge now. I did the best planA could under the circumstances. Being in planb now has in my mind pushed WH further away from me but it has been the best thing for me and my healing.

Now if I can get DD under control I will be doing just fine. I am going to do this without help from her father. He didn't want the responsibility anymore he walked away, so why should I now expect or want any help from him. I only want that if he ever comes back to his senses, and I don't see that happening for a long while if ever.

I agree God gives us know more than we can handle but to quote someone else here on MB'S "I wish he didn't trust me so much"......

I will survive all of this, in fact I am surviving all of this with grace and dignaty..... The high road is a better place to be , at least I can see the rainbow at the end....


Hurting

Amen, Hurting, (Healing)!

Don't beat yourself up for not finding this place sooner. Life happens as it does, and we learn as we go. And you have nothing to feel guilt about.

This experience with your daughter, is showing you, that you don't need him whenever it gets too hot in the kitchen. You ARE a survivor. Unfortunately, we have to learn how to apply these lessons to our children. I'm learning this, too. I have 3 daughters. 18yr. old twins, and a 17yr. old. And WOW!! Am I EVER experiencing things I never would have imagined! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I worry about all of them, but one in particular really has me in a spin! I'm learning that I have to let go, to let them learn. Especially, with the one. This is HARD!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

So I understand, completely!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Take Care...

Jennifer

Jennifer,

Your right we hae to let them go so they can grow and learn lifes lessons. It's like no matter how much we talk and try to help they won't listen. They have to learn the hard way. It's just hard to watch them get hurt and make stupid choices.

As I see the bad choices my DD makes, I see my H doing the same things. It makes me realize he is acting just like an adolecent himself. Selfish and indestructable using no brain cells at all.... A lot of growing up needs to happen to both of them.

Gonna be a lot of scraped knees and broken hearts along the way before they finally get it..... I just hope I have the strength to help bandage those scrapes when they finally get it and need the help to heal.....

Take Care,

Hurting

Oh, I believe you will! Have the strength, that is. If you had the strength for all of this, you sure will for the scrapes they end up with.

My XH has already been thru his stuff, and is a recovering alcoholic and addict. Now, my one daughter reminds me sooo much of him! It really is like a "deja vu"! Even HE, (the XH), doesn't really know what the right approach is with her. He has ALL the answers, but no way of knowing how to "deal" with her. They are too much alike. For him, it's like looking in a mirror, and having flashbacks. He remembers how he was, at that age, and remembers being so unreachable. Now he's on the other side, and helpless. I know I have to do with her, just in the same way I did with him and let go...and let GOD! That was MY lesson thru all of their "stuff!" We want sooo bad to "save" them, from themselves! But if we really could do this, (save them), then how could they ever really learn??

Wow, I think I just talked myself thru something here! I didn't realize this stuff, until I just typed it in! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I guess I better practice what I preach, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> (Is this a "thread jack?")

Jennifer

Nope no thread jack Jennifer at all.

I pray for the strength everyday to be there when I will be needed.

I know someday the time will come when I will have to make a descion whether to help WH or not. I know he is not as happy and content as he wants us all to believe. It's so obvious in just little things he says and does. Maybe he does not realize it yet but I see it as well as others see it.

DD is not there yet but I see once all of this comes down on her, she will be needing help climbing out of this mess she has created. She is so much like her dad, won't admit to a wrongdoing even if it was slapping her in the face.

But I know one thing and I truly believe this eventually the wrongdoing eats at you until you can't stand it anymore and you fall and the cry for help goes out. And you pray someone hears your call...... I just hope I will hear it when they both fall and cry out for it .......

Hurting

You will, Hurting. I just know it, you will!

I have a little bit of a tougher time, letting go of the DD, then I did with the XH. But I try to remind myself, that HE eventually found his way, once I let go, and let him fall, several times! It's just hard to watch your child go thru this, knowing they WILL get hurt, and we have to sit back and let it happen.

My X and I can now be friends and get along. I only hope the same will be with my D, once she gets enough scrapes and bruises from her choices. We can only hope and pray, and be here, when it all comes crumbling down.

Jennifer

I am so excited my oldest son and his family are on their way here for a visit.

I get to have my grandbabies with me for this next week.... I have missed them so much. They should be here sometime this evening. I can't wait.... it will sure give this house some life for a few days. I have not seen them since th beginning of august. At least this time my grandson will have his grandma's full attention not some pathetic woman crying over her life she thought was over.

They will see WH but he will have to meet them here in town as my DIL does not want to see the OW or want the grandbabies around her. Not sure how WH will take it but to frigging bad.....

Anyhow I am on cloud nine right now.... I can't wait about another 6 hours and they will be here....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


Hurting

WOW!! What great news, Hurting!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Mimi its just what the doctor ordered..... The little loves of my life will be here......

They make everything alright....... Their little smiles and sweet hugs and just hearing them say grandma I love you makes the world a good place to be in....

If nothing else good came from the last 24 years these percious little boys are our crowing achievments.....


Hurting

Hurting...I'm SOOO happy for you! A breath of fresh air is just what you need! Enjoy...

Jennifer

BTW...There is a new poster on this board who could use a little boost. I think YOU would be the perfect person to reply to her. Her name is Estrela. I haven't seen anyone come along, yet, on her thread. Just a thought.

Hiya Jennifer,

Yup a breath of fresh air will be great....

I will look at Estrela's post and see what I can do.....

So many new people with the same heartache, its so sad....


Hurting

Yep, the heartache just keeps spreading like a disease.

And thanks for looking in on Estrela. Your words were perfect! I only wish I would of had a place like this during those days!

Well, ENJOY those Grandbabies!! You sure deserve a break! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Take Care...

Jennifer

Thanks Jennifer, I will enjoy them for the few days they are here.....

It will be a wonderful break for me...... I can't wait to get my grandma hugs ....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Hurting

t got off the phone with my son, they are about 4 1/2 out.... I am getting so excited......

Tonight my grandbabies will be under my roof..... I wish my real H was here to share this with me..... I guess its his loss though... another consequence of being an idiot....

Maybe this will be kind of a "trigger" for him. Something to help him see just HOW much IS actually changing all around him, due to his choices. Just carry on without him. Afterall, this is what he wanted...right? (I don't actually believe this is what your real H wanted, but if this is how you present yourself to him, it might jolt him, a little!) Just like saying to him, "You probably should start adjusting to your own arrangement, here. I already have!"

Well, HAVE FUN! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Right on Jennifer ..... Its him that has to adjust to his new life more than I do..... I still have the house and the kids more than he ever will now..... In the long run I have the best of either one of our world ... I still have the family and all of the things we worked for so many years I have it all... All he has is a cheater for a companion and his clothes in her little apt...... Nothing of his home.. no kids , no pets nothing ........

I can see the OW now with 2 toddlers running all over her little apt. and believe me the 2 year old will give anyone a run for their money.... Plus my DIL is very outspoken and would not take much for her to let OW know what she thinks as she already has my WH.... Was not a pretty thing either ...lol

This will be sooo good for him! I'm with your DIL! Stand up for what you belive in! What a great support system for you!

Your H can't truly be happy with his life right now. I don't care what he says! It has to be hard to be missing out on all of the fun and important stuff of being a family. There is NO way, the OW will ever measure up to his family life! So now, he'll have to watch from the sidelines, with OW, in the background, desparately running around, trying be something she clearly IS NOT! (A wanna be "substitute") Yeah, GOOD LUCK!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I am happy for you. You deserve the love and hugs from the little ones <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Stay tough. Stay strong.

I know it's hard with the WS and all.

One thing I would like to tell you...this is something very misunderstood here at MB.

Tell the family that while you despise the actions of your WS...it is your real H you love. And for them to treat him lovingly. Letting WH know that they love him BUT ARE NOT APPROVING OF HIS ACTIONS.

If WS thinks his family hates him, it may drive him further into the fog.

My family did not ever condone my xh in any way afer I moved out and filed for divorce. I went through plan A and B and my family only approved of plan D..divorce.

They never have been civil nor respectful towards my xh for doing all the things he has done. He lost a few friends this way too.

I told all of them to treat him respectfully, but that they did't have to like his actions. But that I was working to help my family and asked for prayers.

It was my family MY OWN FAMILY who drew the line in the sand...

And was a reason why my xh would not be amicable to my moving back home to TN. He knew if I had moved home, he'd have to deal with my family. Thus, he pushed and pushed and fought me until we were forced to live here in Ga for custody issues.

Best chance for reconciliation: HAVING RELATIVES WHO LOVE THE WS UNCONDITIONALLY BUT DO NOT LOVE HIS AFFAIR. AND WHO TELL HIM SO...WITHOUT ANGER, BELITTLING, OR FEAR OF RETRIBUTION.

I think if he knows he has a family to come home to, the affair will die faster.

And the OW has TO BE MADE KNOWN THAT THE FAMILY DOES NOT ACCEPT HER.

That also has to be shown.

Peachy,

WH knows we all love him and all the family knows I love my real H not the WS. They have all let him know they don't approve but he is still loved.

The OW knows she is not welcome as she has been told that to her face by his family. WH knows he can come to his mom's anytime just without her.

The kids especailly DD do their best to get along with OW to keep the peace with their dad. Now my oldest and his wife who knows this will be the first time seeing them since he has moved out. When they left here we were still an intact family. They have told WH that they don't approve and OW is not welcome in their home. I know they want to see him though and they should I am just not sure how it will be done without OW'S involvment. But I am not going to worry about it, they won't see him to much seeing how he is on the road all week... Maybe just a few hours and thats it.... I get them all day and all night long for almost a week....

They just called and have now hit the Okla. border... so just few more hours and they will be here....... So far so good on the road conditions but around OKC it might be a little slick so I have told them to take it slow , better to arrive late than not at all.....

This is going to be so wonderful...... Just what I needed all my kids under one roof even if only for a few days .....


Hurting