Well the police really won't so anything since we ran them off now but if they come back we can get them for trespassing. Or at least this is what they told us....

As far as the electric bill goes I will be stuck these kids have no jobs or even care. Yup I know them and they are lazy as DD. So getting anymoney out of them would be like getting blood from a stone.

Not to worry DD'S tough love is coming up soon..... This ATM thing is going to be her downfall. I expect something from the police within the next few days....

For now though I am staying calm and not screaming and hollaring over this. I need some time to collect myself and I don't want ot ruin the week that my kids and grandkids are here.

I will check back in a little while as we are going to SIL'S for a family dinner tonight. That is all of us but WH, he isn't invited.... He sure is missing out on a lot......


Hurting

Dinner was nice last night, the whole family there and we had a good time.

WH called our ODS while we were there on his cell phone. I know he could hear us all in the background. We were joking and having a great time.

It's going to be a long day for me today. I am working both jobs today. 6 hours at the first one and then I get an hour break and go to the other for another 7 hours. This is going to take some getting used to for sure. Thank goodness its only 2 days a week for now I work both. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do....

It makes me sad I now have to do this to survive and take care of my family. But the other side of me is proud that I can do it. It's really hard after so many years of having a H who took care of his family and then poof he is gone... Talk about a shock...... I keep finding strength I never knew I had.

But damn I miss him so much, I guess having all the kids here and the grandbabies just makes me wants things like they used to be. We should be enjoying our grandbabies together we worked so hard to raise these kids and now the time is here to enjoy all we did and worked hard for and its gone. Starting over for me anyway and doing this all alone.... Will he ever get it?????


Hurting

Hurting-
So glad you are having a wonderful time with your family
there! Too bad WH is missing out on it all and has no one
but himself to kick for the disastrous mess he is in now !

Sorry to hear about the trespassers in your shed. Have you
locked it up securely so it can't happen again ? Can't
remember if your DD has a job, but if so, I think she should
be responsible for paying the extra utilities and expenses
related to allowing her friends to "leach" off of you !
Seems like she is really not thinking straight lately, with
both the theft incident and now this- ! Can you require her
to get some counseling as a means to stay under your roof ?

I have been doing okay, although on the second round of
antibiotics and fighting a stubborn sinus infection. Took
a weekend trip with WH and had a great time (my first trip
to Las Vegas) although WH's father has been in the hospital
and for a part of the weekend we thought we might have to
come home early so he could go back home. Fortunately, his
Dad has started to improve now.

The other continued frustration is WH still talking to OW.
He seems to think that it's "over" because they are no longer seeing each other, but doesn't realize that the continued contact still "counts" and is preventing us from being able to make any effort at recovery and moving ahead.

Like other WH's here, he seems to think it's easier to end
all contact "gradually" instead of just cutting it off
cleanly. He has said he feels guilty and bad about totally
cutting her off since she hasn't lived here long and doesn't
know anyone, but I remind him that she chose to move here
(not related to him) and that as long as he's available to
talk to, give advise, etc. that he is "enabling" her and
she has no reason to make friends, find some activities,
get a LIFE ! I also think part of the issue is just plain
cowardice (which makes me mad and sad that he is weak),
and perhaps his OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) that
contributes to making it harder for him to let go of things.

My IC has suggested I "step back" a bit, and observe, which
I am trying to do although it's hard-
I try to remember that I am in control of what I do, I am
not obligated to stay with WH, and that he needs me more
than I need him at this point, and that does help some
but I'm just tired of this dragging on... (I'm definitely
praying for patience !)

It's been funny to think about the OW trying to "sell"
herself as so strong and independent, not "needing a man",
not "needing anyone", and not wanting any "drama" in her
life when she's SO proven herself to be totally needy,
clingy and desperate. Also, all the drama has been HER-
such as her constant phone calling, and the packet she
sent a couple weeks ago (all the cards and letters my WH
gave her, packet of photos). I hope all this becomes the
very thing that causes WH to end all contact (this is what
my IC suspects will happen) if I have patient to wait a
while longer...

You're doing great- stay strong, stay patient, and keep up
the good work !
Slammed

Slammed,

Thanks for the encouragement. I am doing pretty good here.

I'm doing better at the patience thing as I have no expectations anynmore from WH. He is going to do what he wants and nothing I can do about it. He thinks its over and wants the divorce nothing I can do to change it so no sense in worryin over it anymore. Best I can do is stand up for me and get what I need and deserve and move on with life.
Maybe one day he will wake up who knows....



Huring

Hurting-
You sound great and I really admire your patience,
determination and strength.

Things here really went "downhill" last night (full
details on my post) as I found out that WH is attempting
to get back with OW, so has been lying to me, lying to
her and is definitely back in the total "fog".

I am very hurt, very disappointed, and just can't believe
the change in just one day from him saying he was totally
done with her, wanted to work on our M, was committed to
me, to him being back to "promising her the moon" if she
will take him back.

I felt such promise with him finally on medication, working
with a psychiatrist and counselor, us doing things together,
and just coming back from our nice weekend trip.
Guess that's what I get for ever believing anything WH says
and that's very sad.

Having a tough day- <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Slammed

sorry bout dd again...

I think? prodigal son scenario going on. you gotta let her go. I'd give her the "riches" of the atm and see how long it takes before she bottoms out. it's so hard when it's your own kids.

has she always had tendencies like this? the lying, stealing,pregnancy scare or is this really recent? how old is she again? I'd suggest parocial school if that's an option..i went to a private religious school and so did my sis...we turned out fine..and it was very very strict...gave us good study skills/character skills too. counseling would be good for her...but she needs BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION...and a good counselor might could to it? I'd get at least a professional take on this situation right now before proceeding. something's gotta give with dd.

and with the worrying constantly over wh...it's not attractive...just be the opposite of ow...be independent...optimistic, attractive...happy...kind...loving and NON DEMANDING...and it will get back to him. and make sure somebody turns in the freeloader who's not paying for the apartment ok? more light of day stuff is needed...

i sure hope this family visit and the NON ACCEPTANCE of the ow in kids' lives will cement in how bleak life will be after the divorce to wh...

peach,

DD is 19 and ad far as this goes all of these behaviors started after WH left. She has always been a drama queen but not lying ,stealing and such.

I have tried talking to her about job corp, counseling and she wants nothing ot do with any of it. So I have no choice anymore but to implement Tough love.

Shoot I don't have time to worry over WH, Peach. Working two jobs is barely giving me enough to sleep and eat more or less worry over him. Not gonna say it don't cross my mind but I sure don't obsess over it at all like I used to.
I can't imagine how much more independant I can get now. Heck working two jobs and not asking him for anything shows him I can do this. In fact my DIL was telling him on the phone about a noise my car was making and he said well what does she want me to do about it, DIL told him she don't want you to do anything I was just telling you because I was going to use mom's car to take my driving test and I can't because of it. He said oh I thought she wanted me to fix it, DIL said no mom siad she would take it to the shop.

I hope the kids not warming up to OW or even wanting to meet her will help but I don't think it will phase him one bit at all. He flat don't care if no one likes her or not. His problem not mine.

Anyhow I am doing great and having a wonderful time with the kids and grandbabies and not gonna worry about this today or tomorrow or next week... That is except for next friday as thats when we have mediation which I am not looking forward to, but I will survive it and be strong and confident while there....


Hurting

Well things here are still pretty quiet so far nothing has happened with DD and the ATM card thing. I had expected the police to have done something by now but nothing yet.

I am a little upset with ODS as he lied to me yesterday and I am not very happy about it. WH came in town yesterday and they went out to see him at OW'S apt. They told me he was not in yet and would be home today. I found out by accident since they had brought home a hat to YDS from his dad. The only thing I can figure is they didn't tell me because they thought I would be angry about them going to OW'S. Yeah I don't like it and I didn't want my grandbabies around her but they are adults and I can't stop them. I wanted them to see WH and him to see them just not at OW'S.

I have not had the chance to talk to them yet about lying because they spent the night at DIL'S stepdads. I think they did it to protect my feelings and i appreciate that but I would have preferred the truth. As far as all my kids go they have all let WH know they don't approve of this but they still do what they they think they need to do to keep the relationship with WH even if it means being around OW and being nice to her. Well that is all but YDS. So it just feels like WH and OW feel accepted by them. Heck I guess if the kids seem to accept this he has no reason to feel any pain. He still gets his kids and the bimbo. Like its normal to just leave their mom and move in with some other woman and no one says anything.

Everything to all of them seems like a normal life. Dad is happy with the bimbo so lets let it ride. I just want to say to them all don't my feelings count at all? Don't they see how hurtful this is to me to just accept her and go on like nothing is wrong? it's like mom can be replaced in dads life and no one cares.... But I won't say anything as it would just get back to WH that it upset me and that would do me no good.

This whole thing just sucks. It's not so much about him as it is about the kids and how they seem to accept this with no problem. If they were little kids I could understand it so much better but they are all grown up and know right from wrong and just accept the wrong.

Ok I am done venting about this. I have to forget it and just move on.....


Hurting

hurting....

I am so sorry...the situation does suck. I see it all over these bords, as time passes, the A turns into some "relationship" that others accept. I think people stop seeing it as an A, because YOU know about it and HE has been living with her, he filed for D, so soon people start to just accept that THEY are a "couple" now and you are a single mother...never mind that it is completely innapropriate to live with another woman while being MARRIED, that it is still an AFFAIR!

People just stop seeing it that way, time has a tendency to reshape people's believes.....sad but true. The longer it goes on, the more accepted the Affaries are. It takes strong people to stick to their guns and stand up and make it clear that "NO, IT IS AN AFFAIR, and I will not accept that in my life!". Period!

Good for you hurting! You are standing up. It is sad to see your kids like this. There comes a time in every child's life when they got to stand up for what is right even if that means going against DAD or MOM. I recall such moment for me when I was 12 (different issues).....it was not fun, but I can look back and know I did the right thing for me at the time. The time has come for your kids to do the same....I am glad to hear that your YDS has!

I tell you that I myself get tired of the "I did not tell you because I did not want to hurt you" line. We hurt in life, that is a fact, and I want to know what is going on and know I have honesty in my life, the pain of truth is easier to get over then the pain of lies.

Take care hurting! {{{{hurtin}}}}}

Daisy

I don't agree with you not telling your son and DIL how YOU FEEL for fear that it will get back to your WH. It is not OK for them to lie to you. It is normal and expected for you to share with them how you DO NOT WANT TO BE DISRESPECTED in such a way with them. This reminds me of my discussion with Eav last night about maintaining your dignity and self-respect. This is between YOU and YOUR CHILDREN. It is not OK, IMO, for you to feel the need to hold back on sharing YOUR FEELINGS with your SON because of concern about WH finding out about it. Of course, you don't feel good about this. I think it's OK for your WH to know this...Your WH will learn that you WILL NOT TOLERATE DISRESPECT....

Daisy,

Thanks for the support. Your right the pain of getting over lies is worse than being told the truth and just dealing with it.

It is a shame that people start accepting such behaviors but as you said thats life. I will never accept it but I can't stop other people from doing it. I believe in time they will see their mistakes but by then the damage is done.

I just wish I could forget all of this and forget about him. I want life to be normal again. Its getting there but still not there yet.

I am almost getting anxious to move from this house and just start over with no memories to deal with and just be by myself with DS.

In fact he and I were making plans for spring break. If things go well and i have my tax refund by then I believe we are going to go to Six Flags for a day or two. It's in Arlington Texas about 2 hours from here. I think it would be a lot of fun. Anything to get away from here for a few days. I really think we both need that.....

Hurting

Mimi.

I do understand what your saying. I just don't want another thing for WH to try and use for justification of his immoral acts. I just think he would use it to say see she is still wanting me. She needs to get over it and move on.

I did speak to my DIL and she said that they did not go out there and have not seen him yet. So I asked her how did YDS get the hat? She said it was in WH'S pickup they used the other day to move some stuff. They used his pickup to move some of their stuff in storage. Now I know they didn't see him as he was stuck in LA but they did go and get his truck from a friends house and i had the other set of keys so they never saw OW.

So now I don't know if they really saw him or not. She said Mom I would not lie to you about this. We only talked to dad on the phone we have not been to OW'S. Now I know he is back in town so I don't know what they are going to do but I am going to talk to them before they see him. I want them to see him just not the bimbo. I will tell them how I feel about this and they can go from there. I just don't want ot put them in the middle and make them feel like they have to choose sides. Thats not what I want, I want them to love and respect both of us I just don't want WH to get the impression they accept his choices.

This is all so hard....

Hurting-
Thanks for your continued support. I know that you know
well the pain and frustration when WH has a sudden change
of "tune" and selective memory over the things they have
said and done, since your WH has done that same thing.

It was a tough day yesterday, but after work I spent some
time with a friend, then had my IC session, and had my
first appointment with Jennifer from Marriage Builders.
She was very understanding of the situation and had some
good thoughts and suggestions. (details on my post).

I am glad you are enjoying time with your family and have
your new job as well. I think you are really showing to
all, your strength, independence, self-reliance, and most
of all, being a great role model to your kids. I am sure
WH is very conscious of what he's missing and of the dis-
approval of the the kids about his current lifestyle.
I hope your kids will continue to show they love him but
do not approve of OW or what he is doing. I understand very
well about wanting to just have everyone be honest and think
that is a big issue for all of us who have had to deal with
so much dishonesty and deceit !
Hang in there-
Slammed

Slammed,

Thanks for the support as well. I know its hard when they change their mind as easily as changing their underwear.

I don't think WH is conscious of anything but his own selfish desires and wants. He dosn't care I have to work two jobs or that the kids especially YDS is hurting. He just flat does not care, the OW is his world right now....

So I am making my world about me and my kids. Thats how it has to be..... Maybe one day our worlds can become one again but if not at least I hope he allows the kids into his and becomes a good dad again.


Hurting

Sounds like fun !! Hey, if you can or would like... there are alot of restaurants near Six Flags -- I would gladly meet you at one of them if y'all have the time !!!

I would love that !!! Think I will do my taxes today... can't decide to do it online or reg mail... I have called them in before, but that is no longer an option....

Just enjoy those grandbabies...

Carnation

Carnation,

That sounds like a wonderful idea. When we get closer to finalizing the plans I will get with you on this. I would love to meet up with you.... I think spring break in in late March or early april not sure. But one way or another we are going to make a weekend of it.

Yeah I filed my taxes. I ended up filing with WH jointly. Filing by myself I was only getting like 600.00 back due to myshort amount of time working. With him we are getting almost 6000.00 back. The only draw back is we are spliting it in half. I don't really think thats fair seeing how he has abandonded us for so many months with no money. I will have to use mine to survive while he can blow his on the OW and this A. But it was a better option for me money wise. 3000.00 compared to 600.00 is a big difference. We have to wait for it come in the mail though instead of direct deposit like we have done for years seeing how we don't have any joint accounts anymore due to him being in such a rush to close them all down.

We didn't have to communicate at all with the taxes as my SIL did them for us with turbo tax. And we used my address for the check to come to seeing how I nor my SIL trusted it to go to him. So when it comes though we will have to meet up at the bank to cash it. I think this will be ok though and can be done with minmual conversation and no fuss. By the time we get it we will probably be divorced anyhow.

Anyhow I will let you know when we will take this trip and make plans to see you. I am looking forward to it.....


Hurting

Well this is an interesting little story about my ODS and his family having dinner last night with WH and OW.

WH and OW with her daughter had dinner with my ODS and his family last night. It didn't go as well as WH would have hoped I would say.

Now you must remember this is the first time my ODS has seen WH since all of this stuff started. My son and his wife both said they didn't recongnize him at all. They talked about how he had aged and just was not the man they had seen the last time they say him. DIL said he was talking about how he was happy living with OW and how he didn't have to pay anything OW pays all. But yet in the same breath told them he was still thinking of moving out of her place and moving to another state.

DIL and ODS said they don't like OW at all as she is rude, crude and obnoxious. DIL said that WH sat there and took the way she talked to him badly and never said anything. She said my son and WH were talking and OW looked at WH and tld him to shut up and eat his food. Then seh was rude with the waitress and made a big scene because her cup ha a crack in it. DIL said Mom if you had ever talked to dad like that or acted like she did in public dad would have told you to knock it off and stop being a bi*ch to people. My son said she is very controling and manipulating.

DIL said that WH made a comment about both of the grandsons being left handed. DIL said yup they get that from mom, OW said who your mom? DIL said nope BS. She said once my name was mentioned OW got mad and rolled her eyes. WH then said no they didn't get that from BS it just happened. OW said now thats not really true being left handed does tend to run in famlies so I guess they did get it from BS. DIL then made another comment about how my oldest GS smiles like me, she said OW looked at her and if looks could kill she would be dead. WH said I never noticed he smiled like BS, so DIL said look at him smile and then you will see it.

So anyhow dinner was not good. They then wanted to go out to a club for a bit WH said ok we will be there. Well WH showed up by himself. OW supposedly was not feeling well and didn't want to come. WH then asked the kids what they thought of OW, my DIL said they both told him " To keep from having bad feelings we will keep our opinions to ourselves." My DIL sad WH just looked at them and said Oh ok. So without being rude they pretty much let him know she was not liked at all. While at the club WH saw someone he knew and left the kids and pretty much blew them off the whole time. He stayed aout and hour and left. Before he left he asked them to come outside he wanted to talk to them. He basically told them he had not seen me for months as he wanted it this way and that he does not care what I think and to just get another life. He then wanted them to stay one more night nd to come to OW'S and spend the night tonight. They told him no they were going home today and had no desire to come to her place. He then gave them both a hug and left.

DIL said my OGS(2) saw his papa and was excited but then he saw OW and backed away. She said WH didn't pay the attention he used to with the grandkids she was hurt by it. She said it was like no one mattered but him and OW. I told her for now thats how it is. She said she could tell by OW acted she was not liking the kids and them. She said OW acted like she would rather have been anywhere but with them. So this whole evening was hard for my kids and many feelings were hurt and obvious dislike was had.

I guess the consequenses of bad choices was reaped last night by WH. My son and DIL both said mom he is not happy and is just like some stranger. They were very disappointed.

So anyway this is all of it pretty much in a nutshell.


Hurting

I'm having a hard time with the fact that your son and DIL had dinner with them.

They are adults. They could have chosen not to do that.

It seems as if they were enabling his IMMORALITY.

This is a woman that he had an AFFAIR WITH..not someone he met after you were separated...

Not hurt your feelings, HURTING (NO PUN INTENDED)

I would be PISSED if my sons ever did that..my opinion..

They could have gone to dinner with their Dad but I would not tolerate them DISRESPECTING me by having dinner with her...or having her anywhere around my grandchildren...

Mimi,

I agree with you totally. When the plans were made no mention of OW coming was said. They met them at a resturant and OW was with him.

They know I didn't want her around the grandkids but yet I do understand my son as well. He had not seen his father in over a year and wanted to spend time with him. I think they felt in a bad place and was not sure how to handle it.

They both said OW sat at her end of the table and neither one of them spoke to her at all. They never intiated any talk with her. They did say they will not be around her again.

So while I agree with you wholeheartedly, I do understand my sons feelings of wanting to see his dad and not have a big fight over the bimbo.

Myself I would have walked out and said I don't want to be around her but my son is just not that way. But I do believe that feelings were made known just by actions and remarks made. WH knows they don't like her or approve of her they made that very known to him.

But one thing Mimi is I don't think anything anyone does or says will make him any difference anyhow. I feel myself getting so much closer to not really caring anymore. I just see him so far gone thats its going to take way to much for him to come back and I'm just not sure if he has the courage to do it.


Hurting

Ok, Hurting.