Mimi,

Please don't think I am trying to make excuses for this.

I know it makes WH and OW think they are accepted and approval was granted by my kids and it just bothers me that they feel this.

I told the kids before hand that I felt it was wrong but like you said they are adults and make their own descions. I wish I could have stopped it but was nothing I could do about it.

They know how i feel i have made it very clear. I think the one thing is my son and DIL didn't really understand how he had changed until they saw it for themselves. They were shocked. Myself and my MIL tried to warn them but I guess its one of those you have to see it to believe it things.

Anyhow i have to leave for work now. I'll check in later this afternoon....


TAke Care

Hurting

((Hurting))

I know you might be frustrated that ODS ate with WH and OW. BUT, at least they seemed to make it clear that she would not be accepted in the future. Think of it this way, if they had refused to have dinner, your WH would say "how can you not like her, you have never met her?". Well, now they have met her and they don't like her. So, all A business aside, right or wrong and all that, OW is just an unlikeable skank!

I hope that you take some comfort in hearing ODS say WH is hard to recognize. For me, it is very validating to hear people say that my WH is some stranger now. It makes me sad, but it keeps it in perspective what I am dealing with.

And WH's insistence on how blissfully happy he is, that is a darn good sign of exactly how miserable he truly must be. People who are happy just look happy, they don't have to try to talk people into believing it.

Have a great day!

Hi Hurting,

I can't imagine how DIL and ODS felt sitting in front a woman with their dad who was not you, but the OW. How sad.

I doesn't look like they knew she would be there. But maybe they did need to see for themselves what a WS he really is. He's not the same man, and it must seem difficult sitting and eating with a stranger who is dad.

I am glad they didn't openly "approve" of her Hurting. It's a part of exposure, and their reaction to her, WH will not forget I hope.

Lady

I just got home from work and ODS and his family just left to go back home.

I already miss them so much. I wish they could have stayed longer. I miss my grandbabies so much.

They had lunch with WH and he tried again to talk them into staying another night and staying with him and OW. They both told him no they would not stay and don't want to come to her home.

ODS said when they left WH he just sat in the car and was sad they were leaving. He watched them drive off....

Lady I hope their reaction to OW sticks in his mind but I would not count on it or anything right now. He is so into the fog he can't see anythiing in front of him.

Oh well this is his problem not mine. I have th elove and respect of my kids. He has lost all of the respect they have for him and I'm not sure he can ever get it back following this road he is on.


Hurting

oklahoma

i'm glad that they didn't like her!!

(((hurting))) Been reading your thread and haven't had time to post. This most recent development should give you strength, as in, YOU'RE the one with the honor here, and he's the one with the ho.

Glad you got to visit with the grandbabies. How far away do they live?

Eav and Sadmommy,

Thanks for the suppport. I'm glad they didn't like her as well.

They live exactlly 906 miles away. From my driveway to theirs. They are in Indiana. So its not a little trip to make. I wish they were closer. They have been calling every few hours to let me know where they are.

I enjoyed having them here wish it could have been for longer though. I miss them so much and with them here it seemed more like home. The house had noise and felt like it used to. Well almost anyway......

Again thanks for the support and both of you take care and keep hanging in there.....


Hurting

((((hurting)))

Wow, that IS a long way away! I know what it's like to be away from family. My mom's a good 800+ miles away, and all my extended family is 600+ miles away in Illinois. And I also know what it feels like when your family has been visiting and then has to leave again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Mommy,

Yeah its hard to be so far away from family. My mom and siblings live in Virginia which is 1400 miles away from me. I have no family here at all just my inlaws but they are great to me ad are my family as well after so many years.
Being so far away from my family was not so bad until all of this happened and now sometimes I feel so alone.

I know you understand this, its not easy somedays. But I do know one thing we are making it and being strong. You are doing a wonderful jobwith having a little one to care for. Guess we can take care of ourselves better than we ever thought.


Hurting

Wow, hurting. How on earth did you end up so far away from home? My family moved here when I was small, then Mom left Dad while I was in college, Dad passed away a couple years ago, and it's just me and my younger brothers, who live about 45 minutes away. Other than that, just the ILs, who aren't as supportive as I'd hoped they'd be...

Well my parent were orginally from Virgina and my dad was military. He retired here and my parents divorced and my dad moved away when I was 13 back to Viginia. My mom was remarried and stayed here until 1986 when she moved back to take care of my grandparents.

By then I was already married and had my life and little family here. So thats how I eneded up so far away from them. I have lieved here most of my life so this is home to me. Maybe not so much anymore but its all I know and for now moving away is not an option for me. Yes, I could move to be near them but I have to think of DS and his relationship with his dad. I can't take him that far away it would not be fair. Even though WH acts like a [censored] and blows DS off alot I still want him close to DS so they can try and have a relationship. Plus this is the only place DS has ever lived.

Going to be hard enough to move from the only home DS has ever known but to a whole new place and state would be hard for him. So for now I have to do what is right for him.

Hurting

Hi Hurting,

quote:---------------------------------------------------
Being so far away from my family was not so bad until all of this happened and now sometimes I feel so alone.
---------------------------------------------------------

Know what you mean.....it's the same for me....no family AND no IL's in town.... just friends....and it is hard during difficult times..... talking on the phone with famiy is really not the same.... I missed them a lot.... but in this situation.... even more!

Luna,

Yup its hard and it does make you miss your own family more. I talk to them but its not the same for sure.

Well ODS and his family made it home this morning about 5 am. I am glad they made it safely. I miss them so much already, its quiet here again. Sometimes the silence is deafening. I have to turn the tv or radio on just to have some noise.

DS and DD are out with their dad right now. At least he has spent the last few weekends with them even if only for a few hours.

I did get some good news yesterday, it looks like my new job may become full time by the end of Apri. If so I can then quit BK. I will make more money and should be ok. So if I can do this two job thing for a the next couple of months things will work out great.

Its really taking a toll on m though working all night and then working during the day not much sleep time. But I'll make it and I don't mean to brag here but I am so proud of myself for being able to do this. I never thought I had it in me. Like I told my MIL right now I maybe the one getting the short end of the stick and hurting the most but in the end I will be the one with my life in order and doing great. I will be the better person and have a better life. I won't be the one having to live with the destruction of a family on my conscience. I sure would not want to have to look at myself in the mirror everyday and know I had destroyed a family.

As someone said in their post and i believe it was Luna who said, "I would rather be in the shoes of a BS than a WS." In the long run their pain and guilt will be far worse once they hit the bottom.


Hurting

Well tonight was eventful. WH had the kids for the day which was fine but as time came and went it was becoming late and they were not home.

DS was suppose to spend the night with my SIL and no one had heard anything by 10 pm. So my BIL called WH'S cell phone and talked to DS. DS was very uncofortable sounding and said maybe he would stay at WH'S for the night. BIL said well I thought you wated to be here ad DS told him yes I want to. So my SIL got on the the phone talking to DS and just from the way he talked she felt he was wanting to leave WH and OW'S but was afraid of being honest with WH and was hinting for my SIL to come get him.

So my SIL called me and said I can't make WH bring him home its not my place as I am not his mother. So I called WH'S cell phone to let him know that DS needed to be brought home as by our seperation aggrement there are no overnight vsits allowed. Well DD answered the phone and I told asked her when was WH bringing them home? She said in a little bit. I said ok but I would have liked for someone to have called since it was so ate and WH has never kept them this long. She said you knew who we were with I said I know bt wthout no phone calls and knowing DS was to be at SIL'S by 9 pm we all got worried.

Anyhow WH has them here within 20 mins of my call. Which means they left almost immediatly after my call because it takes like 15 mins from were he lives to my home.

So we have gone from no contact with DS for over a month to him trying to become father of the year in the last few weeks. DS said he didn't want to be at OW'S but he wants to see his dad so much he went. The poor kid is so torn as to what to do. I told him I understood and that this has to be his descion as what to tell his dad. I am trying not to let him see it bothers me that he has to be around OW as I feel WH is really pushing for the kids to accept her.

I just am not sure how to handle this. I feel like if I don't show it bothers me then DS will be able to handle this better. I want him to see his dad and spend time, I just wish it could be done without her around. I know in the end I have no control over it as DS is almost 16 yrs old. I think WH is really trying to get OW accepted by everyone , he is pushing it hard.

Anyhow this is something i am trying to deal with now.

Hurting
Hurting

((((((hugs hurting)))))

Your kids are so torn and it is such a shame.

You are so WORTHY. You are doing so great and you are the best. I feel ya girl. I know this is really hard for you, especially with the kids.

You need a call to prayer for peace, because you are good, and you love your kids and are trying to do what is right, but you have to let go and let God do His work sometimes, and not always in your time, but His.

God has a plan for you. You are such a good gal, and I want you to know that you are the best. You will be okay, and I think, in the end that your children will see. I realize that your WS was a great dad at some point, and wants to show the kids, at this time, that he is all that.

And it is hard. Sometimes, you have to Plan A your kids, with boundaries. That is okay.

Praying for you this week, as I know you are facing even more "stuff".

One more ((((hug)))) Oklahoma!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

You can give your children permission to voice their feelings. Remember it is wrong to treat the WS like his good father. The WS will use that as a shield to guilt the chlidren since it isn't working on you.

So shore up your kids so they will be able to withstand the WS onslaught. Don't leave them out there unarmed and not prepared.

No child s/b forced to choose between a WS and their parent. If your son doesn't want t/b around the WS and OW, but wants t/b around his dad, then let him know, when he sees him acting like his dad, then he should go, otherwise he doesn't have to go. Give them permission to say no.... you know like saying no to drugs??!?!?!?

L.

Have to agree with orchid,

Your children, and you, are loving your H and not the WS, they don't know how to deal with a WS.

Two different animals. Your WS belongs to the mothership right now, and your kids need to understand that this is not their xwonderfuldad, it is WS.

Your kids are much too polite and enabling.

I just don't understand why your kids are all good with this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Reverse babble would be appropriate at this point. (Got to love you orchid.)

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Thanks Ladies for your insight.

I have told the kids that they have the right to say no to him. I told them that they can tell their dad they love him but are uncomfortable around the OW and prefer not to be around her. Ds feels if he says this his dad will get mad and not come around for him anymore.

DS and DD were upset last night when they got home because OW made a remark that upset them. Seems WH went into the Hi-Fi shop and put 300.00 d0own on a set of speakers for his car. He came out and told OW about it and she flipped out and said you know istead of putting money down on stupid speakers you could have used that money to put a ring on my finger. DS said WH just looked at her like she was nuts and said nothing. So WH is starting to show his reckless ways with money and OW isn't liking it.

Thats why for all these years I was the bill payer and family money watcher. WH always wants what he wants.

So now it seems OW is pushing for a ring. I find it funny seeing how neither one of them are divorced yet. Like I told DS last night just because WH gets her a ring means nothing. Lots of people get rings and never marry or if they do one day the rings come off. I am a shining example of that.

Anyhow this is were we are today and to be honest I am almost to the point I don't care. If he wants to marry someone like her then he deserves all he gets as well as she does.


Hurting

Hurting...I know DS is afraid of expressing himself to dad, but this is something he will have to learn now and do for the rest of his life to stick up for his rights, feelings, values, and beliefs.

DS could say something like this to his dad...if they have had good communication it will come easy, if not it won't. If saying it in a letter would be easier, then thats okay too.

"Dad there is something I want to talk to you about, but I have been afraid of what you will do or say. I don't feel comfortable around OW, she is not mom. I am used to you and mom. I'm sorry if you feel I can accept OW in our lives, I can't. I love spending time with you, but in the future I would rather our time be spent together without OW, and away from her home. I love you dad. I hope you will think about this and honor my request and my feelings. Please let me know the next time we can get together. I'm looking forward to every minute spent with you."

Love,
DS

Reminder:

Plan B was supposed to safeguard you from such info. in order protect your love for your WH...

I'm sure such talk goes on all the time between WHs and OW..BSes don't know about it..

My FWH warns me about all the awful stuff that he is glad that I do not know about which would have kept me from loving him again..

WHY DID YOUR CHILDREN TELL YOU THIS, HURTING...

WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO ALLOW IT...

I'm sighing....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />