Mimi,

I know what your saying and its something I didn't want to know thats for sure.

But what am I suppose to say to DS when he is upset about something like this? I want him to be able to get it out and not hold it in as its not good for him.

I did well though I acted like it didn't bother me at all when inside i was dying. Just the thought it could happen makes me ill. This woman wants my life and she is pushing hard to get it. I can't do anything about it or stop it.

I just don't know what to tell DS , I don't want him to think he can't talk to me. He has to have someone to confide his feelings in and h is comfortable doing it with me. So I feel like I'm in between a rock and a hard spot with him. If you have any ideas please give them top me.


Hurting

u have email

Hurting, I was reading a little about plan B from Dr. Harley, and something struck me in this passage with your situation


....Did you notice, it seems WH is not interested in committment is he? Passion is ending!!

....affairs are based on dishonesty and thoughtlessness for the feelings of others. That same dishonesty and thoughtlessness eventually turns on the lovers themselves, and the affair is destroyed by those same flaws that made it possible in the first place.

It seems the dishonesty and "thoughtlessness" is turning on the lovers themselves.

Lady

Hi Hurting -

Just popping in to see how you are......

{{{{Hurting}}}} Just to let you know I'm thinking about you!

Kim

Hurting, you are doing perfectly in how your are handling this, just by letting your DS express his feelings to you, as difficult as it may be for you to hear some of this stuff. Not only are you the BS, but a Mother, and I'm sure it's a tough thing to have to balance, right now.

Just a thought, I wonder how OW would react if you offered her YOUR ring! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Oooops, never mind, she'd probably take you up on the offer, as desparate as she sounds! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there, Hurting. You've been nothing but a class act throughout this whole thing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Take Care...Jennifer68

Lady,

Who knows if th passion is fading. How th kids read his face and how I would have read it may be two different things. I do know they all feel he is not really happy just play acting. But who really knows. I do believe it fall apart in time but it may not be until after they marry , I do know if he marries her I will be done. I don't think I could ever take him back even if he left her.

Jennifer,

Funny you should say that about the ring because the same thought popped in my head. I have the set we married with tucked away since he bought me a bigger and more expensive set about 4 years ago. Kinda funny how i got a beautiful ring 4 years ago when he was so unhappy.

Anyhow I thought maybe I should put my tiny little diamond in an envelope and send it to her. Bet that would cause a problem. But then I know i would never do that seeing how they are the ones we married with and they are special to me. Plus the bimbo deserves nothing from me at all. But I will admit the thought crossed my mind.

I am trying hard to let DS talk to me without freaking out and letting him see it. I usually go to another room to let myself cry or just punch a pillow. Its hard to hear and try and be calm about it, but I do pretty good for him.


Again thanks for all the support..... Sometimes I think maybe I shouldn't have been so classy and taken the high road so much. Maybe it hurt me more than helped me.... I can't help but question myself over and over......


Hurting

She only wants him to spend $300.00 on a ring? He's a cheapskate. Oooh someone ought to encourage him to spend more until he is broke. Better yet.....tell the OW to go herself her own ring. After all, she didn't get the man the right way, why should the ring be done anywhere's near close to right?

Oooh, I know.....we can send her a ring.....around the collar. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid,

You always know how to make me laugh..... I'd like to put a ring around her neck. A choker chain might be nice....

I do kinda find it funny though how she talks about rings and he is out buying speakers...lol But then again maybe he is waiting for his share of the income tax refund.

I could never imagine saying to a man something about putting a ring on my finger, how pushy and low class is that......


Hurting

Healing, I just can't help but keep thinking.... he has gotten himself in too deep and can not get out. I believe his pride in admitting his mistake is holding him back.

I wish there was some big way to shake his cage !!!

When is mediation ??

Carnation

Canation,

I don't know anymore, I do believe his pride is standing in his way some. As far as rattleing his cage I can't imagine what it would be ..... I hae tried everything I can think of...


Mediation is friday at 1 pm ..... I am getting nervous about it. It scares me to have to face him yet again and listen to his babbble. I sometimes wonder if I should just let all of my frustration and anger out once and for all. He has yet to see me angry about this or confrontational with him. I have made this way to easy for him and the bimbo.. they have had no challenge or anger to deal with. He has just waltzed into her arms and i have done nothing to stop it. I think I was to non-confrontational and easy going about this trying to be the good one. Way to late now to change that.....


Hurting

Ahh Hurting ((Big Hug)) Don't think that you did nothing to stop this. Just wait until WH is screwing around on OW and you will see how she handles it. I am sure that she won't be as classy as you. Classy and ladylike should not be confused with doing nothing. Can't you just imagine how OW will act when WH does it to her too?

Hurting!! Give yourself more credit than that. You have done a world of "stuff". Think about that. Your actions were not without notice. Believe me. You have busted your butt to save this M. Now, straighten up Missy!! It's not you, it's the WH.

Kim

WHAT?!?!?!? He isn't waltzing.....he's trippin' over his own feet. Remember the Edgar suit?!?!? Imagine Edgar waltzing after his body was taken over by the aliens?!?!?

Ok, if you've stopped laughing hysterically...... that's what the WS looks like. Nope he ain't waltzing. He lost his rhythm when he left you. M is a partnered dance, the couple's dance. The A is a lop-sided swing that's totally offbeat. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

jean and Kim,

Thanks for saying those things. But sometimes i have to wonder if he thinks I didn't fight hard enough for him.

I know I have done nothing but show him compassion and love but it just was not enough. I showed him my changes and how hard I am willing to work to make our marriage better but it all went nowhere with him. He has just gotten colder and more cruel to me. The more love I showed the meaner he became. Makes no sense to me at all. Guess none of this does.

I am proud of how I have handled myself and how hard i have worked to become a more independant woman and show I can make it on my own. I just wish he could see it and be proud and want me back as his wife. But for some reason a bimbo who has no morals is more appealing. How sad ...


Hurting

orchid,

You always have the perfect timng my friend. Just when I start feeling down you come in to make me see the comedy in all of this. If it wasn't so tragic and hurtful it would be funny.

I know he is tripping along in life , but damn it when is he gonna fall on his face?


Hurting

Not when but how often? He's already fallen on his face.....too stubborn to admit it? The gravel is embedded on his face and he thinks it's freckles?!?!?! LOL!!!

L.

Well geezzz how many times must someone fall on their face before they realize they have screwed up?

Stubborn is something my WH is..... Always has been ...

Guess he must like living in misery.....


Hurting

Mine was also stubborn and full of pride. I reminded him of the scripture @ Prov. 16:18: "Pride is before a crash, and a haughty spirit is before stumbling."

Then I asked, so explain why your pride has to make you lose your family? Because you gain....what?!!?

Of course he couldn't give a good answer and that's what I was counting on. See even though there is fog (in their brains), some stuff still wiggles through. Truth has a way of reaching out and slapping them. Lack of finances does also. I used those tools to my advantage. Made the WS wonder a lot.....reverseed babble when I could.....and well...the rest is history. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

He's home now.....is proud of only good accomplishments and trying hard, everyday to win back our love and trust. Oh yea...... it's a work in progress for him....even 3 years later. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hello Hurting-
Sorry for the added hurt and complication of how to deal with the kids in your situation. I know it's hard to be able
to keep your own "peace" and try to be available for them too. I think you've done a wonderful job to show your true
strength, patience, and love throughout the whole situation
and believe me, it will pay off in ways you'll never know
until long down the road.

It is hard to believe that OW is pushing for a ring when
neither she or WH are divorced, but it's a good example of
the clueless, tacky nature of the OP ! Like someone has said, I'm sure it's true that this kind of talk goes on
often between affair partners, we just don't always know
about it (and it doesn't really mean anything).

I had a rough weekend since WH was off on a ski trip with
OW. I've thought and thought and analyzed and tried to
figure things out so much lately that I've gotten myself
exhausted and confused, and just don't know what to think or
do right now. (will update my thread).

To add to my stress today, I've updated our check book and
budget this morning and had to email WH about putting money
in the bank, so now he's mad about that. (and now he can
add fuel to his fire thinking about how I just don't make
enough money.) Guess I just feel like I can't win lately !
(Sorry- venting !)

Hope your week is good, and I'll continue to think of and
pray for you.
Slammed

Slammed,

Thanks for the prayers. It just seems to be getting tougher in stead of easier as time moves on.

The kids are still at a loss as how to handle things. I just wish the OW would fall off the face of the earth. Not that WH would come home but it would sure make things easier.

Hurting