Well as far as Wh wanting to come home, I don't see that happening. Not any time soon if ever.

I agree its never to late if both of us want it. For now I am the only one wanting it. I know up until a few motnhs ago he wanted it as well but just could not make the break from her. But now I just don't think the thought ever crosses his mind. In fact I believe the only thoughts he has of me is getting rid of me forever.

I do wish sometimes i had never made him leave maybe this would have turned out different. But that is something I can't change now. I have to live with the choices I made as well as he does.

Nothing is getting through the dense fog. Not the love of family or the pain we are going through.

But we will all be ok and are making it just fine. We are pretty happy now in life. The pain has diminsihed a lot.

We still love our real H and dad and probably always will. Well I know the kids will. I will always have a spot in my heart hidden away for the real H. Just in case he ever shows up.

How I would love to see a bit of the real man show up on friday in mediation but I am sure not counting on it. Last time I saw a bit of the real man was in Dec. at court, since then he has been hidden.

Gonna have a good day today. weather is going to be nice and I am going to work in my yard some. The sun makes me feel so good.


Hurting

mimi, this is so very true since love is a choice and the WS chooses not to love the BS during their A. I told this to my WW once and she refused to believe it since WS are very emotional and let their emotions steer them. The MB principles (and Jedi ideology <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />) have taught me to block out my emotions when making decisions...it's hard sometimes but will keep you going in the right direction. The A needs to end and NC established for any chance of love to return.

Hurting, you don't want him back unless he wants to be with you. Try and let go of WH, you will be suprised at the many benefits that brings to you.

I've been following your story for a long time see some hope you.

Hope,

I am trying very hard to let go of the WH. He is not the man I want thats for sure.

Hope will always be here for as long as i want it to be. I know it won't last forever and it shouldn't. Time will take care of it all. God will do what is right for me. I will know when God tells me to let go forever. For now though he still is telling me to hold on, I just feel it.

Thanks for the support.


Hurting

Ok all I am preparing myself for friday.

I have decided to write a few things down so I can have something to back me up on reverse babble. Because my mind always goes blank when he starts.

First off I will listen to what he has to say with no interuptions. When its my turn to speak I don't plan on making any demands just state the facts as I see them.

1: WH I still at this time do not want the divorce, so with that being said if this is what you want you will have to do all of the work for it. As i have no intentions of helping you or agreeing to destroying our family.

2. I still love my real husband, and I know he is out there somewhere. Plase try and find him as his family misses and loves him very much.

With these two things said I am done with mediation. I have no plans to discuss anything with him and will let him know I will take my chances in front of a judge. Either one of us can stop mediaton at any point we want. I have no plans to sit there for hours and listen to his babble. I will not give in to him no matter what he says.

So what do you all think?


Hurting

Just remember to keep your cool. When he doesn't get his way he comes up with all kinds of things. Don't let him push your buttons.

So what are you going to wear?

Confused,

Don't worry I am not going to let him get to me. I am going to stay cool and calm even if I have to bite my tongue.

Well I bought a new outfit the other day. I was thinking of wearing that. Its a pair of olive color jeans and a real pretty low cut shirt to go with them. I thought about a dress or something but with all of the weight loss the jeans look good now. Skin tight and showing all the curves. Heck let him see what he is missing out on.....

I am coloring my hair the day before and making sure i have the makeup on and hair done. Oh yeah gonna wear the perfume he loves as well.....

Gonna smile and be sweet and make him wonder , at least I hope to anyway.....


Hurting

don't forget to gaurd your wedding ring! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Oh thats very guarded. He will never get that from me.

I kinda thougt about taking it off actually. make him wonder why I am not wearing it as I have worn it all this time and he see's it.

I have not decided yet what to do about that..... Or maybe just slide it over to my right hand.... Make him wonder i did that.....


Hurting

You could move it to the other hand or just hide your hand. I'd wear it....it is your symbol that you still value your vows. He'll notice...just don't make it easy!

Oh I can do that...... I do still honor those vows and I will up until this over for sure.

I think moving it to my right hand would probably confuse the heck outta him..... Stupid WH'S.......

Hurting

Good morning Hurting-
I appreciate your continued prayers and support.

Had gotten used to being on my own and out of WH's life
for the months he lived with OW, and then while he was
in his rented room but seeing her, but the two months
of being back together and back in his life had made
it so hard now that I'm "out of the loop" again.
Thought about that this morning, as I know today is the
day that the hot tub is being delivered to the new house
of his, and were we together, I would have been very
excited to go see it, try it out, share in it.
Instead, he didn't even mention it today.

Last night, we just ate and watched some TV with little
conversation and it felt strained and artificial to me,
but I was determined not to ask questions or to try to
talk to WH since it always makes us both frustrated, mad,
and gets "no where". OW called once, while WH was watching
a show, and he seemed irritated, but talked to her briefly.
I later went downstairs to straighten up and talk to a
friend and came back upstairs to find WH already asleep.
Just went to bed myself-

This morning we both got ready for work, and didn't say
much. I don't know why, but it's so hard for me to not to
try to get WH to talk, or to try to ask questions, even
though I know it gets no answers. Guess I still must think
some part of him will respond to logic or feelings, when I
know it doesn't !

I am trying to continue with Plan A while he's still at our
house, with the thought that it will at least leave him
with thoughts of what he'll miss once he moves out to the
new renovated house. I'm also trying to throw in some of
the "180s". Once he moves, I'll go to Plan B.

Lately, I am having a lot of trouble with trying to make some sense out of his return to OW, considering all the drama, their short history, all the fights and breakups
and things she's done- I just don't "get it".
It hurts me too, to know that all the help, support, care,
and things I did while he was back at home weren't enough
to keep him from going right back with her. I guess I have
to just keep remembering that is something with him (like
addiction), not me.

I agree wholeheartedly with your last post about not wanting
the WH back as they are now.
Just a few weeks ago, when WH seemed to be making an effort
to be together, was being honest, and was doing well with
the first medication he tried, he looked better than he had
in ages. He looked alive, was interested in things, had
energy, and seemed vibrant- it was wonderful !
Now, that he is back to lying, dealing with OW, and doesn't
seem to be doing well on his medication, he looks tired,
haggard, his eyes look "weird" (a symptom of his illness),
he's gained weight, and doesn't seem interested in anything
or anyone.
I guess he must feel like it's easier to move forward with OW because she doesn't know about his past history, medical
stuff, legal issues, or anything that makes him less than
"perfect", while I do know the real person, faults and all,
and still love him, but don't consider him "perfect".
Can't figure exactly what is in it for her though- and don't
think she has any idea what she's getting in to !

Can't figure out the attraction of her either, after they
have had a very stormy relationship of all of six months,
built on lies from both sides initially, and with several
break ups and get back togethers. Even after the calls she
made trying to get "dirt" on him, the calling his XGF and
exposing the A to her and his daughter (and it getting back
to his mother), the constant calls, nasty calls and messages to me, and the packet she sent- he still goes right
back to her and acts like a puppet on a string- very sad.

Guess I have to think about it as the two of them hooking up
being the worse punishment I can wish on either of them !
I find the OW to be very manipulative, controlling, and
quite good at playing games. I think she has told WH she
can't be with him while there's anyone else in his life(Me),
has played lots of guilt on him, has played the "helpless"
card on him, and now after the conversation I overheard,
seems she is playing "hard to get", making him work hard to
"prove himself". I think this is where both his idea to
move to the new house by himself, and his saying "he'd get
right on the D" came from. I guess if he can't see it, he
has it coming.

Hope your day is good. Glad you are staying strong, focused
on you and your family, and have come such a long way.
I felt like I had made some progress, but really feel like
I've been knocked backwards lately-
Slammed

Slammed,

As they say one step forward and 3 back.

I know its like d-day all over for you. But you got better and stronger before and you can do it again.

Just hang in there. It will get better.....


Hurting

Thanks Hurting-
I did feel good about the way I was handling things before
this all happened, just such a set back to think things had
changed, that we were making progress, and then finding out
it was not true-

I am trying to get back to the more peaceful and strong
place where I was, and reminding myself I can do it again.
Thanks for the vote of confidence~
Slammed

GOOD QUESTION!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Make sure to wear the WEDDING RING...

This is REAL SYMBOLIC..a testimony to your belief in your marriage and HE WILL NOTICE TO SEE IF YOU HAVE THE RING ON...Actions speak louder than words to a WH....

Hmmmmm, how about a trench coat with nothing underneath it ????? LOL maybe just a flash for him now and then.....

Ok only kidding ......

Well I have a new pair of jeans that fit real well and a new low cut blouse I bought the other day. Looks pretty good if I say so myself..... Gonna have a new hair color and will be made up ....... so with all of that and an air of confidence about me I should make an impression I would say.

Oh and maybe I;ll take some fog lights so he can see throught the dense fog surrounding his head...... Would be nice if it was that easy......

Ok Mimi the ring is a go then.......

Hurting

Hi Hurting,

quote:----------------------------------------------------
Well I have a new pair of jeans that fit real well and a new low cut blouse I bought the other day. Looks pretty good if I say so myself
----------------------------------------------------------

Nothing beats 'looking good'.....

quote:----------------------------------------------------
I'll take some fog lights so he can see throught the dense fog surrounding his head
----------------------------------------------------------

I am with you on this one!

I am trying to imagine your WS say to himself.... who's that 'good looking' woman over there..... OhOhOh..... it's my wife!!!!!

Darn..... what kind of a fool AM I??!!! Breaks in the fog have been known to happen.....

Good luck, Hurting.... I know you will be OK... and you will have a gang of us there with you 'in your heart'.... in case you think you are alone... you're NOT!

I for one, care about you very much....

((((((((((((((HURTING))))))))))))))

Luna,

Thanks very much. I know all of you will be there in spirit and that gives me comfort and strength to make it through this.

I hope he see's the woman he is throwing away is something special. Because what he is gaining is nothing to be excited about........


hurting

I always hesitate to share my good fortune because I SOO PRAY the same for YOU and all of you out there that are reading...

I hate it that I had to go through the FIRE of you know what to get here BUT..

I'm learning so much about my H after all the years...

THE RINGS ARE IMPORTANT TO HIM..I had taken mine off when we were separated..even though one of my rings is very expensive, I had lost it during my move..

He had asked me about it and was SOO HAPPY when I found it...

So I'm glad you decided to wear the ring...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

I have to wonder sometimes if seeing me wear them makes him more uncomfortable or if he perceives it as me hanging on and being needy.

But I will wear them as a reminder to myself and him that we are still married and I honor my vows.....


Hurting