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Slammed,
Thank you.
You know as wives I think we feel the need to fix everything. We have been used to doing this for our husbands and always want to be there for them. Its a hard habit to break even when being treated so crappy.
I think you and I both have enough love for our real husbands that sometimes we tend to forget they are crzy right now and not who we know them to be.
My WH has chosen this path and I have to learn to let it go and let him walk it and take whatever consquenses that happens. You my friend are in the same boat as me. We just need to let it go and make our lives something good.
I do believe in the end they will crash and realize what they have done to themselves and us. We just have to try and detach with love during this time. It sure is hard bu if we don't do it, this will continue to drag us down with them. I don't want to be in that dark place again it was the hardest thing I ever went through.
I have decided that after tomorrow I am ctting all conversations of WH off. I don't want to know anything anymore. The only thing I want to know about him is if/when him and OW are over. So everyone including the kids will be told I don't want to hear his name mentioned in my presense unless its an emergency reason for it.
I don't want to see him unless its due to court or some emergency. I have to cut off all things about him. I know this is the only way I can move on and make my life easier for me.
If things happen in my life I don't want him to know I will say nothing to anyone about it. I just can't allow him to know my every move or thought. I do still love him and probably always will to a certain degree as he is my childrens father and someone I have loved for 25 yrs. The time has come though to let him go and live his mistakes.
So tomorrow will be my last contact of any type until court again. It will be hard not knowing whats going on with him but its for the best.
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Hi Hurting,
quote:-------------------------------------------------
I have decided that after tomorrow I am ctting all conversations of WH off. I don't want to know anything anymore. The only thing I want to know about him is if/when him and OW are over. So everyone including the kids will be told I don't want to hear his name mentioned in my presense unless its an emergency reason for it.
....
It will be hard not knowing whats going on with him but its for the best.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Sounds like a good plan....not saying it's easy.... but 'healthier' for our sanity...than being mixed up on a 'triangle'......
Believe me...I have been following your thread....and you yourself may not realize it.... but you are so much more in control of your life...keep it up!
Will be thinking of you tomorrow.
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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Thanks Luna for the encouragement.
I know it won't be easy. I sometimes feel like i need to know everything but then most of the time its things that hurt me to the core. So better off not knowing anything.... Good or bad.....
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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You're right hurting- we have, for a long time, tried to
love, support, and help our H's, and it's hard to just
"shut it off" now that they are the alien WH's.
I think some little part of my real "H" exists inside the
WH and must realize what a manipulative, controlling, nasty
and trashy person the OW really is, but the addiction seems
to keep him coming back for more. Don't know what it will
take, but I have to think that someday, his eyes will be
opened and he will be horrified with the things he has done.
I believe this is the same for your WH too !
You're also righting in saying that the WH have to live with
the situations they have made for themselves.
I have always probably had some sympathy and given a little
extra "leniency" to my H knowing he has mental and emotional
problems,but when it comes down to it, he still does know
right and wrong, and still made and is responsible for the
very poor choices he has been making lately.
Now, some of the consequences of those actions are going to
come back to haunt him...and they are some pretty big and
difficult consequences.
Often, I have felt like I need to tell WH how I feel (that
I love him, have always supported him, have always helped in
any way I can) and want to tell him what I want (him to end
the A, commit to me and our M, work at making our M truly
wonderful)and I have to keep reminding myself that he does
already know this ! Part of my current "plan" (kind of a
Plan A with 180's until he moves out again) is to really
keep my mouth shut, be pleasant and polite, but be more
distant, more mysterious, keep moving on, and pray like
crazy !
Your Plan to really cut off all communication and knowledge
with/about your WH sounds like an excellent way to protect
yourself from his "back and forth" and more hurt. Since my
WH is planning to move out soon, I hope a Plan B will do
the same to help protect my feelings and let me do better
myself.
Thanks,
Slammed
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Slammed,
I think its the best thing to do... It will be hard for me not to ask or to listen but I have to do it.
It will get easier with time thats for sure. But I can't keep looking for little things that may show he is waffeling. Because everytime I do he changes course again. I just can't keep that up, getting my hopes up only to be dashed away....
This is the best for me and if someday he wants to make things right I will know......
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers Friday. I hope it goes well for you.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Jean,
Thank you very much.... I need all the prayers I can get to make it through this ....
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Hurting: You will do fine..GOD WILL BE WITH YOU.... Remember..head high..chest out...even when the tears are falling down your cheeks.. All of our spirits will be around you...capturing you in a BIG GROUP HUG.... I will be gone for a few days and will check on you when I return.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Mimi,
Thank you so much.....
I will be ok that I know......
I just am so scared right now, but things will work out for me.
I have faith in God it will be ok.....
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Mimi,
BTW I spoke to Dr. Harley himself today.... I have a thread about it....
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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I noticed and read about his responses to you.
THAT'S WONDERFUL!
Remember to think back over what he said. There's probably lots of information there that you haven't finished processing....
Sounds like speaking to him was meant to be..some sort of miracle for you...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I pray it was Mimi....
I was so shocked to get through and be the first caller...
Your right I keep thinking of all he said.....
It was a miracle to speak to him......
Well you have a nice few days and relax if you can.....
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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The A will end....it is just a matter of when. Where you w/b at the time it ends is the current unknown. Keep your wits about you tomorrow. You will be fine. Don't laugh at the WS too much. LOL!!! Reverse babble when you can but maybe NOT in the meeting. If he gets weird, let him show himself. Look at the mediator with a shocked look. No need to defend or excuse his odd behavior. Like all aliens from that mothership..... they are poor actors when it comes to dealing with real life issues.....that's how you can spot one a mile away. They are the one's with the distorted faces. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Hugz, L.
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Orchid,
You always make me laugh.
There is no way I could or would defend the WS in any way....
I w ill do my best to keep it together.
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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we are all rooting for you ((hurting))
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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jean,
Thank you so much ......
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Posts: 782
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Thinking of you today, sending al my best, and praying
for your strength, courage, energy and guidance.
I know you will do just fine.
We're all with you ~
Slammed
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((( Healing )))
I hope you don't mind me calling you that. You are healing, you are come so far.
Dear God, Please be with our beloved friend Healing today in the court house. Put your arms around her and send some angels to give her our love and support.
And dear God, can you snap some sense into her CH pretty soon !!! Remind him in your wise ways that he is losing a great woman and a marvelous marriage by being with one of your um..... not so good ones.... no offense God...
Sending my very best to you and all the angels I can round up
Carnation
Me - BS 55
WH/FWH 50
OW 30
Much evidence says that my H was/is
deeply involved in a very long term PA
Prolly will never know much more than that
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Carnation,
Thank you so much for the lovely prayer. From your lips to God's ears. I pray for the same thing.
God give me the strength to get through this and become the person you want me to be. Take my husband in your arms and show him the way home and away from his sins. Amen
One more hour and this all begins......
Hurting
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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hurting....
Thinking of you here. You will do fine. All the best!
Daisy
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