I'm going to bed too, good night!

Me too. I believe my husband can watch this overtime by himself.

Tomorrow night, I will have to watch the whole thing.

girl if he calls back DO NOT ANSWER....let him stew in his own juices for awhile. Listen to everyone here...we have A+ memebrs who know the harley's books forward and backwards.

Alison, you did fine. Take a break.

IM going to offer one idea though-- tomorrow, be unavailable for phone calls from your WH. Yeah he's supposed to pick up DD, but I have a feeling he's going to harrass you to get a reaction. Let voice mail pick it up.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!! Or, if nothing happens to him at work, he will think that work doesn't care about it and that he's gotten away with it. Moreover, if they work together and something goes bad with their relationship, OW could allege sexual harassment and your WH could be fired before he knew what hit him. At least by getting this in the open at his work, it gives the employer the opportunity to separate them (in one instance in my company, the shipped the guy to the far west coast and the woman to the far east coast to get them as far apart as possible <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />). Also, it makes a record of a consensual relationship in the event OW ever tries to claim sexual harassment.

Most importantly though, as I said, when nothing happens today or tomorrow, they will think they got away with it and that the employe doesn't care....and they will laugh at your expense. Also, if you don't do it today, it will give them the opportunity to spin this however they want to their employer....who will then not care when you do expose there because it will be "old news."

Regards.

BB

The clear the "autofill" on the address bar and other places, Go to Tools > Internet Options > Content > Auto Complete > Clear Forms.

Sometimes this is the only way to clear the things that Pop Up when you start typing, and they can give away where you have been and what you have been searching for.

(((Alison))) I have never posted to you before but WOW!. YOu have been amazing.
BUt, I feel I need to warn you about the not exposing at work. Not following through will set you back in your process immensely. Take it from me. I am one who thought I should warn my WH that IF he didn't stop, I would. But I did not do it right away. I felt terrible about putting his career in jeopardy. He is in the Canadian Navy. And i felt terrible about being sneaky and going behind his back to expose. I mistakenly thought I owed him honesty and transparency. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

By the time I did, he had spoken to his boss and "come clean" Both him and Ditchpig3. He told them I was crazy and vindictive. That we had been separated before the adultery started, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

SO When I did, they did not take me seriously. And it got VERY ugly. And they had nothing happen to them. Not even a talking to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

And to top it off the Dork got sneakier. He started to be far more careful and gathering evidence was a thousndn times harder to come by. And he laughed at my efforts from then on. He made sure to let everyone know that he had 'moved on" but that I was obsessed and just couldn't get over him "leaving me".

Alison, I pray that you find the strength to call his work this morning. Because I hate to see what will happen next if you don't. THere honestly is no other way.

I am a big fan of fantasy books. I think of this as slaying the creature of adultery. If you just cut off part of it, 2 more limbs or heads will grow. You must completely destroy every avenue. That is just the fact of adultery. Sad and terrible but true.

And Alison, look at my sig line. My WH filed for divorce in July but waited until Christmas for the anniversary date of my exposure to serve me with the papers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

My prayers for your continued strength and determination.

I am scared and second guessing myself again because of what WH told me about the video. He did tell me that there was enough evidence, but he also told me that he would like to see my H lose everything... Now, my H told me that all the OWH has was them talking in the car.

(((Alison))) Don't get caught up in the WH fog! At this point, he will say ANYTHING to mess with you. Stay strong!!

BTW, how is your baby?

Even if it is not physical, your husband IS HAVING AN AFFAIR (caps lock purposely)

The video is icing on the cake for evidence if it exists. If not, you know by his reactions and him talking to her and calling her, etc.

EXPOSE him Alison or you are contributing to him continuing.

Good morning Alison -

Fact: He's having an affair.
Fact: You know that you MUST expose it.
Fact: If you don't expose it the cost to you and DD could be huge.
Fact: The time to expose is after what transpired last night.
Fact: You CAN take control again today - just like yesterday. New day, new opportunity to do what YOU HAVE TO DO to save your M.
Fact: Only going part of the way with the fix is not going to kill this affair. This affair is an enemy to the health and welfare of your DD. Treat it as such. You wouldn't risk her health in any other circumstance - why now?
Fact: You can and should respect yourself for standing up and doing the right thing last night. We do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, I think you did fine. You didn't fly off the handle and go crazy like some of us have done so soon after D-day.

I think your husband is lying though. If the tape was so innocent, the OM would have told you. Also he wouldn't be getting a divorce. But it doesn't matter, because the truth will come out - there is a tape.

The OM probably doesn't think you are crazy - that is the OW's spin. Afterall, you figured out the truth - that SOMETHING was going on - like he did.

I think you probably should expose them at work, but that is your decision. I don't have to live with it. But I hope your realize that after this, they can never work together. Your marriage will never recover (if that is what you decide you want) while they continue working together.

I really do understand and appreciate evrything that you are telling me about exposing at work. I am really going to have to let God tell me what to do.

H was supposed to come see DD this morning, but did not show. I told him he better be very thankful that DD is so young that she won't remember that her daddy didn't see her when he said he was going to... I am a bit peeved about that right now...

Spoke to H's mom this morning and she is so mad at H because he is treating her like dirt too... H is not doing so well right now... She knows exactly what OW is doing and she wan't it to stop. She believes that OW has got my H totally brainwashed. She believes that OW is the devil and is ruining her sons life...

Anyway that made me feel very good to finally hear that she believes me about the OW and that she has seen huge changes in her son because of this affair. She wants us to try to save the marriage and I told her I was working on it. She said she was working on it as well. It is just nice to have her support...

Again, I am waiting to figure out the work thing. He will show me the way...

Allison,

Don't know for certain, but my spider senses are telling me that there is ALOT more on that tape. An attorney would not hold onto it and consider it to be grounds for a divorce if it were just the two of them sitting somewhere talking. Your WH is relying on hearsay from OW who was probably told by OWH what was on the tape, but more than likely has not seen it and OWH is saving it up for a 1 - 2 punch when the divorce heats up. OWH has seen the tape and knows what's on it.

Now, with regard to exposure at work...Does WH work for a large employer (more that 15 people)? You need to speak to HR or the company's Corporate Compliance or Ethics Office. You need to report that you suspect (be sure to use that word) that, basis their pattern outside of work, that they may be using company time and resources (especially e-mail) to conduct their A. You need to also raise concern that other employees may be offended if your H and OW are conducting their relationship at work (believe me, people know and gossip), which could expose both your WH and the company to a sexual harassment complaint. Also, raise the potential that, if one of them breaks off the A and the other keeps pursuing it on company time or while in the office, the one who ended the A could claim sexual harassment against the other and the company.

If you need help finding the right contacts at WH's employer, just say so and I will try to help you along offline.

Regards,

BB

I don't think they are dumb enough to use the email at work, because those emails can be viewed by many many people... I know that they text message each other during company time , but most EMA's happen after work or after a happy hour. I am NOT trying to make excuses - okay maybe I am, but again, I am going to let God lead me on this one...

You can bet they used company e-mail!

My FWH and the skanky ow did. And I found them. Real time IM, also that H (stupidly) saved. What was he thinking?

Please, Alison, call his HR department. You say you are letting God lead you. Well, He led you here. all the knowledgeable folks here are telling you the right thing. You have the chance to kill this A TODAY, and you are letting fear paralyze you.

Call the company now.

I agree with Healing.... you say you want God to lead you, but how do you know God isn't using these sage MBers to lead you?

You can do this, Alison!

Allison- Gpd helps those who help themselves. Girl you are doing so well. Now for this one last hurdle one last phone call and you are done. Ok -

Allison, I work in that part of company that investigates and addresses violations of our company's code of conduct. I can assure you they are using company e-mail. I have investigated many work place affairs and each time we have found reams of e-mails. In fact, recently, we were investigating an employee for something completely unrelated (fraud) and our review of his e-mail account determined no fraud but a relationship with a subordinate. You can also bet he is going by her office/cube very frequently and chatting. Are either of their cell phones company issued? If so and they are using it for personal use, the company could have an issue with that. Does either have an expense account? If so, has either used their account to pay for lunches or travel with the other that was not business related? All areas to consider....

BB

This is too much pressure. I realize I am in control, and I am trying very hard to make the right decisions, but I don't feel good about this. Really, I don't... I do want the affair to end, you all know that I do.

I simply cannot do it right now. I have been through a lot in the last day and it is too much for me to do this. I have taken all the advice given and it has worked out well, I realize this, but I just can't do the work thing right now - I can't do it... I have a TERRIBLE feeling about it and I have gone with my feelings on everything thus far and I am going to have to follow this one as well...