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#1570035 01/22/06 09:32 AM
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iluvmy2 Offline OP
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Many of u have probably read my thread about my repeat offender husband who has had multiple "inappropriate relationships" throughout our 12 year marriage ranging from Emotional Infidelity to an 8 year affair. I recently discovered two new indiscretions which has finally pushed me past the ability to reconcile.

He is in therapy and wants to do better and work it out. I want out. The damage and pain is too deep. I can never trust him completely again. Even if I could, it would take YEARS of therapy. Other than him going to IC I haven't seen any difference in his behavior and thought process than before which makes it likely that he will do it again.

However, he won't give up. He continues to attempt to engage me in conversations about how hard he is working to improve himself and how he doesn't want to break up the family. Yeah, well he should have thought about that every time he picked up a woman in a club or had oral sex with a co-worker at a company meeting in October.

How do I get him to understand that his damage can't be repaired and that we need to focus on moving on for our 2 young children.

Help!

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Why does he need to understand.

Is he going to move out? Have you taken steps to ensure your financial security?

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iluvmy2 Offline OP
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He needs to understand so that he can move on and stop focusing on trying to get me back and focus on the next steps so we can do the best for our children.

No we will have to sell the house and get our own places. I went to see a lawyer in November and financially I am fine.

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Lets see in twelve years of marriage you never could get him to see the value of being fatihful...so why are you wasting any time trying to get him to see anything...

How do I get him to understand that his damage can't be repaired and that we need to focus on moving on for our 2 young children

all you have to do is move on for you and your children..
you need to focus..

can't make him do anything...
quit thinking of him..
think of you and the children and proceed legally let the lawyers explain..

ARK

ark^^ #1570039 01/22/06 12:27 PM
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Ark says:
can't make him do anything...


We can't make them do anything, we can't make them change. We can endure the cruelty, or move on.

I talked to my attny last week. He knows my STBX attempts to reconcile everytime the divorce comes near. Mind you, I don't really have fond feelings for divorce lawyers, not even my own.

But he asked me if she has treated me like someone who loved or even liked me during the last 12 months of our repeated failed recovery efforts(mine only really).

He shared with me that she probably is just afraid of change as it gets closer. That is why during the efforts she never changed her behavior, never stopped her affair. She isn't changing. She just wants my money and financial support. He told me he thought my STBX would be perfectly happy living apart with me paying all her bills as I currently do, that she would probably want to do that forever and she could keep doing her webcam thing.

Funny thing is ... during her last overture at reconciling in early January. She told me she didn't love me like a husband, and liked living by herself apart from me. Hmmmm, Yeah that made me feel really good.

Point is. Your H probably just doesn't want to change. He wants you to accept his philandering ways and be a dutiful wife. Because of that you'll never make him understand. He has to realize that on his own.



.


. I walk the recovery path too, ... but I walk alone. HOW 'BOUT THEM STEELERS! . I've finally realized now, that you just have to keep breathing. Tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring. Tom Hanks (Castaway, 2000)

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