Curious- Did you continue his health insurance after the meeting? Did you tell him about his big inheritance? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

>Did you tell him about his big inheritance?

What does that matter? Geesh.

Lynn just wanted to say it sounds as if your meeting with OC went over well and that you handle it with the good grace and style that has shown in your posts and the support I have seen you show to others in this difficult situation. I garnered a lot of strength and courage from your posts when it looked as if we may be dealing with the same situation and I will be forever grateful for your calming expertise in this arena.

Hugs,

D - Oh, it matters to SOME OW with OC a lot. All the money that can get matters!! They want MM to PAY thru the nose for chosing to stay married.

(Not all OW mind you, just the particulary STOW.)

No. I was asking why CLO would even want to GO THERE.

It doesn't matter. Not a bit.

I've set stuff aside for my OC. IT'S CHOICE. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. PERIOD.

How very typical that an ow-type would be concerned about the financial aspects. As we all know.......


We will not carry him on insurance unless he is enrolled full time in school. Period.

Inheritance? considering he is getting nothing, what would be the point? Should we ask him if/when he gets a full time position, if he has his bio-dad on as a beneficiary of his life insurance? I would assume, that until the day he marries, that his mother would be his sole beneficiary. Since he is not our son, he will not inherit anything from us. We have our own children to take care of. Just as he has his own family to consider.

CLO, we met. We talked. This does not make us a family. It means we are all living our lives. He had a few questions about insurance, etc. We dealt with it. He will go and live his life, we will go and live ours. He is not going to suddenly become a son to us. We are not suddenly becoming parents to him. We are connected by a situation, nothing more. There is not deep feelings of love or affection. Just a sense of understanding. He understands us and our choices, we understood his choice to seek us out and ask about insurance, etc. There was no kum-by-yah going on here. It is what it is.

And, someone said he needed a professional? No he doesn't. He does not disrespect his mother. He knows his mother and loves her. He does however, have a clear understanding of her. She tried to cover that she was in an affair, he figured it out, and didn't like being lied to. She apparently didn't want him to know SHE was in an affair. He obviously found out and just like our children judged their dad for being in an affair, so too did this boy judge her.

I know of not one child, ever born and raised to adulthood who doesn't have issues with their parents. He is no different. He knew there would be another side to the story. He now has ours.

Correct me if I've misread your posts over the years- You specifically left OC $1 so he will never be able to claim any part of the estate (as if he accidentally were left out of the will).

I wondered if that would change. It appears not since he is still not a son to your H.

That was all- no STOW antics about money grubbing (remember I'm M and OC is no longer an OC- he's my H's son).

>(remember I'm M and OC is no longer an OC- he's my H's son).


Whatever. While I'm happy that you're happy....it's STILL pot stirring.

Some things NEVER change.

So you plan to lie to him and tell him your new H is his father even though that's very far from the truth? It's great you found a daddy for him but it still doesn't change what happened.

And D is right, it's still pot stirring.

CLO, what difference does it make about our Will and what he will not get from our estate? The whole point of this thread was how the oc is not as bitter and enraged and full of venom some would think. That he does see his mother as an imperfect person, but whom he loves anyway (like 100% of all children). That he is able to grasp the whole affair concept and thus why things are as they are. He had a keen grasp on reality, no matter what she tried to do.


He is deeply esconded in his own family, with grandparents, cousins, etc. He is not part of ours.

What I think some OWs have a problem with is that these children can think for themselves. They have built up in there minds that NC is wrong and that the father should and will suffer for it; however, when the child comes of age and has the ability to understand why NC was chosen, and may even agree. I believe it has alot to do with the fact that C is more for the mother than the child.

Lynn, I am happy that things are working out for you. I will continue to keep you all in my prayers.

CLO - If you have nothing constructive to add, then leave it alone.

Lynn,

Thanks for sharing & for your guidance & help to so many on this board, including me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So it's NOT ok for an xOW to let her child think her H is the daddy when he is legally the daddy, just not biologically, but it IS ok for an xMM/WH to pretend that the OC ISN'T his child?

And it's NOT ok for a MOW to let her OC think that BH is daddy?



And by the way my xOC was a part of the adoption process, he knew what was happening- he's not a baby so your "lie" to OC dig does not even apply to my situation.

CLO, this is totally OT but I think what you are doing is fine. @ this point it's NOONE'S business who sperm donor is...so I dont' see a problem w/ you letting your child beleive yoru H is the daddy, whether yoru child was a part of it or not, doesn't matter to me.

I haven't been around here for awhile & have no intention of staying around but this caught my eye. I think the man who does the job deserves the title.

Congratulations.

I apologize, I forgot these kinds of situations are usually kept hush hush. I agree KMT, the one who does the job should hold the title.

CLO,

Are you ashamed to tell your child what you were? Interesting.

Your child will learn one day that they are the product of an affair. No sense in lying about it. I agree with KT that it is age appropriate when you tell them, but why are you so ashamed of being the other woman and letting your child find out they are an other child? Is it shamefull to you?

I thought you and your kind go nuts when real dad bails on the other womans kid and whine how unfair it all is? Are you now saying that it is ok for others to raise this child?

You are a real piece of work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Classic example for all wives to see and learn why it is best for them and their families to pay the $$ and run like ****** from the ow and the oc. It isn't worth it.

Who brought this situation on your child? Duh. If you don't want to be in this situation, don't put yourself in it. It's really simple to do. Truth is, OW with OC CHOSE MMs to be the fathers of their children. It isn't the BS's fault that things didn't go the way you planned. And I'm sure that there's going to be the, "It's MM's fault, too!" response, but I don't care. The sad fact is, I realized a long time ago that MY children have to live with the choices that I make, regardless of my intentions or desires. Same goes for OW.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Some people really need to stop stereo typing people, it's pathetic.
1st its complained that some ow are proud of what they've done, yet when they do as suggested by some bs, those bs complain about that to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Sorry can't have it both ways.
It is those people that are "a real peice of work".
Clo, when you want to really heal, leave this place and go else where, that's how come I've healed and came so far, I've been to other forums covering both sides,that and gave it all to God. Every time I come hear its the same old, same,old and little if no healing going on,just dwelling & sometimes for years later.
I can see newbies feeling the way they do that's understandable.....

Just being the devil's advocate here, but could it be that, just perhaps, what they have done leaves little room for improvement?

I'm sorry that's all you see here or choose to read.

I see some real miracles take place, unmatched kindness and compassion, some sound advice and suggestions, and sometimes just a willing shoulder and a warm hug.

I see women and men that come in here devestated and broken, wondering how they can possibly make it through another day...........and, eventually, wean themselves away standing tall, feeling proud of themselves, knowing they have a future with or without their spouse.

This is due to the strong supportive MB members that continue to help those still struggling. Those that realize there is not a one-size-fits-all solution for any of us. That we are all dealing with the same basic problem but with different spouses, various circumstances, a variety of OP's and the added dilemma of the OC. There is no perfect timetable for recovery and yes, it usually does take "years".

Sometimes you only see what you are looking for!