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Joined: Jan 2001
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Orchid Offline OP
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There's been a lot of flack going on here..... not unusal and not the 1st time. Still with all the turmoil and drama in most of our lives..... are any of you surprised it happens even here? You shouldn't be. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Why? Because that's life. Our lives are filled with turmoil and drama. It is also filled with happiness, grief, joy, sadness, etc.

For most of us, the A is a shock to our souls. Our lives will never be the same. So stop trying to make it the same. Learn to make it better.

The A c/b a stumbling block for life or a learning experience, though not of our choice....still a learning experience. Don't pass up the opportunity to learn and grow.

For those of you newer here to MB (aka: newbies - said with affection <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ), know that MB does not and should not sugar coat life. Dealing with A problems require some deep soul searching, identify one's personal boundaries, making hard decisions which require a clear mind and calm heart, lots of patience and at times a whack back to reality. It also includes, doctor visits, scrutinizing finances, securing finances, learning how to expose, exposing, creating a plan(s), implementing those plans..... learning to move forward and best of all.....learning to reverse babble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Does that mean you must always be miserable? No. Ask the many who came here years ago and still post..... their lives have been through the ringer. Some even have dealt with OC(s), death, bigamy, D, STDs, bankruptcy, jail, foreclosure, loss of job, loss of home, loss of family, terminal illness, etc..... yet through it all.....most who have visited here finally learn that they must fix themselves 1st, learn how to babble with the WS vs their real spouse, know to recover.

MB healing is like good medicine. Not always tasty but healthy. It is a healing that does come with pain. Don't kill the messenger or give a hard time to someone who has been there and can see what is ahead for you. Lots of time, these strong posts are sent and meant to help you avoid the pitfalls many of us suffered which hindered our recovery.

Know that not all posts or portions of all posts are beneficial to each person. Be smart enough to take what is beneficial and move forward. You don't always have to defend yourself.

I recall a former poster who took me to task and told me off royally here a few years ago. Her WS made a feable attempt at recovery and she jumped on it like it was gold. I took the time to send a word of caution and she jumped on my post saying I was being discouraging, that I didn't know her and how dare I rain on her parade. Ok, I backed off. No hard feelings from me. But within 2 weeks, the WS moved out and went back to the OW. It personally pained me to see that because now the BS was a devasted BS going through another d/d worse than the 1st.

My point? No biggie for me but that BS never showed any type of recovery. Not that I recall. I beleive she stopped posting. It saddens me but that happens sometimes.

what you all need to know is that this is forum. No one here claims to know all. I personally have posted here and asked for those more experienced in a certain field (i. e. OC, alcohol, drugs, etc.) to help out a poster. I knew I couldn't help out as effectively. Those who were more experienced, stepped in. Mel, BR, Cali, Pep, Lemonman, Ark, WAT, Starfish, JL, Motarman, TCMC, BobPure, Resillent, etc. are just some of those ones that have helped.

Some of those posters are no longer regular posters here. Whether they read or not, is unknown but their help when they gave it has been invaluable. At one time, most of them were in our positions.

So all, listen, read, respond, ask questions, but don't get your panties up in a knot and create an environment which keeps you from learning and growing.

For those who have been giving support here.....thank you.

For those who just read..... learn that posting here to help has a 2-fold effect that does help each of us personally, including the poster. Learn to post, you may be helping more than you realize.

For those who feel they need a break. We understand. Come back when u r ready. This place is open 24/7. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> We can always use your help.

For those still posting to give back some of the support they received..... Gracias' from the bottom of our hearts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

To All: Learn to take the good and discard the bad. But learn!

take care,
L.

Last edited by Orchid; 02/18/06 06:44 AM.
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bravo!


what we do in life......echoes in eternity!
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Enlightening....Thanks orchid

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Thanks for the healing post Orchid: the right words at the right time. ((((((((((((((mb))))))))))))))))

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EXACTLY!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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Orchid,
Great post. I dont mind being called a newbie at all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
At least I am here trying to get to a better place. Your words of wisdom at this time helps alot. With all that is going on in our newbie M's, the last thing we need is the nastys that have been going on. I for one am ready for recovery in my M and H.
JE


D-day 5-18-05
35 BS (me)
52 WH
17 DS
15 DD
14 DDs twins
Currently in R.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" The Serenity Prayer
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((( Orchid )))

Have I told you lately how terrific I think you are !!!

Respectfully yours,

Car


Me - BS 55 WH/FWH 50 OW 30 Much evidence says that my H was/is deeply involved in a very long term PA Prolly will never know much more than that
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As a " newbie " I want to say thanks also. I think people that are giving there time here should be appreciated more. It helps me keep my sanity. Its just like in life your going to get along with some people & not with others, move on & be positive there's enough neg in the reasons why some of us are her in the first place.

Just My opinion

thanks for the help & advice one & all

Cliff


BS (me) 43
WS (her) 41
Discovered A 10/19
NC established 10/25
withdrawal ended 11/18 (the worst of it anyway)
refuses counseling
previous user name tazcliff
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ditto! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

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Orchid Offline OP
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Glad this post has been helpful. What many of you may or may not know, this board has been going on for years. While the original crew maybe gone for the most part.....MB has continued with each successive 'MB generation' using the tools available to get help and be helped.

I remember when I was new.....not much different than many of you....well maybe a bit more stubborn. I know I have grown w/MB and for it a few 'lives' have been spared. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I believe in capital punishment of the WS and OP. Before you all jump to conclusions, let me clarify that the WS and OPs of this world are NOT humans. They are former humans who were H, W or single men & women who have morphed into alien characters foreign to our lifeform. The havoc they wreek (sp???)on our families is disasterous (sp???). There the MB recovery records is outstanding in that personal recovery is high and marital recovery is very good.

The A and it's companions have been here for thousands of years and will be here for a while longer. How we personally choose to deal with it, affects just us. Here @ MB we get to help a few more places around.

Most come here feeling quite distraught and hopeless. Most leave here with improvements they never imagined and a better outlook on life. NO guarantees, just results when properly applied.

It is sad to say that MB has not helped all but more than not. For those it hasn't helped, the chaos continues. So they really haven't found anything better. I know of one particular case that maybe expounded on later but safe to say the BS is doing well and the WS is still a [censored]. The WS used to post here and well, he still is a [censored]. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Later when I get permission to discuss it, I will.

Let's make it positive. Not wimpy or sugar coated but positive and productive.

L.

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Orchid:

I'm loving your POV on this...

I'm recalling you BEING HERE for me on many Saturdays when my H was with the OW and not many others were around...

THANKS!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Orchid Offline OP
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Quote
Orchid:

I'm loving your POV on this...

I'm recalling you BEING HERE for me on many Saturdays when my H was with the OW and not many others were around...

THANKS!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yea, I prefer posting to housework. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Ok, Mimi.... I will go start my morning cleaning. 1st Starbucks!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Have a nice weekend!
L.

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Yep..

I remember once when you were cooking dinner and took the time to post to me...

I thought..HOW NICE OF HER!!

What are you getting at Starbucks? I'm into the MOCHA LIGHT FRAPS...WITH WHIPPED CREME, of course...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Last edited by mimi1254; 02/18/06 01:23 PM.

I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Wonderful post Orchid......


Hurting


BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Great post Orchid,,as usual!!

I think this is one of your most important points....

Quote
Know that not all posts or portions of all posts are beneficial to each person. Be smart enough to take what is beneficial and move forward. You don't always have to defend yourself.


There is NOT a cut & dry answer for any of us. If there was a magic cure, there's be no need for discussions, plans, strategies. YOU know your own situation and history better than any of us could possibly know. Take what applies, consider the rest, and use what you can!!

Thanks Orchid,,,,always the calm voice of reason! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Joined: Apr 2002
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<<So all, listen, read, respond, ask questions, but don't get your panties up in a knot and create an environment which keeps you from learning and growing. >>

Pretty much sums up my philosophy on life in general. I come here only once every few months to remind myself. It's nice to see Orchid still helping others the way she helped me so tremendously. Hope all is well with you!

K


In my dreams, I can see a love that could be -- Crosby, Stills & Nash BS - me,45; WH - 57 D-Day 4/1/02 Multiple online affairs Recovery seems strong and real - it's just so much work!!
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Hi L:

Very well said! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

FR


You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. Challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks. It’s just a matter of how you look at them. The purpose of life is to live it, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience
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Aloha Orchid,

Luv your post...luv you....the MB forum has been a wonderful constant during my journey....it has been my companion in the early days after discovery, during Plan A & B and I even used it while traveling with H overseas and I was still learning how to change my habits.....reverse babble is skill I practice and use all the time!

The forum is sometimes a place for frustration, venting, 2x4's, but it is also a place for empathy and people asking how the other person is doing..so thanks for your thoughts on this what really is a very open and ultimately useful forum. Mahalo, ss


BS/me: 65
FWH: 75
Together: 36 years, no kids
D-day: 3/04
Plan A: 7 mos. Plan B #1 & #2
Recovery:11/04
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as per usual, very well said, Orchid...

Quote
I remember when I was new.....not much different than many of you....well maybe a bit more stubborn. I know I have grown w/MB and for it a few 'lives' have been spared. LOL!!!


some of us even remember that certain stubborn newbie ...ahem...*cough* *cough*....

what a remarkable place you have come to...and what a remarkable person you've grown into....

it's been a pleasure to watch...


Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.
~~Buddha

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