BIN - The poster was told THE TRUTH. Brutal or not, what she did was wrong and to continue to stew on it is only going to gnaw her alive. She needs to face the truth and to GET HELP. Considering her terrifying ordeal, she needs help from a professional - this is way too big for her to try to cope with by herself....especially taking into account the many facets of her hurt.

She has to step up and get help. The men in her life have already proven that they won't help her.

I don't expect she will be back.

JKT...

I don't know. I think she's here, reading. My projection, of course. See, I felt I was being bashed terribly when I first posted back in December of 04...least ways I recall. I wasn't being bashed, but advised.

I argued with the advisors. I didn't get it. I kept reading, minding, exploring and following posts. I eventually got a lot more than what I came here seeking...including my marriage.

Wanted to share why not posting may be a good sign...never know.

LA

Oh my have YOU come to the WRONG place. If it's sympathy you are looking for, you won't find it here. I have lived through the ****** that the OW in my life has caused. Yes, there were phony "crises" as well -- fortunately my beloved husband (the FWH) saw right through them.

Frankly, if the FOW in my life threatened suicide because she was so despondent..... well.... let's just say that neither my beloved nor I would bat an eyelash -- neither one of us believes a word that woman has to say.

Get counseling, "Hurtin OW" -- cause that dog don't hunt. Your time with "Jim" is gone and done. Find a life of your own an stop trying to wreck the lives of others.

Sound bitter? You bet I am! I lived throu 5 years of ****** because of somebody just like you who manipulated her own husband and MINE.... So, I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for you.

This post makes me laugh. The OW wanting sympathy. Sounds the OW in my situation, and interestingly enough my husband's name is Jim and in the military! But, I am not pregnant, so I guess that coutns me out as the BS in this situation! The OW that my H had the A with had no sympathy, and never apologized for pursing a married man for 15 months in Iraq while his wife was at home being faithful, and she knew he was married.

You are seriously mistaken if you think you're going to get any sympathy from me!

Post deleted by hurtOW

Good to hear back from HOW.

I was afraid that you were gone for good when you didn't post back for so long.

I'm glad to hear that your doing better now and are seeing a theripest.

I know that this is difficult for you to not contact Jim. You will have to go through withdrawl from him. The process ususally takes months to complete. Please believe me when I tell you that it will be best for everyone involved if you never are in contact with Jim again.

In your first post your mentioned a Husband / possible divorce? What's going on in that area? Are there any children involved?

You are not the first nor will you be the last OW to come here and post. Hopefully you will learn how to use the knowledge / wisdom available on this website. There are others on this board that came to the truth "sideways" and have stuck around to help others who come by.

Stay Strong!

Post deleted by hurtOW

HurtOW, are you receiving counseling to help you heal from the rape? You need that counseling to help you heal...

hurtOW - you are very brave to post here, hear all the criticism, and still come back. Thank you for agreeing to NC. It will be best for all concerned. You will have ups and downs as you begin your recovery. You can continue to post here for support and advice - although as you already know, many have no sympathy for you.

But you can make it through this and be a source of insight and encouragement to others in future - if only to warn them against making the same mistakes you have made. You may not understand how that will be possible right now, but in time you will.

I wish you all the best.

I too wish you the best and know you are hurting right now

Post deleted by hurtOW

We all have a long way to go, every single one of us. Stay honest with your feelings, respect the request for no contact, and take care of youself.

Great to see you post again, Hurt...

I think your unsent emails to J are what you need right now. That they are unsent shows your commitment to yourself. If you could cut them down, one per week, you could also demonstrate to yourself that J isn't in your life and still your days are full and yours.

I remember that you are a psychologist...was it in addictions? Do you feel the same cycle to your desire for emails and the resulting feelings that addicts do?

I'm curious because you benefit others by posting. Have you ever gotten the surety of your presence being enough?

Last thing...a little humor, and given how you were pounced on before, I'm hoping you'll see this with a smile. When I went to say hello to you, I abbreviated your name like an acronym. Doesn't work. LOL

LA

Post deleted by hurtOW

You spelled it out! And yes...I thought you could share a chuckle with me.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I realized after I posted that I mixed up part of your story with LTM (long time mistress). That was all my bad, lazy memory and not re-reading. ::

How are you creating another way in your life to share what you've been through? To know you well and thoroughly, without judgment?

Using the emails like journals...I get that...I just cringe when you delete...not to send, but to record. Writing in a real journal would give you a thread of yourself on paper. Wiping it out as you do gives you something else.

Tough time with bday. I'm glad you're committed to yourself and your life. Your choice to not let go because he was the only person who knows...is yours. You know what happened, you were with you every step of the way, and you matter.

LA