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HopingFor #1612966 04/27/06 07:22 PM
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HF-

Okay, I am LOL (and I do not take internet abbreviations lightly)! I have been watching "Big Love"--partly because it is so bizarre that I cannot make myself change the channel. I agree with you 100%--I have discovered through this whole process that I would not be good at spousal sharing.

There is a little enclave of polygamists near where I live (about an hour drive) and they are well-known for their cabinetry work. So there's a little bit of Utah trivia for you. The few times I have seen polygamists, they look a bit more like the main character's back-woods family than the central family. But I shudder sometimes when I watch that show--I hope other folks watching that don't really think Utah folks are as odd as all of that!

Entertaining, anyway.

Check back with you all tomorrow!
-C.


BS (me) 34 FWH 32 Married 1997 DD, 4; DD, 2 PA 10/04-10/05 DDay 11/17/05 In recovery
csj #1612967 04/27/06 07:59 PM
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See that makes more sense to me than a group of 3 houses on a cul de sac on Wisteria Lane as it seems in the show. They seem so normal everyday life people too. Very foreign! And no I did not think all of Utah was "sharing" I kind of always thought of the polygamists like the Amish of Pennsylvania. Not that I thought all that much about it before Big LOve. I too cant change the channel!
HF


BS 39 FWH 39 M almost 14 years DS 11 DS 8 DD 4 DD 4 PA 1/02-7/02 dday 12-15-05
HopingFor #1612968 04/28/06 08:50 AM
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Hi HF and CSJ,

I watched Big Love this week too , and had the same reaction--could not change the channel and stayed up to midnight to watch it! I would also not do well with this sharing idea, but it is a riot to watch. Especially when the one wife is ovulating so the other wife told her she could have her night--I was like, OH MY GOD!!

And no, I don't think all of Utah is like that either...just like all of NY isn't like the Sopranos. But it is entertaining!

HF,
Interesting what you said about the South. My H is from VA and he says that at least when you are in the South, people don't hide their racism like they do up here. he says, you can tell who is and who isn't, there is no trying to hide it.

Sorry to hear about your uncle. My thoughts are with you today.

CSJ, I read your last post to me to my H last night and I think it made him feel a bit better. He was so upset last night when I came home w/ the kids. He gave us all a big hug and kiss and was crying. I feel so bad for him.

Just for the record, he had a consultation with the lawyer from court (the one who gave him his card) back in October, but had not contacted him again. That is why the lawyer gave him his card (He wasn't just handing them out to everyone)...I got the names of a few lawyers from the lawyer who had handled my H's previous case, and he was one of them. My H's former attorney had said he could do it but was not as familiar w/ the court in that county, and it would cost more due to his travel time there and back. He recommended some local lawyers to us. He was a former DA, as was the lawyer my H talked to yesterday. I don't know how to find out what his reputation is, but my H seemed to trust him. I did tell him what you said about changing lawyers is not necessarily the best thing to do. We are going to wait to see how our appt w/ the PD goes. I have met him before and to me, he seems honest and is really trying to get my H the best deal he can. My H feels like he thinks that he should do jail time for what he did. I told him that even if he feels that way, he is obligated to do the best he can for his clients. Of course my H would love to hear that this will all go away, so when he is not hearing this, he gets nervous. I think the PD is being straight w/ him.

Anyway, we did have a good night and H even managed to smile, due to the kids. He did not sleep very well but I was okay. I'm glad that the weekend is almost here though.

I will leave my email up for a little longer today but will take it off before I leave so it's not public. Let me know if you get it so I can remove it.

Have a great day, will check in later!


BW (Me) 39 FWH (41) Married 14 yrs DS 4/2000 DD 12/2002 DD 8/2005 PA 1/05 - 9/12/05 D-Day 10/13/05 Status: Trying to rebuild
MAMAFISH #1612969 04/28/06 10:30 AM
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Morning all-

MF, I sent you an email a few minutes ago, and I printed out the post with your email in it, so go ahead and erase it.

It sounds like the private attorney your H talked to could be a good option as well. Last night I went to martindalehubble.com to check out attorney listings in your area, and 7 came up. 1 of them had been practicing for about 30 years, so I wondered if that was the guy. He was in solo practice, and appears to have a lot of good experience. And if he was referred to you from another attorney that you trust, that is a very positive thing. I have a short list of attorneys that I will refer others to--I wouldn't send anyone to someone that I didn't have confidence in, and I'm sure your H's previous attorney wouldn't either. I think it's a good idea to meet with both the PD and the other guy. Get a feel for them both.

Anyhow, I've got to run for a minute. I will check back in a bit.

-C.


BS (me) 34 FWH 32 Married 1997 DD, 4; DD, 2 PA 10/04-10/05 DDay 11/17/05 In recovery
csj #1612970 04/28/06 11:15 AM
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CSJ,
Thanks, I got your message and sent one back to you. My H trusts his previous attorney. I met with the PD and talked to the recommended attorney on the phone, but my H actually met with him. So we'll see.

Take care,
MF


BW (Me) 39 FWH (41) Married 14 yrs DS 4/2000 DD 12/2002 DD 8/2005 PA 1/05 - 9/12/05 D-Day 10/13/05 Status: Trying to rebuild
MAMAFISH #1612971 04/28/06 01:10 PM
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Hello ladies,

How are you all doing today? I just want to thank all of you for your kindness and support this week. I am so glad to have your friendships right now, and I am glad that I shared my story with you. I have been trying to focus on rebuilding my M all these times, and have put the legal issues off to the side. Now, it seems as if the legal issues will be moving up in priority. It is not going away but we can't just sit back without being proactive.

The upside to what happened this week is that I hope it spurs my H on to actually do the work on rebuilding the M, instead of saying we will do it 'someday'. We cannot afford to take our M for granted any longer. Of course, in light of the legal issue, we are coming together but he is going to have to confide in me and trust in me if we are going to fight this. The stakes are too high for keeping secrets. I guess this is why I have been trying to push him on meeting ENs. At least I have control over something (our M) when I have none over the other area.

I hope you are all doing well. Again, it meant alot to me that you all put your problems to the side for a bit to help me get out of a sticky place. I appreciate all the concern and good thoughts. I have questioned whether or not it is worth working on our M and I believe it is, even though somedays are tougher than others, as we all know. My H is a good man. He made a mistake when he had his A, and even bigger mistakes as the A progressed and then ended. I guess like other WSs, he was abducted by aliens or something.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that and let you know that I am here for all of you. We are all struggling with the pain of betrayal. That is the biggest issue for me as well too. If H was in this situation because of a fight w/ a man, it would still be serious, but wouldn't have the pain that this does. If he never had his A, we wouldn't be in this situation.

Take care and have a great weekend!

MF


BW (Me) 39 FWH (41) Married 14 yrs DS 4/2000 DD 12/2002 DD 8/2005 PA 1/05 - 9/12/05 D-Day 10/13/05 Status: Trying to rebuild
MAMAFISH #1612972 04/28/06 01:15 PM
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I hope it's ok for me to chime in here.....

I am a FWW. And I wanted you to know something that gives me a lot of hope.

Before my A, my H and I had such bad communication. Now, (it's only been a few weeks since TOTAL disclosure) we are ALREADY so much closer. We've both said that if it wasn't for this A, who knows what would have happened. We both feel that we are going to have a BETTER M because of it.

In no way am I trying to diminish the pain that I have caused. I just thought maybe it would help all of you if you thought about the future in that way.

God Bless.


"It's the simple things in life, like the kids at home and a loving wife, that you miss the most when you lose control. Everything that you love starts to disappear..."
MAMAFISH #1612973 04/28/06 01:34 PM
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Hey Mama
I too am appreciative of the support I find here. It feels like you and I are old friends since you have been there for me for months of grief almost since the beginning. You have been a good "cyberfriend" and I dont know what I would have done all these months without you telling me it will get better and to hang in there. I needed to hear I was doing the right thing by sticking by him so many times.

I am glad you got to sleep last night and so glad that CSJ knows what she is talking about. That is so great! I am sure it was a relief to hear that what happened yesterday is "normal".

I am doing ok. Have been noticing "cycles" with my recovery. 3 days of ok then a while of crying escalating to sobbing and then 3 days of ok. Doesnt seem I can go more than that without asking questions and he gets frustrated and short with me and I get upset/angry and start up again. Today is day 4 and I am just a little sad so maybe I am getting better.

I feel like a wimp with all you are going through and all that is going on around here. A friend of ours is dying right now any day of cancer 2 little kids. Ihave 2 other friends with kids that have cancer. H keeps telling me to be thankful for what we have...that our kids dont have to say goodbye to one of us today. I am so grateful for my life and humbled by all that is happening around us but I still cant help feeling like I have a right to some grieving myself. I have always thought of myself as a strong person but I am so weak from this its crazy. Self pity I know. I need to be stronger thinkof other things. Maybe I go 5 days this week! WooHoo!

F&L I havent seen you here today hope all is ok with your Hs job.

Have a great day everyone its beautiful here!
HF


BS 39 FWH 39 M almost 14 years DS 11 DS 8 DD 4 DD 4 PA 1/02-7/02 dday 12-15-05
MAMAFISH #1612974 04/28/06 01:38 PM
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Hi Ladies,

Just made some subs/heroes for my daughter and her boyfriend to bring to the park for lunch - such a nice day outside.

CSJ: I feel like I'm in a Law & Order show on TV. I have to commend you - you are so smart!!!Believe me; I will keep your name in my notes for the future. What a mess these guys got themselves into - and we have to try and bail them out.

I don't get HBO - we already pay so much for cable - so I never saw the show you guys are referring to - but I did see the previews. So, ok, when are they going to have a show with a woman with 2-3 husbands - waiting on them "hand and foot" -doing the housework for them, admiring them, taking care of the kids, everything their heart desires. That's a show I would love to watch!!!! I know this will never happen in our lifetime. Isn't it funny how we accept this form of lifestyle - because it is a man!!!

CSJ: I saw so many specials about those guys in Utah that take young girls as their wives when they are just young innocent girls, then when they get older they get another and another. How could they do this????

This world is so full of racial and stupid people. When will this all end? All of you got to see the video - "North Country" - what they do to the women in the workplace will make you want to scream!!!I never understood why people are so bigoted. Another quick story for you guys:

As you know, I wasn't born in this country - came here when I was very small - wcame with nothing but the clothes on our back - no money we were refugees - we were poor - but I didn't know it. Look up 1956 Hungarian Revolution on internet - Hungarians refused to be communists.

When I was about 10 - I made friends with a Jewish girl -she asked me to come over her house and play with her. I went over and saw a woman making lunch for us - I thanked her mom for the lunch. My friend said, "Oh no! that's not my mom - that's our maid". Maid???? I only saw maids on TV - not in real life.

Out came this woman with a nice dress, shoes, pearls around her neck, looked like "Leave it to Beaver's Mom", ok - I'm dating myself - this was the little girl's mom. She asked me some questions, were do you live, who are your parents, what do they do? Me being innnocent, I answered to the best of my knowledge.

I went back to school - the little girl kept ignoring me - I finally asked can I come over your house again - wondering why she was ignoring me? She told me - my mom told me I couldn't play with you because she didn't like where you live!!! Where I live??? - a three room, NOT bedroom apt. - what's wrong with this???This was the first time I realized I was poor. This was the first time I saw prejudice.

Now, I have a beautiful house, my husband makes a good salary, I've had a good job, we have the 2 cars, I have what I want, but I never forgot my roots! Even now, even though I can afford it, I always buy stuff on sale, feel like I get gypped if I don’t – I have taught this to all my children – I am very frugal – I never spend frivolously. I never look down upon someone from another race or someone that has less than me. I've been there - to be thrilled to get a 1 new dress for Christmas - not 20 different toys/items. To me all people are equal.

MF, good luck with everything. Talk to you all later.

HopingFor #1612975 04/28/06 01:53 PM
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Sad and confused
We must have been posting at the same time. I am so interested in your point of view there are so many things I dont understand or I guess believe that could be true.

My FWH said he never stopped loving me. I wonder can that be true?

It was all about him? Says he was just being self centered and is ashamed now. But wasnt I even considered as a stumbling block? How could he love me and not think this is going to hurt her I am not going to do it.

Can these things be true? I dont understand it. I have never really been around that many men during our A as I dont work outside the home. I dont get how you can be in love and be tempted.

I really struggle with this. Not so much the actual A anymore just what it meant that he was capable of doing it. I thought I knew him so well. Now I think I never will understand who he is and he will never understand me if he thought I was just "not that into him" b/c I was busy with the kids.


He wants me to just be normal "everything is ok I love YOU..it meant nothing" but I just cant bring myself to trust him with my feelings. Do I believe him? Yes but I always did even during the A he proclaimed love for me all the time. Now I am so scared.

Anyway thanks for the words of encouragement. I too think we will be stronger someday but boy is it a rollercoaster. I will never fully trust him again and that really kills me but everyone has scars I guess.
HF


BS 39 FWH 39 M almost 14 years DS 11 DS 8 DD 4 DD 4 PA 1/02-7/02 dday 12-15-05
HopingFor #1612976 04/28/06 02:01 PM
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HopingFor

"I will never fully trust him again and that really kills me but everyone has scars I guess."

Yes you will. From what I hear it is a rollercoster. There will be good days and TERRIBLE days.

"My FWH said he never stopped loving me. I wonder can that be true?

It was all about him? Says he was just being self centered and is ashamed now. But wasnt I even considered as a stumbling block? How could he love me and not think this is going to hurt her I am not going to do it.

Can these things be true? I dont understand it. I have never really been around that many men during our A as I dont work outside the home. I dont get how you can be in love and be tempted."

I NEVER stopped loving my H, ever. After I would see the OM, I would feel so sick. However, kept seeing him. IT IS AN ADDICITON, just like everyone says. I am lucky b/c I was able to break free out of the FOG (which let me tell you was so bad I tried to end my life) very quickly.

My story is quite ugly and disqusting....mind you I was pregnant with our 2nd DD while all of this was taking place.

You can make it work - it takes time, lots of time.

Please keep in touch with me. I'd love to have another MB friend.

Keep the faith. Pray, pray, pray. God does work in mysterious ways. Our M is going to be SO MUCH STRONGER because of this.


"It's the simple things in life, like the kids at home and a loving wife, that you miss the most when you lose control. Everything that you love starts to disappear..."
sadandconfused67 #1612977 04/28/06 02:20 PM
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Hi,

CSJ, MamaFish has my e-mail - if you like, you can get in touch with her and talk to me privately - that's up to you.

SadandConfused: We are on the opposite end of the stick. I don't like to make judgements - but please explain to us how you did this. I know people make mistakes - we all have. We too were ignored, taken for granted, yet we didn't cheat. Maybe you can give us some insight - and you were pregnant? If I forgave my husband - your's should also.

When did this happen? Is your situation more ugly and disgusting than anyone elses? I think not!! Maybe we can help each other out.

ForgiveandLove #1612978 04/28/06 02:34 PM
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Thanks sad and confused
I will stay in touch with you and I respect your committment working on your marriage even though you were the "wrong" one. I dont see many WS here. I think for my H he was almost cured when I found out. He had been carrying the guilt so long it just lifted off of him and was transferred to my shoulders.

My H too said he hated himself during the A. His mother died during the A and he thought God was punishing him. Still he went back to her after his mothers death. Even called her after the funeral. There are just so manythings I just dont "get". He says I never will. And I dont thinkhe will ever "get" that I just cant put it away like it was just a rough time in our marriage.

Thanks for sharing the other side of things.
HF


BS 39 FWH 39 M almost 14 years DS 11 DS 8 DD 4 DD 4 PA 1/02-7/02 dday 12-15-05
ForgiveandLove #1612979 04/28/06 02:36 PM
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F&L - Yes we are on opposite sides, but then again we all dealing with infidelity in our M. Whether we've created the pain or our S created it. We are ALL living it.

Before I respond to your post....think for a minute how lucky we all are that we can reach out to total strangers and create such connections by helping one another. I know I am very early into recovery, however, I am so changed by not only my A, but MB. I don't see an end for me, which is a good thing. I want to become an expert on infidelity. If fascinates me, actually. I want to help other people, I want to help them realize "Yes, you can make your marriage work and it can be better than you ever imagained".

Have you all read Surviving an Affair? It's a great book and makes soooo much sense. I can't imagine being the BS - my heart goes out to all of you. If you have read the book, get it and learn everything you can from this site.

One of the most helpful things that really worked for me was the Radical Honesty Agreement. I was very scared to share some things with my H, but realized when I became an open book we fell in love with eachother all over again. There were no more secrets, nothing to hide. I had been hiding for so long and I feel like I came alive again through communicating with one another.

However, there are tough days...when I see my H so down I want to physically get sick, when I look in my DD's eyes, and when I am driving home I cry when the visions come into my head of me going down on a man who treated me with nothing but disrespect. What was I thinking? Ugh, it's not pretty.

Bottom line is at first this many told me what I guess I needed to hear, "You are so hot".....and it went from there. He tried numerous times to break it off, but we always ended up back where we started. It wasn't until I came totally clean with my H - that everything turned around. It's hard to explain.

Two of the most important things (to me):

1. RADICAL HONESTY (includes entire pasts on both sides)
2. PUTTING UP HEDGES (to protect my M).

I hope some of this helps you gals. I'm here for you. Just don't beat me too hard! :-)


"It's the simple things in life, like the kids at home and a loving wife, that you miss the most when you lose control. Everything that you love starts to disappear..."
sadandconfused67 #1612980 04/28/06 02:39 PM
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HF - I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Please hang in there, keep posting and asking questions. You will come through this. And YOU WILL trust him again. It may not be for a long time but you will get there.

Try to take one day at a time, and if that is too much, then take it hour by hour.

Be kind to yourself, eat well, exercize, get rest.

Will talk to you soon. You're in my prayers - all of you!


"It's the simple things in life, like the kids at home and a loving wife, that you miss the most when you lose control. Everything that you love starts to disappear..."
sadandconfused67 #1612981 04/28/06 03:11 PM
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Sad and confused,

Over the years I've had many friends that cheated on their husbands - they were my friends and I accepted what they did - didn't agree - but they were my friends. Many times I knew their husbands and boyfriends. I had the delemma whether or not to tell on them - this is so hard.

But, all these were instances that happened to my friends - never to me. One thing I can't understand is if you love your husband, yes, mind you he must have neglected you EN, or whatever - why did you go outside of your marriage. This is one thing I can't for the life of me understand. Didn't you think of the repercussions?

My husband never treated me like a queen, his father hated me, we had so many obsticles, he bossed me around for years, we were never equal, was domineering, but I loved him - I could never do that to him. I worked my butt to the bone for him, was always there, we had a good sex life, I kept myself in shape. He never wanted to talk to me - would always rather listen and talk to other people - he thought I was always against him.

I always thought if I cheated on him - is wasn't worth it- what will the outcome be - waht about my family - will I have a future??? Many men have told me how attractive/hot I was, they would love to have me - but I never fell for that. I was at low points many times in my life - but I was never dumb enough to fall for that. I always felt if I didn't want my husband - I would tell him I would let him go before I cheated.

This is my 2nd marriage, in the first I was abused - but he never cheated - I have never changed in my attitude. I never will.

I don't want to put you down. But, what the he-- were you thinking??? I really would like to know how the OW thinks. The OW in my case is a real winner - I'm sure you are not. But, give me some info on what you were thinking and what you are thinking now.

It is good that we can post to each other without knowing who the other person is. This may help to know what my husband is thinking - mind you he was never in love with the OW and he was not as responsive as you are in making the marriage work.

I don't know when all your things happened, but just because you read a couple of books, doesnt' mean a thing. You are in for a long, heart wrenching time. It takes a lot of long, hard work to make a recovery in a marriage. Because you said you are sorry and your husband said he forgave you - that's only the beginning. You have yet to see what you have actually done to him.

I don't want to scare you off - don't mean any harm.

Take care,

ForgiveandLove #1612982 04/28/06 03:27 PM
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Hey ladies,

I just wrote a really long post and lost it all. I hate when that happens! Anyway, I don't have time to write it all out again but here it is in a nutshell...

Sadandconfused,

Please come back and tell us your story. I would be interested to get your side. I think it will help me to understand what my H was going through. He says he never stopped loving me and never meant to leave me. I don't understand how he could think that this wouldn't hurt me because I didn't know. Didn't he think of me at all when it first started?? How could it continue for so long? Note I was pregnant with our 3rd child when it started, and it continued after DD was born. We can all use another point of view here, and maybe we can help each other see the other side. We are all BSs here though but don't feel like we're all against you. We're a pretty supportive bunch. I commend you for your efforts on rebuilding your M.

Hopingfor,

I am glad to have you as a cyberfriend too. I'm glad that I have been able to help you out. Please don't feel like your pain and hurt doesn't matter, because others are going through more. Yes, you can count your blessings, but you are entitled to your pain. It is your life, you are grieving, and that is normal. Just because someone else has a harder time, or is going through something else, it doesn't mean your pain is any less.

Did you get SAA and HNHN yet?

F&L,

I love your idea for the TV show with the 2-3 husbands waiting on one wife...that is definitely not a reality show! But I would watch it!!

Well, gotta go. Have a good weekend gals and I will see you on Monday!


BW (Me) 39 FWH (41) Married 14 yrs DS 4/2000 DD 12/2002 DD 8/2005 PA 1/05 - 9/12/05 D-Day 10/13/05 Status: Trying to rebuild
MAMAFISH #1612983 04/28/06 08:12 PM
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Hi Sad and Confused
Yes I agree with Mama I think you do have a lot to share with us. Even though you are the opposite sex you can give us some idea on something that is so foreign to us. Thanks for being willing to do that.

Just tonite my H asked if my cousin was wearing her wedding ring at the wake and I said I didnt notice which got me to thinking....was his OW wearing hers? So I asked him and he said yes and I said were you looking for that? and he got angry said I was just drudging up the past blah blah blah. I really feel I deserve to kmow everything I want to know he came back to me a few minutes later and said he is not mad at me but at himself for what he did and what its doing to me. I just need him to be there for me and he just needs me seem ok to him not a basket case I guess.

I do feel badly for us BSs but I told H afew months ago I would hate to have been the one that caused all this pain in our M. Thats a burden too. We all so matter what side of infidelity we were on are hurting. Sometimes it does feel like we will be better because of it sometimes it feels like its eating me alive.

Mama thanks fo rthe kind words! I hope you have a nice weekend. H just went out for take out Thai and I put on the Love station on Sirius radio and lit some candles kids are in bed. Should be nice if I can keep my mouth shut haha! I am going to order the books next chance I get I promise myself!

Hope everyone is doing well!
HF


BS 39 FWH 39 M almost 14 years DS 11 DS 8 DD 4 DD 4 PA 1/02-7/02 dday 12-15-05
HopingFor #1612984 04/28/06 11:07 PM
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Joined: Jan 2006
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Hello everyone!

I got torn in so many directions today, but I couldn't resist checking in to see what I had missed. I have so many questions in my head, I could write forever, but I am posting from home, and we have a dial-up connection which is . . . so . . . slow. Plus, it's getting late and I'm exhausted. So I'll be quick:

S&C--so glad to hear from you. It is nice to hear another point of view, because there are so many things I don't understand about the side of things you've been through. I respect you very much for being here, and for the commitment you have made to your marriage. One thing that tortures me is the distant and aloof way in which my H treated me during his A. And it lasted a whole year! I was so lonely, but I kept telling myself to support him, that he must be going through something hard and he would eventually come through it. Even now, with the healing we have done so far, it is almost impossible for me to believe that he did this. So I look back at that awful, lonely year, and I wonder if he was quiet and distracted because he felt too guilty to really talk to me, or was he so in love with her that he couldn't stand to be with me? I know of course, every situation was different and you cannot peer into my H's brain any more than I can. But maybe you have some insight on this.

HF-never feel guilty over feeling your own emotions. They are genuine, and they are yours. I know it is humbling to see the trials of others--I see what you are saying. For exampke, one of the administrators in my office had a heart attack in October (she is about 45, but I guess had a childhood illness that weakened her heart) and her brain was deprived of oxygen for a time. She has survived, but is bedridden and cannot speak or even respond to people. She has teenage kids at home, and was such a vibrant person. I think of her often, and it does make me think that I wouldn't trade my set of problems with anyone else. I may not like my problems, but they are mine. My emotions are mine, and so are yours. And I think they are building blocks in the healing process. You should get those books, too. SAA was a reading assignment I gave to my H, and I really think it helped us both. It at least gave me some positive things to focus on.

F&L-I love your idea for a series! Let's sell it to HBO and make a fortune. You are such a strong person, and I respect so much what you have gone through. The prejudice thing is such a puzzle, isn't it? Sometimes I think it is purely a generational thing--something that only old people would do. But then you see something on the news or whatever, and realize that it's alive and well. I think in my area the worst is probably directed towards hispanic folks. There are quite a few migrant workers here, and many are illegal. There is so much talk about "close all the borders" and "send them all home" and that sort of thing. Sad, really. I mean, we all (except for Am. Indians) came from immigrants. My family came a bit farther back than yours, but still--immigrants. It's a bit hipocritcal to try and chase all the "illegals" out, I think.

And MF--we are all there for you! You are going through rough waters, but it will pass. And at the end, your H will know better than anyone that his W loves him, and is committed to him. He is one lucky guy.

Anyway, I better get to bed. I spent too much time up at my sister's today holding my new nephew--so cute. All curled up like a little kitten. My girls thought he was such a novelty.

But have a great weekend, and I will check back with everyone on monday!

CSJ


BS (me) 34 FWH 32 Married 1997 DD, 4; DD, 2 PA 10/04-10/05 DDay 11/17/05 In recovery
csj #1612985 05/01/06 09:01 AM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 370
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Hi All,

First thing: Hoping For, I forgot to tell you, that I'm sorry for you loss of your uncle. I don’t have any relatives here, except for my dad. I always wish I had someone, maybe a sister or brother to talk to. I do have some relatives back in Hungary, but I really don’t even know them and I never met them. Again, my deepest sympathy!

Hoping For: I know you’re having your ups and downs – this is normal. I think you said your D-Day was in Dec. 05 – am I correct? That’s only about 5 months ago. My D-Day was 6/10/05 – I remember so well, because that’s my husband’s brother’s birthday. But, anyway 6 months later, I was still doing the same thing as you, one day ok – the next day, depressed, crying, arguing, angry, my emotions are mixed up. So, I’m ahead of you by 5 months. It takes a long time, more for other people.

Normal is what’s normal for you. But, I think of these guys, just want to forget about their affairs and make believe it never happened. I think it’s just easier for them to return back to normal and act like nothing happened – and leave us wondering how can they do this? Don’t forget you didn’t cheat on them – they did – they may be hurt, but it’s not the same hurt as you have.

TO ALL: I can’t believe I’m talking about this today when they’re supposed to have that immigrant march today – I just couldn’t write on the weekend.

I have to respond to the post on immigrants and people being prejudice. As you guys know, I was not born here – but I’m a citizen and I love America – I wouldn’t live anywhere else in the world. Even though I was small, I saw what war was like and what poverty was. Everyone in this country has some other origin, unless you are an American Indian. All our parents, grandparents, etc. came to this country and learned the English language, worked hard and learned to live the American way. We are all immigrants in a sense. No one should look down upon someone because they are different –we are all the same, regardless of our race, religion or nationality. Because some people have the opportunity to have more than others, they forget where they originally came from and stick their noses up in the air at other people.

But, I do believe if you want to live in this country – you should do it legally. Then you have every right to be in this wonderful country. No one should be told they can’t live here. Our parents and grandparents did it – so can they.

One thing I am so adamant about too, is that now days, people do not have to learn English in school; you can take your citizenship and driving test without knowing one word of English. I think this is the stupidest thing I ever heard of. They teach kids in school in Spanish, not English so they can learn. Why aren’t they taught in English – so they can learn English? Do you realize they have driver’s tests in 20 languages? I think it should be mandatory to be able to speak English in order to get important documents.

When we came to this country – we came with no money – only the clothes on our back – but we came legally. We came under the government’s political asylum policy. I didn’t speak a word of English neither did my mom or dad. They went to work and learned – maybe not perfect – but they did. I went to school learned English and went on thru high school and some college – I luckily don’t have any accent and speak perfect (sometimes not) English.

Ok, don’t want to get too serious……it’s just that I feel so strongly on this.

My husband and I worked on the yard all weekend. Last year I couldn’t do everything by myself – so we a lot to do this spring. Last year my husband was too busy “working overtime” – so I had to do everything. Spring has some bad memories for me.

Our favorite show is “Desperate Housewives” – my husband and I watch it every Sunday. We have to think about this series about 1 woman and 3 guys…..hmmmmm.. who’d we get as the actors? I can see me and let’s see, George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Kurt Russell. Those were the only guys I could think of at the moment. A lit bit of levity in the morning!!! Ha. Ha.

Hope all is well.

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