I've graduated, I suppose you can call it that, from the pregnancy/child of infidelity board. My STBXH had a brief affair which resulted in an OC from his OW. Long story short, after three years of trying to recover, we parted ways and my divorce will be finalized April 25th.

This is my second divorce, so I've been through the feelings etc. before and honestly, I spent the last three years trying to save a marriage that was already dead. I've been on my own for nearly two years now and due to Hurricane Katrina, just now am getting my divorce finalized.

Most of the healing etc. has taken place and I've gotten counseling in the past to deal with the feelings and baggage. What I didn't count on was meeting a great man this past October and after our first date in November, have been pretty much inseparable since. What makes him a rare gem is that he and my kids adore each other as well (I have five of them)

I wasn't looking for a serious relationship, I was quite happy being alone and then I started to fall in love and am in love as did he. He wasn't looking either (he's divorced too)

my problem? I have some serious trust issues. I'm not a jealous or clingy person, but I have had insecurity issues along with some anxiety attacks. He's friends with several of his ex-gf's and such and I only get red-flags on two of them. What makes it weird is that I DO trust him, I don't trust the ex-gf's and such. He's been patient and working with me, but really...for those that might have been divorced due to infidelity issues, did any of you encounter any trust issues? How did you overcome it?

I welcome all insight and experiences. I never expected to fall in love again, but I don't want to push away my Bf due to my insecurity issues in the trust department, if that makes sense.

Thanks, if I don't make sense, don't mind me, I haven't had my full quota of diet coke today! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Oh and to clarify,
I'm not rushing anything. I'm quite content to see how things go with us and we are open and honest and communicative with each other. I can see this has long-term potential. I just don't want to ruin a good thing because I'm jumpy and nervous because my trust has been shot. I have a feeling no matter who I dated or started dating seriously, I'd have this problem with. Had to add that. I'm not one to jump quickly into relationships and such.

[color:"green"]Hi twisty,

I am a BS and am dating a guy that has ongoing relationships with exes. His ex wife stays at his house with her husband and children when she is in town, his ex girlfriend who has also been a friend for 16 years still comes over for parties and other BBQs, etc., he calls the ex that won't talk to him to talk to her kids and buys them gifts every Christmas, other exes drop in occasionally when they are in town.

Most of his relationships were brief (couple of months) and all but the marriage and one on-again off-again thing didn't last more than a year.

I thought it was strange and I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable with it, but I can sort of understand it because I built a friendship with my first ex after the divorce. I don't think that there is any way that either of us would ever want to have anything to do with the ex physically, but I don't know if the level of intimacy that remains in that relationship is appropriate for friendship.

I know that BF cared for me a lot when he started to talk to the ex much less.

I don't think it would be healthy or fair if one confides in an ex.

V.[/color]

Hi Twisty!
Sound like you are handling things pretty well on your own girl. You're taking the time to step back and look at things from more than one angle - smart move!
Best thing I can think of to say is just be open and honest with him about the fact that you are a little anxious and hadn't expected to fall in love with him. Dr. Harley pushes radical honesty in a relationship. And if it is going to last then the honesty policy is one that you both need to get used to - the sooner the better!
Right now that's what I'm having to do myself. About six weeks ago I started going out with a guy that had been watching me at get togethers for about three mos. Well I wasn't looking for anybody so I never noticed him. My problem is I "don't" feel "in love" with him even though he feels that way towards me. I don't trust my own judgement that much anymore when it comes to men. The ones I do seem to have feelings for end up being real jerks!! This guy is really good to me (even my daughter pointed that out to me - she'll be 18 in May) and I like spending time with him versus being alone, but I just don't have the in love feelings towards him that I've had in the past. I'm not real sure how long that stuff takes to build when it'll end up being a good solid relationship. I'm a little scared that he might be a little clingy. And something that concerns me even more is something that I read in Dr. H's book - buyers, renters, and freeloaders. In it it talks about people pleasers and how they can end up with likers vs. lovers and I'm afraid that's what is going on. He's a really good guy and I don't want to see him hurt anymore than I want to be hurt again myself, but I don't know how long to let things ride before I decide for sure and maybe stop seeing him. Right now there isn't anyone else in my life and I'm not hunting still. I've just started a cleaning business and I want to get things going strong and solid there before I start thinking about anything along those lines again. Any thoughts from either of you?

Becki