Here's my confessions:

Disrespectful-I guess I am disrespectful of people who do not live up to my expectations or standards. Not grossly or in an "out loud" disrespectful manner, but more like looking down on them a little or don't hold them in as high esteem as those who are more in line with me.

Deceitful-to avoid dealing with things that are uncomfortable.

Unfaithful-The usual definition does not apply. But perhaps failing to have faith (trust) in me, my husband, my marriage, my life?????? Don't know.

Hurtful - I can be hurtful in retaliation to being hurt. I usually regret it later.

Lazy- On the weekends! Don't like a rigid schedule.

Irresponsible -I don't think I'm irresponsible -- just maybe do not do or take care of things exactly when and how they should be done all the time. See lazy above.

Selfcentered - Yep. I've been last in line for a lot of years so it's time for some "me" time.

Selfish - Don't like to give or loan money or things. I guess because I didn't have much in childhood and we struggled financially in our early marriage and we finally accumulated a little. Would like to keep it.

Immoral - I can't really think that I'm immoral-except by being deceitful and selfish. Some would say that's immoral.

Uncaring - I can be uncaring for people and their problems when they've not done THEIR part to solve them. If they won't do what they need to do, why should I take up their cause?

Enabling - I enable a lot of things by not standing up for myself, my ideals and standards.

I don't feel satisfied with my answers. It's like I'm missing something somewhere--But that's all I got for now.
And I don't want to hold up the class. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

TO4T

LA --



Yes, absolutely, that makes sense. Protecting my self-image, the self I thought I SHOULD have -- not my self. Which would explain why doing those things just makes me feel WORSE. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Because they weren't honoring ME.

Now I just want to go and find my self, wherever she is hidden in there, and give her a big hug and tell her I'm sorry I haven't been listening all these years.

I think I'm going to need some Kleenex! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Yippeee to HTBH!!!! You are SO on the right path...and she's waiting for you! Takes some daily hugs and a lot of what you've given away all these years to others...and you'll really get a lot in return. She's MARVELOUS!!!

LA


TO4T,

I respect you. I'm taking a risk (to me) to say this:

"Disrespectful-I guess I am disrespectful of people who do not live up to my expectations or standards."

Guessing doesn't get it. <---that is the part I meant about risk. Scary to me to say that to you--it has been life-changing for me to repeat this to myself about myself.

I trust you know I am not attacking you.

:::deep breath:::

If you have your own standards and expectations, and they are yours...then why would others have to live up to them? They have their own, right?

I am going to the need behind the Disrespectful...get to why you have the need to be, even in your mind...and what if this is how you are irresponsible?

Deceitful...would be fear of the uncomfortable, what might be, the what if results you don't know, would you say that's what you meant?

Unfaithful...you had me stumped there...because we fear betrayal...and what you said, that you fear betraying yourself...your husband, your marriage...would work very well, wouldn't it? Do you betray yourself through Conflict Avoidance, deceit by omission? Could this be what you mean?

Lazy? Or fear of laziness? Do you hate to see someone who can be lazy succeed? Who seemingly does not work as hard, seem as aware and as conscientious as you are, succeed like crazy? See, fear of being lazy, of yourself being lazy, makes sense to me. I think most every American can relate. Yet you are not lazy...do you believe that is because the fear keeps your inherent laziness at bay? Under control? And as far as your weekends...I call that freedom...choosing what you do, not laziness. Self-care. Self-acknowledgment...and did you know, that the fear of laziness (not being/doing enough) is why people don't stay in the present...the now...because half of it is absorbing, being...not doing?

Hurtful...hurting back to stop them hurting you...I know this one well. Fear of being hurt is underneath hurtful...and again, in its measure, a protective device...with real protection...what you see others do to others signals self to know they will evenutally do it to you...they are capable of it. Also, that you are.

Did you know that putting yourself last in line for years is being self-centered? It is focusing on others as if THEY were your self...which denies self. Harley's Giver is as selfish as the Taker...be careful with what is over do, even as you are careful with what is under done.

"Selfish - Don't like to give or loan money or things." Wow, I hadn't thought of that as selfish--but self protective...hoarding security. Actually, not loaning money is great self-care...makes an expectation...however, giving it, letting it go, can be really therapeutic...like telling self, See? I give because I had to do without...and this is like giving it back to self in the past.

Immoral...when others do not have a code to live by? Or when others betray? This might signal you betraying yourself...fear of you not protecting you from you.

Man, am I confusing or what?

(Insert clarification...I see myself as three parts...Me, the one typing...Self-Image, the one I created from fear...and Self...the one God designed without defect.) Talk about SELVish.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Uncaring...this one threw me as well. Again, I see that "God helps those who help themselves" and I see respect in this belief...not uncaring. Respectful. Why would you reach out to someone who refuses to help themselves? Who loves being victim more than being human? Wait...because maybe this is difficult to judge? You'd have to be God, inside their head? I dunno. I think if you get angry with others for acting like they don't care, then you get angry with you for acting that way, even if it is being respectful? Are you afraid of being a monster? Someone who doesn't care?

Enabling...explain more what that means to you. If you dislike that in others, when you see them helping those who refuse to help themselves...then you see someone being disrespectfully judging another...doing for them what they could well do for themselves, which tears down that person, doesn't it? If you over-do, then others must under-do...am I on the right track? I don't see the part of not standing up for yourself...are you saying you don't speak honestly and openly about your thoughts, feelings and beliefs? As for your ideals and standards...they are yours, not others, correct? Or do you mean that when you feel you're being attacked, torn down, judged...that you do not defend who you are?

No holding up class...interesting you would think of you in the way when you're on this great journey, and yes, TO4T...it IS all about you...

and me...

And everyone else.

(((((TO4T)))))

Thank you for being here.

LA

OK, LA - No, I don't feel attacked...yet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Disrespectful - Let me rephrase: I AM disrespectful of people who act as if they have no standards or self respect or morals. No guessing about it. Maybe I measure my self worth that way - they did this and that - I would never do that - I must be better than them.

Unfaithful - betraying myself through conflict avoidance, deceit by omission--yes, all of the above.

Enabling - I was leaning more towards not commnicating my thoughts feelings and beliefs AND not defending my self when I feel attacked. But I definitely see me getting frustrated/angry with others who help people who are perfectly able to help themselves-but they've become so accustomed to being absolved from responsibility they just expect it. So it all applies.

I read (somewhere) that people take action for 2 reasons.
To gain pleasure and avoid pain. There's a lot of fear here so I guess (can I guess here?) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> that may be accurate.

Thank you LA.

TO4T

Geez, your a task master!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

But of course I am doing this because I want to be doing it.
Ok.

How did I feel? When I started doing the exercise, I felt real loathing for almost everyone on the list. To be honest, several on the list are politicians and a couple are senior people at my work. You'll probably have a field day with my anti-authoritarianism...(if you're into E-grams have you guessed which type I am yet?)

After I while, I really could feel each nasty characteristic in me and ... it felt ok. You know, writing that down felt sort of liberating.

I did have an aha moment in regards to the arrogance. I can pinpoint a couple of incidents that contributed to my fear of expressing my true worth. I know in my heart that arrogance actually comes from the same place that feeling less worthy than others comes from. I guess the opposite of both arrogance and excessive self-deprecation is true self-worth, as I see it.

About ignorance, I don't think I have explained it clearly. When I wrote that on my list, I didn't mean a lack of knowledge that comes from being young or inexperienced in the world. That is natural and understandable.

I was thinking of willful ignorance. "I don't care because I refuse to think about it, its too much hassle, I just want to do things as I have always done, I'm right anyway, it takes work to understand this new idea, and then maybe I have to change my views, which would be more effort" sort of ignorance.

I don't think that comes from fear, but from laziness. My fear based reaction is actually the opposite to this. I tend to respond to fear of the unknown by becoming an expert. If I was diagnosed with a rare disease tomorrow, I would probably go out and buy every known book on it and study them, then maybe go to a conference and question the researchers personally! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So, no, this one is not fear. Its laziness.
It takes effort to grow. I want to yell and stomp my foot, because I FEEL LIKE IT, not listen with an open mind and maybe have to understand something complicated and difficult thats foreign to me. It might mean I have to grow up a bit. The inertia is one of the barriers to growth for me.

I had another aha moment about ignorance. This lazy, ignorant part to me is another part i said goodbye to a long time ago. Maybe its time to welcome her back?

LA,

I understand what you mean about the daily hugs, but what about "what I've given away all these years to others"? Not quite sure I understand what you're saying here...

Again, thank you for walking with me on this journey! And thanks to everyone else sharing this thread with me. It's so helpful to know I'm not the only one!

HTBH

Htbh,

I know what you mean about not the only one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am so thankful that LA is here with us helping us out.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

TO4T,

Would you consider fear of ignorance? Maybe what you don't know might hurt you? Or maybe the fear of giving yourself slack...not knowing is a big part of life...knowing is safer?

I do hear you on the growth part...just guiding by the extreme...going to extremes is a signal from that little girl...and you nailed welcoming that part of her back...

Fear of laziness...my problem is that I have never met a lazy person...and I have three sons...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Would you consider fear creates inertia? Holds you still...for a reason? "Be still and know that I am God."

Might have a place. A purpose.

You did politicians!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

lol

Back to ignorance...I'm following you better now...choosing not to know your reality is one thing...choosing not to know how to engineer a road because that's what your spouse loves is another...I think.

LA


HTBH,

I took your "time for me" to be after years of sacrificing...which would be giving away to others...taking away from self...when self was equal, and so were others...it's me and my experience sticking her nose in...I did that, and self took back in destructive ways...

LA


Smur & Everybody,

Thi is truly big kudos to yourselves and from me, deep gratitude. I learned so much more doing this with you. Thank you very, very much.

LA

Hi LA,

That makes complete sense. I gave away not just time but also consideration, acknowledgement, so many things! I treated my self as if I didn't have one. It's still so hard to recognize my own feelings as they are happening, but I'm working on it, starting with being able to realize THAT I'm experiencing an emotion (the identification part can come later, right?). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So....

Now what? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I hoped that now that I understand, without shame or judgment, why I've had these habits/traits, and that I realize that they are not actually protecting my self, that it would be easy to stop doing them. That I would carefully consider my choices before making them and simply choose do what is true to my self. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

And that seemed to work great yesterday. I was calm and peaceful and completely without resentment all evening. Kind and respectful to both myself and my H. I heard myself starting to judge people in my thoughts, and I steered myself to new thoughts. So far, so good!

And then today I ran into a former co-worker at business function, and, before I knew it, we were gossiping about and judging our colleagues! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

How do I stop this?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> This is not what my self wants to do, this is not who I want to be. Do I just need practice eliminating these old habits? Or is there another step that I'm missing?

Well, I believe you wanted to connect with former co-worker more than you wanted to self-respect. To be liked and enjoyed more by her/him, than by yourself.

Say, "Self? I don't want to be living through others. I can connect and disconnect...we're all equal...and I'd like your help in not doing it through others to be liked and accepted."

Then you do the tough part...make your amends.

That's right...show Self you really mean it...call co-worker and own what you did, that you aren't going to do that anymore.

Then hang up.

Then you can go to each person you gossiped about, tell them exactly what you said (not what former coworker said), and ask for forgiveness.

Think that will help?

LA

I just realized I flubbed up...which isn't startling news...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

TO4T and Smur...your middle posts...

TO4T...Going at the disrespect...yes, yes and I get this one really well. Would you consider fear of being/feeling less than? A little external pump-me-up? Would you ever choose to judge if you knew, hard and fast, you are eternally equal? That nothing can change that?

Or would that wreck everything?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

"But I definitely see me getting frustrated/angry with others who help people who are perfectly able to help themselves-but they've become so accustomed to being absolved from responsibility they just expect it. So it all applies." Here is a big DJ to know...you cannot be absolved from responsibility. What you are responsible for, remains your responsibility. Period. You can act, pretend or allow others to pretend what yours isn't yours...yet it remains, it is...

Go a little further here for me...where's the harm in another person disrespecting someone else and the other person allowing it? You're not part of it...no control, just judgment...flip it over to you...why does this rankle you so much...are you angry at those you sacrificed for, teaching them they were broken, useless without your sacrifice?

Whoa. I had to face that...I had to find my payoff...that I got to be good and fix others and darn it, when I needed fixing, they weren't doing jack.

Hope that one doesn't bite too hard...you're a strong woman. I believe in you.

And consider your name...you have an expectation that by a certain age, we no longer tolerate or should have to deal with these pesky lessons? (I'm jumping on your name because we don't learn until we learn...and I found out today, even when we know, what we know now, old stuff stays daily until we get what we get from it...marrow and all.)

Guess that's what they meant by, "And the hits just keep coming!"


Smur:

Did you catch how I mixed up my response to you inside my response to TO4T before. I got dizzy scrolling up and apparently, distracted, as well.

You watch that "task master" stuff...I have a whip and I bet I could learn to use it, uhm, eventually!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

Oh my gosh, LA, the first thing I thought when I read your post was NO!!

No, I didn't want her approval more than I wanted self-respect, it was just me falling back into a bad habit! Really! And there is NO WAY I'm going to call everyone and fess up.

And then I felt really really sick -- but I recognize that feeling now -- that one is FEAR.

So I thought on it, and decided, that yes, I chose to sacrifice my self-respect. I chose it so fast I didn't even see it as a choice at the time, but that's exactly what I did.

So I called my former co-worker (took a few minutes to get up the courage to do it). I had to leave a message but thought that was better than putting it off until I could reach her, so I left a message saying, basically, that it was good to see her today but I had been thinking about what I said about my new co-worker and was embarrassed because I don't want to gossip about people.

Then I went into my new co-worker's office and asked if she could talk, and told her I wanted to apologize, and that I had gossiped about her and I don't to be a gossip and I am sorry. I even told her what I said about her! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> She was, bless her, very sweet about it, and I was shaking like a leaf the entire time.

And even now, I'm feeling a little sick. The fear is finally starting to wear off, but I'm still jittery. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

But I guess I do have a little something to be proud of, in that I recognized that I made a choice that disrespected my self, and that I was willing to make amends even though my old defenses (those that protect my self-image) were screaming at me to just let it go.

Egads! I just lost my post into oblivion! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Don't have time to re-create it tonight.

I was thinking, reading your post - I didn't do politicians (would be still listing negative characteristics!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> And it was smur who was ignorant! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
Sorry smur, just kidding! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ack! I'm sorry TO4T...I HATE when that happens...such a loss...to us.

LOL - on all my errors and your humor. Glad to know you didnt do politicians...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


HTBH,

Wow. And another WOW. How amazing and awesome ARE you?

I saw this earlier this morning and thought of you on the way in. I am in deep admiration...truly, Wow.

Authentic admiration of self beats false to self-image, any day, I bet.

And I've told others...and you're being admired...and you're inspiring. Wow.

Just wow.

Thank you for sharing...and being who you are!!

LA

TO4T -- Your post cracked me up!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA -- Thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It certainly feels good to have shown my self that I mean it, that I am not just talking about being different but that I actually want to BE different. I have felt really peaceful today -- guess that's not a coincidence! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thank you for listening -- and for appreciating and supporting me! I have known for a while that I had some old hurts to work through, but was not ready to face it until recently. And now, here you are, helping me through this not-quite-so-fun process!

To4T,

its ok, I just told half the world! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA,
I get what you're saying. Yes, there is often fear underlying inertia. Sometimes its a childish wish not to take responsibility. Responsibility takes effort. I want somoeone else to do it for me. What happens if you are responsible and make a terrible decision?
Then there's no one to blame but yourself. There's no worse feeling than that (as a recovered fww...thats one I remember well..)

The other kind of ignorance is different, yes...when my opening of my mind, being ready to listen and learn, will actually help not just me, but my H, my M, and all my relationships.
So self-acceptance is my goal. No more double standards.

LA, I'm so grateful that you are hear doing this. Its helping. I am thinking and processing it all.

LA & all

Sorry I have been swamped at work and home. Just now able to get back. I tried not to read too much of the thread --- until after I put my thoughts on paper.

Wayyyyy back, LA, you asked about my repeating the same words. They were all for different people --- but I had similar 'issues' with different people....I guess.

About them being a part of me. I think at first I would have said ...."NOWAY!" But as I absorbed the words and looked for their place in me, I realized that some times what I see critically in others are things I strive so vigorously not to be. Why would I need to be so vigilant? Maybe I am so vigilant because these are characteristics that I fear in myself. I am a strong values based decision maker and I have a personal mantra of 'live my values.'

self centered --- sometimes if I don't make myself the center of the universe, I am part of no universe.

hypocrite ---- fear if I state my opinion/views, I will be rejected (so I state them and accept your rejection before you have given it)

gossip --- I want to belong ---- how can I belong if i don't have a clue what everyone else seems to know?

backstabber (came up twice) --- A backstabber pretends friendly but behind the scenes attacks someone else. Inside me? ...... when I don't feel safe being honest upfront. fear of rejection?

bigot ---- I don't know on this ---- couldn't find 'the why' inside me --- I fully acknowledge I am as human as the next person --- I strive to be accepting and open minded but I am a product of my society after all.

self serving (came up twice) -- related to self centered --- fear that if i don't take care of myself --- I won't be taken care of

hurtful --- I am when I put my needs above another's

liar -- (came up twice --- once old boyfriend and once for husband) --- where it is inside me? to protect myself from consequences or protect my image.


Hope I didn't wait to long to come back and participate? What is next?

Thanks. I found this very insightful. I think I see a pattern of fear of rejection and not belonging.


hns

Thank you for coming back, H&S...you're great to see any time...

I loved how you put this:

"...."NOWAY!" But as I absorbed the words and looked for their place in me, I realized that some times what I see critically in others are things I strive so vigorously not to be." I think this was exactly my reaction also...this careful excommunication of what isn't allowed in myself...what I've identified as huge NoNos and guard against having...hence, ostracizing parts of me...not claiming ALL my villagers...

If we truly knew we were not those things...I don't think we'd be vigilant, and I think that's where you're going...if we know we have this in us, then we stay hyper-aware of it in others, exactly to guard against...from fear.

Let's look at yours...and I do want to lump a few to get to their essence, which I think you found as you wrote your post:

Self-centered and self-serving

Gossip/Backstabber/Hypocrite

Liar

Bigot


I'm challenging you on hurtful...and I'm not trying to be hurtful...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When you put your needs above another's...hmmm....is this conversely the same? You are hurt when someone else doesn't put your needs above their own?

Fear of hurt is within everything you listed...so hurtful, a broad-scope, stumps me a little...fear of hurting; fear of being hurt...rejecting or rejected...is this really a villager...and may well be, H&S...where you detest others who do this and yourself when you do...I just wanted a little more from you on it...

Think if we can put these villagers together in this way...for their underlying trait...

I saw when you said self-centered, that it is in you for a reason...to protect you from not existing...from being excluded...to protect you from not belonging...would that be close? And in order to do that, would you have to be self-serving? To act on it? Would living your values be self-serving, in a way?

Okay...I'm getting ahead of myself...if these groupings work for you, THEN I'll continue on...if not, let me know, please.

Thank you for doing this and being open...and self-insightful.

LA


Hurtful

LA

Thank you for your response!

When you put your needs above another's...hmmm....is this conversely the same? You are hurt when someone else doesn't put your needs above their own?

Yes. In the situation I expressed here -- it was someone who hurt me by putting their pleasure above my pain. Which is putting her needs above my own. And it would work conversely. I hurt others when I put my needs above theirs.

Fear of hurt is within everything you listed...so hurtful, a broad-scope, stumps me a little...fear of hurting; fear of being hurt...rejecting or rejected...is this really a villager...and may well be, H&S...where you detest others who do this and yourself when you do...I just wanted a little more from you on it...

I didn't see it at first. but I think you are right that fear of hurt is within each ..... as well as a fear of hurting another ... to be a source of another person's pain hurts me.

to protect you from not belonging...would that be close?

It would be very close. I've always struggled with feelings of being outside, unnoticed, not a part of. The exception for me for a long time was my marriage and family. Finally a place I belonged. Then I found out about my h's lta and that place was taken away from me too .... although I am regaining my sense of belonging.


if these groupings work for you, THEN I'll continue on...if not, let me know, please.

You are very good, LA. They do work for me.

Okay...I'm putting them in a different order:

Gossip/Backstabber/Hypocrite - here is your fear of betrayal; consider belonging for a high price. To be in the know is to hear gossip, which can be including others if you pass it on. To not be truthful, because you are not hearing truth from the person being talked about and you are passing on information which may not be truth. These are your guardians from fear of being seen as an outsider, and being in the know, even just hearing gossip, is an act of backstabbing to truth...which would be hypocritical to your values. Truth matters. Fear of not knowing truth, being withheld from...set apart. Fear of abandonment combats fear of intimacy. These people represent a twisted intimacy, which you want--and all betray themselves and others to feel that intimacy.

Consider gossip not including you as lies by ommission...a friend telling someone else their truth, but not you.

Liar - lies trigger fear because they withhold information about what is real...which means reality is unsafe. Lying by omission is something we do yet see it best in others doing it to us. Lying is self-betrayal...each time you tell yourself you shouldn't feel a certain way is like lying to ourselves.

Bigot - believing people are the same for some reason...women are gossipers, coworkers are backstabbers, worshippers are hypocrites...these come from fear of the unknown, no control, which is like a matrix of fear if you believe everyone is an individual, as you most likely do, yet that would exacerbate fear of betrayal by making everyone unknown quantities, wouldn't it? Labeling eases fears by telling self we know what to expect, when we don't. This can also come from fearing those who have strong, seemingly bullet-proof beliefs, where we have no influence, no sway, no consideration. Hard and fast beliefs can feel exclusionary in this way...triggering fear.

Yet you have those--in your values. In what you do not allow yourself to do to others and do not allow others to do to you. Do you wonder if your values look the same on the outside, like a bigot's?

Fear of self...self isn't good enough to stand alone, be an outsider...because we are all outsiders to one another...until we get this, we cannot see how we all connect and belong...fear remains our own barrier.

Loving self more...seeing yourself as whole, complete and marvelously made, as you are, as is every single other person on the planet...and separate...would go a long way to knowing you already belong, are inherently a part of everywhere, even places you have not been, when you stop fearing your self...serving self with care, attention, acknowledgement; being centered with this knowledge and respecting others are made in the same way...

Embrace all these villagers you have to combat your fear; you don't have to use them, but they are there for you, many parts, to your whole. You are not powerless...you are filled with power of self...look to the one where you feel less by someone else's choices; because self is telling you something...that you are living through someone else, not self...and self always was and will be enough for you. Always. Can't not be enough.

No one can wipe out your significance from life. You are. You really are. Self shows in each villager you are valuable and worthy.

LA