Laugh it up gekko!

1wh~~

I hope you won't be joining either. I think most of us try to find lightness because it is/has been painful and we are trying to smile and live again.

My opinion, I would much rather be married than single.
I wish you the very best and hope all works out for you.

Karona

did someone say "chocolate"??? hahahaha
mlhb

karona i agree with you. i would rather be a in a committed relationship than single as well. but i want that relationship to be a two way street. i want it to be healthy and mutually satisfying. so if that means i have to be single for a while or even a long while until i find the right person then fine.

that being said, bump my cart anytime, i'll at least make you laugh.

I agree with both of you (karona and gekko) but it I would rather be alone than with someone just for the sake of being with them if they are not what I really and truly want.

I also agree, though, that it is really nice, and will be really nice, to have someone to truly share my life with. I don't think I have ever had that , not even in my marriage. we did not share anything. we did not have that body, mind, and soul connection that I long for with another person. I know that person is out there somewhere just waiting for me! all of us here deserve that much. exactly what we are looking for. at this point in my life, anything less than that just will not suffice. I am just hoping it happens for me sooner than later... LOL I will be 40 in 5 years... gosh let it happen before then! haha mlhb

Yes gekko, that is precisely what I'm meaning. Not being married to anyone, but....

a giving from both sides, desire, the breathless-ness, to grow old with them, and to be happy and proud with them.

bump the cart eh? That would be how it would have to happen for me, accidental. I'm the worst at making eye contact with men. Must work on that!

mlhb~

I understand how you feel, but think of it this way. I was 39 when I found out about x's affair, w/a 28 yr old. As if turning 40 wasn't going to be painful enough!
I would much rather be your age "if" this was the way my life was to have turned out than the age I am today.

You are young. The 30's to me were the best in terms of being. The teens were young, the 20's were young/growing trying to be young and older at the same time, and the 30's seemed to be a time where it all fit together.
I will have to report later for the 40's. My life has been a bit upside down so far. I'm hopeful for a turn for the best at some point. There must be a reward after all the pain.

Best to both of you!

Karona

ahhh, thank you karona. you sound like a really nice person with good goals and morals, I am sure you will get your dream come true soon! mlhb

My M was oneness, at least it seemed that way to me. Now looking back I have so many doubts. But I still have hope, both for my M and for my life in general. I wish the best for all of you, and still hope that I won't be joining the single crowd! But if so, then I will see it as a new beginning and a chance to do things better. LOL

Ouch 40, that's not old!!!!!!

I don't think so anyways, my kids think that I am ancient.

Date now while you are in your 30's as the pool gets shallower at 40, throw in a 40+ year old grandmother and the pool dries up!!!!

I haven't found any luck in dating, I have always been a very self sufficient independent person even while I was married. I think that that is a turn off to most guys, they are looking for someone that needs to be taken care of. I don't need to be taken care of, I need someone to share my life with, there is a difference.

I have tried the bars, the church, the volunteering with kids, the one that I haven't done is the friends fix up, there is no body here at work. I am just not seeing anyone in my future, and that is ok. I am happy, I have my family and my friends, would I like there to be someone special, I would love it. But I am at a point that they would have to be dropped into my life cause I am tired of looking.

Just my 2 cents worth on the subject, I would be in the steak aisle with a bottle of pink wine, I'm simple!!!

Dawn

Daybreak,

We men in our 40's are out there and karona and mlhb have clued me into the cart thing. I actually tried it and all I got so far was a "watch where you are going" in return. I think it is more of a way to say "keep your eyes open and listen more closely". I share your thoughts and have said the same things here so don't go looking, just relax and be yourself and good things will happen.

Your cart is all messed up! The steaks should be pink when cooked and the wine should be the color of the steak in the package. My mistake was that I had a six pack, a bag of pork rinds and a can of copenhagen in my cart at the time of the bumping. Not too bright but I am having fun anyway! Even a curt brush off is better than no female contact at all!

As for someone to take care of, that is the last thing I am looking for. Someone to spend time with and to share all the things life offers, yes. We've done our job as caregivers in raising our children, now we sit back and help our kids do the same and all we have to do is offer encouragement and advice when called upon.

Be confident and others will take notice, I do.

hey how ya doin dukhunter?? you seem like a such a nice man... i hope someone does not just bump your cart, I hope they dive right into it for you!!!

mlhb

How ya doin mlhb?

Yes someday it may happen, but with my luck it will be a homeless dude stealing my wine!

I am of the opinion that how we choose to live now pretty much dictates when and if we will meet the "right person". Living and believing you will never find someone else leads to a long and gut wretching struggle. Simply being happy and positive attracts others like nothing else. You should have no problems in this area! You are always upbeat and downright funny on occasion.

I am tryin g to do the same in my life, stay positive and be happy. We'll just have to wait and see what lands in the cart!


P.S.- Care to divulge what the mlhb stands for? Or should I start a contest to see who comes up with the best answer?

hmmm.. a contest sounds interesting... but I fear what people may come up with! mlhb are my initials, first, middle, maiden, and married names... the "b" will probably be dropping off of there some time soon....I have kept that last name because I am not finalized divorced yet and because my children have that last name.

so... that is it, nothing too exciting!
it is safe to assume what your name means!

thank you for the compliments as well.
since the dissolution of my marriage, and thanks to many things I learned on this site, I am a much better person, happier, in tune with me, know what I want, etc. I am back to my old happy perky snobby self. I lost all that somewhere along the lines of a very unhappy and unfulfilling marriage. It is good to have it back.

someone actually did "bump my cart" about a month ago... we shall see what happens.....

throw that homeless guy out of your cart now! you need it empty for someone who will appreciate all of who you are! that homeless guy won't! LOL

geez duk, if you had had some chocolate in that cart I might have bumped into it a bit ago... but alas... too late now!
so far I am pretty happy with who bumped into mine :-)

take care dukhnter, keep posting and keep looking for those lovely books to open up... I can't wait to hear when you have finally "read" the right one! mlhb

I just read thru this thread and you guys all seem so at ease about this whole dating thing. How did you get over being so bitter and angry? I still want to vomit when i see couples holding hands and laughing together. My divorce will be final in roughly 45 days and I don't know whether I'm happy or sad about it. One minute angry and pissed at the world, the next I'm bobbing my head to music on the radio.

Un,

Believe me it has taken a long while to get here. Over a year in my case. I think for me it finally dawned on me that I didn't make this choice. I had no say in the decision whatsoever, so why let her dominate the rest of my life?

Letting go was not easy and some days I still get down over it. Usually you can tell because I end up here posting to get my mind out of the dumps and on to something more pleasant. I talk a lot to another MB'er Paradise Blue over in the "Just Found Out" board and she helps a bunch too. Anything to move my mind in a different direction, or to change the way I am thinking. Control what you can, yourself. Once you accept this and start doing it life can and does become more enjoyable.

Make tomorrow a better day, do it for yourself and those you love.

Unapp~~

Welcome!


In a word? TIME.

I will say for myself, I'm anything but at ease with the dating scene.
It is any thing but comfortable for me.

I went thru the stage you are talking about, don't recall how long it lasted, but I was there once.

I think you will get to a point where you will be ready to date and be open to having someone special in your life.
Right now, there must still be some deep wounds.

Best to you,
Karona

yes, i agree it takes time. and you cannot put a limit on it. just because your divorce is final does not mean you will magically feel like dating again. it is scarey. i know i have totally not been in the mood to date and date and date going through that looking for the right one thing. i have seen a few guys here and there but have been so totally disappointed in them. one i had a real physical attraction to but on the inside he was nothing to me. he said crude things, he was lazy (in my opinion), etc... so yea, i thought he was great looking but once i got to know who he was he no longer was great looking to me. i have not totally put myself out there either. not interested in meeting what my local bars have to offer. not interested in the married men who seem to have no problem flirting and wanting some fun.

I am light hearted about things now because I a ready to be in something now. i have been alone for the last 3 years. 2 of those I was still married, but still alone. my ex stayed on the couch for 2 years and did nothing with me, we were basically roommates. so i have been alone a very long time and am ok with alone. i am ready to start sharing some of my life again. i am getting to know someone right now and we shall see how it goes. i am hopeful because so far so good.

i recommend a book called REBUILDING WHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP ENDS BY BRUCE FISHER. it will help you get over that bitterness and anger.

keep reading here too... we always good for a laugh!
mlhb

It all lies within you!!!!!

Like duk said I did not chose this to happen to me, do I have to like it? No. Do I let it control everything else in my life? No. The only things I can control are/is me and how I chose to look at things. And no my glasses are not rose colored.

I chose to stay strong, positive and up beat. Do I admit to bad days? Yep and can throw an awesome pitty party, but all parties have to end!!!!

Bitterness, yep I have some, I just don't let it take over, I have control over it!!!!!

I even invited my x over for supper last night with the kids. He is here visiting out of town for the week. He is not the same man that I was married to, can't say that I would even look at the man that he is now, But we got along and that was a first in three years for us. I chose to make the night ok, could he have said something to upset me or trigger me, yep! But I was prepared with how I was going to handle it, I was in control.

Again my 2 cents worth.

Dawn

I am having trouble myself, four years out of an abusive marriage and just now beginning to date.

I met someone at church several weeks ago and he finally asked me out. It was a nightmare. He seemed so nice when I met him through friends at church. He kept asking me things like.........Is your house practical? Do you really need this Durnago? Is it practical?

No man will ever tell me what I can do with my life again.

It just seems like I meet two kinds of guys.......

1. Psycho
2. Married

AND, sometimes the two catagories are merged.

I am certain that there are men out there that feel the same way about women too though.....

I live in a very small TX town, so that could also be part of the problem.

Anyway, I would love some tips on how to go about dating also. I don't do bars, and I AM the singles group at my church. I teach school with 65 women, so.........

Well, this is my first post, I need to go read some other threads now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Teach,

Yes it does sound like a homeless dude ended up in your shopping cart too. Doesn't mean you need to quit shopping! Look for the positives in everything. You saw thru this guy in a hurry didn't you? Focus on being positive and confident. Sooner or later the right person will notice and your cart will get bumped when you least expect it.

How small can your town be with 65 women teachers in one school? Sounds more like the men there are running scared and in hiding! I may have to come and shop there.

how did i get over the bitterness? see my therapy thread - two words: hot therapist.

seriously, time just eats away that stuff. at 45 days you are probably in the classic time period of being angry. i suggest go your own way by fleetwood mac or far behind by candlebox - great break up songs. heavy metal works too.

dating? depends on each person. like mlhb, my marriage was dead as fried chicken 3 years ago. i started dating in mid march, dated for about 3 or 4 weeks, then after some therapy and some soul searching decided to stop it until therapy was over and the d was final - both at the first of june.

work on yourself. make yourself important. once you get control of your relationship with yourself you can deal with someone else.