OMG Orchid! I sent your message!!! After he rang the kids tonight my DD7 was INCONSOLIBLE when I put her to bed 'where is my daddy, i want my daddy, y dont i ever get to see him anymore, can Connor wake me up early so I see him before he goes to work, is Friday a day off for daddy'

I AM SO ANGRY WITH HIM. So I sent the message - changed it a little bit to add in about DD7s reaction tonight.

Well - I may not get an answer, but at least it will upset him. He got upset a few days ago when I said he wasn't seeing the children.

Well, not 5 minutes after I sent the message to him the phone rang. I thought 'OMG it will be him' (but deep down didnt think he'd have the guts to ring me)

And it wasnt him, it was his brother. (who didnt know)

BIL says to me 'hi juz, how are you?'

I said 'well S I am actually up to [censored]. Your brother is having an affair. blah blah blah'

Well poor BIL was shocked to say the least and totally devestated as he looks up to Mark so much. And he said to me 'well he may be my brother, but you are my family and what he has done is so wrong and we are here for you 100%. He kept saying 'omg, its just like dad, its just like dad.'

I asked him to ring his mum because poor MIL has had no-one to talk to about it all. And then about 40mins later MIL rang me and ive just gotten off the phone to her (65min ph call, thank god its a local call! LOL)

She is just so totally devestated. She has known from D-Day but she just is so ashamed and disgusted with her son. And at least she will have her other son to talk to about it now. She said she can't eat she can't sleep (i said - join the club!). He won't return her calls, I said 'thats cause he is so guilty'. And this is the son that rang his mother at least once if not twice a week before.

I explained to her about MB and how WS are possessed by aliens.

SHe just rang back again! She wanted to know if the work number she had for Mark would be able to be used to speak to HouseWrecker. I said 'why?' she said "I wanna ring her and tell her what a slut she is andhow she has destroyed my grandchildren's lives etc'

I said 'NO! Don't do that. That will make HER look like the victim to Mark. He will console HER because she has been picked on.'

We have to act like she doesn't exist - that she is not WORTH our comment.

MIL agreed when I explained it like that.

But - talking about comments.

Next week (depedning on the response i get from the letter text from tonight) I still wanna take the kids into his work to meet him for lunch.

Now - I would LOVE to have a one-liner ready as I walk past reception. And I know this is the best place that you can give them to me.

I was thinking of something along the lines of 'Oh - yes, I didn't recognise you with clothes on, Ive seen so many photos of you on my husbands phone naked'

Or even something less long and convuluted like

"Oh, it's you Root - I mean Ruth' (remembering that in Australia root means 'f^<k'

Anyway - i was going to go for an early night tonight! lol! But have spent at least 3 hours on the phone!

Jus

Juz,

I can SO relate to the difficulties you are having with DD wanting her Daddy. My son is 4 and his Dad (XH) lives in another country. He just left after a 2 week visit. Now, for the next 2-3 weeks, he will act out in everyway possible. My otherwise delightful little boy becomes defiant, does listen, is mischevious, nasty, argumentative...you name it. I wish I could offer you some magic salve, but I never found one. The best I found was, "I know, I miss Daddy, too." Validate her feelings.

With regard to OW working with your WH. Have you exposed to his workplace, yet? Might be a good idea. Perhaps your visit to his office would be the ideal time....Walk in and say in a VERY loud voice, "Gee, Root, does everyone here know your sleeping with my husband, breaking apart my marriage and breaking the hearts of my 3 darling children?"

Regards,

BB

Juzzie, someone once told me my WH had HUTAS (Head Up The [censored] Syndrome) and sadly your husband has also been infected. Your wonderful MIL will, like mine, be so saddened by her stupid son's actions. It sounds atypical behaviour for him, making it even harder to accept.

Your WH is intoxicated at the moment. You just make sure you look your best and act in a dignified manner. It will baffle him and make him even more guilty.

As for the chocolate loving OW, I'd give her a violet crumble and tell her to shove it in her biggest orifice, and you don't mean her mouth (as you waft past the reception looking like a yummy mummy and don't lose your composure).

I hope you go into Plan B fairly soon. He has no idea yet how much he will miss you and, if I'm honest, I just like you and can't stand the way he's treating you. I hate that your little girl was so upset over his absence. The night one of my daughters found out, she had a panic attack and I drove her to hospital at midnight (she's asthmatic which doesn't help). Having been through this as a child, your WH absolutely 100% knows how wrong and damaging this is. I sense he doesn't want to hurt OW. Well, someone is bound to get deeply hurt over all this and better it be her than a family of five with so much more to lose. You're in my thoughts. TT

NO on-liners with OW...do not stoop to her level. You are not on her same level... If she says ANYTHING to you, you say, I'd rather not talk to the woman who is wrecking a family...or I don't talk with people of so low character to step into a M...

Think again about allowing your MIL to contact the OW...although not OK for YOU to, the pressure from his family can be VERY helpful in bursting this A bubble. Let the alien or the OW know that if he has fantasies of a simple D, inviting the OW into his family, he is SORELY mistaken...there will NOT be welcoming arms. This can be an incredibly powerful wedge between them...who is he going to pick...his mother or OW?

Think on this...

Now, other than being the best W you can be...stop spending so much time thinking of the right things to say...as though what you say or do will stop the A. This is another part of his life where he doesn't think about the family. Other than reminding him he has an adorable family at home, you be the best YOU you can be.

That would be almost criminally fun.

Juzzie walks in, shepherding three beautifull little angels ahead of her. All the reception ladies ooh and ahh (except for one, who is no lady).

Beaming proudly, Juzzie walks up to the kindest, smilingest, gossipy-lookingest lady of all. "We're here to have lunch with MY HUSBAND!!!!!" Juzzie takes herself firmly in check and lowers her voice slightly. "Could you let him know that we're here?"

"Oh, your children are so sweet," coos the receptionist.

"Yes, aren't they?" Juzzie purrs. "Ok children, run ahead to see Daddy." She lowers her voice conspiratorially, speaking just loud enough to be heard by the nice lady, and the other nice ladies on each side who are trying very hard to act like they are working and not eavesdropping. "They are all just broken-hearted by WH's affair with Root....th." Juzzie gestures in Root....th's direction with a jerk of the head. "They cry themselves to sleep at night, and wake up sobbing because their Daddy wasn't home again." Shakes head sadly. "It's terrible, just terrible. He doesn't even act like the same person anymore. Can you believe, she's even sent him pictures of herself naked and covered in chocolate?!"

The nice lady's mouth is hanging open, and the receptionists on each side of her type furiously, nonsense words, as the full meaning sinks in. Juzzie brightens visibly. "Well, it's been so nice seeing you again," she finishes cheerily, "I mustn't keep MY HUSBAND!!!!!!!!! waiting any longer."

Spine rigidly militant, she marches into WH's office with dignity, as if unaware of the maelstrom unleashed in her wake.

The other receptionists eye Root.....th with slanted, suspicious eyes, wondering if their husbands or boyfriends will be next on the maneater's list. As the darling little family emerges from the office, one tiny stripling perched on the father's arm, the stern gaze of the outraged ladies transfers to WH. What kind of man leaves those adorable children for......they look back at her.......a woman of such low morals as to tear apart a home for her own selfish lusts.

The receptionist looks down at her chocolate, then at the homewrecker, then back at her chocolate. She shudders.

The office is never the same again.

I like it neak!!!!!!

BB

BB - it is so sad isn't it. This morning, no mention of him by the kids - but my DS4 has not stopped hugging me or telling me how much he loves me.

Again - hard morning. hole in the heart syndrome Im starting to call it. It heals up over the day, but first thing in the morning it's there - a gaping massive hole in my chest.

Gotta get these kids dressed and off to playgroup. But they are absorbed in the Wiggles atm.

jus

PS - no 'morning' text from WH today!!!

TT - I think that plan B may be today you know? It cetainly is regarding the rest of my family. Ive spoken to them all that they are not to msg him at all any more. Gotta speak to my friends and tell them too.

I hope I can be strong enough. I wouldn't be surprised if he comes home tonight now (Friday night - my text - guilt).

If he does, he may just turn up. If he does text me about it I will use my RB line that I thought up last night about 'we may not be here'

He sure has HUTAS syndrome big time!! THis is the daddy who would be LATE for work so he could attend assemblies at school etc!

StillMakingIt.

Wow about the MIL comment. I didn't think that that would be the right thing to do? I will re-assess taht. Do you think it should be done now or perhaps in a few weeks (if we are still this horrendous fog)

I am trying to be the best I can be - I thought I used to be that! LOL

Thanks Mate
Jus

Still - I was joking about the violet crumble! I agree with the saying "****** hath no fury like a woman scorned" and Plan A is counter-instinctive. You have to keep calm, no LB's, when actually you might be wanting to kick and scream. It's tough.

Juzzie - I hope you continue to find the strength and support you need. I think you have an interesting weekend ahead. I don't have time to go back over the thread now, but how did you find out about the A? TT

Neak - I think you are practising for the next book! Nice scenario.

Yay!!! Finally my internet is working again!!!! (The server went down and my brother didn't get home till just now.)

Some days I don't know if my imagination is a good thing or a bad thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Breeze by...never looking at her, but close enough for her to hear... and say, "I wonder what that vile smell is", stop, looking the opposite way, Then get a lightbulb look on your face and say..." oh, I know it's root rot!"

Well the [censored] has well and truly hit the fan and I am now in Plan B.

Got this at 1pm today

Sorry it's taken this long to reply to your text last night. I haven't abandoned the kids! I know they upset and confused! I do miss em but just dont know now 2explain it to em. I know u are getting v angry and that's fair, I deserve it. Its just very hard being in same place as u atm. I keep wanting to distance myself from u. I'll always be available for anything to do with the kids just can't live there anymore. Im sorry but that's how I feel. I know it's not what u wanna hear but that's the wait it is atm.Also need kids to get used to me not there every day even if it hurts atm. I wanna move out Juz. Mark'

WEll - world shattered again. I knew sending the ultimatum text could do this - but still shattered.

I didn't haven't answered. I just got this from him...3pm

U Ok? I still worry about you? We've had many very special memories the last 15 yeras that I'll never forget. We've also got 3 wonderful children u should be v proud of caues I certainly am.Please take Sunday as a U day and just go somewhere with friends or yourself and comeback whateva time u want? Please! Let me know u ok and that u will go outSunday? I'll be there before the kids wake.


I haven't responded to this either.

OMG. What do I do.

I know that on Sunday if i take him up on the offer, its so he can come here and pack, and explain stuff to the kids. I also know that that is when I say about 'no contact of kids with OW'

HELP ME OH - HOW DO I ANSWER THESE MESSAGES OR DONT I?

It's D day all over again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

U take a U day on your schedule. Don't let him rewrite history or dictate how he can separate you from your children.

He is babbling, can you see it? How stupid of him to think he can have an R with the children w/o you.

Throw this at him....ask him why does his children feel they have to reassure YOU of their love? What did he do for them to feel this way?

Try answering him in questions. The more he wonders, the harder it is for him to wander. Get it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

U and the kids are a single package. Let him know there is no negogiation in that dept.

Stupid WS.

BTW, time to get your support team together for a meeting. BIL & MIL? Make a plan. Teach them to plan A, then plan B. Show them how to recognize reverse babble and learn to plan A your H vs plan B to the WS.

take care,
L.

Hey Neak - your quote really applies today!

I have packed up a bag for the kids and me and we are going to stay with a friend tonight.

I can't be here alone. I just can't.

I will check internet from up there and hope and pray that people have posted words of wisdom of what I do from here/now.

Thanks
Justine

IMO you are not done with Plan A, but should start preparing for a formal Plan B so when the time comes you are ready.

Him moving out does not automatically mean it's time for Plan B. Being time for Plan B makes it time for Plan B. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Moving out just means it's easier yet harder to continue Plan A: easier because you get a rest some of the time, and harder because you have fewer opportunities to show them what they're missing, and have to make the most of them.

Have you read some Plan B letters? Why don't you work on yours and then post it here. You'll need it soon, after all.

Taking care of yourself and the kids is the most important right now. Visiting relatives is a great idea.

BTW, I have heard most of the things your WH is now telling you, and so has almost every BS here. It's right out of the script, so be reassured that he is "normally abnormal", lol. Don't take it personally; just remember it.....someday he will be very embarrassed by what he is saying now.

Hi Neak,

I was surprised to see you post that you don't think it's time for plan B.

I mean - I would love to still be in Plan A - but honestly dont know how i can do it when he has put things so specifically in his texts.

MInd you - i still haven't replied was thinking of the RB that Orchid was talking about.

Wanted to put 'U ask if Im ok? What do you think? U say that you want me to have a 'ME' day, If it was my Mark there you would know what a 'Me' day is, it is a day with my family. You say you'll be here before teh kids wake on Sunday morning, we may not be.'

But is this too sarcastic? I know RB shouldn't be sarcastic.

There is so much in his sms's that I wanna ask him? He says he can't be near me atm. That when he is he wants to distance himself - like WTF. I am glad Neak to read taht he is 'normally abnormal'lol! Hard not to take it personally tho! lol!

So - should I be answering his msgs at all? If it's still plan A, should I respond to this 'im moving out msg and then the U ok'msg?

Or do I let him sweat it tonight - with her.

Someone said yesterday, about 'do I realise I am the hot topic of their A' and funnily enough when I fwded his msg to my sister she said 'that isn't Mark's writing - that is her, that has all been planned before.' And it's right. That first message is not how Mark would write a message. The 2nd one is tho.

So yes - I am the hot topic.

What to do???

jus

Juzzie, I really don't know what to advise. I'm pretty sure that nothing at the moment can tear him away from the clutches of his lover. He is in deep and will be totally irrational. He is riddled with guilt - that's apparent. All that crap about you having a 'me day' is just so he can feel he's doing a little something for you to ease his conscience.

Neak is right. I've heard it all before as most of the BS's here have. It's almost laughable how they all follow the same script, but I know it's not funny when you're on the receiving end of it.

Just know that he will regret this so much one day. Guilt will consume him. Prepare yourself to expect nothing good from him for a while. He has a huge financial obligation to you - if you are at all worried that he might go off the rails in this respect, you really ought to see a lawyer. OW doesn't realise yet that the future isn't all that rosy when you hitch up with a married man with 3 kids.

I guarantee he will be back. I am 99.999999% sure. Don't know when, but wait for the cracks to appear in his fantasy world. He will miss you, the kids, his home and the extended family. At the moment, he has easy access to both worlds. Not for long. (((Juzzie)))