well he rang. and he says he was pissed and he doesn't even remember writing those messages (i said 'are u sure U did?).

I read out what he wrote to me and he apologised and said that he had had 4 Guinesses (and is on ADs and the pain patches) and it must have made him go psycho.

I said 'h*ll yeah!'

Then he said 'what are you and the kids doing tomorrow. Im at V and thought u might wanna come over?'

You will be proud of me, I said 'well actually, Im taking them out to Ctown for a work get together'

'oh' he said, cause Friday Im just at Q and I dont think they'd like it there.

I said 'are you at Parra now?, How about I bring them over and meet you'

'its a bit late isn't it?' he said

I said 'its only 1.45'

'well I could meet u at the shops' he said

I then said 'the kids wanna see daddys work'

'we can take em back afterwards'

"ok' i said.

So then I left it 5 mins and then rang back. He didnt answer. (prob speaking to her and telling her we're coming). Then he rang back and i said 'ive changed my mind' 'oh' (in disapointed voice) 'D has just gone down for a sleep and if i wake her she'll be ferral so it's just not worth coming.'

'oh, ok then, we'll try and sort something else out' says he.


Did I turn the tables or what!! I am proud of me!! lol!

And Neak I did tell him about D and her 'dadda dadda' last night. Said 'she is such a daddys little girl, running from room to room to find you' He said 'oh no, really'

So, i am feeling better -a lthough still confused about the whole texts from last night. Still feel there was more to it - but who knows...

Now that you've stood him up twice, I think you should go ahead and get together with him the next time, for an awesome, sparkling family fun time.

Keep sending the occasional cute little anecdote. I like the way you did 'daddy's girl': stabbing him in the heart but without seeming pathetic. Not quite every day, but maybe every other day, see if there's another cute story that will make him feel really bad.

And who knows about the texts? Coulda been him, coulda been her. And he may not even remember any of that by the time he comes to his senses. One of the hardest things for me has been not being able to get some of my questions answered, and to know that he will never be able to tell me. Not big important questions, but things like, "That one time you went to the Carson office and you said you were going alone, did you?" I wanted my i's dotted and my t's crossed, but he just doesn't recall that kind of detail. It is all a big awful blur to him now.

And, as this confusing set of responses from your WH indicates, it's pretty much all a big awful blur when you're in the middle of it, too.

WS's have very very short attention spans.

When exactly is your anniversary? On Peachy's thread you said it was 4/5, but surely even in Australia that is past. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hugs, cuz that will be really hard. I could hardly bear the thought of spending our anniversary last year apart, and indeed we had it down to the last possible second when he finally manned up. We'll all be here for you - it will be sad for you, but just hold to the hope of a better anni next year, with no extra chocolate-encrusted baggage hanging around.

There are no guarantees, but the odds are heavily in your favor.

ahh Neak - in Australia we put the date first and the month 2nd! LOL! 4th May is our anniversary.

And 'yes' this Sunday I do have a good day planned. Its the kids Annual Presentation Day for Little Athletics. So that shoudl be a fun day.

Plus Saturday we'll go watch soccer. If he doesn't show himself between now and then it will have been 4 days since they had seen him - after seeing him Sat, Sun, Mon, and Tues.

It was good to get the 'sad voice' a few times - instead of it being ME doing the sad voice! LOL

He actually just sent this to me 'I feel like a proper sh!te sending such a stupid text under the influence of guiness! Sorry Juz'

LOL Neak - i just re-read ur post about the extra chocolate encrusted baggage! ROFLMAO!!!

Oh - and I too like my 'i's dotted and 't's crossed. That is part of my problem. He knows it too. Knows that in every letter i give him there are 47 layers of meaning in it! LOL!

Thanks Neak. Uve made me feel better. I DO feel better now - mind u, it's afternoon, always feel better in the arvo's! LOL

How about for a reply, "I'm not surprised. See you at soccer."

That ought to leave him wondering on many levels.

But you could also wait a bit to respond in case Orchid shows up with something more clever. She's up later than I am, and you're in no hurry to text him back right away.

Nite,
Neak

Juzzie, I am in Australia too - on the Central Coast north of Sydney. Let me know if you need someone to horsewhip your WH. LOL.

Thanks Bigkahuna, love your name btw! LOL!

Im in Sydney.

Geez I would love to be able to change my tag line to have the F in front of it!

Hopefully one day in the not too distant future I can.

Hugs mate
J

LOL he has written again! Pure babble

"I'll try not to freak u out again any time soon!Am v tired 2day so maybe my poor sleep is starting to catch up on me? Hope u had a good day? Am about to battle traffic next 15mins or so! Hope kids behaved!"

I was in 'DOING STUFF' getting kids rooms in order so didnt hear phone (which yes, has been permanently attached to me - i know! Wrong)

So i haven't written back yet.

Am just getting kids ready and we're going to a friends for tea.

Hey Orchid - any great RB for this last text that I can send him in an hour or so?

Cheers
Jus

Orchid's RB comeback: Hey WS, did you ever think that the OW c/b banging up other guys and their wives c/b calling her...also? LOL!!

FYI: That is an old OW ploy....making up calls. The WS in my case got one of those frantic calls from his freaky OW (we call her PBR - Psycho Babble Rabbit). I had to roll my eyes and laugh....then tell him if I was going t/b accused, I might was well have some fun and call the B - twitch OW. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

HELLO Juzzie

I have read this thread with a strong sense of deja vu. I have been where you are now and from my observations it is a recurring pattern .The 38 yr old h the 34 yr old wife the youngest child under 3 and the OW in her mid twenties-------my story exactly.With the exception in my case WH managed to keep it secret for a very long time. If there was an Olympics in cake eating he would take the gold biscuit.

It is the secrecy that really hurts and so in some ways you are lucky to have it out in the open. At least you know what you are dealing with. I lived with the elephant in the lounge room and I feel really sorry for those people who can never extract a confession.

I would like to help if I could These are my thoughts

The drunken text message is too cogent. Its my bet that OW took his phone when he passed out and sent a msg in his name.This action is a classic bullying technique. She is trying to undermine your sanity. The timing was designed to keep you wide awake and worrying.

I am in Aus and I know that it is not easy to get a residents visa through a declaration of a de facto relationship. It might be worth while doing a bit of research into what she needs to do to stay.Maybe the immigration dept has a website.This backpacker has to go.

If you do this now you will be well prepared to sabotage any attempt to overstay her welcome at a later date.I cant see that shacking up with a married father of 3 is an acceptable excuse.He is still legally m to you.

It would probably eventually become a legal problem and its possible to get free legal advice . Citizens Advice Bureau would steer you in the right direction. A solicitor would look after yout interests and advise on your rights here.Your H need not know about this at this stage but it is good to be well prepared for any eventuality and hopefully you may never need to use the information.

Good Luck. He doesnt realise how lucky he is to have you and the children he has a lot to lose and I hope he wakes up to that before long

How about notifying the Immigration folks that she is not in a de jure (legal) or de facto relationship - she is shacking up with a married man in an effort to gain citizenship/permanent resident status (or whatever it is she is trying to get). Maybe they'll note it on her immigration records and you can undermine any future efforts she attempts....? Just a thought

BB

Thanks Myopia and BB,

I have thought of notifying Immigration. She goes back to England in May for 3 weeks. I would love it if she couldn't get back in when she arrived back in Oz! loL!

I too agree that the message is too coherent to be drunk babble. I don't understand why he is covering up for her though? He truly did not remember sending the message yet he won't contemplate that she might have gotten hold of his phone to do it.

This is the same man who tells me in all sincerity (b4 i knew it was an affair) that ROOT knew something of what I was going through because she was engaged for a year to a man who she then found out was married an had kids!! I mean! WTF! How can u be engaged to someone and NOT know that. And how can WH possibly BELIEVE it after what she is doing THIS time.

My only other worry was that he was on drugs <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I hate to think it, he was/is so anti drugs - but it is a very psycho comment and would explain it in that sense. And they are living at the X.

We haven't heard from him today (10.07) and Im going to wait to see if he makes the first call/text.

See, i can see a pattern emerging. He rang me yesterday arvo, i did the 'no can't come out with you tomorrow jazz, he wasn't happy'. He rang at 6pm, on his way 'home' to her. Spoke to me about nothing for 15mins. Asked again where I was going with kids today and with whom.

Then, messaged me until 8pm. There was a show on TV that I knew we would both love and I msged him that it was on and he wrote back 'i just walked in from getting groceries and saw it and was about to sms u'.

So all the messages he had written me for the past 40mins had been when he was grocery shopping - alone - not with her.

Then, all messages stopped and we've not heard from him since - cause he's been with her.

We slept up at my friends - only just got home. Just getting kids dressed and going out.

MY DS4 said this morning 'why isn't daddy coming home anymore?'

I said 'daddy's not living here anymore for a while'

It broke my heart to say it out loud.

I so wanted to text him at 7am and say 'i just woke up alone - it's not fair'

But i didn't.

Im trying NOT to look needy. Sometimes it doesn't work, but Im getting better at it.

Hugs
Jus

PS - Orchid - love your reverse babble about the texts - may need them in the future! lol

Neak -

"There are no guarantees, but the odds are heavily in your favor."

OH HOW I HOPE!!!

I did the line last night 'So we'll see you Saturday when you're here to take Boy to dancing'

and that threw him!! Ya proud of me!!

He said 'oh um, yes, unless something comes up before...'

It hurt so so much to say it though!

Juzzie, just wondered if you are formulating any kind of plan? Do you have a time frame in your head as to how long you will tolerate him being 'piggy in the middle'?

Also, when the kids go back to school, has he commited to the schedule you gave him about collecting them from their activities?

It's pathetic, isn't it, how he has to sneak out to the grocers to text his wife!! Doesn't want to upset his girlfriend.

What will you do when Root goes to England? Will you let him come home? I think contacting the immigration is a brilliant idea. Make their sordid affair as tricky as possible. You can always do it anonymously. TT

No TT, I dont have a plan yet, not really.

I have been thinking about England - about letting him eat as much cake as pos when that happens. But I know he'll stay at her place - mind you - he better not pay the bloody rent!

He has committed to the school commitments - thats the thing. As of next week he will see them (and I will see him) almost every 2nd day. This week it will be Tuesday then Saturday <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

You know, it's not even a MONTH since D Day! NOT EVEN A MONTH! *sigh*

My WH's A went on for well over a year before I discovered it. His behaviour was so typical of a WS but he has big health problems so I thought it was all related to that and his medication! Hurts to be taken for a fool.

When we separated, it was actually a relief to get him out of the house. He had been so miserable to live with. I remember one Saturday he turned up unexpectedly. I was playing music full blast, dancing around the dining room, preparing gifts for the school tombola. I was surrounded by all the donations. I was busy and happy and I remember the look on his face. It was a kind of "How dare you be happy - don't you know the anguish I'm in" look. The song I was playing was by Texas called "Inner Smile". Really confused him that day!

Juzzie, just keep positive and busy. He thinks he is unique and his struggles are his own. In fact, he is Mr Average Joe WS in a very typical workplace A. Shame he doesn't realise it yet. At the moment, he still thinks he's found something special. Puke. TT

Woooohoooooo! I knew he wouldn't like it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I know it hurt to say it, but what is good for us in the long run is seldom easy. Good for you!!!

Personally, I would recommend going to Plan B on the shorter side of the recommendation, which would be 1 1/2 - 3 months. He's eating so much cake already, you don't have as much ground to plow as many in your sitch.

Love the immigration idea.

Ok - so pyschic, amazing people out there in MBland - explain this day to me.

I wonder if he 'has the sh!ts still' about me NOT going to V with the kids to meet him today.

or

If 'we've all been forgotten about'

or

If 'he's had a busy day at work.'

Didn't hear from him until 11.25 this morning (again I specifically didnt message him first) but this is that latest he has EVER messaged me.

He asked how we were doing and that it was quite breezy in V. And had his motorcycle jacket survived the washing machine.'

I didnt answer for an hour and then I wrote my own babble

'Im so pleased to inform you that your daughter has just discovered the joy of biting others'

He didnt respond for an hour and then wrote;

'The lil cow! Hope she hasn't hurt anyone! Bite her back!'

I left it for another hour and then wrote;

'Geez I love Borders books! Kids r starting to get ferral. They're all a bit 'out of sorts' today.'

That last message from me was at 2.30. It's now almost 5 and Ive not heard from him.

Where he was working today, V, is very close to the city - infact, it's only about 10mins from where he is 'staying'. So he is nice and close to 'home' today.

So today I did try to be strong - but still keep that lifeline there, just a thread. But nothing 'relationship' and pure babble on my part.

I was out with more friends today. The first time Ive seen then since it all happened, but thanks to a very good friend they all knew about it and were so wonderful. They took the kids off for me to the playgrounds and the shops so that I could talk. It was wonderful.

Re the immigration.

One of my cousins used to be the person who actually 'yayed or nayed' illegal immigrants. She has moved to another department, but is still in immigration. I dont get on with her too well though (bloody loudmouth) but my sister does. My sister is currently on hols in the UK and will be back on MOnday. Im going to get HER to call/email my cousin and 'see' if there is something that can be noted on Roots file.

jus
PS 4 weeks ago tonight was D-Day
PPS - 1 week today is our 10 year anniversary

You know TT - I think if OW wasn't so young and stupid and possessive (and desperate) it would have gone on alot longer before I knew - for the exact reasons you state.

My WH is not well either and cites his pain for alot of his 'depression', which I have no doubt is true, however there is OTHER reasons now! LOL

yeah I agree about the 'typical workplace A'. Sitting at the table today there were 10 of us women. HALF of them, actually, more than half of them divorced/separated or battled affairs.

Sad V V V sad.