WELL - he did his nightly 'will contact the family' call. Spoke for about 10mins. My DD7 didnt even really want to talk to him. DS4 asked him where he was and when he was coming home (good onya boy!). DD18months just kept saying 'dadda dadda dadda' into the phone.

She obviously wasnt there. Its so funny. Its almost like IVE turned into the illicet affair, he rings ME when she isn't around and texts me when she's not there.

Grrr
jus

Hmmmm - 8.30 tonight I got a funny phone call. A definate - wait to see who says 'hello' then hang up.

Now, it may have been a wrong number, it may have been someone seeing if WH was home, but after the other days 'funny text business' I have my suspicions.

So I sent a nice text to Wh saying 'hey, you didnt just try to ring me did u? Was just getting kids out of bath and only just got to phone, person hung up as I said hello'

It may NOT have been him. It may WELL have been ROOT. But I just thought I'd plant a seed.

And Im gonna keep a log too.

Sure we get lots of those stupid tele-marketing calls here, but this was different. This was a definate 'hang up AFTER you hear the hello.

Hope it was her playing games!!! lol!

Try very hard NOT to appear anxious to hear from him. If you don't allow him the opportunity to 'wonder what u r doing or thinking'...... it doesn't give him reason to try and come back.

Don't be an anxious open book. WS' don't read well.

L.

lol Orchid! Ive tried not to do it in front of him - just in front of you lot! LOL

OK. I found you. Will read this and bring myself up to date.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

You'll cringe Mimi when u read the stupid needy things ive done! LOL

jus

juzzie

i read your post on my thread.

if you just found out about the affiar 4 weeks agao, you need to do a good plan A for awhile before you go to plan B.

Excellent work so far juz. What other EN's can you fulfill...what is important to him...conversation/connection?, Admiration, Affection...smooches on the sms? Sexy talk on the sms? I'd do it...

One thing you may want to think about, and something that is hard to do in a respectful way, is to negotiate the A away. You need to let him know you are NOT OK with the A...that he goes "home" to her...

Some examples in sms...

"I hate it when you call the place you are shacking up with R as "home", that is very hurtful to read.

I am sad that you choose to spend time with the homewrecker instead of time with your kids.

I don't understand how she can be jealous of time with your kids?

I would appreciate it if you didn't mention the homewrecker to me at all anymore, she is an enemy to our children and our family.

Please ask her not to call or sms me ever again, it is terribly disrespectful to push herself on my life.

I am NOT OK with you carrying on with this other woman. You are being unfaithful, and right now I want to try to recover our M, but I cannot promise how long I will want our M. Every day you go "home" to her, I lose more love for you."

Be honest, honest, honest in ALL your interactions with him. Try to take the emotion out of your voice. Be detached from the WH. Let him know you tolerate this situation only because you think things will turn out for the M, but you are NOT OK with it...

Let him know what recovery will be like...MC, spending more time together, changing your LB habits, fulfilling EN's, etc.

As you get closer to Plan B, or if he talks D, you can begin to inform him what THAT will look like. Limited, scheduled time with younglings, no more contact with YOUR family, no more or limited contact with you...only related to the kids...

Juzzie --
It seems like you have so much ammunition!
If MIL wants to call the homewrecker -- LET HER! I'd personally want to be in the room when she does it -- so you can overhear what she says to her, as well as being sure OW doesn't try to sweet talk her way into MIL's good graces. If you are there MIL will be tougher!

OMG, what a great offer! She gets told off, and you aren't the one doing it!

Also -- EXPOSE! It seems like you're doing that in dribs and drabs, but please make sure everyone who can influence the situation is aware. ESPECIALLY OW's FAMILY! Call her mother -- tell her that her daughter is ruining 3 young childrens home and you would appreciate her help in ending this affair.

I know you deleted the number from his phone, but could you find it on the bill?

Get your plan together!

Well I found out something interesting this morning. His work friend SMS'd me to let me know that Root has gotten a job in Ncstle (2 hour drive away) it's only casual and Friend doesn't know details of when it starts etc. So I'll be interested to know if he tells me about it? Hmmm

Also last night I msged him (nicely) and asked did he ring me and hang up cause I was just getting kids out of bath etc. He wrote back this morning and said 'just got your msg. Didnt ring u as far as I remember, was v v tired and fell asleep on lounge as soon as I got to PPoint.'

Now, I KNOW this is B/S because he msged me at 7.30 from there to let me know he was going to read my letter again tonight after Root went to bed cause he wasn't tired.

So - dunno what's going on - but will be using BIG BIG BIG ENS this weekend.

Still - I did a 'sexy' sms last weekend. It was funny and he laughed and it was nice, but then of course he turns back into alien again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I 'listen' to him as he complains on the 'rough' day he's had etc etc etc. He always asks in his msgeds 'u ok?' 'how r u 2day?'

I never answer that part.

Lexxy. I dont think he'll ring from our home ph - not to the UK. I will have to check out next mobile bill to see if he does on that - but dont htink he would do that either - will prob do from her place. But I will keep my eyes open.

MIL rang me last night - she is still distraught. Tries to ring him, he wont answer ph. Its mothers day in 2 weeks, I wonder if he will contact her? He was always the 'wonderful son' Hmmm..

So u think I SHOULD get MIL to ring her work - Hmmm - v v interesting.

Thanks guys, gotta go battle through Friday Playgroup now!

Jus

Still and I had the same line of thinking..

You listed the ENs early on but I haven't noticed you speaking about them...

What ENs do you think the OW meets?

Plan A requires you to show your capacity to also meet those needs.

Continue to meet the ENs that you already meet for him...AT A HIGH RATE....

When you go into PLAN B, you want him to miss the Juzzie you were during PLAN A....

OW will not be able to meet all of his needs....

Make as much of a point as possible about your HISTORY together..reminisce with him ..."Remember the time when we...

She has NO HISTORY with him....

Gotta go...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Well I just msged him actually about whether or not he has gone to the Dr this week because Im worried that the ADs aren't working (he says he feels no dif) and that I read some scary stuff about how they can do the opp effect sometimes and Im worried about him.

I often talk about the past with him. It is hard to do ENs now he is gone, but when he is here I try as much as possible.

Talking about sport (yuck!), cars (yuck!), travel (yeah) shows on tv, listening to him about soccer etc etc etc.

I think the ENs SHE meets were the sport and cars (motorbikes in particular) and the biggest EN is that she is living a fancy free life with no bills, kids and in the city where the nightlife is huge.

And we're in the 'burbs with mortgage, bills, and a place I wouldn't like to go outside too late at night for a walk! LOL

jus

Refer back specifically to the ENs that Harley listed, Juzzie.

Do you mean RECREATION, for example?

Seriously. I'm not laughing.

hello again

Well done! Your support net work is working very well for you round the world and round the clock that makes 24/7 cant do better than that.Everyone is offering good advice . I would like to add what I can from another perspective.

Although I have lived all of my married life in Aus i was born brought up and educated in UK So I recognise her style.

Shakespeare said know thine enemy and you have come up against a formidable OW she has a lot of energy to invest in getting what she wants .

.I think you said she came from Dagenham--- that says workling class South London where they breed an aggressive female who is a total control freak .This type usually chooses a male that she thinks she can completely dominate and proceeds to use tricks that have been honed from generation to generation to get him under her thumb .

She also needs to control you because you are getting between her and what she wants .I Can see that she is trying to [censored] with your mind .She has two ways of doing this ,one is to poison your h s attitude towards you by turning you into the bit* from h*ll She can only get to you through him and through the phone. I am certain the hang up call was her.

As long as you dont respond by becoming emotional you are doing OK Keep up thre glassy attitude and the reverse babble and dont give her the power to get a grip on your emotions.

You can get caller identity fom you your phone provider. You can also complain about nuisance calls and get calls from that no barred .

Good luck with the immigration project.

Don't worry you are a lot smarter than she is .Eventually her basic childish stupidity will catch her out .She may win a few battles but she aint goin to win the war .

Thanks Mimi and Myopia.

Im really not coping today - dont know why. Hole in chest is feeling as big as it was a fortnight ago. Maybe cause Ive got so much riding on this weekend (as in ENs and making it good) and I dont know if it will work.

In some ways I wish I didnt know about the job in N'Cstl. It has gotten my hopes up, but in a way it could just prolong the A because he won't see her all the time IYKWIM.

Thanks Myopia for the breakdown of her kind. Yes, she really DOES seem exactly as you indicate. Doesn't help my H is a weak weak and falling for her ploys.

Mimi - yes I did mean recreation! LOL! I will go back and study the ENs tonight, in fact, once the kids are in bed tonight I will sift through this site to get myself well and truly READY for my weekend.

Why is it some days you feel so strong and other days so damn pathetic again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

jus

I just heard this song on the radio by the Eagles, and then just after it - this one by Kasey Chambers.

So as much as they BOTH depressed me more - had to share! Cause Im in a depressed mood!

SORRY!

"Desperado"

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late


And now the one by Kasey Chambers

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live, I breathe,
I let it rain on me

I sleep, I wake,
I try hard not to break

I crave, I love,
I've waited long enough

I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I laugh, I feel,
I make believe it's real

I fall, I freeze,
I pray down on my knees

I hope, I stand,
I take it like a man

I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken

Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

Why do you see, Why do you see,
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see, Why do you see,
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see, Why do you see,
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see, Why do you see,
Why do you see right through me

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

Through me.

PSALM 27

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

4 One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.

5 For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.

6 And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.

7 Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

8 When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.

9 Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.

11 Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

12 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.

13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.


Claim these promises. They are yours.
{{{{{{{Juzzie}}}}}}}}}}

thanks neak.

Still a bad day. Think he's got a touch of em cause he must have found out about her job 'out of town' Ohh poor poor didums. He might have to make a decision - fancy that.

Doesnt help that DS4 is bloody crying at the drop of a hat and his sister7 is hitting him for no reason.

School's back Monday. I have never looked forward to school going back. Ive always been one of these mums who LOVES the holidays with their kids. BUT I NEED TO GET BACK TO WORK AND GET THESE KIDS INTO SOME KIND OF ROUTINE. AND MYSELF.

Snap out of it Justine - you bloody misery guts GRRRR

OH F(*& what an afternoon.

Major LOVE BUSTING.

He found some emails that I had sent to friends, I hope to god he hasn't found this site - ive just changed my name but still....


I knew it was a bad day - i just KNEW IT IN MY BONES

He says 'ph ran out of juice. I'll be there 2mrw morn to take boy 2 RG. Interesting email u sent 2 ur mum and dad about calling me a [censored]?don't reply tell me 2mrw.'

Then 'actually 1 more also interested me? Wats meant by keep giving him more and more cakeand then use Plan B? Again no need to reply! I know every1 we know now knows But telling them all wat i send in text msgs and having a whole mothers group (my mums group)offering 20 dif plans as they read about my daily saga I dont like. They all gunna say wat u want them 2 hear so that u feel better even if it's [censored] or poss true? Not one of them could possibly understand what is going on in my head or between Ruth and me! For the billionth time it aint the friggen sex like 99.9% of em all think including my bloody mother! By the way this time Im sober. But im off 2 buy a bottle of red and b anything but sober! Next person I hear or read say she's a ****** or similar just using me 2 get a visa will be blacklisted!
Till the morning. NIght.'

I FEEL SO SICK.

He is so angry. I know it's babble, but he hasn't been ANGRY with me (except those msgs the other night)

Im going to LOSE it tomorrow when he arrives - I can tell.

What do I tell him about the cake eating etc?

OH FUOIU_)*)#)(#*)

HELP

If he barks at you tomorrow, just purr back!! Seriously, there are bound to be some major arguments over this. Sometimes anger is the only way to express yourself.

You need the support network these friends can offer you. They will build up your self-esteem, give you a shoulder to cry on, give you advice - none of which you have to take. Many people will tell you to kick him to the wayside, others might be delighted if you can work things out. But nobody is standing in your shoes and you have to do what feels right for you and your family.

So he's angry but let's just reassess the situation for a minute. He has left you, your three children, has shacked up with Root, is lying, cheating, drinking; having gone through this as a child he is choosing to inflict the same set of circumstances on his own kids, has forced you to cancel your wonderful trip to Germany, YET HE IS THE ANGRY ONE! Tosspot. He definitely thinks he's onto something special with this line, "Not one of them could possibly understand what is going on in my head or between Ruth and me!"

As for school holidays - I was exactly the same as you. I loved the time the kids were off. Now I need the stability and routine of work. I dwell on things far too much when I'm at home with time on my hands.

No matter what he does or says tomorrow, just keep reminding yourself that he is the one in the wrong. Perhaps your marriage was feeling a bit dull, let's face it three kids are hard work and there isn't much time for romance, but absolutely nothing you did gave him an excuse to have an A. He's the guilty party, don't let him make you feel bad because you needed the comfort of friends.

So, tomorrow, look gorgeous <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />,try not to over-react but if you do lose it, well try not to cry! It ruins the mascara. TT