It must be ****** for you at the moment. What on earth have you told the children?
I am a little scared that you are hoping a little too much. I know you are trying not to, but now that he is a little more in your "control" i.e you know exactly where he is 24/7
it may cause you to feel a false sense of security. I feel terrible saying this, but I really don't want you to get hurt anymore than you already have.
I hope you can get some time off work and some rest too. I REALLY hope that your WH is beginning to see you clearly through the fog and is having massive realisations about how wonderful, caring, truly supportive and lovely you are. (((((((((zuj)))))))) I'm praying for you.
kate xxx

How is Root's going to visit him consistent with her employer's instructions to her not to have any further contact with him? Is anyone going to tell the employer if she goes to see your WH....this is blatant insubordination if she does and, in my company, would get her fired.

Regards,

BB

zuj...
can you explain to me why you are no longer in plan B??

can you write out in words what is different...
and what different expectations you have now than before...

an exercise to process this through...

I am not convinced at this point that you should be in great contact with him...

I am not convinced that this isn't going to bring you great sorrow...

I'm just asking you to work it out with me...

convince me....you should be out of plan b...maybe you shopuld be.......but a shadow suicide attempt over the news that girlfriend has a boyfriend...doesn't quite convince me that you wont be greatly hurt

what I am inviting you to do is an exercise of pros and cons...etc...

to process here

ARK

Zuj,

You poor thing! What a nightmare. I would be interested in hearing what the dr's say at the hospital. My feeling is that when Root turned on him, he realized that he had given up all for nothing. I would proceed with caution. Ask yourself if Root came back to him what would he say? It's hard to find out where things are when he is healing. I'm sure they don't want him to have stressful conversations.

I just don't know what to say. It seems so unbelievable.

You are in my prayers.

Nkay

Thankyou to all who have replied. I understand where your messages are coming from, and I appreciate that you are thinking of me and how this is going to affect my plans and hopes.

It is a very difficult time atm and this has nothing to do with the A. No matter on our 'relationship' I am still his next of kin and he is the father of my children. He is in a very dangerous and scary place at the moment and no one is talking to him or trusts him. I need to be there for him.

Yes, of course, I want to get my hopes up - and yes, i did see my H pop his head out a few times today (then I saw WH quite a few times too!) but it is my responsibility to be there for him.

He is a Mental Health Unit - he is in there with LOONIES. They took his shoe laces out!!! It was a very very frightening place! I was there when the psychs came today and stayed with M throughout that hour. It was good because there were things I could tell them that M forgot, or things I said that prompted M to tell them things.

At the moment I am not even thinking of 'us'. Well - of course I AM thinking of us - it would be a lie to myself to say otherwise. But foremost I am thinking about the fact that my children still have their father ALIVE.

I just hope that tomorrow's investigations go as well as today's did.

Will keep you posted, am very very tired - got an hours sleep last night.

zuj

((zuj))

I can undestand how frightening this must be for you. I have been "committed" to an institution once about 20 years ago for suicidal ideation.

Yes, it is terrifying, especially if you have enough sanity left to realize how badly you have screwed up your life.

What is the care plan for your WH? What does he have to do for discharge? I was going to have to actually go in front of a judge to try and convince him of my sanity. That scared the living daylights out of me.

I admit, I am just a tad envious, there are several times since D-day that I would have happily had WH committed. It isn't enough that every living creature he knows as told him he is acting like a crazy man. I would have loved for him to get that same opinion from people with lots of initials behind their name.

I can't begin to think how to advise you on MBing while he is inpatient. Are you able to speak freely to his doctors?

Zuj - hope you get some sleep tonight. Have you any idea at all how long they'll keep him there? Forget the stupid motorbike - you and M should have a trip away together when the dust settles. TT

TT Great idea.
Wait until he is judged "well" by the experts. Ask your wonderful MIL to have the kids and the two of you go away somewhere relaxing, where everything is provided, so that you can just talk, cry and be together.It may be a long way off, but it sounds to me like a great idea.
BTW, fully justified wrist slap form you, taken on board by me. Of course you are next of kin. He is ill, he needs your help. I was just worried about you getting hurt some more.
Keep hanging in there, you are doing a fantastic job.
((((((((zuj))))))) Kate xxx

I have been offline for hours!

This is just an opinion from someone who admittedly has no clue whatsoever about combining Plan B with the psych ward, but I think that even though you are being there for him right now, that you should make clear that you meant what you said. If he is not willing to cut her out of his life forever, you will be back dark again the INSTANT the doctors no longer need your assistance in his treatment.

If you tell him now, he will have more time on his hands to think about it and make a decision. Hopefully it will shake him up that he does not have you back in his pocket after this bout of drama.

Get some sleep, please. {{{{{{Zuj}}}}}}}}

He will be there for at least 2 weeks. They are doing alot of investigative tests due to an epileptic fit he had over 18months ago when he changed pain managment medication.

He is having his ADs changed, thank god, cause the old ones certainly weren't working.

I don't feel as positive as I did last night - but that's just cause it's morning and mornings always get me down.

We did have moments of radical honesty yesterday. He did say that he doesn't know how it all began that they just started as mates, i said 'you have alot of mates that are female' he said 'yes I know, but we had more and more in common and I was more and more upset with my life and suddenly it had started'

I really want to ring him at the hospital this morning, but I won't. I am not going to be constantly 'there'. He is allowed to ring me, so I will wait and hope that some time today, he does. I will get a phone call from the social worker probably today, as she wants to see me, and it's the same social worker that will see him - so I will speak to her about my fears and concerns re Root and hopefully they will come up when he is speaking with her too.

I slept better last night.

Jean - I know what you mean. I was soooo good to be able to 'officially' know he is crazy - taht sounds dreadful but I hope you know what I mean. Alot of people (including our GP) said that he wasn't depressed that it was just guilt over the affair. But I KNOW my H, we have been together for 15 years. I know that there was more to it than the A.

Regarding HER world - it is spirralling down down down. She is moving from that flat - woohoo. She is moving in WITH the new man!! Talk about working quickly! LOL! Just shows what a game it was with M.

Funny you should say that TT. I had a dream the night before last that we went on a cruise together. I told him about it yesterday and he said 'god, wouldn't that be nice.'

I know he did see Root last night - she took in the last of his things. I found this out thru the work friend. Root said that HE said to her that he was in for 2 weeks and then was moving to L (which is where we live). Now, the thing is (and Im NOT getting my hopes up too much becuause it is 3hand news now and who knows how it could have been changed) but....

When we were having a good talk yesterday and it was my H not the WH. I said to him 'you can't move home yet M, I can't have you there' and he said 'i know'. Then I said 'but if you want, you coudl move home and I could move down into the flat at Mum and Dads' (they have a granny flat out the back that we lived in for the first 7 years of our marraige). M said 'you couldnt do that to the kids, they are stuffed up enough as it is'. I said 'well, YOU couldmove into the flat? The parents would leave you alone, you would have your own space, your own entrance, but are still close to family and to the kids?' And....

I was expecting the answer taht I have been hearing for the past 8 weeks the 'maybe maybe not' or the 'I'll think about it' but you know what he said....

"I could do that.'

Well - I nearly fell off the bloody chair! I then said 'umm, well your original waterbed is still there' and we started talking about that and how yucky it would be and changed the subject.

I didnt post about it last night because I really didnt think it was likely and that he was just babbling. But apparently he told Root that after he was getting out he was moving to L - and it certainly isn't in with us. And we are in the same street as our parents - just the other end of it - SO PERHAPS THE FOG IS LIFTING??????????

I am getting the feeling that Root is just a symptom of a bigger problem namely the combo of AD + alcohol. Add fog lolly juice to that and you have the mental equivalent of nitro- glycerin.

I checked out ADs on the internet once and the really scary thing is that suicide is often the result of combining alcohol and AD s.
I am thinking of you. I am in Sydney and have experienced a similar situation in my life recently. The social services did a brilliant job .You can rely on the professionals to sort him out.
Best of luck -----keep posting

PS Glad to see Root is off as fast as her fat little legs will carry her recent events are not part of the script she has written for the movie of her life.

Thanks Myopia. I know that the professionals will look into things fully. Just wish I had that crystal ball so I could see where things are heading - ya know.

I haven't spoken to him today. I did try to ring, couldn't help myself, they said to me that he is lying down and that he said he'd give me a call later.

Hmmm

I know he will have low times and not so low times, just thinking of him in there frightens me because he will withdraw to his room so he is away from all the 'funny business' and then he will have more time to think of all that is wrong. Then again - maybe that's not such a bad thing?

Ive just got a headache and feeling sorry for myself atm!

Thanks for your email. Lets just hope Root keeps running - the other direction!

zuj

Zuj,

First of all, let me say you are doing terrific. Of course, you must stand by him. He is your H and you take your vows seriously. For better or worse. I am so impressed that you made it clear to him that he still could not move home. You are doing all the right things. I think he will come around but he will need some time on the "outside" before he can truly see the light. Promises made while in the hospital could be broken on the outside. He will appreciate that you were the one who stood by him (while Root ran for the hills).

On a different take, what about Root? What a piece of work. The one thing that has not changed as a result of my H's A is that I HATE the OW. I am not a person who uses this word lightly but she has cause me such pain (with my H help). Do you feel the same about Root? I know it is not helpful in the sheme of things but I can't help it. I now have added Root to my list of 2. To think she messed with someone's life and then moved right in with her next victim. Hopefully this one is unattached.

Well, enough of my ranting. You are doing great, Zuj! M is so lucky to have you.

Take care!

Nkay

Zuj - how's day to day life going? Are you managing to get the kids to school? No wonder you've got a headache; it's all pretty overwhelming for you and your children are still so little. Thinking of you. TT

Zuj,
how's it going?
Hope you're eating and sleeping.
Kate xxx

Zuj,

Sending hugz from the middle of the big blue. I know this is hard for you and am proud to see how well u r holding up.

take care,
L.

Just driving by and checking to see how you are. {{{Zuj}}}

Hey Zuj, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

((((((((((((((((((((((Zuj and family))))))))))))))))))))))))))