Just agree that you should, because it's true, and leave it at that. She'll get tired of saying it.

Thanksgiving I did the dinner, took care of the kids, cleaned up afterwards, bathed the kids, did a couple household repairs. At the end of the day, I was tired; I sat in front of the PS2 for about 45min. My wife changed into a little top she likes; I didn't really notice this of course, being in the state of mind I was, trying to grab some 'me' time after the activities of the day.

My lack of attention has turned into 3 days of conflict, and my entire pattern of behavior (physical neglect) that I have perpetrated on her.

I wasn't in the mood to continue with this on Day 2, and left to go take care of some stuff at work, and was going to take the kids with me. She vehemently refused to allow me, because she doesn't trust me with them; they are, after all, "ultimately, my responsibility," she said. The kids are right there with us, as she is yelling this at me. I tell them that I am sorry that I cannot take them to work with me.

I hear her call me names as I leave a room: jerk, s***head, f**k*r, etc., just under her breath but loud enough for me to hear. She is all pleasant when I return. She doesnt really like me, I dont think. Then she starts in on the kids because she is agitated at me.

I'm the one getting tired. She is enmeshed with all the local counselors, therapists, whatever, so consolation there is out of the question. I just post on this board to vent.

I thought maybe we already had a copy of "Getting the Love You Want" on our shelves. I thought for sure I say her carrying a copy around.

We are yet another empasse. I am tired of reacting to all of her comments. She dovetails her issues at work with the pain that I have caused her, so of course I make things worse. That makes things worse.

She had a bad day at work, which wasn't enough I guess. She then has to bring up all the hurt and pain I have caused over the last 18 months. She could handle the stuff at work, she says, but not when she considers all the stuff I have done to her. Then, it become unbearable, and she has no support from any corner.

She continually holds me responsible for the way she feels. I could understand this if I called her names, ignored her, told her she was stupid, ugly, etc. but I don't. I tell her how I like her clothes, her food, that she is a good counselor to the children and families that she sees, that she makes a definite difference in the lives that she touches.

It all slides downhill whenever I miss a step; I don't see her different blouse, or I haven't complimented her about doing the laundry, or whatever.

We got into another battle on Friday. She blocked me in the bedroom; went and sat in front of the door. I sat crossed-legged on the bed. I didn't shout, and I told her that she was making me responsible for feelings that she had that I have no control over, that she chooses how to react and behave, and then blames me for the way she acts. I probably crossed the line after about an hour of this and told her that I didn't want to hear anymore, that if she wants to talk to someone about it, to call a girlfriend and complain to her or something, as I am fed up being told that I am the root cause of all of her pain. With that, I went to the bathroom and took a shower. Of course, I was accused of "walking out" on her. By telling her that she should talk to her girlfriend about this, I was guilty of emotional abuse (according to her). All I want is for her to get a sense of perspective, of proportion, of reality; and when someone hears how sensitive she is being, they can give her a dose of reality or something. Of course, she won't do this, she won't release her fear or her pain; she wants to cling to it and remain a victim to all the men that have ever hurt her, me, her three ex-husbands, and her father. Even when she lost belongings to a fire 15 years ago, heaven forbid I buy anything new; "I lost everything I had in that fire!!!" 15 years ago, and you have had plenty of time to buy more clothes and stop holding me responsible for that.

As of last night, she just wants to be roommates, with me helping raise her children.

The is NOT the marriage that we discussed. Apparently, her needs/wants/desires are, in some cases different, than mine, and the ones we have in common, she feels those deeper than I feel mine.

I can pin a lot of this on me; I became a traitor to myself as I bought into "us" and deviated from my own core values, my own core self. She doesn't like me being "independent," which is really how all of this pans out, me trying to regain those cores values I set aside.

Apparently, my wife had an epiphany on the way home from work. During the commute, she realized that she had been playing the Blame Game, and doing the same things to me that she feels that I have accused her of, namely minimizing all of my feelings. That was quite an admission on her part, as I have been trying to point this out to her for over a year, since before we got married, really.

Life is better, now. I accepted her apology and appreciated her perspective. She appreciated mine, and accepted my apology.