Thanks bunches, bob. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Ok, Jen,

Stop with the mystery and spill the beans. What is up and what has happened?

JL

I know

NOTHING

but I have intuition

and it says to me

this may be about another MB poster

.... Pep

No, Pep, the OM has been showing up at the places she frequents. He thought it would appear accidental, but Jen knew it wasn't.

She and her husband need to be in everyone's prayers.

No it's not about another MB poster. Tee hee (geez, I can laugh) I know everyone thinks Robby and I have a thing going but I CAN ASSURE EVERYONE it is friendship.

This is about the real live OM.

Anyway, here's the deal. I posted quite a bit of this on Traic's post so bear with me if you've already heard this.

OM bumped into me completely and utterly by accident at the grocery store about 3 weeks ago. I was very pleased that I felt totally indifferent, no heart pitter patters, no head rush etc. So.....I didn't think it would hurt to talk with him. So I did. Same thing, just as though I was speaking with any old friend I may have bumped into.

I didn't tell Rob when I got home. Nothing had happened, I felt nothing, I didn't want to worry him for nothing. FIRST BIG MISTAKE. I told the others on BBQ and they implored me to tell Rob but I thought I could handle it.

Over the next couple of weeks, I kept seeing OM's car. For 2 years it hasn't been seen, suddenly I was seeing it everywhere. Part of me was a bit flattered. He obviously hadn't got over me like I'd got over him.

Finally, he managed to be in the same place as me at the same time and asked if I'd like coffee. SECOND BIG MISTAKE. Despite what everyone thinks about these meetings, with me anyway, they are general chit chat meetings, not anything about missing each other or even anything slightly romantic. We talked about his son's wedding, my daughter's trip. I thought, wow, I can do this and it's not going to lead to anything.

After coffee he said, how about a drink on Friday night. Now, the warning bells were going off big time but I was getting sucked in again and I have no excuses at all. I said I would.

At the drink he started laying on the charm again. How he'd always needed to see me and wanted to keep seeing me but "just as friends." I could feel the slippery slope opening up before me.

He said, I'll be in touch.

All weekend I've stewed about telling Rob and coming clean and putting all this behind me once and for all. Last night I talked for a long time with BigK and another MBer (female) about all this. I haven't been sleeping again.

Well, there's even more. I just couldn't tell Rob, sorry BigK, I promised. This morning I was walking up the hill to work (it's Monday) and who should stop but the freaking OM. He put down his window and said with a big smug smile "everything ok, no issues?" I said are you kidding me? I also said "No way am I going this way again. I think you're a ****** and I don't think you even have a conscience." He said "I probably am and I probably don't".

OMG, do you know HOW CLOSE I CAME TO BEING INVOLVED WITH THIS MAN AGAIN.

That was 15 minutes ago.

Hey, they edited my word. I particularly wanted it to be there.

{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}

Thank goodness you see this and he admits it, although I'm sure his response was him trying to be flip.

Jen, you did good. You do know where you said it was only "chit chat" was how this all probably started in the beginning, no?

When are you going to tell Rob?

Jo

Jen,

Got the 2x4 right here. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? You have hurt your marriage again, because you have been lying to your H by omission, AND you have placed your marriage in danger.

It is time to get honest with your H. He is going to feel incredibly insecure because you have carried all of this out under his nose again and did NOT tell him until it was over (I presume you have finally come to your senses and will NOT see or speak with OM again).

Now you understand why Harleys says NO CONTACT ever again. Although you may feel you have done nothing wrong, the very fact that you won't tell you H is proof that you know you have. You have hurt your marriage, your H should know and will know if you tell him that you cannot be trusted.

NC, is NOT just about the wayward person and the other person, it is about the spouse and the marriage.

KiwiJ, you need to tell your H, and you need to get a grip on this NOW.

Putting the 2x4 down now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Please KiwiJ think about what you have done and realize that your OM is probably not above contacting your H or saying something if he ever bumps into him.

God Bless,

JL

Jen - I think you need to move away from the area. If I were Rob, I would be furious. Even though nothing happened, you took chances with your husband's feelings.

Confess to your husband and offer to move away.

I know all that JL.

I have work to do now (I mean work at work).

Thank you everyone for your support. I feel I don't deserve it. I hope you realise it's the trust I have in you and the respect I have for you that meant I could come here and tell you something that was very hard to admit to.

Kiwi,

Do you suppose you didn't tell your H about the breach of NC - not because you thought you could handle it, but because you didn't WANT to be accountable?

It sounds like all along you hoped OM would contact you again after the initial time he did - even found it flattering that he would pursue you in such a manner.

One minute you enjoy the attention and the next you call him names.

Who would want the attention of a *******???

Why would YOU want attention from a *******?

These are needs that your H should only have access to!

Why are you calling OM a *******? These are choices YOU made and these circumstances have been created by you.

This a a massive 2X4, perhaps even offensive or cruel. I apologize, but this needs to be said.




Kiwi--------if you were my wife you would not be married to me anymore. I know all of us said that we would get a divorce if there was infidelity and we didn’t. However, that was the 1st time around. Many of us would certainly pull the plug after something like this. (the 2nd around).

Before the A------ the threshold for me to get a divorce was a wide as the Pacific Ocean. After the affair the threshold is paper thin for the obvious reason.



I don’t know your H, but I have to assume he thinks like I do. I will be brutally honest with you. I have discussed the issue of a chance meeting between OM and Myrta and I trust Myrta will immediately notify me. In fact this happened and OM wanted to have coffee with Myrta. IMHO, having coffee with OM implies that the WW is basically a heartless person--------perhaps a monster that is willingly hurting the BH when there is no fog around to use as an excuse.

Meeting for a drink-------particularly when it was planned in advance is the kiss of death. If you were my wife you would be a goner. There is absolutely no excuse for what you have done.

Jen

I wrote this to you a long time ago :



Jen

OM is RIGHT NOW smiling a smug smile, with a semi-erection on thinking "I click my fingers and she comes running ! Yep ! the boy's still got it !"
He KNOWS he's a better man than Rob right now because you can't leave him alone. he KNOWS all the 'i'm over you' stuff was rubbish because he plays you like a drum.

And Jen ,Rob thinks he won back his baby with love and gentleness and forgiveness.

I worry at Rob's reaction if you tell him Jen, but I think he MUST know. If you are to have any chance of recovery you need to recognise your continuing vulnerability to OM contact. You have to take EXTRAORDINARY precautions against further contact if you are to have a chance of full recovery.

Rob's a gentler and more sensible sort than I, I am sure his reaction will be kinder than mine would be.

I think you need to tell him Jen. You CANNOT police contact with OM alone. You have proved that twice now.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me and who I hope I have helped over the past 2 years but I can't stay. Not because of the 2x4s but because I can never hold my head up again with people I've grown to love.

I guess I've confirmed that we really are pond scum.

Oh Jen, knock it off. All you have confirmed is what the Harleys say - that there can never again be contact.

You have helped hundreds here.

Now talk to your husband.

Don't be so silly.

Talk it out. Fix it. Infidelity has symptoms and indicated treatments. Extraordinary NC is one of them. You have clearly shown that such is needed.

If you leave here I suspect you will internalise this, resolve never to be so silly again, meet OM again, slip and it will all be horrible. Stay here, talk, talk to Rob and SECURE both your happiness' for the rest of your lives.

Tell Rob, expose to OM W too. Extraordinary precautions Jen. Praying for you mate.

JEN! This is not true!!!

You CAN hold your head up. You can choose to take positive actions any time you want to. There are many here who will support YOU and love YOU, even if we don't like your actions.

You are not despicable!!!

Please do not immerse yourself in guilt to the point of inaction!

You can do this.

Hi Jen,

I know telling your husband is scary. But whats your alternative? Leave MB so no one holds you accountable? That won't work because you'll know and it will eat at you.

When you met with OM didn't you think of the consequences? This is one of them. Being accountable.

Jo

Jennifer Anne - you promised before God too remember. Don't make me spank you!