TT there's a difference between harsh words and what Stan-ley posted. And Jen has had plenty of harsh words in this thread that didn't cross that line.

I think that Stan-ley's post as well as all others has value.
But, really that is for KiwiJ to determine.

I've only read his previous two posts. Stanley has worked hard to recover his marriage after his wife's affair. His reaction might be similar to how Jen's husband will react if he discovers deliberate contact. JMHO. TT

Jen...

Sending you prayers...you know how to make this right, and I am confident that you have what it takes to do it...

And, when you need a laugh, look no further than the post from 2B...


When you read it, know that you are sharing a good belly laugh with all your friends from around the world that get just how funny it is...may that laughter serve as comfort to you and remind you that you are not alone...

Yep, 2B, we know her well enough to know that she is going to do the right thing here...

Mrs. W

I don't know why anyone is surprised or shocked. It just proves the Harley's theory that there needs to be NC for life. Extraordinary precautions must be taken to never see the OP again.

He says that even 5 or 6 years later the affair can reignite on contact.

It is hard to believe, but I think he has it right.

I hope Jen and Rob will take extraordinary precautions and MOVE.

TT, Stanley went too far in my opinion...however, I know it is his fear talking and I am sure Jen will know that too. I remember how foggy Myrta was and I remember well the excruciating pain Stanley was in. This hits hard for many BS as it is their greatest fear and just confirms what Harley says NC for LIFE!

I would concur with bigK and I said this to Jen, that some things she has said to me in the past couple days sounded a big foggy. I love you, Jen and am here for you always.

Empathy:


The BS loses weight to the point of looking emaciated and chronically ill. The BS is unable to sleep, work, or even perform simple tasks. The sadness is overwhelming and is there every second of every minute, of every hour, of every day for at least two years. At some point the BS would rather die. As per the experts--------- perhaps the greatest blow a human will ever endure in the planet is infidelity . Some even say it is worse than losing a child.

Then the wayward spouse repeats the exact behavior that caused all that pain. IMHO-----------THAT IS LACK OF EMPATHY IN IT’S MORE PURE FORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I said before----one that knows the affair of an anatomy has no excuse for this behavior. Not all marriages can be saved-------many perish in the 2-5 year period after the affair.


If Myrta did what KiwiJ did I would not be interested in saving the marriage. And you know what. Myrta agrees with me. She would be the 1st one to tell you that at that point there is no marriage to save.

Kiwi Jen:

First,
Thanks for just FINALLY {wink} giving us the details of your very vague posting earlier today.

You had many of us not only worried, but also pulling our hair cause we THOUGHT you meant breaking NC with OM ........but you actually wrote Contact, and so there was the small possibility of meaning some kind of trouble with your H.

So again thanx for clearing that up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Next,
Just KNOW that probably yourself and another poster [Knew Better] were 2 of the Biggest Reasons my Opinions of WS's was able to slowly change.
I think that has Merit and meaning.

Also keep this in mind:
even your example and testimony TODAY,
Shows me that is was the RIGHT thing to do -------THAT Is to have my W quit her job, to find another one, to sell our house and to MOVE to Another State.

Yes,
sometimes many people doubt this whole business of "extreme measures" (even those of us that have already done it).
But Knowing your story lets us see that it shouldn't be Optional and that it is necessary to protect our marriages as well as our WS's from themselves.

Unfortunately,
Right NOW I know you are smarting at both yourself and the reactions here.
But its Fresh.
Please DO NOT make any firm decisions as whether to be here or not,
UNTIL
You have a least a brief time to let this all sink in and process itself in your head and heart.

I hope you stay! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yep, stupid, stupid, stupid. But you already knew that.

So now be smart, listen to your friends. Tell Rob about it and solve the problem WITH him.

Don't make me send Nikko down there with a Gucci shoe to beat sense back into you.

You will survive this. You will learn and grow. And I say that because I'm confident that you'll be wise enough to move in the right direction from here.

Lots of love!

Dobie

MrsW...I thought you had more class. I apologized for my post and you have to come back and bring it up again? You needed to poke fun at me?

sigh...............you come here and dish it out [out of "concern," of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />] on a regular basis and then whine "VICTIM" when you get it back. Why not wake up and stop dishing it out if you can't take it?

2B...

If you'll notice my post was to KiwiJ...NOT YOU, shocking as this may be, it's not always about you or your situation...what you said before is comical to some of us here...KiwiJ needs to feel like she belongs to a group that loves and supports her, not to mention, a small chuckle might raise her spirits a tiny bit now...sorry you aren't part of the inside joke there 2B...what you did was come along and suggest more trouble to someone that was already posting about their trouble...HOW IS THAT HELPING??? I don't dislike you, but sometimes you gotta understand that perhaps we all get used around here for the greater good, KWIM?

Mrs. W

I haven't read you all. I've read bits and pieces. I keep crying when I read posts from my Idiotville friends and people I've spoken to for a long, long time. I'm at work and trying to keep it together so I haven't read everything.

I'm not offended by Stanley, I'm not upset by Stanley. I would probably have written the same sort of thing to me. It's very weird knowing this post is about me.

2B, I don't think you know me at all. I do think you misread my first post. If you think I object to the unvarnished truth being given to me, however harshly, you are very, very mistaken.

Do you really think I wanted to come here and admit this horror to people I hold in high regard. I thought long and hard before I posted at all but I knew I had to be honest. It would have been just as easy to keep yucking it up on Idiotville as though there was nothing wrong.

Also, anyone who knows me, knows I won't keep this from my H. I am just very, very scared to tell him and, after reading Stanley's thread, I am even more scared to tell him.

But this needs facing and it needs facing head on. I need to know why I'm still vulnerable and why I did this.

Every word of what Stan-ley said is how I would feel. If gemela came to me and told me she had done this, I would be hurt but I would also believe her and would be grateful that she thought enough of me and trusted me enough to want to include me. That she believed in me enough to think that we could work through it together - and resolve it. Time is the killer here.

jen,

I don't know your husband and cannot predict what his reaction will be. I know this much: the passage of time and your delay in telling him will not make things better. Every day of delay in telling him will add yet another question mark on his part. I can think of no rational reason to delay unless you simply plan to not ever tell him. But you know you must, right?

Kiwi,
You are right in that I don't know you. Nor do you know me or my history. I reacted out of my "history" of what happened to me. I apologized in an earlier post and I hope you will accept that apology.

I realize that you are in a very scary place right now, and I'm very sorry for taking away from your thread. Please forgive me.

...stepping away now...

Jen, I am still picking up some of my marbles from earlier - maybe I can be profound later. But just know that I'm behind you on this, and I have every faith that you will make it right as far as possible, and avoid doing this ever again. God be with you, Birdgirl.

This will be a deal breaker.

Stanley is absolutely right. It is a deal breaker.

Mrs W, nothing at all could make me smile today but knowing BigK "too well" almost got me.

Guys, I'm absolutely drained. I can't come back on today.

Thanks to you all.

2B, you don't need to apologise.

Look, I just can't do this right now.

jen....i still love you.....i wish i could walk my gucci wearin self over there and hug ya!!!

i am praying for you and rob....