I also said "No way am I going this way again. I think you're a ****** and I don't think you even have a conscience." He said "I probably am and I probably don't".
OMG, do you know HOW CLOSE I CAME TO BEING INVOLVED WITH THIS MAN AGAIN.
That was 15 minutes ago.
Jen, this is still "all about you." Your husband is an afterthought, another thing you can use to get what you want. I commend you for "putting on the breaks," but that you are sorely in need of some personal Standards that are unwaivering is evident.
You came as close to being involved again as any addict is to "just trying a little" of their former drug of choice and NOT getting right back into the destructive behavior and addiction. You already "justified" each contact, just like any addict.
It is TIME for you to not only tell your husband about your "close call," but to put in Extraordinary Precautions.
JL, I think it's time to see my wonderful counsellor, Peggy, again.
My thread title says it all you know.
I really didn't think I would be facing any of this again in my lifetime.
Except....... that deep down I still have reservations about giving myself totally to Rob.
--------------------
Jen
Jen, if these "reservations" are real and not just WW "rationalizations", you should not be married. Plain and simple, you are NOT your own anymore. You belong to your husband and he belongs to you.
Either you CHOOSE "no reservations" right now, and forever, or you get a divorce.
You are either "all in" or you not. Marriage IS an "all in," "forsaking ALL others," "until death do us part"...CHOICE.
No one, and I mean no one, "Forced" you to marry and no one forced your husband to forgive you and attempt to recover from the worst nightmare that can be visited upon a marriage by the willing CHOICE of one of the marriage partners.
If there are any "reservations," don't bother telling your husband about this latest contact because contact WILL happen again and you WILL justify it again. I'll give it to you straight, from one man who has suffered through MANY contacts by his FWW....."slips" are forgiveable and recovery can start again, but ANY hint of not being truly and totally committed,
WITHOUT RESERVATIONS, is a "deal breaker." NO MAN (and I assume the same holds true for women) is going to remain married to someone who does NOT drop ALL "ties to the past" for him and fully commit to "you and only you for the rest of my life, no matter what I might be feeling."
Jen, you suffer from the same problem that my wife has suffered from. You put someone else, the OM or YOURSELF, as "more important" than how your husband feels. That, alone, "justifies" in your mind that contact of any sort is "okay" because you are NOT restarting the affair.
Addicts cannot play that game. Oh, they can, but then they wind up losing all that IS truly dear to them.
How many times do you want to "tempt fate?"
How often do you want to tell God that He is wrong and you are right?
Jen, you have no choice, no real choice anyway. You must tell your husband. The choice to remain in recovery or to divorce is his. You already made your choice AND you
"still have reservations about giving myself totally to Rob." You don't deserve Rob if you don't commit and you don't "come clean."
If you do, you will be casting yourself upon Rob's ability to forgive you AND remain married to you. He won't choose remaining married unless you do "give yourself completely to him."
As is often said around here...."The CHOICE is yours." Love IS a choice and an action verb.
"Choose ye this day whom ye shall serve, but as for me and my house...."
Choose wisely Jen.
