A friend and I just talked about this.

She is in a brand new relationship and, despite how compatible they are, she's not feeling "tingles". Now, this may be physical, and if so then I'm not sure what the answer is if AS is a high EN, however we've also discussed the possibility that this new man is reminding her, in big or little ways, of a past love that ended badly.

Although Hubby and XH are very different, there are a few significant similarities -- one or two didn't even crop up until after we married -- that push big buttons for me. I must be careful not to respond to Hubby in the same way that I responded to XH because they are different people with different motives, despite these similarities.

How do you completely and totally get over past hurts? Its been 8 years for me, so I'm surprised that my buttons are still there, let alone that someone can still push them. My friend says that if this is what's happening with her that its not conscious. Ideas?

Mrs. W8ing

Oh wow, I don't know. I do this too but I don't realize that I am doing it. 13 years in my first marriage and not even married a year yet in my second. I think it's just that we see life through the filter of experiences that we've had. My filter is different from my H's, etc.

[color:"purple"]I read a lot of self-help books and tried to become consciously aware of the triggers and my responses.

I'm not perfect but I'm much better.

Some of the issues did not become clear until AFTER I began a new relationship. There is only so much work you can do on yourself that only concerns yourself - other stuff is about personal interaction.

As for tingles? Finding interaction stimulating or being "in the mood" to jump someone's bones?

I've never been one to jump if some guy's looks make my stomache clench. I usually wait to see if the guy can hold a decent conversation. (can you tell that it is one of my ENs?)

V. [/color]

Hi Sunny

I'm wondering about this, too. Maybe my friend's top ENs aren't being consistently met, despite other compatibilities. If her top EN was met, according to MB, she should fall in love and feel tingles, right?

Mrs. W8ing

Coachswife,

Hubby and I have been together for three years now. Now that I've learned what my buttons are and the physical signs of stress that they cause, I can choose to behave differently when they're pushed. Its taken a while and I'm definitely "faking it til I make it". I do wonder if those old buttons will ever disappear, though.

Mrs. W8ing