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You, your wife, and your family are in my prayers, Mortarman. And you've got mail.
Sunny Day, Sweeping The Clouds Away...
Just J --
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MM,
You'll be the warrior you've been and you will win....and God will bless you with a well deserved peace... That is my prayer for you my friend....in Jesus' great and mighty name.....
GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS... FRANK
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You did wonderfully considering the circumstances.
I do believe the MIL was baiting you and her actions imho, was tantamount to almost a near assault on YOU. It was them trying to pen you into a bad sitch and turn it on you...and you did wonderfully deflecting their lies with calmness, serenity and truth.
Prayers for one of God's mighty earthbound warriors are coming your way! And prayers for your enemy to...your W is not the enemy friend..the WS and the OP are. Prayers also for your precious children.
I am truly amazed at your ability under this stress. Please do not forget to eat, sleep and see your doc if you need to. We NEED YOU STRONG! THE KIDS NEED YOU STRONG! You can do this! We know you can! Kids are depending on you.
I believe in you 100 percent Mortar!
Godspeed.
If you want my email, Orchid has it. I'd love to talk to you. I myself have had the unfortunate task of darkening three courtrooms myself...and despite getting the "win" each time, you still walk away with a pit in your stomach because none of this even made sense. You gotta wonder why these WS do such things. It is truly mind boggling.
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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MM--my prayers are with you and your children. they are lucky to have such a wonderful, and honorable man as a father.
what we do in life......echoes in eternity!
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MM, I received 'notice' things were a rumblin' out your way. Didn't know such a strong hurricane was a brewin'. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Came out of my hiatus to send you my support. Looks like you are at your turning point. Yea, as nice as we try t/b, the WS tends to eventually take us to that turning point where plan B look more like relief than something scary. Your recount of events reminded me of when the police visited our home when my then crazed WS not only rewrote history but decided he could tell off 4 huge officers. YIKES!!! Well those boys in uniform, just don't take kindly to any kind of a WS. It didn't them long to smell that A. As they cuffed him and took him away (which btw, was very painful to witness), he was still carrying on about how he wasn't the crazy one and that he was gonna tell them what really happened. Right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> That put me in gear to move forward. For the protection of myself and my son, we stepped up reinforcements. I am sad to see the MIL defending a WS. That makes it harder. But the same tactics will work.....calling in the troops as you have and reassuring your children of your love and commitment to them, that you will NOT abandon them as their mother unfortunately has. One thing I vividly recall was my son telling me at 6 years old, 'mom you know us kids don't like t/b lied to'. I promised him I would not. So while it was painful for him to see his father go off the deep end as a WS, putting him in my personal support group and I in his helped us build a strong defense that no WS could break. Even to this day. My son doesn't remember all the details but he does recall some, still he goes into his protective mode when he even feels his dad maybe losing it again. Train your children well. U both need each other more than ever. Hug you babies. They will be glad they have at 1 sane parent. Know that now her WS weirdness is evident to the world and the abuse is not just to you. A WS can't help but act crazed. It is part of what that alien virus does. It eats up their common sense and love of family. Gotta let it run it's course but do it from a safe distance. Keeping you all in our prayers. take care, L.
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MM, I hope you're doing okay, and that you find a new home soon. One thing that troubled me a bit about your post: (re: MIL) I told her to butt out! But she just kept going, and ratcheted my wife up in the process (they truly are very much alike, unfortunately...which is why I will have to work extra hard to make sure my daughter doesnt follow their path of selfishness, adultery, etc). I know I may be taking this out of context... but please be careful how you view and treat your daughter in all of this. Don't transfer her mother's evil deeds onto her. I've known parents who have tightened the reigns on their youngest children after the older siblings went wild -- drinking, drugs, getting pregnant, whatever. And it always backfires and leads to rebellion. Each and every one of us deserves unconditional love from our parents... and to be viewed in the context of OUR OWN behavior, not anyone elses. Personally, I think you would do just as well to be vigilant that your sons don't grow up thinking all women are lying, cheating, selfish you-know-whats. All my best to you and your children, --SC
"I require more from my spouse than behaving well in order to avoid pain." (guess who)
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MM -
Your calm and assurance is amazing. I understand where (Who) you get it from, but it still amazes me.
I will keep you and your kids (and your WW) in my prayers. BB, It amazes me! Believe me, this is NOT my nature! My nature is to destroy anyone or anything that would threaten my family. The fact that I have been able to restrain myself in all of this cannot come from me. I cannot claim credit. I cannot boast of it. It reminds me of my old unit that went to Afghanistan two years ago. Right after they got there, two guys were killed by an IED. I knew one of them. Well, about two weeks later, they found the IED maker. He had blown himself up while making more. He was still alive, but was a mess. Well, the guys wanted to lynch him. They were indignant that they had to load this waste of oxygen into a Hummer and take him to the base hospital. They then all sat outside the tent while the docs worked on him. They were yelling "let him die!" It was then one of the docs came out and said "He has burns over 90% of his body, he has lost both arms, and eyesight in one eye. He will, if he lives, suffer the rest of his life." Of course, the reaction from the troops was then "Let him live." As harsh as that sounds, it still amazes everyone involved that they loaded this waste into the vehicle and that the docs worked on him. That they didnt just put a bullet into him. It is THAT restraint I am talking about. Not that I am tempted to violence here...I really am not! But that I would be so justified in my mind and the world's mind if I did seek vengence here. Or just had walked away and kicked my wife to the curb. That kind of action I do understand! So, to not "play the game" for me actually has me a little perplexed. I know where it comes from...but it still amazes me. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Thanks BJS...and yes, that song speaks to my situation very well!
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM
in all honesty
I have some measure of empathy/understanding/compassion for your confused lost wife ....
but your MIL baffles me !!!!
what'da'hayul is wrong with her ????
"go through me"
she was baiting you no doubt
she wanted a physical confrontation in front of the kids???
is she nuckin'futz ???
pardon my french
Pep You have no idea!! Actually, we would probably have recovered by now if she had not been feeding this from my basement over the last year. We got along the best when she wasnt there. She even had caused tension early in our marriage, with her constantly cutting down on me to my wife, etc. She is not a good woman...and unfortunately, it appears my wife will just follow her lead. Nucking futz indeed! In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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(((((MM))))))
If you ever want to talk, you have my email address.
If it gets lost in all this mess, let me know and I'll post it up again.
Praying for the Peace of God amongst the storm for you and your children. May Christ calm the seas of this terrible storm for you and your children as you know that He is with you.
God bless and let you know His comforting presence in this time of trial and tribulation. Thanks FH! We will be in touch. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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RiverTam and Just J...thank you!
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM,
You'll be the warrior you've been and you will win....and God will bless you with a well deserved peace... That is my prayer for you my friend....in Jesus' great and mighty name.....
GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS... FRANK I am praying for this also, Frank. I actually have been meditating on Psalm 25 this morning: Psa 25:1 To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
Psa 25:2 O my God, in You I trust, Do not let me be ashamed; Do not let my enemies exult over me.
Psa 25:3 Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed; Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed.
Psa 25:4 Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths.
Psa 25:5 Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day.
Psa 25:6 Remember, O LORD, Your compassion and Your lovingkindnesses, For they have been from of old.
Psa 25:7 Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions; According to Your lovingkindness remember me, For Your goodness' sake, O LORD.
Psa 25:8 Good and upright is the LORD; Therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
Psa 25:9 He leads the humble in justice, And He teaches the humble His way.
Psa 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are lovingkindness and truth To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
Psa 25:11 For Your name's sake, O LORD, Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.
Psa 25:12 Who is the man who fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way he should choose.
Psa 25:13 His soul will abide in prosperity, And his descendants will inherit the land.
Psa 25:14 The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him, And He will make them know His covenant.
Psa 25:15 My eyes are continually toward the LORD, For He will pluck my feet out of the net.
Psa 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, For I am lonely and afflicted.
Psa 25:17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses.
Psa 25:18 Look upon my affliction and my trouble, And forgive all my sins.
Psa 25:19 Look upon my enemies, for they are many, And they hate me with violent hatred.
Psa 25:20 Guard my soul and deliver me; Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.
Psa 25:21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You.
Psa 25:22 Redeem Israel, O God, Out of all his troubles. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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You did wonderfully considering the circumstances.
I do believe the MIL was baiting you and her actions imho, was tantamount to almost a near assault on YOU. It was them trying to pen you into a bad sitch and turn it on you...and you did wonderfully deflecting their lies with calmness, serenity and truth. Thanks. And yes, they were indeed baiting me! But the funny thing now is that it just slides off me. She (my wife) cant get to me anymore. Know what I mean? early on, BSs begin to believe the bad things that their WS say about them. But I know the truth about me, about our marriage...about who she used to be. Her words now mean nothing because they are nothing but lies. Prayers for one of God's mighty earthbound warriors are coming your way! And prayers for your enemy to...your W is not the enemy friend..the WS and the OP are. Prayers also for your precious children. I know who THE enemy is. This battle is bigger than me. I am truly amazed at your ability under this stress. Please do not forget to eat, sleep and see your doc if you need to. We NEED YOU STRONG! THE KIDS NEED YOU STRONG! You can do this! We know you can! Kids are depending on you. The kids are what keeps me sane. Funny thing the last two days. They have been busy at my wife's new house unloading their stuff and setting up their rooms. But they keep calling me every hour it seems like, just to talk or see what I am doing. I will pick them up tonight and hold onto them thru the weekend. I will take them house hunting this weekend, as I try to figure out the financial logistics. And hopefully be in a place in the next several days or weeks. I believe in you 100 percent Mortar!
Godspeed. Thank you. If you want my email, Orchid has it. I'd love to talk to you. I myself have had the unfortunate task of darkening three courtrooms myself...and despite getting the "win" each time, you still walk away with a pit in your stomach because none of this even made sense. You gotta wonder why these WS do such things. It is truly mind boggling. Thanks. As I move thru this, I will need everyones perspective. As I said before, when you are in hand-to-hand fighting on the front lines, it is almost impossible to see the big picture. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM--my prayers are with you and your children. they are lucky to have such a wonderful, and honorable man as a father. Thank you. In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Good to hear from you Orchid. Missed you around here!
You are correct. You know as well as any of us how this all works. Thanks.
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM, I hope you're doing okay, and that you find a new home soon. One thing that troubled me a bit about your post: (re: MIL) I told her to butt out! But she just kept going, and ratcheted my wife up in the process (they truly are very much alike, unfortunately...which is why I will have to work extra hard to make sure my daughter doesnt follow their path of selfishness, adultery, etc). I know I may be taking this out of context... but please be careful how you view and treat your daughter in all of this. Don't transfer her mother's evil deeds onto her. I've known parents who have tightened the reigns on their youngest children after the older siblings went wild -- drinking, drugs, getting pregnant, whatever. And it always backfires and leads to rebellion. Each and every one of us deserves unconditional love from our parents... and to be viewed in the context of OUR OWN behavior, not anyone elses. Noted! SC, I would never heap on any of my kids the actions of someone else. I think what I was saying is that I will make sure there is a counter balance for them to my wife's actions, so that she will always know right from wrong and can make the right decisions. She is a smart, well-rounded girl. My wife and I did well with her (before my wife went off the deep end 4 years ago!). I just want to make sure that she has the best examples...which will invariably cast my wife's actions into a bad light. But that isnt my problem, is it?? Personally, I think you would do just as well to be vigilant that your sons don't grow up thinking all women are lying, cheating, selfish you-know-whats. I agree! In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM:
Oh, Good Grief!
"Oh, the humanity!"
When all else fails, she's always got the drama, huh?
Hang in there, man!
-ol' 2long
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I did get my stuff out last night. Some stuff wasnt there that I expected. But some stuff I expected to be gone was there. Oh well.
Got a big stink brewing concerning my youngest son and his all-district baseball team. This is one of the teams that tries to rise up to make it to the World Series. Anyway, he is the key player on that team (not just saying that because I am Dad...he is that good!) and they go to Districts at the end of this month.
Well, my wife tells me that her and MIL are taking the kids to Indiana during that time for a family reunion. I reminded her that it would mean my youngest would have to quit the team. She just said "Okay."
That pi$$es me off! He will be devastated if he doesnt go to Districts. If they win districts, they go to States and so on. From what I gather, the family (her side) is talking about doing this every year, which means he will miss every year. And I can guarantee you that he wants to be at his baseball tournament!
Got a call into my attorney, but not sure what to do. I can see that she will continue to do stuff liek this, trying to hurt me. But what it does is hurt the kids. My daughter will be in the heat of her swimming season and she will miss. My oldest has baseball also. I can see now that when it is "her time" she will make sure they are not at their events.
My wife used to be about the kids. Now it is about her, about MIL...and about hurting me. She has admitted that recently. And she will use whatever is at her disposal to do that.
Even the kids.
In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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MM:
Oh, Good Grief!
"Oh, the humanity!"
When all else fails, she's always got the drama, huh?
Hang in there, man!
-ol' 2long Drama queen!! But 2Long...I'm out of the drama as much as I can be. Plan B is in place. I still have to fight for the issues surrounding my kids (like what was in my last post). But I am out of the personal drama. And thus...I slept like a baby last night! In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Final letter to my wife I am sending this afternoon: Mrs. MM,
Now that all of the stuff is out of the house, I had some time to think about things. My introspection started several days ago, when I found two cards that you had given me back in 1997 and 1999 (just two years before all of this mess). I read the cards, and the letters you had put inside and it confirmed again to me what I know about us and about our marriage. About how you said those wonderful and amazing things about me and about us. Sure, you eluded to financial and other problems. But the woman that wrote those letters was indeed happy with me, and our marriage, and was excited for our future.
How far we fell in just two years!!
I am glad now that I will not have to listen or accept your revision of our history and our marriage any longer. I have too many memories, too many things like those cards, that say differently. It is as if my Mrs. MM is able to speak to me from the past. I miss her!
I prize my memories of who we were together and what we built. I will forever hold onto those memories, even as I now move forward.
As you know, I have been through some very tough moments over the past 4 years, as you decided to leave this marriage and family. My love for you is so profound that I just could not face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me, who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship unravel.
Nevertheless, I have done some intense soul-searching, and I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you in this marriage against your will. That simply can’t continue, which is why I came to you in January with the proposal to work on the marriage or it was time to move on. As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I’m reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe or beg. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you say you want out of the marriage, and obviously, I have to let you go. I’m aware that I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me in 1993.
You are free to go. I admit that this entire experience has been painful, but I’m going to make it. The Lord has been with me thus far and He’ll go with me in the future. You and I had some wonderful times together, Mrs. MM. You were my first real love and I’ll never forget the memories that we shared. I hope when the next relationship invariably fails for you, that you will remember back to a guy that loved you enough to accept you even at your worse.
I will pray for you and trust that God will find you and guide you in the years ahead.
Mortarman In His arms.
Standing in His PresenceFBS (me) (48) FWW (41) Married April 1993... 4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B)) Blessed by God more than I deserve "If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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