For you military types, you will know what "H-Hour" is. Here's the update...
I have been very busy the last few weeks preparing for the upcoming battle. That is why you havent heard much from me lately. And, as I knew it would eventually come...a battle has ensued as of yesterday.
Two days ago, my wife informed the kids and me that she had a place nearby and was moving by the end of the week. I had noticed soem things missing the few days before...well, my MIL and her had already begun the process of moving stuff over there. I asked her when she was going to let me know (I found out thru the kids), since we only had two days to get out of our current house (I had no idea we had to be out by June 1st). Her response? Nothing...no response.
I went into operations mode immediately. I called out from work on Thursday, and began trying to pack up some of the kdis stuff that morning. I found out my wife had kept my oldest son home to help her and my MIL pack. I began to enlist my son to help me in his room, when my MIL came up and began going off on me on what I was packing up. My wife, who had jsut got off night shift and was in bed...came out and joined in their verbal assault. I turned to my MIL and told her that she is NOT a part of the Mortarman family...that this is our kids' room and she has NO say in the matter. I told her to butt out! But she just kept going, and ratcheted my wife up in the process (they truly are very much alike, unfortunately...which is why I will have to work extra hard to make sure my daughter doesnt follow their path of selfishness, adultery, etc).
I am now trapped in my sons' room because my MIL is blocking the door, saying "You are going to have to come thru me." At this point, I had sent my oldest to the basement to get out of the radius of the explosion that was about to happen. Now, while "going thru her" was VERy tempting <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />, I chose to pick up my cell phone and call "911." All this time, my MIL remained in the doorway, while my wife went downstairs and called the police herself (of course, on me!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />).
About ten minutes later, the police rolled up. My MIL cleared the door, so I headed downstairs to talk to the officer. My wife was already at the door, saying I was yelling at them (not true), being verbally abusive (not true) and was trying to take stuff that didnt belong to me from the home (and they hadnt taken a bunch of stuff out before I knew we were moving??? Puleease!).
The officer began to tell her that it isnt illegal for me to remove anything from our home. That is isnt illegal for me to yell (even though I didnt yell). Well, my wife continues to get more and more worked up as he is talking. The officer then turns to me, in which I try to tell him what happened. When I bring up the fact that I received primary custody of the kids a year ago and I was just trying to pack the kids up...she became irate! She was screaming at the officer "He didnt get custody...that's a lie...that's a lie." I am trying to speak to the officer. I then ask him if he can quiet her, as I did give her the chance to speak. The officer gave her a warning, and then asked me to step outside.
I gave him the lowdown of our sitch over the last four years, so he understood why my wife was off her rocker. About this time, a second officer pulls up. He comes up, and decides he wants to speak to my wife, who has now locked the door. My wife opens the door, and hands the officer her cell phone, saying her attorney wants to talk to him. The officer responds "I dont want to talk to your attorney, mam. I want to talk to you." In the meantime, my wife is trying to shut the door on the officer. Eventually, he gets her to open the door and he goes inside.
I finish telling the first officer my situation, as we both hear my wife going off inside as she yells at the 2nd officer.
I then talk with the first officer, telling him that the stuff in the house aint worth this. That all I care about is the kids, really. He asked if I was willing to leave today, to come back the next day and get whatever stuff she left. I told him that I would, but that I needed to get my work laptop, clothing, shaving gear, etc.
He went inside and presented my plan to my wife. She agreed, and the 2nd officer came out and escorted me upstairs to the bedroom so I could get my personal items. While there, he said that I should go immediately to see my attorney and file for immediate custody and for divorce. He said after talking to my wife that he had no doubt that she would be filing all sorts of things, especially with her and MIL cooking up their stories together. He said he had been thru similar before and understood what was going on here. Both officers were ex-military and were POed with my wife that she had cheated while I was on deployment. They understood what I had been going thru. Added to that, the fact that I was calm and collected and very matter-of-fact, as opposed to her aggressive and abusive manner, told the officers a lot about what the truth of the situation was.
I left soon after, and I have stayed with my mother the last two days as I start to figure out the next step. I did go to my attorney's office. He said that he figures that my wife's attorney already had stuff in the pipeline ready for her move, so that we wouldnt file for a day or so to see what their first move would be. I asked him if it mattered which was in first. He said considering her track record and what she is doing now...it wouldnt matter at all.
He did say that I now have "cause" again, as I did when she was in adultery. Virginia is a fault state, and adultery is a cause for filing for divorce. Another cause is abandonment of the marriage. She has done that now. She has no way of filing for divorce for 6 months as she doesnt have fault on me. She can file for temporary orders, such as custody and child support, though. I can file for the full deal, as I have fault!
He told me to be prepared that she might file some sort of verbal assault charge. I asked that if she did, with my MIL also backing up her lies, would it stick? He said "no," that the judge will understand that my MIL will parrot her daughter's position. That he will take the officers' testimony about her abusive behavior, about how I was calm and was willing to leave rather than escalate...as the truth. So, I am not really worried there!
She has a high-priced attorney (the same guy that lost last month against my attorney), so we are planning on a more expensive battle. My wife has moved into a house that is almost double the size and payment of our current house. She was complaining about how much I was providing before. Now she has to pay $1200 more a month for the house, and no money from me. Added to that, should she lose custody, she will be required to pay me an additional $1200 (app.) a month for child support. Dont know where she will get the money? It wont be the Troll. MIL is helping, but I do know that most of it will have to be made up by her working extra shifts. This, while her doctor has already advised her to quit her job because of her back injury last year in an automobile accident.
I think she is counting on winning custody because she has a place right now, and I dont (yet!!). That the $1200 extra for her current place will come from me. That's an awfully big risk on her part. She must REALLY believe in this attorney! And who knows...he might win. But odds are he wont! Especially since she is also fighting God. And I do know one thing...God and me on the same team is a majority!
She kept all of the kids out of school today to help finishing moving. I have no idea what will be left, and really dont care that much, as my attorney can handle that mess! My deal now is getting a place for me and the kids. And I will discuss that in a later post, because there are soem issues there.
For now, me and the kids can stay when they are with me...at my Mom's house about 10 miles away. There is only two weeks left in the school year, so we can just suffer thru bringing them back over to the bus stop. My attorney says that it is "problematic" that she has a house in the school district and right now I dont. But, that it probably my wife's only substantive issue for fighting for custody of the kids. But I want to also take that issue out of her hands (as well as get back out there because I do want my kids in that district, if possible).
It will probably take 30 days to get a hearing on custody. So, for now...who knows how this will play out. As nasty as my wife and MIL are being, they probably wont even let them pack their clothes to bring with them to stay with me, in order to force me to let them stay there until the hearing. That aint gonna happen! Even if I have to blow some cash on some new clothes! But, the issue is how we are going to trade them off right now. My MIL is making plans to take my wife and the kids at the end of June to Indiana for some family get-together (it basically is the second anniversary of my FIL's death). But, my sons both have major baseball tournaments they have to (and want to) be at. My younger son will be kicked off his team if he cant attend. But they dont care! As my wife said about herself, on tape, to me two months ago.."I am 35 years old, and selfish and self-centered..."
So, H-Hour has come. I was prepared on almost every front except housing. And I have some issues there and may need some off board help, as my postings may be being monitored by the "enemy."
But suffice it to say that all of my technological and human assets that I have built up over the last 4 years, are fully engaged now. There are people swarming around now, preparing to execute the plan I worked up months ago. She may have fired the first volley. That's okay. And it did some damage, as I need to find a place. But that hopefully will not take long.
In the meantime, she (and the Troll) are about to reap the whirlwind of their decisions. The consequences of their illegal, immoral and abusive actions are now finally going to come home to roost.
Last year, when we went to court, I told my attorney that I did not want to hammer my wife. That I felt she was confused and making mistakes...but that I didnt want to "take her to the cleaners." When I met with my attorney yesterday, he asked me if I was done "[censored]-footing around." (I hope that term doesnt offend anyone...it has to do with a cat!)? I told him that the gloves are off. That only unconditional surrender will be accepted. That mercy should not, nor will not, be shown until that happens.
Folks, this now will be the official start of Plan B and to the operations I need to take to secure my future and my kids' futures. This battle will be intense. The attorney we are up against is forminable. But as my attorney said...he cant escape the facts. He is just another attorney.
I may lose. I am prepared for that also. There is a plan for that possibility. I doubt she has such a plan for her loss.
I will keep you updated. I will also need prayers, and guidance...as I will be down at the front, in hand-to-hand fighting. It will be hard to see the big picture from there.
I am one POed grunt! I am under control...but I am determined! Time to break open a can...
In His arms.
((( Mortarman )))
You definitely have my prayers this very second...
So sorry to hear this.
I wish there was something I could do to take away your pain.
Bless you, Carnation
((( Mortarman )))
You definitely have my prayers this very second...
So sorry to hear this.
I wish there was something I could do to take away your pain.
Bless you, Carnation
Thanks Carnation. And the prayers do help!!
Right now, I dont even feel the pain. It is like losing a buddy in battle. You know you will feel it later...but right now, you must continue the battle.
I am focused on the objective. There will be time later for pain and crying.
In His arms.
((((((((MM)))))))
You are grace under fire for certain!
This is just the opening salvo in a renewed battle. I think you've been more than patient and it's time to take the gloves off. H-hour indeed, pardner. Stay strong, MM.
MM,
Stay strong and fight for what is right for you and your children.....
I am praying for you. Let the wrath begin and let her feel the pain of her actions......
Hurting
So, H-Hour has come. I was prepared on almost every front except housing. And I have some issues there and may need some off board help, as my postings may be being monitored by the "enemy."
You know how to get in touch with us if we can help you at all, you know that Mr. W and I will do anything that we can for you...
And you've got 'em...Was on my knees in prayer for you as soon as I finished reading...He's there with you...You remain In His Arms...
Mrs. W
((((((((MM)))))))
You are grace under fire for certain!
Thank you!
"I can do all things..."
In His arms.
This is just the opening salvo in a renewed battle. I think you've been more than patient and it's time to take the gloves off. H-hour indeed, pardner. Stay strong, MM.
After 4 years of this crap, it feels so good to finally take the gloves off! Thanks.
In His arms.
Grace under fire indeed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
You sound really good, MM....fully prepared and ready to roll! I'm sorry it's come to this, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do!
I'll lift you and your kids up in prayer!
Lori
MM,
Stay strong and fight for what is right for you and your children.....
I am praying for you. Let the wrath begin and let her feel the pain of her actions......
Hurting
Indeed!
In His arms.
So, H-Hour has come. I was prepared on almost every front except housing. And I have some issues there and may need some off board help, as my postings may be being monitored by the "enemy."
You know how to get in touch with us if we can help you at all, you know that Mr. W and I will do anything that we can for you...
And you've got 'em...Was on my knees in prayer for you as soon as I finished reading...He's there with you...You remain In His Arms...
Mrs. W
Thanks! I will be in touch. And yes, I do know He is here.
In His arms.
Grace under fire indeed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
You sound really good, MM....fully prepared and ready to roll! I'm sorry it's come to this, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do!
I'll lift you and your kids up in prayer!
Lori
Thanks Lori! Yes, my kids do need it. My daughter was crying the other night while my wife was at work. She so wants this mess over with. And so do I.
This is what POs me the most...the abuse of our kids. And she doesnt care!
While I was packing, I found two cards my wife had given me abotu a year and a half before this all started. In them, she had included some paper with a note. Stuff like...how much she loved me and was thankful that her and I could follow God's path for us. How she could never imagine a life without me in it.
A year later? Well, as you know...there was nothing good about our marriage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
This is indeed an alien and an enemy of my family and of the safety and emotional health of my kids.
She will be treated as such.
In His arms.
MM...best of luck my friend.
You seem very well prepared for this, and I admire you for it.
Your faith and perseverence will carry you through this I'm sure.
You're children are lucky to have such a dedicated father!
After 4 years of this crap, it feels so good to finally take the gloves off! Thanks.
Wow! Mortarman! I've been off the board for quite some time and just recently returned. Sorry to see what has transpired in your life and your marriage.
I too have had 4 years (and then some!) of this crap. I filed in February.
Prayers for your continued strength.
MM...best of luck my friend.
You seem very well prepared for this, and I admire you for it.
Your faith and perseverence will carry you through this I'm sure.
You're children are lucky to have such a dedicated father!
Thanks GF. You are in a similar battle as me right now. You are doing well.
I am as prepared as I can be. The reason I feel confident is that I know who is in charge here...and it aint me! If God is on my side, who can be against me?
In His arms.
After 4 years of this crap, it feels so good to finally take the gloves off! Thanks.
Wow! Mortarman! I've been off the board for quite some time and just recently returned. Sorry to see what has transpired in your life and your marriage.
I too have had 4 years (and then some!) of this crap. I filed in February.
Prayers for your continued strength.
Thanks. And the same for you!
In His arms.
Prayers for you and your kids, MM.
Prayers for you and your kids, MM.
Thanks FF!
In His arms.
My prayers will be with you and the kids too. I know how much they suffer... even if they can't express it. You are very brave, and an example to all of us here. God Bless you! He is with you, you can be sure of that.
I hope you and the kids are doing well MM and I will pray for you.
I will ask, though. How do you maintain your composure during such madness? Is it a simple choice? Is there more to it? I really want to know for my own personal use.
thanks.
pat
MM...You're in thoughts and prayers Brother...
remember my old saying??
The silence after teh shelling is not because they're tired or out of ammunition, it is because they're reloading!!
Stay the course...
take down my e-mail address...it will be removed later..
E-mail gone
anything I can help with, you let me know....
Add me to the list of people praying for you and your family, MM.
I don't live in the area you do. I used to, but still travel there frequently on business and am familiar with the real estate. I don't know what your situation is on finding a place or which school district you need to be in, but have some connections.
If my husband and I can be of any help, please e-mail.
mbarretdaw@aol.comTake care,
Shellybird
MM,
This is my offer to help in any way I can - just hollar out to me:
legalbeagle86@hotmail.comRegards,
BB
MM,
You can add me to your list of Prayer Warriors for you and your kids. If you need anything from this side just yell.
S&C
My prayers will be with you and the kids too. I know how much they suffer... even if they can't express it. You are very brave, and an example to all of us here. God Bless you! He is with you, you can be sure of that.
Thanks, CC. For all of the folks here that are praying...I do feel it. For those that know what I am talking about...then you know what that feeling is like.
Again, thanks.
In His arms.
MM, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You've helped so many of us here that I'm sure you will get a tremendous amount of support through this.
With all the crap you have had to deal with over the past 4 years, I figure you're due for some good times ahead. Keep you chin up may Gob bless.
HTW
I hope you and the kids are doing well MM and I will pray for you.
I will ask, though. How do you maintain your composure during such madness? Is it a simple choice? Is there more to it? I really want to know for my own personal use.
thanks.
pat
Pat,
Not an easy answer to this. Part of it is military training...teaching you not to "think," but to go with what you know and how you have been trained. Part of it is the Lord. Just knowing His peace and knowing that NOTHING can happen to me today that He didnt allow. And since He loves me, then I can trust that whatever omes my way will be for my good.
I think that knowing the truth about all of this is probably the biggest help. The truth about God, about who I am, about the MB principles, etc. Too many people walk thru life living in the grey areas. And then when there is a crisis, they dont know what to do...or get freaked out. But when you know the difference between right and wrong...then you know what you must do. As Just Learning told me many times...at the end of the day, after you have weighed it all, the right answer invariably will present itself.
I really have come to trust the Lord to open and close doors for me. My pastor has taught me that the biggest problem with Christians in crises is that they get bogged down in wondering what they should do. What is the right answer? What he taught me was that if I pray, and study and ask questions of Godly people, then when I get enough information to make a decision, He will make sure I make the right one. How? Well, if I thru all of that still make the wrong decision, then by my prayer of saying "Your will be done," then I know He will put up a wall in the direction I am headed. if it is the right answer, though...He will open the door.
So, without getting too "preachy," I would say that it all comes down to who do I trust. sure, inside...Satan is tempting me with all of the "what-ifs." I was woken up twice last night, with doubts, and fears, etc. I know that Jesus also was tempted...also told the "what-ifs." I know he felt this anguish. And He said "Father please let this cup pass from me." I dont like this, dont want this, dont prefer this. But then He went on to say "nevertheless, Your will be done."
Just like every other BS on here, I dont want this. I dont want this fear, or pain. Satan has invaded my home for four years. He will no longer be allowed in my home from this moment forward. As for me and my house, we will follow the Lord.
Well, I said I wouldnt get preachy but did. I just know that without Jesus, I would have long ago done something stupid. Many things stupid! Instead, my wife (and Satan) continue to be frustrated at the gains that continue to be made. She doesnt have a clue right now how bad she has made things for herself.
I am just a soldier. I take orders, I follow orders. And I leave the rest up to HQ. And after the war is over, it will be time to cry and bury our "dead."
MM...You're in thoughts and prayers Brother...
remember my old saying??
The silence after teh shelling is not because they're tired or out of ammunition, it is because they're reloading!!
Stay the course...
take down my e-mail address...it will be removed later..
XXXX
anything I can help with, you let me know....
Thanks. You can email me at
Mortar29@Yahoo.com and I will put your email addy in my file there, if you can.
And on your comment about the arty...it is so true. But, what the "enemy" doesnt understand is that I believe in strength thru superior firepower! And I am packing a whole lot more punch than she is! As I am typing, fire missions are already in progress. Shock and Awe during the Iraq War will be nothing compared to what is about to happen here in Virginia!
As the crest of my unit says: "Ever Forward!"
In His arms.
Add me to the list of people praying for you and your family, MM.
I don't live in the area you do. I used to, but still travel there frequently on business and am familiar with the real estate. I don't know what your situation is on finding a place or which school district you need to be in, but have some connections.
If my husband and I can be of any help, please e-mail.
mbarretdaw@aol.comTake care,
Shellybird
Thanks Shelly. I will bring up my problems with the housing situation later tonight. I have to go in a minute to clear out my stuff (or whatever little she left there).
In His arms.
Thanks Brit...I will be in touch.
In His arms.
MM,
You can add me to your list of Prayer Warriors for you and your kids. If you need anything from this side just yell.
S&C
S&C,
Thanks. Satan has a very tight hold on my wife. At this point, many prayers need to be said for her, as well as my kids. She has no idea the pain coming her way. God is not pleased, as He told me recently to let the unbeliever go. Hebrews 10 outlines just a small taste of what is instore for her. And while I still do love her, I thank God that I am not the one in trouble. Cause Daddy is home and He is looking for His belt.
In His arms.
MM, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You've helped so many of us here that I'm sure you will get a tremendous amount of support through this.
With all the crap you have had to deal with over the past 4 years, I figure you're due for some good times ahead. Keep you chin up may Gob bless.
HTW
Thanks. I have no doubt that this is the beginning of the end of this mess. One way or the other. I am happy already that the end is near, even though I still dont know what that looks like.
In His arms.
soldier on !
prayers for you, kids, and WW who is so very lost
Pep
soldier on !
prayers for you, kids, and WW who is so very lost
Pep
She is isnt she? I dont understand. She was so different. At times, she has shown her old self. But always, to crawl back inside the ugly alien. Why? I am not sure. But I know that she wont be allowed to continue anymore. She has reached the end of her rope.
In His arms.
MM -
Your calm and assurance is amazing. I understand where (Who) you get it from, but it still amazes me.
I will keep you and your kids (and your WW) in my prayers.
Mortarman:
My prayers for you, you wife but especially your kids. My heart breaks for them. However they are very Blessed to have a father who will fight for them, and show them that even though the battle is hard, what is truly worth fighting for. Many kids these days don't even have one parent that is willing to battle for their kids.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this battle. I do believe you have reached many through this battle and have shown what having Faith is about. You have even admitted to mistakes in how you have handled some things and have taken much heat from several of us. You take what is said to you with Grace, evaluate and change if you are guided to. You have been a leader in your family as God has called you to lead. You even gave up a career that meant so much to you, for your family, that speaks volumes about the type of man you are and what you are willing to do for those who you love.
With God in control HIS will will be done.
Here is a song from Aaron Shust that came to my mind when I read your post;
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior
I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my savior
That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior
My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be
Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my savior
That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior
My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be
MM
in all honesty
I have some measure of empathy/understanding/compassion for your confused lost wife ....
but your MIL baffles me !!!!
what'da'hayul is wrong with her ????
"go through me"
she was baiting you no doubt
she wanted a physical confrontation in front of the kids???
is she nuckin'futz ???
pardon my french
Pep
(((((MM))))))
If you ever want to talk, you have my email address.
If it gets lost in all this mess, let me know and I'll post it up again.
Praying for the Peace of God amongst the storm for you and your children. May Christ calm the seas of this terrible storm for you and your children as you know that He is with you.
God bless and let you know His comforting presence in this time of trial and tribulation.
Whoa, Mortarman! I am keeping you and your children in my prayers.
You, your wife, and your family are in my prayers, Mortarman. And you've got mail.
MM,
You'll be the warrior you've been and you will win....and God will bless you with a well deserved peace... That is my prayer for you my friend....in Jesus' great and mighty name.....
GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS... FRANK
You did wonderfully considering the circumstances.
I do believe the MIL was baiting you and her actions imho, was tantamount to almost a near assault on YOU. It was them trying to pen you into a bad sitch and turn it on you...and you did wonderfully deflecting their lies with calmness, serenity and truth.
Prayers for one of God's mighty earthbound warriors are coming your way! And prayers for your enemy to...your W is not the enemy friend..the WS and the OP are. Prayers also for your precious children.
I am truly amazed at your ability under this stress. Please do not forget to eat, sleep and see your doc if you need to. We NEED YOU STRONG! THE KIDS NEED YOU STRONG! You can do this! We know you can! Kids are depending on you.
I believe in you 100 percent Mortar!
Godspeed.
If you want my email, Orchid has it. I'd love to talk to you. I myself have had the unfortunate task of darkening three courtrooms myself...and despite getting the "win" each time, you still walk away with a pit in your stomach because none of this even made sense. You gotta wonder why these WS do such things. It is truly mind boggling.
MM--my prayers are with you and your children. they are lucky to have such a wonderful, and honorable man as a father.
MM,
I received 'notice' things were a rumblin' out your way. Didn't know such a strong hurricane was a brewin'. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Came out of my hiatus to send you my support.
Looks like you are at your turning point. Yea, as nice as we try t/b, the WS tends to eventually take us to that turning point where plan B look more like relief than something scary.
Your recount of events reminded me of when the police visited our home when my then crazed WS not only rewrote history but decided he could tell off 4 huge officers. YIKES!!! Well those boys in uniform, just don't take kindly to any kind of a WS. It didn't them long to smell that A. As they cuffed him and took him away (which btw, was very painful to witness), he was still carrying on about how he wasn't the crazy one and that he was gonna tell them what really happened. Right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> That put me in gear to move forward. For the protection of myself and my son, we stepped up reinforcements.
I am sad to see the MIL defending a WS. That makes it harder. But the same tactics will work.....calling in the troops as you have and reassuring your children of your love and commitment to them, that you will NOT abandon them as their mother unfortunately has.
One thing I vividly recall was my son telling me at 6 years old, 'mom you know us kids don't like t/b lied to'. I promised him I would not. So while it was painful for him to see his father go off the deep end as a WS, putting him in my personal support group and I in his helped us build a strong defense that no WS could break. Even to this day. My son doesn't remember all the details but he does recall some, still he goes into his protective mode when he even feels his dad maybe losing it again.
Train your children well. U both need each other more than ever. Hug you babies. They will be glad they have at 1 sane parent.
Know that now her WS weirdness is evident to the world and the abuse is not just to you. A WS can't help but act crazed. It is part of what that alien virus does. It eats up their common sense and love of family. Gotta let it run it's course but do it from a safe distance.
Keeping you all in our prayers.
take care,
L.
MM,
I hope you're doing okay, and that you find a new home soon.
One thing that troubled me a bit about your post:
(re: MIL)
I told her to butt out! But she just kept going, and ratcheted my wife up in the process (they truly are very much alike, unfortunately...which is why I will have to work extra hard to make sure my daughter doesnt follow their path of selfishness, adultery, etc).
I know I may be taking this out of context... but please be careful how you view and treat your daughter in all of this. Don't transfer her mother's evil deeds onto her. I've known parents who have tightened the reigns on their youngest children after the older siblings went wild -- drinking, drugs, getting pregnant, whatever. And it always backfires and leads to rebellion. Each and every one of us deserves unconditional love from our parents... and to be viewed in the context of OUR OWN behavior, not anyone elses.
Personally, I think you would do just as well to be vigilant that your sons don't grow up thinking all women are lying, cheating, selfish you-know-whats.
All my best to you and your children,
--SC
MM -
Your calm and assurance is amazing. I understand where (Who) you get it from, but it still amazes me.
I will keep you and your kids (and your WW) in my prayers.
BB,
It amazes me! Believe me, this is NOT my nature! My nature is to destroy anyone or anything that would threaten my family. The fact that I have been able to restrain myself in all of this cannot come from me. I cannot claim credit. I cannot boast of it.
It reminds me of my old unit that went to Afghanistan two years ago. Right after they got there, two guys were killed by an IED. I knew one of them.
Well, about two weeks later, they found the IED maker. He had blown himself up while making more. He was still alive, but was a mess. Well, the guys wanted to lynch him. They were indignant that they had to load this waste of oxygen into a Hummer and take him to the base hospital. They then all sat outside the tent while the docs worked on him. They were yelling "let him die!" It was then one of the docs came out and said "He has burns over 90% of his body, he has lost both arms, and eyesight in one eye. He will, if he lives, suffer the rest of his life." Of course, the reaction from the troops was then "Let him live."
As harsh as that sounds, it still amazes everyone involved that they loaded this waste into the vehicle and that the docs worked on him. That they didnt just put a bullet into him.
It is THAT restraint I am talking about. Not that I am tempted to violence here...I really am not! But that I would be so justified in my mind and the world's mind if I did seek vengence here. Or just had walked away and kicked my wife to the curb. That kind of action I do understand!
So, to not "play the game" for me actually has me a little perplexed. I know where it comes from...but it still amazes me.
In His arms.
Thanks BJS...and yes, that song speaks to my situation very well!
In His arms.
MM
in all honesty
I have some measure of empathy/understanding/compassion for your confused lost wife ....
but your MIL baffles me !!!!
what'da'hayul is wrong with her ????
"go through me"
she was baiting you no doubt
she wanted a physical confrontation in front of the kids???
is she nuckin'futz ???
pardon my french
Pep
You have no idea!! Actually, we would probably have recovered by now if she had not been feeding this from my basement over the last year. We got along the best when she wasnt there. She even had caused tension early in our marriage, with her constantly cutting down on me to my wife, etc. She is not a good woman...and unfortunately, it appears my wife will just follow her lead.
Nucking futz indeed!
In His arms.
(((((MM))))))
If you ever want to talk, you have my email address.
If it gets lost in all this mess, let me know and I'll post it up again.
Praying for the Peace of God amongst the storm for you and your children. May Christ calm the seas of this terrible storm for you and your children as you know that He is with you.
God bless and let you know His comforting presence in this time of trial and tribulation.
Thanks FH! We will be in touch.
In His arms.
RiverTam and Just J...thank you!
In His arms.
MM,
You'll be the warrior you've been and you will win....and God will bless you with a well deserved peace... That is my prayer for you my friend....in Jesus' great and mighty name.....
GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS... FRANK
I am praying for this also, Frank. I actually have been meditating on Psalm 25 this morning:
Psa 25:1 To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
Psa 25:2 O my God, in You I trust, Do not let me be ashamed; Do not let my enemies exult over me.
Psa 25:3 Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed; Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed.
Psa 25:4 Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths.
Psa 25:5 Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day.
Psa 25:6 Remember, O LORD, Your compassion and Your lovingkindnesses, For they have been from of old.
Psa 25:7 Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions; According to Your lovingkindness remember me, For Your goodness' sake, O LORD.
Psa 25:8 Good and upright is the LORD; Therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
Psa 25:9 He leads the humble in justice, And He teaches the humble His way.
Psa 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are lovingkindness and truth To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
Psa 25:11 For Your name's sake, O LORD, Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.
Psa 25:12 Who is the man who fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way he should choose.
Psa 25:13 His soul will abide in prosperity, And his descendants will inherit the land.
Psa 25:14 The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him, And He will make them know His covenant.
Psa 25:15 My eyes are continually toward the LORD, For He will pluck my feet out of the net.
Psa 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, For I am lonely and afflicted.
Psa 25:17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses.
Psa 25:18 Look upon my affliction and my trouble, And forgive all my sins.
Psa 25:19 Look upon my enemies, for they are many, And they hate me with violent hatred.
Psa 25:20 Guard my soul and deliver me; Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.
Psa 25:21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You.
Psa 25:22 Redeem Israel, O God, Out of all his troubles.
In His arms.
You did wonderfully considering the circumstances.
I do believe the MIL was baiting you and her actions imho, was tantamount to almost a near assault on YOU. It was them trying to pen you into a bad sitch and turn it on you...and you did wonderfully deflecting their lies with calmness, serenity and truth.
Thanks. And yes, they were indeed baiting me! But the funny thing now is that it just slides off me. She (my wife) cant get to me anymore. Know what I mean? early on, BSs begin to believe the bad things that their WS say about them. But I know the truth about me, about our marriage...about who she used to be. Her words now mean nothing because they are nothing but lies.
Prayers for one of God's mighty earthbound warriors are coming your way! And prayers for your enemy to...your W is not the enemy friend..the WS and the OP are. Prayers also for your precious children.
I know who THE enemy is. This battle is bigger than me.
I am truly amazed at your ability under this stress. Please do not forget to eat, sleep and see your doc if you need to. We NEED YOU STRONG! THE KIDS NEED YOU STRONG! You can do this! We know you can! Kids are depending on you.
The kids are what keeps me sane. Funny thing the last two days. They have been busy at my wife's new house unloading their stuff and setting up their rooms. But they keep calling me every hour it seems like, just to talk or see what I am doing.
I will pick them up tonight and hold onto them thru the weekend. I will take them house hunting this weekend, as I try to figure out the financial logistics. And hopefully be in a place in the next several days or weeks.
I believe in you 100 percent Mortar!
Godspeed.
Thank you.
If you want my email, Orchid has it. I'd love to talk to you. I myself have had the unfortunate task of darkening three courtrooms myself...and despite getting the "win" each time, you still walk away with a pit in your stomach because none of this even made sense. You gotta wonder why these WS do such things. It is truly mind boggling.
Thanks. As I move thru this, I will need everyones perspective. As I said before, when you are in hand-to-hand fighting on the front lines, it is almost impossible to see the big picture.
In His arms.
MM--my prayers are with you and your children. they are lucky to have such a wonderful, and honorable man as a father.
Thank you.
In His arms.
Good to hear from you Orchid. Missed you around here!
You are correct. You know as well as any of us how this all works. Thanks.
In His arms.
MM,
I hope you're doing okay, and that you find a new home soon.
One thing that troubled me a bit about your post:
(re: MIL)
I told her to butt out! But she just kept going, and ratcheted my wife up in the process (they truly are very much alike, unfortunately...which is why I will have to work extra hard to make sure my daughter doesnt follow their path of selfishness, adultery, etc).
I know I may be taking this out of context... but please be careful how you view and treat your daughter in all of this. Don't transfer her mother's evil deeds onto her. I've known parents who have tightened the reigns on their youngest children after the older siblings went wild -- drinking, drugs, getting pregnant, whatever. And it always backfires and leads to rebellion. Each and every one of us deserves unconditional love from our parents... and to be viewed in the context of OUR OWN behavior, not anyone elses.
Noted! SC, I would never heap on any of my kids the actions of someone else. I think what I was saying is that I will make sure there is a counter balance for them to my wife's actions, so that she will always know right from wrong and can make the right decisions. She is a smart, well-rounded girl. My wife and I did well with her (before my wife went off the deep end 4 years ago!). I just want to make sure that she has the best examples...which will invariably cast my wife's actions into a bad light. But that isnt my problem, is it??
Personally, I think you would do just as well to be vigilant that your sons don't grow up thinking all women are lying, cheating, selfish you-know-whats.
I agree!
In His arms.
MM:
Oh, Good Grief!
"Oh, the humanity!"
When all else fails, she's always got the drama, huh?
Hang in there, man!
-ol' 2long
I did get my stuff out last night. Some stuff wasnt there that I expected. But some stuff I expected to be gone was there. Oh well.
Got a big stink brewing concerning my youngest son and his all-district baseball team. This is one of the teams that tries to rise up to make it to the World Series. Anyway, he is the key player on that team (not just saying that because I am Dad...he is that good!) and they go to Districts at the end of this month.
Well, my wife tells me that her and MIL are taking the kids to Indiana during that time for a family reunion. I reminded her that it would mean my youngest would have to quit the team. She just said "Okay."
That pi$$es me off! He will be devastated if he doesnt go to Districts. If they win districts, they go to States and so on. From what I gather, the family (her side) is talking about doing this every year, which means he will miss every year. And I can guarantee you that he wants to be at his baseball tournament!
Got a call into my attorney, but not sure what to do. I can see that she will continue to do stuff liek this, trying to hurt me. But what it does is hurt the kids. My daughter will be in the heat of her swimming season and she will miss. My oldest has baseball also. I can see now that when it is "her time" she will make sure they are not at their events.
My wife used to be about the kids. Now it is about her, about MIL...and about hurting me. She has admitted that recently. And she will use whatever is at her disposal to do that.
Even the kids.
In His arms.
MM:
Oh, Good Grief!
"Oh, the humanity!"
When all else fails, she's always got the drama, huh?
Hang in there, man!
-ol' 2long
Drama queen!!
But 2Long...I'm out of the drama as much as I can be. Plan B is in place. I still have to fight for the issues surrounding my kids (like what was in my last post).
But I am out of the personal drama. And thus...I slept like a baby last night!
In His arms.
Final letter to my wife I am sending this afternoon:
Mrs. MM,
Now that all of the stuff is out of the house, I had some time to think about things. My introspection started several days ago, when I found two cards that you had given me back in 1997 and 1999 (just two years before all of this mess). I read the cards, and the letters you had put inside and it confirmed again to me what I know about us and about our marriage. About how you said those wonderful and amazing things about me and about us. Sure, you eluded to financial and other problems. But the woman that wrote those letters was indeed happy with me, and our marriage, and was excited for our future.
How far we fell in just two years!!
I am glad now that I will not have to listen or accept your revision of our history and our marriage any longer. I have too many memories, too many things like those cards, that say differently. It is as if my Mrs. MM is able to speak to me from the past. I miss her!
I prize my memories of who we were together and what we built. I will forever hold onto those memories, even as I now move forward.
As you know, I have been through some very tough moments over the past 4 years, as you decided to leave this marriage and family. My love for you is so profound that I just could not face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me, who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship unravel.
Nevertheless, I have done some intense soul-searching, and I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you in this marriage against your will. That simply can’t continue, which is why I came to you in January with the proposal to work on the marriage or it was time to move on. As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I’m reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe or beg. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you say you want out of the marriage, and obviously, I have to let you go. I’m aware that I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me in 1993.
You are free to go. I admit that this entire experience has been painful, but I’m going to make it. The Lord has been with me thus far and He’ll go with me in the future. You and I had some wonderful times together, Mrs. MM. You were my first real love and I’ll never forget the memories that we shared. I hope when the next relationship invariably fails for you, that you will remember back to a guy that loved you enough to accept you even at your worse.
I will pray for you and trust that God will find you and guide you in the years ahead.
Mortarman
In His arms.
similarities to Dobson's letter in his book
one of my favorite books & one of my favorite letters
you're a good man Charlie Brown
Pep
similarities to Dobson's letter in his book
one of my favorite books & one of my favorite letters
you're a good man Charlie Brown
Pep
Yeah, I borrowed from Dobson. But, he is right...and it is a good letter that he advises to send.
Thanks Pep.
In His arms.
I hope when the next relationship invariably fails for you
If I was you, I wouldn't include that. Sounds like a parting shot to me.
Second Maninmotion. Otherwise great! A classy letter from a good man moving forward in control of his own destiny.
Peace,
68
I also agree with leaving this out.
I hope when the next relationship invariably fails for you
It would make me at all costs want to prove you wrong and that no matter what I had to endure I would stay with the next relationship. If you leave that out it gives her the option of not hearing "I told you so" later but a way for her to admit a terrible mistake.
Consider this a fourth on the motion above about leaving out the last line. Othewise, I'm with everyone else - excellent letter, and one I hope I never have to write.
As for the kids and their summer activities, you might want to ask your attorney about getting an order that the kids can't be taken out of state without your permission until the divorce is resolved. My best friend had an order like that in place after his wife served him out of the blue - she was ready to split to another state with their son, and the order, while it didn't prevent her from eventually doing it, did keep his son in our state for a little while.
Stand tall, MM.
Messing with baseball playoffs is high crime indeed. Very selfish.
Are you comfortable encouraging your son to voice his preference to his Mom?
WAT
I hope when the next relationship invariably fails for you
Thanks for the correction folks. I re-read and concur. Here is the change in that sentence:
I hope that someday in the future you will think of me as you did before, and remember a guy that loved you enough to accept you even at your worse.
In His arms.
Stand tall, MM.
Messing with baseball playoffs is high crime indeed. Very selfish.
Indeed. Of course, she has admitted as such!
Are you comfortable encouraging your son to voice his preference to his Mom?
WAT
Yes I am...just wanna make sure that it cannot be used against me later as trying to poison my son against her, or some other ludicrious charge.
Treading lightly right now as I gather intel. Major operations set to begin very shortly.
In His arms.
Treading lightly right now as I gather intel. major operations set to begin very shortly.
This just gave me goosebumps! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Loved the letter, MM.
Lori
I hope that someday in the future you will think of me as you did before, and remember a guy that loved you enough to accept you even at your worse.
Sounds better however the last part may put her on the defensive and continue to harden her heart.
Prayers.
Treading lightly right now as I gather intel. major operations set to begin very shortly.
This just gave me goosebumps! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Loved the letter, MM.
Lori
The drum beats are getting louder. I can almost hear them! This situation is about to finally be overwhelmed by the righteous anger of God.
Just a little longer...
PS: And I am [email]d@mn[/email] sure glad I am on the right side of things!
In His arms.
I hope that someday in the future you will think of me as you did before, and remember a guy that loved you enough to accept you even at your worse.
That should be "at your worst" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.
I'm still not sure of that though - you're ending with a negative declaration.
How about "I hope that someday you will look back with fondness at the time we were together, and remember a guy who loved you unconditionally".
I hope that someday in the future you will think of me as you did before, and remember a guy that loved you enough to accept you even at your worse.
That should be "at your worst" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.
I'm still not sure of that though - you're ending with a negative declaration.
How about "I hope that someday you will look back with fondness at the time we were together, and remember a guy who loved you unconditionally".
That is pretty good!
In His arms.
MM,
I am sorry it has come to this. Protect yourself and your children as well as you can, and rest assured your W will try anything and everything she can to get to you. Use your attorney to make sure your children can do the things they WANT to do this summer.
God Bless,
JL
MM,
I agree with MIM...he makes an excellent suggestion for a great ending to a powerful letter...and the "worse/worst" thing was driving my "spelling nazi" tendencies crazy-LOL-glad you're gonna fix that part! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Mrs. W
MM,
I agree with MIM...he makes an excellent suggestion for a great ending to a powerful letter...and the "worse/worst" thing was driving my "spelling nazi" tendencies crazy-LOL-glad you're gonna fix that part! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Mrs. W
Thanks. I agree. And I am a spelling-nazi also!! When I make those mistakes, it is usually because I am trying to type so fast I am not paying attention.
Shoot...it used to drive me crazy when my wife and I were dating, and she would constantly misspell the word "probably" with "probaby" in her love letters. Drove me nutz!!
In My arms.
{{{{{M}}}}}
You are in my prayers.
Well, my wife tells me that her and MIL are taking the kids to Indiana during that time for a family reunion. I reminded her that it would mean my youngest would have to quit the team. She just said "Okay."
That pi$$es me off! He will be devastated if he doesnt go to Districts. If they win districts, they go to States and so on. From what I gather, the family (her side) is talking about doing this every year, which means he will miss every year. And I can guarantee you that he wants to be at his baseball tournament!
Okay, MM, would you mind if I put my "sensitivity" hat on the shelf for a minute and donned my "father protector" hat for a bit?
You have custody, right?
Regardless, your wife is intending to take the kids out of State simply because she wants to? Sounds like more of "it's all about HER wants."
Your son only has ONE opportunity for these sorts of experiences in life. Once he "ages out" those opportunities are gone for life. He made a COMMITMENT to the team when he signed on and that commitment takes precedence over all "wants" that are not true emergencies.
He learns so much from the team pulling together, win or lose, that it teaches huge valuable lessons for life.
You have to stand up for the little man, he can't stand against Mom on his own. It does not matter what your wife thinks or says about it, you need to teach him the lesson of commitments (like marital commitments, for example) and his "word" to the teammates. He is counting on you just like the team is counting on him and he counts on them to field their positions.
Besides, after what you wrote about your MIL standing in the doorway, what is it about that family that is "good" for your children? Certainly not much if your MIL is the "shining example."
MM, this is one of those "tough" situations that come with a broken home for the children. YOU MUST stand for your son and for what is right. One might ask "where" should the "battle lines" be drawn? I would answer such a question with the line is drawn at "the children" and honoring God. Teaching the children, or in this case your son, the value of honoring promises and commitments, even if a choice has to be made between 2 desirable things (assuming he might want to go to the family gathering), is a lifelong valuable lesson. "My word is my bond" may not be "fashionable" in these self-centric days, but it is a lesson that perhaps more of us ought to be teaching our children, along with many other "old fashioned values."
And just to let you know that I have a "soft spot" for baseball. I coached baseball (12 and 13 year olds, and 17 and 18 year olds) and one of my sons was a very good ballplayer (still is even though he is married now and only plays softball). All of my 4 children played ball, the boys played baseball and the girls played fast pitch softball and basketball.
Your wife is doing this on purpose. Make NO mistake about it. It is designed to hurt you and she is using the children as the weapon. Now is the time, Grunt, to fix the bayonet and prepare for hand to hand. Nothing sanitary, surgical, or distant. Up front, face to face, and personal. Show the kids you will stand for what is right. They ARE watching and learning through all of this mess. They will see your strength of resolve and willingness to stand for what is right.
God bless and shower you with His wisdom as you "divide the child."
FH is right. Even if you don't get what you want, your children will see that you stood up for them. And that, my friend, is priceless!
Update:
Spent weekend with the kids. They are back at wife's new house for a couple of days. Been waiting on my wife and attorney's first move legally...see which way they go first before we counter-attack.
My attorney emailed me a little while ago, said he saw my wife at the courthouse today...filing. Said he would get back to me tomorrow on what he finds out.
The feelings inside me remind me of what I used to feel inside right before a big engagement with the enemy when I was in the Army. It is that quiet right before all He!! breaks loose. Not knowing which way the attack will come from, or if you are ready. Not knowing how it will all end. Senses heightened to the max.
Folks, in some way, I miss that feeling (since I retired). On the edge. At the point of the spear. Laying it all out there, not knowing if you will see tomorrow.
But while these are similar feelings, they are different also. This "enemy" is in my own household. She is family. While I can destroy an enemy of my family, state and country without blinking...how do you attack one of your own? How do you go in trying to "destroy" your own blood? I have just a little taste of what those soldiers felt like in the Civil War.
Tonight...in Army parlance...I prep for combat. For those that have served, you understand those hours before the battle...where you eat little...maybe take a small nap. Where you check, and recheck...and recheck your weapons, your supplies. You go over and over in your head all of the possibilities...at least the ones that you can think of.
And then...minutes before you move out to engage the enemy...you take one last silent minute with the Lord. Praying that you will be all that He called you to be.
I pray tonight that I do not fail my Lord...that I do not fail my kids. I pray tonight that Jesus will forgive my failures...forgive my unbelief. I pray that my lack of mercy that I will show my wife now will not cause my children undue harm, as it is their mother that I fight now.
And I pray that the woman I used to know...that she understand what I must do now.
I know, with the lawyer she has, that this first hit by her will be a hard one. Her lawyer is an expert, one of the best. He will try to hit hard, where he can...knowing that his client is in the hole. But my mind darts from one thing to another...trying to think of where he might attack me...where he will try to leverage my children from me...and into the life of the Troll.
It is so quiet right now. I am almost thankful that just for tonight, my kids are not here. I need to think. I need to prepare. I need to pray.
Folks, tomorrow...I will be hit just like America was hit on 9/11. I know I will be hurt, damaged. But I also know that they had best take their best shot right now. Because once they do, the rest of this "war" belongs to Jesus and Mortarman.
Waiting for the word...
In His arms.
MM:
Can she seriously expect the courts 2 let her take the kids with her 2 live with the Troll? Is that what she's planning?
I'm sure you're weaponry includes a countersuit for DV due 2 her infidelity...
hang in there. Be kind, but firmly adhere 2 your beliefs. She'll thank you someday...
-ol' 2long
MM -
For those that have served, you understand those hours before the battle...where you eat little...maybe take a small nap. Where you check, and recheck...and recheck your weapons, your supplies. You go over and over in your head all of the possibilities...at least the ones that you can think of.
While I never served in combat, I know from hours and hours of countless drills jus how much time goes into prepping, and how aware you are of what is to come, and how worried you are whether your preparations are sufficient, if you've covered all the bases or not. Remember, God is with you, and what you may have overlooked,
He has not and will not.
I pray tonight that I do not fail my Lord...that I do not fail my kids. I pray tonight that Jesus will forgive my failures...forgive my unbelief. I pray that my lack of mercy that I will show my wife now will not cause my children undue harm, as it is their mother that I fight now.
I believe that the last 4 years has prepared you for this, as much as anyone can be prepared for something like this. You will not fail your kids, and God will see them through this, at your side.
There is a song that's been going through my head lately, and when I hear it I often think of you. It's by Acapella, called "All Men Will Know", based on Jesus' telling the disciples what to expect after He has returned to God. The refrain goes like this:
"All men will know,
All men will find,
All men will see,
That you are Mine."
You are showing your kids, your family, your friends - everyone who knows what's going on, that you are indeed His, and you are in His arms.
You know the hit is coming, though not necessarily what it will be. Roll with it, let God shield you and your innocents, and when it passes, come back out fighting.
Keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.
Mortarman -
No matter what happens, you have already won. You are a wonderful example of a good man, to your children and to us reading here.
I sincerely hope that you keep custody of your children. But I think you know that their character has already been formed. They will be just fine.
Mortarman,
My prayers will be with you and your children...
MM:
Can she seriously expect the courts 2 let her take the kids with her 2 live with the Troll? Is that what she's planning?
Yes. Keep going to court until she wins.
I'm sure you're weaponry includes a countersuit for DV due 2 her infidelity...
Yes...and this time, we aint going for joint custody!
hang in there. Be kind, but firmly adhere 2 your beliefs. She'll thank you someday...
-ol' 2long
Thanks. I dont know about being kind right now. Once I see what she has done tomorrow, I kinda think I will be extremely POed.
Thanks 2Long.
In His arms.
MM -
For those that have served, you understand those hours before the battle...where you eat little...maybe take a small nap. Where you check, and recheck...and recheck your weapons, your supplies. You go over and over in your head all of the possibilities...at least the ones that you can think of.
While I never served in combat, I know from hours and hours of countless drills jus how much time goes into prepping, and how aware you are of what is to come, and how worried you are whether your preparations are sufficient, if you've covered all the bases or not. Remember, God is with you, and what you may have overlooked,
He has not and will not.
I know this. But, as all soldiers will admit later on...they were scared right before the fight. And I admit right now that this supposed tough infantry soldier is scared right now. That's why I said I pray that the Lord forgives my unbelief.
I pray tonight that I do not fail my Lord...that I do not fail my kids. I pray tonight that Jesus will forgive my failures...forgive my unbelief. I pray that my lack of mercy that I will show my wife now will not cause my children undue harm, as it is their mother that I fight now.
I believe that the last 4 years has prepared you for this, as much as anyone can be prepared for something like this. You will not fail your kids, and God will see them through this, at your side.
There is a song that's been going through my head lately, and when I hear it I often think of you. It's by Acapella, called "All Men Will Know", based on Jesus' telling the disciples what to expect after He has returned to God. The refrain goes like this:
"All men will know,
All men will find,
All men will see,
That you are Mine."
You are showing your kids, your family, your friends - everyone who knows what's going on, that you are indeed His, and you are in His arms.
You know the hit is coming, though not necessarily what it will be. Roll with it, let God shield you and your innocents, and when it passes, come back out fighting.
Keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks!
In His arms.
Believer and cc46,
Thank you! And jsut like us grunts, whe we prep for combat, we know there are others (pilots, artillery, etc) prepping to support us. To even support just one man in the field.
The prayers are not just wanted...they are needed. I know all of you have my back.
In His arms.
Prayers for you and your kids. You are a man of integrity, God will see you and your kids through this. And HE will be right beside you during all of this, even in moments when you feel like you might be losing God will have control. Keep believing no matter what keep your focus on your Lord and HE will guide you.
I know that you're a soldier at heart, MM, and that this is how you have been trained your whole life.
And I am so glad that you're not able to view your wife as just "the enemy." The Civil War broke this country in a way that it has never entirely recovered from, something we don't realize until we study the history of that horrible and bloody time.
So I hope you will understand when I say that entering the battle is, in itself, a terrible loss, and I grieve for you even as you are unable to grieve for yourself.
I hope you'll remember what we talked about -- about compassion and its strength and its gentleness. It's really hard to do that. And yet to the extent that you are able to be compassionate in your clear actions to protect yourself and your children (and what could be more compassionate than that?), you will have less pain to bear afterwards.
I'm in tears from reading this MM...Sending "knee mail" in your honor...
Mrs. W
Semper Fidelis
He is, and so are you.
(((((MM)))))
zero hour is when?
Semper Fidelis
He is, and so are you.
(((((MM)))))
zero hour is when?
Probably 0900
In His arms.
I'm in tears from reading this MM...Sending "knee mail" in your honor...
Mrs. W
I am in tears also. I do NOT want to do this. Now I know what Jesus felt when He asked the cup to be passed.
In His arms.
I know that you're a soldier at heart, MM, and that this is how you have been trained your whole life.
And I am so glad that you're not able to view your wife as just "the enemy." The Civil War broke this country in a way that it has never entirely recovered from, something we don't realize until we study the history of that horrible and bloody time.
So I hope you will understand when I say that entering the battle is, in itself, a terrible loss, and I grieve for you even as you are unable to grieve for yourself.
I hope you'll remember what we talked about -- about compassion and its strength and its gentleness. It's really hard to do that. And yet to the extent that you are able to be compassionate in your clear actions to protect yourself and your children (and what could be more compassionate than that?), you will have less pain to bear afterwards.
I remember. Thanks.
In His arms.
Prayers for you and your kids. You are a man of integrity, God will see you and your kids through this. And HE will be right beside you during all of this, even in moments when you feel like you might be losing God will have control. Keep believing no matter what keep your focus on your Lord and HE will guide you.
Thanks BJS!I know you are right.
In His arms.
I have SO MUCH respect for you, MM.
This thread is heartbreaking... yet... is... uplifting, too. (Edited to add: Heartbreaking because of her actions, uplifting because what you are doing is the moral, ethical and right thing. I know it doesn't feel good... and I'm sorry it's come to this. But it feels right.)
It is time.
Praying for you...
I have SO MUCH respect for you, MM.
This thread is heartbreaking... yet... is... uplifting, too. (Edited to add: Heartbreaking because of her actions, uplifting because what you are doing is the moral, ethical and right thing. I know it doesn't feel good... and I'm sorry it's come to this. But it feels right.)
It is time.
Praying for you...
You know...I know what you mean. This is breaking my heart. But at the saame time, I feel like I am a part of something bigger. Like the whole world is about to break open and an incredible thing will happen soon. And I get to be a part of it.
Strange.
In His arms.
I remember crying my eyes out at attorney's office when I actually did the filing.
It was not what I wanted to do...but wht I had to do after my xh had become the wS...the "thing" he is now. Please rest. Know others are praying for you...know that we are asking HIM on your behalf for more tools to use. And you just breathe and know that even if she takes the first shot, there is you and your attorney's return fire and first wave which will come down after that first fire from the WS/OP enemy that will bring them down.
Am so terribly sorry it has come to this point. I truly am. But the end point and objective of your battle is clear...the children. Raising the children in a WS free home. You have the tools and you have the legal history you can show. You prevailed last time, and you will again. You are not doing this b/c you want to...but b/c it is the RIGHT thing to do.
I remember going to church right immediately after the attacks on our soil during 9/11. I remember weeping openly during that service. It was also during that time my xh, then H was deeply entrenched into affair with OW. I had also filed for first time. The entire congregation was also incidentally in tears.
Our minister said, "we should NEVER WANT to go to war, but we should only go to war with regret in our hearts knowing that this is the only way we can secure safety and peace. There is no other alternative in this case." As he spoke those similar words about NEVER WANTING TO GO TO WAR but only doing so with regret in our hearts as it's the only alternative hit so home to me.
I remember the tears couldn't stop spilling down my cheeks. My neighbor and her H were sitting by me, incidentally they also filled out an affidavit saying I was a great mom for attorney. They held my hand as the tears just poured and poured. They cried too.
It is a shame a person ever makes the "switch" into a WS. the destruction is horrific and unthinkable.
But through the love and kindness of friends and family that week, God held me in his arms and HE held my child in his arms too. I survived that and you will too.
My prayers for you and know that at 900 you are lifted up. Do not fear what the WS enemy has in store. Truth will always prevail. Documented truths always win.
I'm sorry for your hurt, Mortarman. I am in tears too.
God Bless and keep you.
Jo
"therefore put on the FULL armor of God so that when the DAY OF EVIL COMES you may be able to stand your ground...and after having done EVERYTHING....TO STAND!"
That is in the Good book my good soldier.
You are promised a victory. Put on the correct armor tonight and tomorrow. Ride this wave. Be as flexible as a reed. Do all you can do...act and don't react...use brain and turn heart off when necessary. And you are promised my friend to be standing after this battle. I pray the sword of Truth pierces thru the fog tomorrow!
1 Samuel 17:45-47
[color:"#444444"]45[/color] David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. [color:"#444444"]46[/color]This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel.[color:"#444444"]47[/color]All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."
Best of luck MM,
God Bless,
JL
I'm sorry for your hurt, Mortarman. I am in tears too.
God Bless and keep you.
Jo
Thanks Jo.
We will know very soon.
In His arms.
Peachy,
Thanks. I went and re-read that passage on the armor...making sure as I did my pre-combat checks that I had it all on. I think I do now.
Mentally...this morning...I am in full combat gear and waiting for the enemy to show itself. And for those that have served...you will understand this next metaphor:
My selector switch is no longer on safe.
In His arms.
1 Samuel 17:45-47
[color:"#444444"]45[/color] David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. [color:"#444444"]46[/color]This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel.[color:"#444444"]47[/color]All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."
I NEEDED this! Thanks. I am standing on this today. It is time.
In His arms.
Best of luck MM,
God Bless,
JL
JL,
You have been there for 4 years. Have kept me sane! It is good to hear from you as this begins. And I am still reminded everyday what you told me...that the right decision almost always presents itself. I am looking now.
In His arms.
MM,
God Bless you mate. I'm praying for you buddy. "Though the enemey come in like a flood, the Lord will raise up a standard against it"
Ex 23:22 If you listen carefully to what he says and do all that I say, I will be an enemy to your enemies and will oppose those who oppose you.
DT 33:27 The eternal God is your refuge,
and underneath are the everlasting arms.
He will drive out your enemy before you,
saying, `Destroy him!'
MM,
God Bless you mate. I'm praying for you buddy. "Though the enemey come in like a flood, the Lord will raise up a standard against it"
Ex 23:22 If you listen carefully to what he says and do all that I say, I will be an enemy to your enemies and will oppose those who oppose you.
DT 33:27 The eternal God is your refuge,
and underneath are the everlasting arms.
He will drive out your enemy before you,
saying, `Destroy him!'
Needed those too, Big K.
In His arms.
While I wait for my attorney to call me back, I thought I would post a copy of a letter that I sent my MIL after the encounter last week. I know my wife will read it. I dont care...it is the truth.
MIL,
I am somewhat speechless at what happened the other day…but hardly surprised. From day one in our marriage, you have inserted yourself into Mrs. Mortarman's life. She and I could have worked out the moving stuff on our own. But again, you had to stick your nose into business that isn’t your business.
Those three kids have two parents. We make the decisions about them. No one else does.
In the beginning of our marriage, you railed on and on about losing your “babies.” Well, first off, Mrs. Mortarman was 22 years old…hardly a baby. So, to be upset with me for marrying your ADULT daughter and moving to Virginia is a tad on the side of having a unhealthy attachment to her.
And oldest son? Well, he was never your baby. He was Mrs. Mortarman's baby…and then our baby. You are his grandmother. I never understood why you didn’t get that.
Almost everyone of our arguments (there weren’t many) early on in our marriage concerned you. Mrs. Mortarman would come in and say that “maybe my Mom is right. Why did I move here…” blah, blah, blah. Instead of trying to encourage and support this family, you undermined it.
And then I went to Bosnia. And your daughter began her copying of you, by getting into adultery with the bar bouncer. And what did you do? You enabled it by accepting the kids and saying nothing about how wrong she was. If I had done this same thing when my dad was alive, he would have kicked my [censored]! Shoot, if he was still alive, the Troll wouldn’t have been around too long because my Dad would have kicked Mrs. Mortarman's a$$ and made sure that the Troll got away from my family.
You see, enabling aint love! Remaining silent when you should have said something aint love! Getting into our business when you should have remained silent aint love!
No, your actions show something more akin to selfishness…which is exactly what your daughter has taken up the last 4 years. And you not only condone it…you reward it! You believe she was “due” something. You believe that her adultery was really nothing. You helped cause your daughter’s failures.
Right from the start. The abortion at 16. The running around in Juarez all hours of the night when she was 16 and 17. One destructive action after another and you did what? Nothing. You let her do it!
She needed a mom that would stand up for what was right, even when Mrs. Mortarman tried to do the things you did wrong. She needed a mom that supported her in her marriage, her move to Virginia, her having her children, etc. she needed a Mom to tell her when she was screwing up and to help guide her back to where she should be in her family, in her marriage and with her kids.
You did none of this! You did next to nothing, enabling and minimizing her actions.
And then, all the while, playing up mine. Somehow I am the evil guy and your daughter is sinless. Even after constant lies from her. Even after her pushing you away. Even after my continued trying to get her to do the right thing and work on the marriage…somehow, I am the bad guy.
I am the bad guy for taking away oldest son from you, in your eyes. But he never was yours…and you should be happy that he has such a great Dad that has molded him into such a great young man.
I am the bad guy in your eyes for taking away your adult daughter. I am still perplexed by this one. I understand she was your youngest, and all of the emotions that go with that. I will probably have similar feelings when my three leave. But I also want the best for them and don’t want to undermine their decisions. Why didn’t you want the best for Mrs. Mortarman, and why didn’t you support her in her marriage?
I am the bad guy in your eyes because the judge gave me primary physical custody a year ago. But wasn’t it your daughter who had left them three times in order to commit illegal and immoral acts with the Troll? You act like I was the one that cheated on her. Or how about the fact that she has spent precious little time with them over the last 4 years…nothing even close to what she spent with them the first nine years. How is that my fault? Because she has to work? Puullleease! She has other options with me…she has just chosen not to pursue them because that would mean she would have to actually start being a wife again. Which she hasn’t done in over 4 years.
Why was it so bad to love your daughter, to want to marry her, to want to raise children with her? Why did that make me the bad guy? Why could you never accept me?
I have made mistakes. Everyone does. I am sorry for my mistakes, and have made efforts to correct them over our marriage. I am a better man and a better husband because of the things I have learned.
Of course, you will soon deal with a “man” that had no problem with helping turn your daughter into who she is today. And make no mistake…he will hurt her in the end. And you will be wishing for the days of Mortarman, instead of this loser.
You want to go on and on like Mrs. Mortarman with the “complaint du jour” that she issues. She complains about something, says it is the reason she cant work on the marriage…and you parrot it. The latest is that I dont support the family financially. While that isn’t true (and will come out in court), I will ask you…what happened in 2005? I gave her enough money every month to take care of over 75% of the household bills. So, why didn’t she work on the marriage then?
I was always prepared to assume 100% of the financial burden if need be. I did so for 8 years for my wife. She always had nice stuff, she had her gym, the lights were on and the kids fed. I did this for 8 years…and I would do it again. But only for my WIFE.
I asked her over and over the past year to step up, go to counseling, help me come up with a plan for us in our relationship and in our finances. And you know what happened? Nothing. And now here we are.
In January I was forced to make some decisions about our finances, since she wouldn’t sit down with me, that had to be taken care of. This all could have been different, if she had just stepped up to the plate.
But you believe I have given her nothing…that the current financial situation is the reason this is ending. And you absolve your daughter of any responsibility.
And I can see how the future will go. You two will undermine the boys’ baseball commitments, if you can. I already see that at the end of this month with youngest son's District all-star team. Since he might not be at Districts, he will probably have to be dropped from the team this week. The best player on the team. Think youngest son wants to miss this? Think he doesn’t know that john-Austin got his chance to play at that level, but now Mom and Nana are putting things in the way that keep him from getting his chance?
Sure, I know about the event and how important family reunions are! But in this case…what is the point of doing this when he will always look back and be unhappy because he missed his chance to do what he has worked so hard to do?
And MIL? This is just one example of what I know will be Mrs. Mortarman's (and yours) position with regards to the kids. Mrs. Mortarman already told me youngest son and oldest son may miss baseball events during her “time.” How selfish and unfair!
But, not surprising. What was surprising to many that have known and loved both boys over the last few years (during this mess) is that Mrs. Mortarman showed up to one or two games. I know she doesn’t like baseball…but, those are her sons for God’s sake. And baseball is important to them!
Same goes for my girl. DD needs her mother’s involvement at this stage in her life. But her mother has been pursuing a career and the Troll for most of the last 4 years. I am not the swim expert…Mrs. Mortarman is! I will and have supported DD in her swimming. I have been there when there weren’t baseball events and such.
And the excuse that Mrs. Mortarman has to work is worn out. Just as you two saying that you have been helping to pay the bills these last few months and she has been working extra hours. All crap!! You know why? Because she was offered a different life and refused to take it. This is all about “winning” for her, about her pride…about hurting Mortarman.
And on that point…
She told me recently that she has been all about hurting me. Why? What did I do to deserve being hurt on purpose? Sure, I may have done some things in the past out of ignorance. And maybe not met all of her emotional needs at the time. But that means I deserve to be hurt? To be treated this way? That means our kids have to suffer thru the consequences of her actions?
Why? Shoot, I have a better case for hurting her…and I have NOT tried to do so. Oh, you might say by me getting custody that I was trying to hurt her. But I proved that wasn’t the case because I have let her come back three times now. I wasn’t trying to hurt her…I was trying to protect those kids and her family for when she finally came out of this mess she has gotten herself in.
I have forgiven her. But everyday, she gives me something new to have to forgive. Another new contact with the Troll. Another day where she doesn’t do any of the things expected out of a wife and best friend. Another day where she continues to do so much less as a mother than she did before and that our kids deserve!
I wrote this because, yes…I am angry. I cannot believe that you have raised and continue to foster these attributes in your daughter. While we are all not perfect, I do know that your continued support of her behavior is about only one thing…you.
You would love for her to divorce. You would love for her to get custody and go to work everyday, leaving you to sit at home and have your “babies” with you. And I can think of nothing worse for the kids. Not that being with you is necessarily bad. I am saying that being without their parents is bad!
They need their father. They need their mother. Everyday! Together and modeling what a loving marriage is all about. They NEED this! This is why I let Mrs. Mortarman come back. Because I wanted them to have this. Mrs. Mortarman used to want that too. I found the last few days several letters from Mrs. Mortarman from the few years right before she changed in 2001. She went on and on how perfect I was for her, how we had a great marriage (even with the problems) and a great future. And then almost two years later, she throws all of that away. And now? She cant remember anything good about our marriage. She cant remember what she used to know about us. She has revised history. But I remember and I miss that Mrs. Mortarman! So do our kids.
Anyway, you can count on no more letters from me. Soon, you will be nothing but my kids’ grandmother. And one of the people who are culpable in the destruction of our marriage…and really, the destruction of Mrs. Mortarman.
One day, you may see this. I know our kids see it all. They aren’t stupid. They know the score here. And they know their old man gave everything to try to save their family and save their mother. They know I have been there for them thru all of this…everyday! The one person on this planet they have been able to count on no matter what.
I am sad that you will probably never see the truth of all of this. I am sad that Mrs. Mortarman will probably follow in your path. I am sad that our kids will watch her enter into a relationship with an obvious loser and immoral man…and wonder why.
I will be okay. The Lord has and will look out for me and will bring a God-fearing woman alongside me to help me raise these kids and to support each other the rest of our lives. I thought Mrs. Mortarman was that woman. And she was, as was evidenced in just a small way in those letters. But somewhere along the line, while I was away at war…she got lost. And I cannot find her.
I will pray for Mrs. Mortarman…and for you. And hope that one day, you both will seek Him and what He wants for your life.
I wish things had been different between us MIL. I never lied to you and always tried to bridge the gap. But you would never accept me…even though I was trying to accept you.
Mortarman
In His arms.
Oh yeah...I have a question. Any advice on my wedding ring? I have worn it for 13 years.
After I see what she has done this time, I want it off. But, I also have this feeling that as long as I am still married, then the ring belongs on.
Thoughts?
In His arms.
[color:"red"]wow [/color]
Anyway, you can count on no more letters from me. Soon, you will be nothing but my kids’ grandmother. And one of the people who are culpable in the destruction of our marriage…and really, the destruction of Mrs. Mortarman.
[color:"red"] you pulled no punches....
you nailed it
In his book,
People Of The LieM Scott Peck says:
[/color]
[color:"blue"] "I have learned nothing in 20 years that would suggest that evil people can be rapidly influenced by any means other than raw power. They do not respond, at least in the short run, to either gentle kindness or any form of spiritual persuasion with which I am familiar." [/color]
[color:"red"]Peck goes on to say: [/color]
[color:"blue"]"It is not their sins per se that characterize evil people, rather it is the subtlety and persistence and consistency of their sins. This is because
the central defect of the evil is not the sin but the refusal to acknowledge it." [/color]
[color:"red"]Peck says that those of us who are
blessed by guilt manage to turn ourselves away from becoming evil. [/color]
[color:"blue"]"More than anything else, it is the sense of our own sinfulness that prevents any of us from undergoing a similar deterioration. " [/color]
[color:"red"]Peck continues .... [/color]
[color:"blue"]"Blessed are the poor in spirit" What is so great about feeling down on yourself -- about having this sense of personal sin?
Evil is not committed by people who feel uncertain about their righteousness, who question their own motives, who worry about betraying themselves.
Unpleasant though it may be, the sense of personal sin is precisely that which keeps our sin from getting out of hand. it is quite painful at times, but it is a very great blessing because it is our one and only effective safeguard against our own proclivity for evil. " [/color]
[color:"red"]A parent, who prevents their child from experiencing the pangs of a guilty conscience, is creating a monster.
Pep [/color]
"I have learned nothing in 20 years that would suggest that evil people can be rapidly influenced by any means other than raw power. They do not respond, at least in the short run, to either gentle kindness or any form of spiritual persuasion with which I am familiar."
Peck goes on to say:
"It is not their sins per se that characterize evil people, rather it is the subtlety and persistence and consistency of their sins. This is because the central defect of the evil is not the sin but the refusal to acknowledge it."
How true!!
In His arms.
Oh yeah...I have a question. Any advice on my wedding ring? I have worn it for 13 years.
After I see what she has done this time, I want it off. But, I also have this feeling that as long as I am still married, then the ring belongs on.
Thoughts?
(((((Mortarman)))))
You ARE married. Wear the ring. It is YOUR commitment to God and HIS purpose in marriage. It shows your children that you are "there" until the bitter end is forced by your unrepentant wife.
God bless and strengthen you according to His promise of Philippians 4:13.
With respect to the MIL letter....good job, even if it falls on deaf ears. It needed to be said and it verifies the truth of Scripture...."LEAVE and CLEAVE."
God bless.
I agree with FH
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Hi FH .... are we OK?
Z-Pep <~~~ I had cake and icecream for breakfast!
Thanks FH. I knew this to be true. But, with my anger at what is coming today, I feel like I want to do like the Jews of old did....and start tearing my garments! In this case, take this ring and throw it in the Potomac River (I am looking out my window at work at it right now).
But I know this was a promise with God. It really is His ring.
It will stay.
In His arms.
Pep, huh? I suffer from CRS syndrome.
Did I miss something?
MM,
I wanted to write you and offer my humble support for what you are going through right now.
The support you have given others here in this continuum of fighting for right and goodness is amazing. I wanted to thank you outright and tell you how much the words you have keyed in here have meant to me and many others.
I know that the days will be long and require endurance, the likes of which will test your resolve and faith. I will continue to pray for you, of course, that God may help you find the grace and dignity that will be required to rise to this occasion to prevail over evil.
To understand what you have truly been through causes me to think my own personal experiences are pallor in comparison to what you have experienced.
It’s ok to have bad moments. It’s ok to falter. It’s OK to be human. Just do the best you can so you can reflect on all of this with the knowledge that you held your head up high and did the best that you could do. From the outside looking in you have done more than ANY average human being, any man, could ever ask of themselves.
You asked about the wedding ring. You have to be comfortable with notion of the removal or continued display of the promise that it represents on your finger.
When I D’d previously to the M that I am in now I wore mine until the Judge rapped his gavel on the ordeal. It was a delineation in my mind that there was a mental line in the sand that I would be able to step across into the next walk of my life.
I won’t opine over my emotions over the decision that I had to wear it and what taking it off caused to me feel but in hindsight I am proud that I rose to the occasion to do what I honestly believed was right in my heart.
You will have to feel the same to be ok with yourself.
MM, I am going to finish this post and drop to my knees and beseech the good Lord to help you find the right steps to navigate this quagmire with honor, dignity, compassion, and self protectionism that will be required to protect yourself and most importantly your children from the ugliness of the experience that you are living right now.
Best regards,
Plank.
MM,
All the best today. Next weekend I will be passing by D.C. on my way to PA to take the kids to visit cousins (and get away from WW ) Things may well be on a path to resolution for you by then. I hope so. Will say an extra prayer for you and yours.
Regards,
68
Oh yeah...I have a question. Any advice on my wedding ring? I have worn it for 13 years.
After I see what she has done this time, I want it off. But, I also have this feeling that as long as I am still married, then the ring belongs on.
Thoughts?
In His arms.
My plan for mine is to wear it till the bitter end... THEN.... I'll have it flattened out and cut and made into a cross....
BTW.....Remember MM.... "It ain't over till it's OVER.... no one KNOWS what GOD has planned... for your Marriage.... In his infinite POWER he could still turn this COMPLETLEY around... and you could still have a miracle.... I pray for that for you and your children... and even your W as it is best for all....
GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK
..
Terrible letter filled with anger,bitterness and "holier than thou" attitude. I would be ashamed to write ANY woman a letter like that, let alone an ex MIL.
However, I do see that most everyone seems to be "on your side" in what you are doing and what you have done in the past.
I disagree. My wife and I observed what you have been saying the last few days and we both agree that we see hints of why your WS is acting the way she does. I bet her side of the story is quite different huh?
How sad.
keepmovn4wrd -
Terrible letter filled with anger,bitterness and "holier than thou" attitude. I would be ashamed to write ANY woman a letter like that, let alone an ex MIL.
Of course MM has anger and bitterness. He's only human. His "holier than thou" attitude is simply telling his MIL that she had no place in continually interfering in
his marriage to her daughter. Parents should never intrude in the marriage of their children for the benefit of themselves. I can think of two marriages that I know of personally (one of them mine) where parents (or a parent) were part of the problem. One of those two failed....the other one....well, I've got lots of hope <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I disagree. My wife and I observed what you have been saying the last few days and we both agree that we see hints of why your WS is acting the way she does. I bet her side of the story is quite different huh?
So you're going to base your entire opinion of MM's situation strictly on what he has posted the last 4 days? I have no doubt that Mrs. MM's side of the story is quite different, but she's not here to present it, and it sounds like she's rewritten quite a bit of their history to justify her choices.
If you've followed any of MM's recent threads, I think you'll get a better understanding. All we have to go on is what MM presents in these forums, and by the nature of this medium a lot of subtleties and nuances can be lost (or misinterpreted).
MM has consistently been open to other's opinions of his situation and his actions, and I have yet to see him flat out reject an opinion or dodge it. If he doesn't agree with it, he has always explained why.
To jump in and immediately make a judgement of him and/or his situation, without offering any sort of
constructive advice or opinions is....well, let's just say there are better ways to make your point, IMO.
Thanks UVA. I did take that in to advisement when I sent it (yes, I did send it). I went over it several times, just to see where they can shoot at me. And while I am sure he can spin all day, I also know my guy can show that I continue to tell the truth and continue to be the upstandign guy.
But your warning is well taken. There will be no more communiques.
In His arms.
keemmovn4wrd - I agree, your post and your attitude is MOST sad.
The Betrayed Spouse is the problem, just as all Wayward Spouses "see" it. How sad that you've bought into that sort of nonsense.
I bet her side of the story is quite different huh?
Safe bet. ALL Wayward Spouses will tell you "quite a different story" as they seek to justify their sin and deceit.
What, exactly, is your purpose in posting such inane drivel of santimonious support for an Adulteress caught up in her adultery with the aid and collusion of her mother?
Certainly it's NOT to say that what she is doing is "okay" with God?
MM, pardon me, but I am feeling much righteous anger right now, and I am nowhere near as "diplomatic" as you are. Keepmvn4wrd has "stepped over the line" and I'll volunteer to fight on your flank for this one.
I am
[color:"RED"]S T E A M E D ! ! ![/color] I'm going to take a 3 to 4 hour drive and cool off in the warm Carolina sun and great blue skies.
MM,
I know how it is in the heat of the moment, but before you make a drastic move like this again, if it will not hurt your case, run it by us first. Fifty heads is better than one. And you should know by now that we have your back.
God bless.
Well, I'm not so upset about km4w's post.
Mrs MM's story will certainly be different.
MM's own story is from his perspective.
The WS and the BS have their own struggles that are very different, even though they're over the same marriage.
MM isn't the "bad guy", but he's not always perfect either. Likewise the stbxMrs MM isn't the "bad guy", though it certainly does sound, from our experiences and hearing MM's accounts of events, like her processor is all messed up at the moment.
It is what it is. We're all what we're all. ...though hopefully on a net growth curve.
persevere,
-ol' 2long
What, exactly, is your purpose in posting such inane drivel of santimonious support for an Adulteress caught up in her adultery with the aid and collusion of her mother?
[color:"red"] provocateur [/color]
Terrible letter filled with anger,bitterness and "holier than thou" attitude. I would be ashamed to write ANY woman a letter like that, let alone an ex MIL.
Anger? Sure. I said I was angry in the letter. This letter was in response to what my MIL did in front of my oldest son just last week, as she attempted to butt in on my and my wife's business. Our kids and our marriage are OUR business. She needed to take her little hiney right down the stairs to the basement and butt out! It was just one example of what she has done over 13 years. I should have said this stuff years ago...it might have made a difference! At least, maybe I could have then put up boundaries to her to protect our marriage and kids. I did so with my Mom. She was a little too involved at first. I todl her that she needed to back off and be grandma now. She got the message. My MIL never did.
However, I do see that most everyone seems to be "on your side" in what you are doing and what you have done in the past.
What exactly am I "doing?" Seems to me I am reacting to my wife's continued abuse of me and continued immoral behavior. Last I checked, I was the only one working on thsi marriage the last 4 years. But...as I have said before...all opinions are welcome here!!
I disagree. My wife and I observed what you have been saying the last few days and we both agree that we see hints of why your WS is acting the way she does. I bet her side of the story is quite different huh?
Interesting! Hints? Of what? What possibly have I dont to deserve her actions? What possibly have I done that you can observe in my posts that would lead you to think that she is justified in her actions? I REALLY would love answers to those questions!
Sad indeed. But not for the reasons that you appear to be hinting at. This mess falls squarely on her head now. When you continue to make bad decisions, one day it will catch up to you.
I have been MORE than patient!
In His arms.
MM,
I know how it is in the heat of the moment, but before you make a drastic move like this again, if it will not hurt your case, run it by us first. Fifty heads is better than one. And you should not by now that we have your back.
God bless.
Noted!
In His arms.
[color:"red"] provocateur[/color]
No doubt. That's why I'm leaving NOW to take that drive.
But "provacateur" still doesn't answer the question, does it?
MM....
Don't get distracted by keepmovn4wrd... you need to focus...YOU know that THAT bullet should have been fired AFTER the war.... You gave them your "feeling" of frustration and anger to shoot back at you... "Never let the enemy KNOW"...... BUT... brother....don't beat yourself up.... you're human...
NOW..... FOCUS....the "enemy" comes in ALL shapes and sizes and WANTS to distract your focus....you need to use your strength and skills for better targets...
You never answered my last post so I pasted it below...
GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh yeah...I have a question. Any advice on my wedding ring? I have worn it for 13 years.
After I see what she has done this time, I want it off. But, I also have this feeling that as long as I am still married, then the ring belongs on.
Thoughts?
In His arms.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My plan for mine is to wear it till the bitter end... THEN.... I'll have it flattened out and cut and made into a cross....
BTW.....Remember MM.... "It ain't over till it's OVER.... no one KNOWS what GOD has planned... for your Marriage.... In his infinite POWER he could still turn this COMPLETLEY around... and you could still have a miracle.... I pray for that for you and your children... and even your W as it is best for all....
GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK
Terrible letter filled with anger,bitterness and "holier than thou" attitude. I would be ashamed to write ANY woman a letter like that, let alone an ex MIL.
However, I do see that most everyone seems to be "on your side" in what you are doing and what you have done in the past.
I disagree. My wife and I observed what you have been saying the last few days and we both agree that we see hints of why your WS is acting the way she does. I bet her side of the story is quite different huh?
How sad.
His wife has access to this site and has been free to tell "her side" of the story...Is there a WS story anywhere that you would find justifiable KeepMovn? THAT would be VERY telling...
Btw, I have emailed and called Mrs. MM telling her that I would be more than glad to listen without judgement...She chose not to share...THAT is also quite telling IMO...
MM...You know WHO to listen to in this...Press On...
Mrs. W
P.S. Mr. W tried calling you LATE last night...Call him when you have a moment, K?
what's up good soldier?
and side note too all quabbling here about "the letter"...there is a much larger issue looming here. it's about the legal action happening or not happening today and the impending results of it.
I will end this stupid debate as MM was right in sending the letter. I actually did a verbal sort of thing with my xil's..who enable my xh and at first PRETENDED to be supportive of me...said they understood why I was divorcing their son...sad about the adultery he committed unrepentantly...and then accepted the signed checks to them from their son. they are on his payroll. I get a christmas email now and then from them. we have no relationship anymore as I don't associate with those sort of people. I feel and understand mortar's pain and he's right to let it out. I just said it rather than writing it and they know my stance.
but this is about how's the day? what happened.? let's get back to the real purpose at hand.
when we do begin telling bS to "pad their verbage or words used" to those actively aiding and abetting the destruction of families, we lose as a society as a whole. when the outrage is no longer there...there would in essence become NO need for exposure, no need for laws..when we all let it slide...we in essence allow our morality as a society to slide as well.
just food for thought.
controlled outrage is good imho.
and now...back to helping and bringing helpful ammo to our friend in the fight of his life.
steady as she goes mortar.
armor? check
truth? check
control? check
brain? check
I used to actually remind myself of those things when I had to deal with the lawyers/xh/ow/custody stuff. still do that checklist from time to time to make myself "be in the zone" and not react emotionally.
MM,
Just wanted to salute you and throw my support behind you with the multitude.
Stay strong and focused.
kirk
Still here, waiting and watching.
There is nothing that I can say that other's have not said more elequently.
So I send my support.
MM -
Sounds like you're handing the continued and persistent shelling from home w/ Grace under pressure - BZ. If, and when, you need to fire back, double tap in case the first round isn't enough.
On the ring, I think I'd take it off, reluctantly but it was placed there by the spouse as a symbol of their "love and fidelity" when they made their vows and now those conditions seem non-existent on her part.
V/r, No Way
Sending support and Prayers -
God be with you.
SS
I've been silent since I didn't have anything to contribute. Mortarman, you have my best wishes and sympathy.
But, keepmovn4wrd, thank you for your input on this.
And Mortarman, thank you for taking it on the chin.
We should ALL be on guard for vindictiveness and spite. We should ALL be questioning our motives constantly. And we should thank the people who do it for us.
May I repeat the earlier quote from Peck's "People of the Lie"? Here goes:
"Blessed are the poor in spirit" What is so great about feeling down on yourself -- about having this sense of personal sin?
Evil is not committed by people who feel uncertain about their righteousness, who question their own motives, who worry about betraying themselves.
Unpleasant though it may be, the sense of personal sin is precisely that which keeps our sin from getting out of hand. it is quite painful at times, but it is a very great blessing because it is our one and only effective safeguard against our own proclivity for evil.”
MM, what happened today????
I've been thinking of you all day, although I had no internet access until just now. But there is no update ...
Hi MM,
How's it going tonight?
Any news?
TJ: Hi back at ya, HurtingDeeply, and Hi Frank! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
HI NB from MB <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Hope you're doing GREAT!!
GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS....FRANK
BUMP!!!
OK, soldier, how goes the war?
Okay folks. Thanks for the support. Just a quick update from the front...
Wife did indeed file. The filing is on the clerks desk, and was not posted as of close of business yesterday afternoon. I might find out today...almost certainly tomorrow!
So, it is taking a little longer for enemy fire to land on my position. We are still hunkered down in our foxholes here, waiting for impact.
Standing by...
In His arms.
MM
You probably don't remember me but you did help me & my H a few times and I shall be forever grateful as I am to so many others here who 'held' my hand for many months ... well still do at times I admit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
I am so sorry to see what is happening to you & the continuing pain your wife is causing you & the children.
If its ok I will pray for you when I also pray for some others here who are going through such hard and difficult times.
My wonderful H is still a soldier and has just returned from another little outing where thank the good Lord he was not required to even leave the ship this time. See prayers do work!!
My mum came across a poem the other day that she thought explains my dad, a vietnam vet and also my H very well, and it does. Bit sad, but there is hope in it, and having been a soldier yourself maybe this portion of the poem will speak to you too and help to keep your chin up.
..........
and in their ghostly smiles
and in my guilt filled dreams
of one who lived but died inside
I find an answer
If an answer can be found
At all
You can draw your souls water
from the clear spring
whose source is not fear -
but hope,
and not revenge -
but compassion.
MM
You probably don't remember me but you did help me & my H a few times and I shall be forever grateful as I am to so many others here who 'held' my hand for many months ... well still do at times I admit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
I am so sorry to see what is happening to you & the continuing pain your wife is causing you & the children.
If its ok I will pray for you when I also pray for some others here who are going through such hard and difficult times.
My wonderful H is still a soldier and has just returned from another little outing where thank the good Lord he was not required to even leave the ship this time. See prayers do work!!
My mum came across a poem the other day that she thought explains my dad, a vietnam vet and also my H very well, and it does. Bit sad, but there is hope in it, and having been a soldier yourself maybe this portion of the poem will speak to you too and help to keep your chin up.
..........
and in their ghostly smiles
and in my guilt filled dreams
of one who lived but died inside
I find an answer
If an answer can be found
At all
You can draw your souls water
from the clear spring
whose source is not fear -
but hope,
and not revenge -
but compassion. Thank you...I do remember. And the song does speak to me!!
In His arms.
My prayers are with you Mortarman. I appreciate that you held your ground but remained firm and collected and cool. I wish you the very best.
-Nothing very good and nothing very bad last for very long.
To every [thing there is] a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: Eccl.3:1
more prayers your way.
she is in for something she is not going to like.
but let the infidels enjoy this moment...it's only the calm before the storm...and you know what shall happen.
you're guaranteed to be the only one standing..."therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground; and after having DONE EVERYTHING...TO STAND!"
So, it is taking a little longer for enemy fire to land on my position.
Hold your position, soldier. You are protected. Keep us posted.
Okay...went to courthouse today and got the paperwork. She has filed for divorce (cant understand what the possible grounds are)...and for custody and child support.
In the filing, say that I was emotionally cruel (why does everyone go to that one when they dont really have a case?) and that I have not provided financially for the household (again, rather east to prove that is NOT true...so Mortarman is sitting here scratching his head wondering "what gives?"
Interesting thing that I am waiting on my lawyer about....
The address she used is her new address. The address she used for me to have served to me is the house she just moved out of. I also found out by going to the courthouse that the pretrial hearing is this Friday.
Now, the reason this is interesting is that if they pin that document on our old house this afternoon (they had already headed out to do so), then I would have not gotten it. Which means, I would not have known to show up in court Friday. Which means...this was a lawyers move to try to get into court without me there and get some sort of initial ruling.
Oh, how I trust the Lord! It just so happens my attorney saw her entering the courthouse last week. If he had not have seen her, I would have had no idea that she had gone to file. Coincidence?
So, my attorney will be there Friday. Most of her filing is bogus,and easily proven so. Oh, I forgot one thing...her filing stated that I was removed from the household by the police...which is again not true. And we will have the officers in court to state that!
So, her stuff is just messed up. And I wonder, since her attorney is regarded as one of the best in the area...what he must be thinking with such a weak case? Is he just counting on my wife and MIL getting on the stand and lying and blubbering all over the place? So, maybe the judge will say "oh, poor dear?"
One last thing in the update...
We got the same judge as last time!!!!!!!!!!! That guy aint gonna like what she has done here. Not at all. He didnt like it the last time. If this judge is anywhere like what my attorney portrayed him the first time, then my wife's arguments are just going to irk him.
So, the first shot has been fired. And I have to say...while it can result in the loss of my kids if things dont go well in court...I do have to say that as I peek up out of my foxhole, there aint much damage here. I have to say that I am in pretty good shape.
I must take care of the housing situation. With that, all legitimate issues she might bring up would be gone.
So, Mortarman has finally been fired upon. But she missed. And I am now out of my foxhole. I have called in fire support. And I have fixed bayonets. She fired the first shot. From this point on, I keep firing and moving forward until victory. No mercy until surrender! I will keep you updated from the front as things happen. Much of what I might post, I may not post for awhile as I need to keep OPSEC (operational security). Dont want my wife to troll around on here and find our plans. So, I will only post things after they are no longer relevent to the case.
Mortarman is now on the move. Ever Forward!
In His arms
glad to hear you're proactive. know it is a difficult time. but you will make it thru this....just take apart her case brick by brick until there is nothing left standing...and get on the housing issue asap...you don't have to have a fancy house, just a place where you have a room, kids have rooms, and nice and clean and yard to play or plenty of greenspace/playground nearby that's safe. that is what a judge is looking for.
I am so glad that you are aware....mine was a total blind side...the "he is cruel and dangerous" card almost did not work in my case, in fact I was served with 2 separate show cause orders and two court dates...it seemed that judge 1 said "there is no basis or evidence" for him to be removed from the home, "plaintiff has not provided any witnesses or documentation" of abuse....hearing in 21 days....
then her lawyer finds another judge he calls ex parte (no rebuttal) hearing, wife testifies I am a lunatic, not stable, fears for kids safety , I threatened to take them"...this judge issues immediate order of protection and removal from home...seems as if he did not do this 8 years prior and husband was served with D papers and promptly shot and killed his W and then himself...do you think her attorney knew??
Long and short of it...judges don't like liars and sneaks. take care of business...and yourself....drop me a line and let me know how you're doing!!!
((EDITTED to take out sensitive evidence!)) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Sounds like something out of "Boston Legal"!
We can't wait for the SHOCK AND AWE!!
kirk
Are you sure you should be posting some of this stuff, MM? Maybe you want to remove it, save it, and repost it this weekend?
(And krusht remove excerpts?)
it is the FOG that has the ww and her mom believing their story...it is THEIR FOGGED perception of it that's all mortar.
never fear, even a great attorney can DOWNPLAY the facts, but they cannot ERASE THE TRUTH...and that's what he's gonna try to do...downplay the real facts and truth so he can spin his way into ifluencing the judge.
unless he's truly matlock, he'll have a difficult time doing this.
AM,
"(And krusht remove excerpts?)
Good point, understood.
First court action is in a few minutes. Just wanted to keep you updated. I am not attending...just my attorney. So, please keep the prayers going. Thanks again.
In His arms.
MM -
You have my prayers as well. Stay the course.
MM:
I offer my supportive thoughts!
Goodness shall prevail.
-ol' 2long
How about an update MM?? I've been praying for you....
Just got the message.....prayers are still going up.
First court action is in a few minutes. Just wanted to keep you updated. I am not attending...just my attorney. So, please keep the prayers going. Thanks again.
In His arms.
Not that I'm sitting on pins and needles, MM....ouch! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Sending support from the middle of the big blue. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
L.