Thoughts? Yes. This site is testament to the fact that you are dead wrong on all counts and don't have the slightest idea about the impact of infidelity on a marriage.

The people YOU perceive as "not getting it" are living breathing testaments to your wrong opinion.

uh oh, CS, seems like you are "abusing" sbmml according to this standard. Perhaps you need to get some help for yourself since you are an "ABUSER" according to your own posted standard? What say you, hon?

Have you considered counseling for this?

Wow-I love fiction, and that was most certainly a very interesting read.

But...I really don't see how a fictional tale based upon what happneded to you proves anything with regard to SB's situation. We can already see his situation is markedly different than yours by virtue of the fact that his wife appears to be uninterested in maintaining a marital relationship with him.


The realization that both parties must be interested in keeping things going and working on their own mistakes seems to escape certain folks in this discussion.

Another item which sems to be forgotten here: The success of such a difficult undertaking hinges upon both parties being determined to dispel any illusions about what the real problems are. I see you (and others) as encouraging the continuation of fantasy rather than fact for SB, and this will not help him.

It may make him feel good while he is reading the thread, but he will have singular and patently unrealistic expectations of his wife's intentions / behaviors and he will be unable to predict if and when she will attempt to run his [censored] over with another mack truck.

Sugarplum, if you are going to accuse me of abusing SB you will need to provide examples.

My dear CS,

I understand quite a lot about abuse, thank you very much!

I do not claim to know it ALL, but I also think you are foaming at the bit to turn Sbmmal into this horrible person that you are implying he is.

And, BTW, my screen name is Lady Clueless because I am married to LORD Clueless!

I am of the opinion that infidelity is very destructive to a marriage in most cases.

-Trust has been damaged / destroyed, and the wronged spuse may find themselves unable to forgive.
-There is the chance of disease (possibly fatal disease.)

In this particular case, I believe that the infidelity is a symptom rather than a cause.

I believe that if his wife were willing to disavow the other man and agree to get back together-the problem would be solved as far as SB is concerned.

I think that if this were to happen now, there would be yet another affair later on down the road.

It is just my opinion and I am entitled to it, and no amount of cyberbullying or bandwagoneering will make me change my mind.

And, sadly, we see you "claiming the truth" and "defining behavior, using logic." "Criticism." This is yet another example of this ABUSE, SugarBritches.

We only bring this up, because wouldn't it be silly to get caught engaging in abuse YOURSELF while you accuse others out of the other side of your mouth!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> BIG EEK!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I am not a foamer. I simply don't see things the way that you do.

SB is not a horrible person, he is someone who needs to work through his issues in a realistic and honest way-just like everyone else.

I never claimed to be using "logic"-LOL! (In fact, one of the cyberbullies used that word in his post...) My posts consist of my opinions .

Using words like Sugarbritches in tandem with emoticons is a clear sign that you have run short on cogent responses to back up your point of biew.

Infidelity is very destructive to a marriage in ALL cases.

But it doesn't mean that there has to be a divorce. I tried the program here, and it didn't save my marriage. However, the advice to work on myself worked!

I've been reading and posting here for 3 years. There have been a whole lot of success stories.

I never claimed to be using "logic"-LOL! (In fact, one of the cyberbullies used that word in his post...) My posts consist of my opinions .

Using words like in tandem with emoticons is a clear sign that you have run short on cogent responses to back up your point of view.

Sigh! CS, you still don't get it! A LOT of WS are uninterested in maintaining a marital relationship with their BS. When Mrs. Wondering was in her affair, she was uninterested in maintaining a marital relationship with Mr. Wondering.

I hate to say this, but you are making an absolute fool of yourself.

You know NOTHING about infidelity.

You know NOTHING about how to HELP anyone.

You ARE an abuser to Sbmmal.

You are continuing to harangue him about what YOU have apparently deemed to be some kind of horrible abusive behavior on his part. I'm not saying that he did not engage in some kind of controlling behavior, but I do not believe that he was intending to be abusive.

You persist in trying to embarrass him and ridicule him for trying to win back his WW.

You apparently THINK you know it ALL, although your lack of understanding is sadly lacking.

You are constantly putting him down.

Yes, MelodyLane is right. YOU are an abuser.

Leave Sbmmal alone. Go torture your own H instead of somebody else's!

I am sure there have been many success stories.




I disagree. There are many marriages that remain intact in spite of infidelity. You may look to your own generation for examples of that. I have also read the founder's claim that some marriages are even stronger after an episode of infidelity; therefore, I do not agree that infidelity is destructive to ALL marriages.

I can see why you hoped I kept posting: You want me to take the hits.

of course SugarBritches, you would consider SugarPlum a compliment? Who did you say has run out of cogent responses again?

YET ANOTHER example of "abuse!" This would be claiming "the truth" using "logic" to "define" my behavior. [oh wait! I forgot you deny you USE logic, WE AGREE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />] And "Criticism!" Now, sugarbritches, let's not try and deny what we all can clearly see here. ABUSE!! You are defining behavior again just as you have been all through this thread. You and I both know, ACCORDING TO YOUR OWN POSTIE, that this is "ABUSE!"

Let's look at it again:



AND


WHOOPS!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

[wanna rag to get that egg off your face? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />]

lol...no, really, LOL.

Like Mrs.W at the time she was undertaking her affair and continuing it for 6 weeks post D-day because she was so interested in maintaining a marital relationship with me.

When OM "broke up" with her she wanted to pack up and leave me to be with him. Fortunately, OM said "NO". She was thoroughly and completely addicted to him. There is NO difference, 'cept, unlike Sbmmal YET, I was able to put pressure on the affair and single OM went off to pursue more suitable, moral and easier opportunities. A divorce filing may have been immiment (sp?), thank God, we'll never know nor do I care whether Mrs.W would have been able herself to end...who ended is really irrelevant. All that matters is that IT ends/ended, then see what can and likely will happen given TWO motivated and willing spouses.

W

How am I "harangue-ing" SB???? He hasn't even been a participant on most of these posts now...Most of my posts are now addressing all of the cyberbullies in here.

A word or three of caution: You cannot know what SB's intentions were. You, like the rest of us, must go by what he has said. And-he has said he deliberately tried to control his wife. He has also said that he abused her (which you read as maybe he did not,and MrWonderful did not read at all). He has said that she cheated. He has said that she appeared to be warming up to a reconciliation, and then he said she filed a court action.

Those are the facts m'aam.

I challenge you to find a post where I am "ridiculing" SB.


I am about to ridicule you though: Based upon what you just posted, I can imagine you stomping your right foot with a pacifier in your mouth at this very moment.

OT, somewhat:

There is a reason why there is a group consensus here, and it has nothing to do with group-think.

Picture a gold panner. He digs into the earth, lifting shovelfuls of material out of its comfort zone, and putting it all in the same pan. He agitates it, and the same force of gravity works on each piece of gold in the pan, drawing it into the same place.

When he is done, he has a nice collection of gold. Not one giant nugget, all homogenous and lumpy, but small pieces of gold which, by going through the same process - A PROCESS PROVEN OVER TIME - arrive in the same place. No, not identical, but having much in common.

This is not group-think. This is gold, tried in the same fire, tested through the same experience, and coming out the other side with a very clear picture of what works, because we have lived it.

That is not called group-think. It is called unity.

Well...I guess that settles it then-I hope that the same happens in this situation so SB's life can get back to normal.