Wow. These stories are eerily similar to my situation this last year. For us, we met on both our first day of work at a previous employer. I was a level higher than he was and even became his boss for a few weeks before he found a new project.

We got along well during that time - dating, then engaged. The whole time I worried because I made more money than H, had a Master's degree that he doesn't have, and was a higher level. I had always been conditioned that boys don't like girls who are smarter than they are. So, I always downplayed my success.

Once H left the company for the place he works now, he started to get bigger raises and kept getting promoted -- he was 'in' with the 'old boys' there. Soon after, we had kids - and I took a job with a more 'family friendly' company.

Until I read this thread, I assumed the birth of our first child was what caused the downward trend in our R. But, that was about the time he started making more money than me, got promoted, etc. Instead, I now think that's when he lost respect for me. WH had always dated women at least a few years older than him, including his previous boss before me. Now that he's the boss, I guess he doesn't need to date one. OW is older than him, but a lower level and uses him to help her get ahead.

While the PA has been over for a while, OW has been using WH, who acts like an addict and a teenager chasing her, to stroke her ego and help her career. She's gotten him to agree to this platonic friendship to prop up her low self esteem. WH is too stupid to see how she's just using him.

In the meantime, we have a 1 year old and 3 year old. I'm not about to give up one minute of their childhood (not even every other weekend and Wednesdays) while they are so small. So here I sit - his nanny, housekeeper, someone who brings in additional $$ - and he won't even share the smallest details about his day to day life (and asks nothing about mine). I might as well be a piece of the furniture here. I've gotten my own life (as much as one can with two toddlers and a full time job), exposed, plan A'd, looked the other way, etc. I just haven't found anything that will wake him up. I think Plan B might, but, again, that means selling the house and giving up time with the kids.

Sorry...didn't meant to turn this into a pity party for me...just wanted to say 'this is a great thread' and 'I'm right there with ya' I could write a book about his skilled passive agressive tactics, too.
Trixie.

Trixie-
Yep, I think we should start a special club for our little group. I agree with you--I don't want a pity party. Just hearing everyone's stories helps me understand how the dynamic that worked so well early on in our relationship was not stable.

As women, if we choose to take a subordinate role during the young children stage, we need to make sure the new role commmands the same respect. Not all women are as doomed as I am--I have 2 friends who gave up their high paying job and stayed home PERMANENTLY to raise the family. Both husbands absolutely worships them and talk about what a wonderful role-model the moms have become.

Guess what? Those husbands also seem to be much less ego-centric. Not nearly as much clawing their way to the top, and more focus on the family. Hmmmm.....

Mulan,

What a great post. You posted on my thread and I've checked this one out. My WS is the BIG BOSS and almost the BIG BIG BOSS...soon.

My IC said too much power is corruptive. My WS has too much. Thankfully he isn't in charge of the family run law firm...but the reigns are being handed over. He has had the most votes ever to be elected to the school board.

He is a successful attorney in a small town. He looks like a movie star. He is charming. He was tan when he was born. Woman flock to him. He wears name brand everything. He drives a saab and has xfm radio and a cell phone that has access to the net.

[color:"green"]

A LITTLE HUMOR:
Like that song..."I'm a model, you know what I mean and I do my little dance on the catwalk, on the catwalk, on the catwalk....I'm too sexy for shirt, too sexy for my shirt...that it hurts."

or that other song..."I'm on my way I'm making it BIG TIME..."

or how about..."If you want to be happy for the rest of your life...make an ugly man be your wife."...I had to make it rhyme. ha ha
[/color]



My WS ego is Jupiter...I've never seen a man strut and stalk a crowd like he could have any "feline object" he wanted. Yes, he might even appeal to you. He is hot...darnit.

We were at a party once when a man said to him..."you're so beautiful I might have to kiss you...." well anyway, yes he was married...to a woman.

He has power over OW. His last name carries with it "respect" and "influence" and "$" for several generations in our small village. He is the local JFK. PUKE.

OW once told me (we were friends)..."you "Play" being a (WS last name) very well" ...WHAT??? Oh puke. She wants to be Queen to his King...how very nice for them. When they're done role playing and they get upset with their dysfunctional royal subjects etc. etc. ...I must admit I hope for their own personal development they'll look in the mirror and say..." [color:"purple"]Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the betrayed after all?[/color]" ....Why, my fair WS and OW you're the betrayed after all.

All I can say is that I'm happy living in the village while they play kingdom...maybe that is what that post is about...the kingdom of Carelon(sp.?)..or something here on one of these MB sections ...I still can't "get" that thread.

...but I digress.

Mulan...why is that your name? I'm curious.

Strongest

Hi Strongest,
Yes, your WH sounds very much like mine - popular, handsome, outgoing, women love him, and a hero to everyone except his own wife.

***Mulan...why is that your name? I'm curious.***

A few years ago WH, DS18 (he was about 15 then) and I went to Disney's California Adventure. At the time, they had a lovely exhibit where you could sit down in front of a magic book, answer a few questions, and have the book tell you which Disney character you resemble most.

WH was Hopper, the giant grasshopper from *A Bug's Life* who was a tyrannical boss to all the other bugs. WH was not amused.

DS was Hades, Prince of the Underworld from *Hercules*. DS was delighted.

The book told me I was Mulan, "who fights for her family."

I've used Mulan as my MB name ever since.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You know, the movie Mulan was on last night, and I watched it with my DD9 and DS5. We all love it--what a great nickname!

I've been thinking about this...Does anybody else's bossy WH remind them of a school yard bully? WH tries to motivate everyone with fear. He walks all over his parents because they never set any boundaries for him - I think they were afraid: a. that he wouldn't like them b. that his renowned temper would be displayed. He keeps everyone off balance because he is not afraid to write people off if they do something he doesn't like. Like the kids who packs up his marbles and goes home when he gets afraid he might lose. I guess I'm thinking about all of this because of my son and how I don't want him to turn out to be a bully. Every now and then I'll feel that fear or working Mom guilt that initially makes me want to give in to his tantrum...but then, I think about his Daddy and sad it is that he keeps everyone at arms length by making them afraid. I wonder what the fear or insecurity is inside of him that makes him this way.