You'd best stop listening to her babble and start working on strengthening your case. At the very least for the safety of the children.

Remember right now her 1st priority is being a WS, then if there's time a mother and then waaaay laterm maybe your W (if it is convenient). Does that make your blood boil? If it does, go do something constuctive instead of mulling over it and getting depressed.

L.

thank you for the shake up i realy need it right now it is just so hard not to mull over everthing it is still tough on me and my kids and we just need to start doing like we did on suday and spend the whole day out forgetting everthing and remembering each other. i love my children so much and i just scares me of what might happen i got this email today.



i have already told her she will not get an answer tonight and i will let her know when i am ready (i have a appointment with my lawyer in the morning)i just need some suggestions from someone who has been here before. i know most of it is her making demands that she wont get except like i have been saying im worried about my kids.

You are very early in all of this. You need to expose the affair to the OM's wife, and to their work.

Does he have any children?

How long does it take to divorce in your state?

I have not personally talked to the OP wife but I plan on it I just got all of her info in the beginning of the week and I have been trying to figure out what to say. It’s not like calling a friend. I wish I had some script I could work off of. I have sent an email off to the HR dpt. of their work and I haven’t heard anything yet I know she was going to try to get a full time job there because they told her that her temp job will always stay as a temp position and she could keep working there in her current position for years if she wanted just not as a full time employee.



The other OP does have two children and he has already introduced them to my WW and they have spent time together. I believe that is one of his ploys to win her over is to show how much of a good parent he is but I know better because I would have never done anything like that to my children it is just showing them that its alright to do the things they are doing.



It takes 6 months from the time of what she claims as being the day she told me she wanted a divorce( she is claiming that she told me in the beginning of April but I didn’t confront her until may 12th. She is claiming earlier so the D will go through sooner so she won’t feel guilty for what she is doing). Her exact word to me why she wants the D is that she doesn't want to feel guilty for anything she does and if we do decide in the future that we want to work things out we could get remarried. How easy is that for her to justify her actions while she puts me through H**L, and that is only if I don’t decide to contest it. I am still trying to decide if I want to drag it out or put an end to it all and see what happens.


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

up

Drag it out if you don't want a divorce. In the meantime, contact his wife. It is not a pleasant task, but necessary.

that is what i have be considering i know she dosent have the money to do it her self.

i also have been trying to figure out even what to say to the OP wife im for once at a lost for words.

Sample:

BS: Hello, my name is __________ I have some very important and sensitive information for you and your family. I would like to be able to bring it to your attention. When would be a time to meet or speak with you?

OM's W: Tomorrow at 3. Meet me at Starbucks.

BS: A public place would be fine but may be hard once you hear the information. Can you bring a close confident with you? I don't mean to sound mysterious but I think it w/b best if you had some support when you hear this information. It is very difficult for me to tell you but I am trusting you are a reasonable person.

OM's W: Ok. I will bring my (sister/friend/neighbor).

BS: Ok.

********************************8

BS: Hello Mrs. _______________ and friend. My name is: BS (sit and to get grounded). The purpose for this meeting is to imform you that your H and my W have been seeing each other. I learned about this a few weeks ago and have been dealing with a very negative attitude on my W's part. Are you aware of this A?

OM's W: Oh....that explains a lot.

BS: I am sorry to have to bring this to your attention. I would like to break this A. Can I get your cooperation?

OM's W: Yes.



Well..... something like that.

L.

Orchid


thank you

this is what i have been looking for but i just couldnt find it anywhere on the site.

i will plan on meeting with her asap. i have the work taken care of now it is in their HR hands now and i will have to wait and see what happens at her work and if they will do anything.

tomarrow i will hopefuly have an up date on what happens and i will post it. i did have some interesting talks with my WW and i will also post them to see if i handled them corectly. i want to make sure i do this the corect way this time. i just would realy like to work things out but sometimes my heart and mouth gets ahead of my mind.

one of the things she said to me on tuesday that was very interesting was after i sent her a letter called "he'll be different with you, you're special"i found on one of the posts it starts out

"He'll be different with you, you're special.
Author Unknown

You two have a "connection," a rapport that he didn't have with his
wife. You have more things in common, similar personalities. He's pointed
out all the ways that you two are so alike - it's just uncanny."

and here was her response to me and eversince then her and the OP have been having problems and it also was what triggered the string of emails i recieved from her about her demands for the D.





<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

well today has been a tough day it is the first weekend without my children since the seperation. i have been getting a couple of calls from them here and there but its just hard not having them.

but i have been keeping busy with yard work and cleaning the house so that has helped.

i did try to talk to the OP wife today but i got no answer on her phone just voice mail so i will try tommarow and see what happens.

"It did make me think but why did you send this to me? I don't need stuff like this to make me think. I really didn't appreciate it either."

Ha-ha - that one's a CLASSIC. Hang in there. Keep working on yourself, and keeping busy.

Well today my children came home today and it was pretty tough for them I cant tell if being with mom for the first weekend all by them selves was good or bad they all seem different towards me today but I think after a few hours things have gotten better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I have seen a different attitude with my WW today she actually has stopped be so hostile to me, and actually we had a few normal conversations this afternoon. We will just have to see if life is really tuning out the way she thought it would. It was funny the other day I did get a email from her saying



I though it was kind of funny but she didn’t <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I will just keep being strong and be there for my children like I always have. I do know that my WW doesn't have the money to file for the divorce right now so I know I have sometime to see what happens. Its just so tough loving her so much and seeing what she is doing to me and our children.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

a great quote



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

I have a major dilemma right now. I am trying to decide if I should throw in the towel with my WW about the children. Or go to court for my youngest and find out what happens after that. I don’t want to break up the children but if you have read my thread you will see that I am backed up against a corner. We originally agreed to have the children with me Monday - Friday and with her on the weekends, and we would have joint custody. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Now she is telling me that she wants to be the primary parents and that I will have visitation rights. I think that this is a bunch of s**t, but it is tearing my children apart. She sits there and gives them the guilt trip when she is with them or when she talks to them to make them feel sorry for her so they will want to stay at her condo with her and the OP. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Today we had another session with the kids and their counselor, and afterwards she sent me a text message that she was coming to get the kids so they can live with her. I knew she has no right and she did try to go to the police and they called me to find out what was going on and I explained the whole situation and they told her to go home. I knew they would because she has no legal right until she gets papers signed from a court and she doesn’t have the money to pay her lawyer to file the paperwork.
But in the mean time I see all of this just tearing the children apart along with the stress of the breakup and the possibility of a divorce.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />


When will it all end this is such a tough choice to make and I'm really lost on what to do. I just want my children safe and for their mother so realize what she is doing is just hurting the kids and not me. I feel a lot of what she is doing is to lash out at me and it is spilling over to the kids.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

help any sugestions i have been thinking about what im going to do and i still cant come up with a resolution.

i just dont know how some of you guys are able to hold out so long with just not knowing. i love my wife with all of my heart but it is just getting harder as the days go by. i know that it has been only 12 days since she has moved out but it is just like when one of my best friend passed away a few years back.

i get up in the morning and everyting is in a daze until i see my children and they give me the energy to get going in the morning. without them i just dont know what i would do. it might be easyier to move on but i just dont know and i have to deal with what is on my plate right now.

i have been reading through some of the threads of some of you that have been going through this for a long time and i have to give a big bow to you for being so strong, and then i read some of you that dont have any children and i just dont know how you do it.

my main thing is i just have to keep going day by day and stop looking at the future. i guess you just dont know what will come around the bend. i did find a saying the other day that someone posted and i have been using for the past week that does help and i would like to share it.

Key word: day

This one day, you felt like you lost your inspiration, your way, slipped back...one day...tomorrow is new...you are made new...it's not a contest...it is life...one day...

When you're okay to just be...for today...not old or new, not right or wrong, just as you are...then you will hear your soul's whisper, hear the rustle of your thoughts...and know their footsteps...find some portents you divine...and let them go with a blessing...that's a heckuva day, when you can do that...



------------------------------------------------------------

One day.

You will not do what you truly don't want to do...your fear of being who you were cannot be true, Rin...the days like this one, will show you, by contrast, your change, your new beliefs, like shoes, breaking them in by wearing them...and how better to see your previous ways than putting on clothes that no longer fit...that sag or were too tight?

Contrast day...your choice to perceive it as temporary and important...not bad...not down...different energy...all yours.

Lessons don't all come at you head on...forward direction...there are ones to the side, come from the corner of your eye, maybe only possible when you stand still...

Or look up. Which is difficult to do when you're always walking forward.

Would you like to learn a solemn peace? Happiness in stillness? Absorbing all you've learned at full stride...the settling in...what do you think?

One day...maybe another day, like this one down the road...name your fear of standing still...when God asks us...to be still and know that he is God...

Sharing all your days is what I'm very grateful for.

wlcmhelp,

Hang in there buddy. U r doing ok. It doesn't feel ok but you still have your santity and the love of your family. Be glad u r not a WS. Imagine not having a brain. How can one function on illogic? Like the emperoer who wore no clothes. He thought he was dressed in his regal wear. LOL!!! The only suit he had on was his birthday suit and the whole world was laughing at him. That is how others see the WS.

You know why the police believed your version over her's? Because they could tell she was a WS even before you opened your mouth. You know usually the mother gets custody even in questionnable cases but if the police is smart, they can smell a WS as good as those of us here @ MB. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ok, now u got a plan? Filing for custody? Secure your finances? Identified your boundaries? Ready to learn reverse babble? Get a good MC?

L.

I had a feeling that one day it would happen, and one of the good things is that one of my good friends his wife is on the police force so she knows most of the officers and for warned them if the situation.




We do have a great counselor and she has been doing great work with me and my WW. She does do some of the same style of Dr. Harley so it helps to use this site and read all of the books, and the same office has a DR. for my children she does case for only children of divorce and child custody.

the only problem that we have had was when we went to the first couple of meetings I let the children go in on there own and speak with the counselor and she told my wife that because she was the mother and the kids were closer to her that they should live with her most of the time and me on the weekends. The counselor’s only problem was that none of our kids talked about the OP and so the counselor didn’t think that my wife was involved with anyone and it was just a divorce on loss of passion and love instead of an A. After I talked to her last Monday she did realize what she said was a mistake and she went to my wife and told her that her recomdation was wrong. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

It was a big concern of the counselor and myself that all three of my children refuse to even mention that there is a OP. they have completely blocked him out and i did get my daughter to talk to me about it and she just says it hurts to much. My WW and I did have us and the kids sign a consent form for the two counselors to talk so they can share concerns and information about my wife and my stability and what is best for the kids.

On an ironic note you would never believe the children’s doctors’ name is Dr. Sadd the kids found it funny so it helped break the ice between them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

All I can say is hang in there. Make your home a nice place for your children. Let them know that you and their home will always be there for them.

The A will never, ever last. It is extremely difficult to live with another person and their children.

You are the one that needs to stand for the children. You can do that by being their rock, and safe place.

We will be strong for each other they dont know it but they are my rock also. If it wasnt for them this probley would be alot easier. I look in thier eyes and just see the sadness and the pain and it make me want to try even harder.

The kids and i have plans to spend the weekend on our boat which is good for both of us to take our minds off of everthing for a few hours each day.