You need to share with them that you have a plan. They need to be relieved of the burden of being in the middle of this.

Make your home nice, go on the boat, plan things together, and be strong for them.

I was a mess at first, but going through this made me strong. I promise you that MB will help you become a happier person, no matter how it all turns out.

thank you ALL for the support it always helps.

I have been speaking with the children and they do know that i have a plan and I will always will be there for them. No matter what is the out come i am thier dad and they are my children and I won't leave. I'm not going anywhere and neither are they. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

That is probley one of the older two's biggest fears out of this ordeal that I will leave them like thier real dad did. All I can do is prove them wrong.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

You are a good and honorable man, and your children are very blessed to have you in their lives.

Continue on and realize that this stuff takes time. Remain the lighthouse.

Today was another one of those days. my WW calls me and tries the get me all fired up and tries to put the blame on me, but she doesn’t realize that it has nothing to do with me it is all her. All I do is tell her that what she is doing is disrespectful and it is hurting our children.

it is so hard sometimes just looking in their eyes and see what she keeps doing to them and have no way of keeping them safe and away from the situation. She keeps shoving the OP into their environment and unfortunately I have no control over it. I just keep reminding them that I love them and they have nothing to do with this and what their mom is doing is wrong and I would like them to never repeat what she is doing or has done. She just keeps giving them the guilt trip and it just makes me so mad that she would do that to our children. It just has so many long term effects that she just refuses to see. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I am unfortunately coming to the point that its time to let her go and move on with my life with my children. It is so hard not having her in our lives it has been ten years and it just hard to say that those years were wasted and they don’t mean anything to my WW. All I can do is sit there and think about all the wonderful things we had together. She just sees the bad. Maybe someday she will wake up and see the truth but my problem is that it just keeps hurting to just sit here and do nothing about our relationship.

I am just rambling on here but I guess it is good therapy for me to vent a little.

This weekend was great with my children we went boating and I taught my older two how to knee board and they just loved it the older two both got up on their knees and had a blast. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It’s been a few days since I have posted last but not much has been going on. The only thing that has been happening is in the past few days my WW has had the nerve to send me a email and ask me to pay for part of the divorce. Her email is as follows

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I still can’t believe that she would send that to be but I guess she is now realizing that she doesn’t have the money that she used to when she lived at home. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

She had a habit of being able to go out and buy what ever she wanted and there was always money in the bank and now that she left I had all of the accounts changed and all of the credit cards take away from her and now she has to live off her pay check from the temp job that she has and they also informed her that she will not be hired on full time so she wont receive any benefits or insurance. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

it does concern me that when the divorce goes through that our older two children won’t be covered under my insurance because she won’t let me adopt them. I have a call into the insurance company right now to see if there is anything else that I can do. I just know my wife won’t be able to afford insurance for the kids so I will have to find some way of doing it.

on another note I did find out that the OP had to sell his car to get things for their condo. which I believe that it has a double edge sword. on ones side he is saying that he did it so they can buy things for my children to make my wife feel that he is a hero for saving the day. but on the other hand it also shows me and them that they won’t have any money after all of that is spent. I’m already seeing that with the last email I got on wanting the money for the divorce. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Its been over a week now since I last posted and I thought I would just put my thoughts and feelings down to let out some steam.

Its so frustrating when my WW is so far into the fog that she don’t see what is in front of her. We have been battling over a week now on what we are doing with our children. I have went and filed for temp. custody of my youngest because he is the only one that I have legal rights to, but I am so torn over not having any legal rights to my older two but I guess if I can help one up close and just keep talking to the other two we all will survive this. I mainly just don’t want to have to split up the three children but she is leaving me no choice I just hope when I get primary custody of my youngest she will see what is wrong with her thinking and maybe will see the light.

One of our issues right now is she wants to have primary of our children and have them live with her and the OP along with she wants to yank her out of their current school and put them into another one over by her place. I know its nuts and it makes no since but this is what I have to deal with day in and day out.

(I will put it this way at least I don’t have to worry about being board) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My daughter is so torn right now because she wants to stay in her current school and her mom just wont let her make up her own mind and is making her change. I have told her that I will support any decision she makes and because of my situation the only thing we can do is have her right out a list of reasons why she wants to stay in her current school and reasons why she would want to go to the new school and give it to her mom so show her why she is making the decision that she is, along with her talking to her counselor about it and have the counselor help her talk to her mom. If anyone else has any other suggestions that would be great. Any help is better than none.

On the other note I still am lost on what to do with my wife. I still love her to death but I am starting to just get the feeling that I am fighting a loosing battle and both arms are cut off. She still turns every conversation into a argument and just doesn't want to just sit and talk like two adults. She would rather just justify actions by taking everything out on me. I just don’t know if its better to just cut all ties with her except when it comes to the kids or still keep on just showing her that I still love her.

I guess I still have many other thoughts that I want to post but this I already getting long so I will post more thoughts tomorrow.

Well today has been a very long day.

Last week I filed for temp. custody of my youngest child and we had our court hearing today. I was heart broken because there currently isn’t anything that I can do for my older two children because I never adopted them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Just a quick overview if you haven’t read the beginning of my thread. My WW moved out July 15th with OP. we have been fighting over where my children were going to live and go to school and I received a email not to long ago with her saying that the children were going to live with her and OP full time and she was going to have them change schools. I just couldn’t believe it. I was in the process if replying to her divorce filing and I talked to my lawyer and told him that I wanted to file for custody of my children but I was informed that currently since the older two are not biologically mine and I haven’t adopted them that the only one I have legal right to is my youngest son. So that is what I have done so far.

In court today I did win the battle for my youngest son, but I still haven’t won the war so I will just have to keep in constant contact with my older two children and hope that she doesn't keep them from me since I have custody of our youngest son. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I was a great hearing and a great win for fathers our there that are the BS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I had a great judge and I was informed by him that in our state and county that it is very rare that I father is awarded the children. I would like to recommend that if you do plan on getting custody of your children by a book called Fathers’ Rights by Jeffery M. Leving. I was one of the things that helped me win this first battle for custody. Just make sure you read it cover to cover and follow and use it like a bible. I will give you an overview of what I was awarded today because I followed it.

1. I have temporary custody of our son.
2. she was awarded
a. visitation to him every other weekend with stipulations
i. she is not allowed to talk to the children about the living arrangements
ii. and I also recommended to the court witch the judge like was that she be allowed to have him a two days a week from 4:30 pm to 7:30 pm to spend time with her. I have always been an advocate of the children spending quality time with both parents.
iii. And the biggest one is that when she does have our son that she will not be able to have anyone of the opposite sex there with them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> (Basically saying that the OP is not allowed anywhere near our son and if she wants our son to spend the night he will have to stay somewhere else for those nights. And she did inform me that as of the 3rd of next month he will be moving out of the condo <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)
3. She also has been letting the OP drive our second car and I took her off of our insurance for the car and told her if she wanted to drive it she would have to get her own insurance. In her counter petition to the court asking for me to pay for all of the insurance, but after I informed the judge why I took her off the insurance we came to a agreement that I would pay for the insurance for the car but she is required not to let the OP drive it or she would be in contempt of court. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
4. there are others but those were the biggest ones that I felt were a big win but the judge did inform her that
a. I had put in the case that there are two other children involved in this situation and he told her and my lawyer that if they were also heard in this case he would have awarded me all three children. To bad that we didn’t have enough time to research our case for there custody. And that it was great for our children to have a father like me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
5. I also asked the judge to put a gag order on my WW on telling my son about the court case until we took him to his counselor to get her advice on what would be the best way to explain all of this to a 8 year old.

I should be happy for my win today but I my mind I feel that I lost more today than gained. My reasoning on that is that now I have won custody of my son my WW will and already have been retaliated against me by my WW with her withholding the other two children from me and will talk to the children when I’m not around and make me look like the bad person in their eyes. The only advantage I have right now is that the children's counselor is in my side and I had a chance to talk to her before she met with our children and explained everything that happened and my fears so she spent the whole time with the children talking about what happened and how dad really feels for the kids so I just hope it helps them recover sooner because I already know in one of my child’s eyes my wife has made me look like the bad person by taking our son and not letting him live with them. I do believe over time he will know and understand why I did what I did. Time will only tell.

Tomorrow will is a new day and we shouldn’t dwell on the past I just hope the old two children and my WW will remember that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

t

You are a good man. Reading your story gives me hope. So many men walk away from their biological children, let alone their step children.

I hope you are able to spend time with your older kids. Let them know that you care for them.

Your wife made a TERRIBLE mistake, and I'm sure the affair will soon end. Hang in there.