You are in my thoughts and prayers!

I am the FWW in our situation. You wrote to my husband Pete in the summer of 2004, shortly after d-day. We legally separated, and were physically separated for a year. He was in Virginia, I was in California. We are currently living in Okinawa, Japan. Moving overseas has been a "gift" from God. We are preparing for a 9 month deployment to Afganistan, ant it will no doubt be the biggest step in our 2 year recovery.

WOW MORTAR you are the example to all BS's that records are ESSENTIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep those records.

The only records I can keep are the ones where he's not giving me a dime in child support, and the time I felt sorry for him and paid his electric bill (I have proof of that on my bank records).

Keep fighting the good fight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

I am so glad to hear this. Good luck to both of you and concentrate on the Lord. I understand deployments. It will be over before you know it. Both of you stay strong and keep doing all of the things you have in order to move forward from here.

Standing in His presence

Records were key!!! I will go into that more later on in another post. But suffice it to say, without records, my wife would have run right over me with her lies and mischaracterizations.

Standing in His Presence

Before I tell you the verdict, I forgot to mention some things in the trial. First off, there were more records that helped me there. The first was the financial breakdown that I had. I could show where EVERY dime went. I had been keeping meticulous records since November, with less meticulous records before that. So, when her attorney and her stated that I had not provided, it was easy to prove wrong...backed up by the bank records. You cant do this overnight. You cant play catch-up, either. You must record everything as it happens. I was able to show not only what I paid directly to my wife to help with household bills, but also where I spent everything else. The other household bills that I was paying directly.

She had no counter-argument because she could not refute my records, and had no corresponding record system herself.

Secondly, I had a log (or journal). Daily, I would record the happenings of the day before. What happened with the kids. What my wife said. The days events. Once we separated, I kept a log on when we had the kids.

Now, she had her day planner...but it was obvious that she had gone in there and recorded when we had the kids after the fact. her attorney, while she was o nthe stand, had her list the days she had the kids. She went thru it, and it made it look like she had them like 26 days or something, with me havign somewhere around 14. Not true.

When I was on the stand, I read from my journal. My journal showed that we had them evenly, with 19 days for each one of them. When I proved that one of her dates in her book was wrong (because she had referenced another event when she stated she picked up the kids...but that event happened on a different day), the judge then could accept the veracity of my calendar and dismiss hers. It is one of the reasons that he came up with the custody solution he did. This was VERY key folks!

example: She stated on one question on the stand that when I got custody before, that I had left the kids with her for 16 days. I was laughing. Really. what the heck was she talking about? we had gone to court Dec 13, 2004. Sixteen days later was Dec 29. She was stating that I hadnt seen my kids for Christmas. Hah! I had my journal from back then too. Reality: I had let her have the kids for 6 days straight, right after court, because she was devastated from losing custody. I had done so out of kindness. I was repaid with her lying on the stand.

The last thing I wanted to mention before I give you the verdict and after...is that the opening arguments by the attorneys were telling. Mark wanted to concentrate on me not providing...and my wife workign hard, albeit with a very bad back. He totally concentrated o nthe financial end of the deal. And when we proved most of his ascertains wrong, there went his case also.

Jon, my attorney, concentrated first on me as a father. A guy who had suffered at the hands of his wife's betrayals...but still endeavered to save the family. Even after getting custody before. He showed the lack of care and concern by my wife, as she shipped them off to her mothers for 3 months so she could go to school and carry on adultery. He showed her leaving twice more, once for 8 months...with her barely seeing the kids. He showed me consistently providing for my wife to be able to come back and try to reconcile, only for her to fly off the handle again. That it was all about her.

Okay, now to the verdict and the aftermath...

Standing in His Presence

Geesh! This is like a soap opera where you anxiously wait for the next days episode. Type faster, type faster. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'm glad that things worked out so well for you.

HU2006

This is the first time I have read this thread. My hat's off to you MM, you have handled yourself extremely well. Anyone who has a WS that is trying to "rail road" them should read your story.

Now, I'm on the edge of my seat too!!! Can't wait to see the "verdict" post!

The verdict

We sat outside for probably 20 minutes. The kids came up (the boys had been outside, hanging out with my MIL and my mother). My youngest sat right next to me. I was mostly silent, and he just sat there...watching me. My oldest was nervous, so he kinda paced back and forth between me and my wife down the hall.

I sat most of that 20 minutes with my head in my hands...praying. I kept getting thoughts in my head ("You should have said this or that""You arent going to win""That judge is goingto hammer you"). I knew this was just more attacks. In the meantime, my boys are trying to talk to me. So, I got my mother to occupy them, while I sat alone and prayed. Prayign over and over again "No. That aint how it is going to go down. I refuse to accept those thoughts. Your will, Lord."

Then the deputy came out and ushered us in. The boys stayed in the hallway, and our two mothers came in to hear the verdict. As I walked in, I just kept saying over and over under my breath "Your will, Your will..."

We sat down again and I am now deep in prayer. I cannot even hear what is going on. The judge is talking to the attorneys about something. I have no idea.

But then he goes to the verdict. He has typed up the verdict, and reads directly from it. He provides us a copy right after. And here is what it says exactly:


Next...the aftermath of the verdict.

Standing in His Presence

nice!

After the verdict, we headed for the door. My mother, who was seated behind me, overheard my wife telling her attorney "Thank you...we won." As I will go into later, she will chaneg that statement just a day later, because she has yet to fully understand what the judge ordered.

I walked out into the hall. My youngest came up, fearful, and asked "who won, Dad?" I told him "No one. But it is going to be alright now." I told both boys to go ahead with their Mom as I had to head over to my attorney's office to go over things. And that I would see them the next day.

My attorney and I left. My Mom asked me to lunch, so I told her to come over to my attorney's office and we would go after we were done.

At my attorney's office, we went over the specifics. While I didnt get the primary custody and her paying me $1200 a month as before, the time I have with the kids is the same or even better, since it is specifically outlined by the court (last time, it gave liberal visitation to my wife...which would mean her constantly bickering about what that meant!).

Also, the child support I am paying right now had to do (I saw the worksheet the judge used) with the fact that I am not paying a mortgage or rent right now...as we stay at my mothers and we get a place (since my wife sprung this on us at the last minute). Once I have a mortgage or rent, as well as her having a few months making what she is making now...then those numbers will change. She may even have to pay me!

After I left the attorney's office, I called Mr. Wondering to tell him the news and have him update you all. I then went to have a steak!

All in all, everything turned out well. But it hasnt for my wife.

The next day, after telling everyone "I won! I get the kids most of the time and he pays me child support," she found out something wasnt right. And in the process, broke one of the rules of the order.

The next day, I came to pick up the kids. While I was loading their stuff in the car, she came out and engaged me in talk about what their schedule was for the weekened, etc. I will go into why she was asking that in a minute!

I give her the dates and times of the upcoming events. She then begins discussing the verdict and that she will get me the request for the fifth weekend for her to get them. I said "Mrs. MM, that isnt what it says. But we cannot discuss this right now as the kids are right here. Read it again." What it says is that if there is a fifth weekend in the month, as outlined by a fifth Friday, then she can send me a letter NLT 21 days in advance and get that weekend. There is only a couple this year (with Dec, and that is already taken care of with the Christmas break stuff), and that was June, Sept and March. march is also a problem for her, as that is the kids' Spring Break, which goes to me. So, she only gets two weekends this year.

Anyway, she starts getting agitated, asking me if I would go ahead and give her the check for the $450 that was due saturday. I told her that I hadnt been paid yet and wasnt going to be until the next day. She said "Well, I'm not going right out and cashing it." I told her "How do I know that? I cant trust that." She was wide eyed that I wouldnt trust her not to cash it until Friday. I ended up giving to her on Saturday at the kids' swimming event.

So, she is now agitated and talking about this stuff non-stop in front of the kids. I keep repeating that we cannot do this, and that she can call me later and we can discuss it. She then mentions somethign about her winning and getting most of the time with them. She states she gets 183 days and I get 182. I again tell her to stop, and that she needs to read the order again. That the part she is refering to is for child support, not custody.

She huffs off, saying "we will see about that. This is gonna change."

So, the kids and I mount up and begin to drive. Thirty seconds later, my wife calls and says "It says right here that I get 183 days and you get 182." I told her to again read the entire order, and contact her attorney if she didnt understand it. That I had the kids next to me and could not discuss it then.

One more event. Last night she calsl the kids to say goodnight. She then wants to talk to me. I tell the kids to leave the room and then get on the phone. She says "I will get you the info concerning the 5th weekend and the one week vacation by tomorrow, after I see my attorney to explain thsi order to me. I am still a little foggy on what it says. I think it says that I get them every 5th weekend." Yes folks, she used the word "foggy!"

I told her "Great. I need to know when that vacation week is. But on the 5th weekend thing, it specifically states that this is the 5th weekend of a month, as defined by the 5th Friday. If there is no 5th Friday in the month, there is no 5th weekend."

Again, she was POed. She stated that she would talk to her attorney the next day and get the truth. I told her that I understood that she didnt understand. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So, that's it! Oh, one mroe thing. I told you she has been askign questions about when the kids events are. My wife has showed some increased interest in their events prior to court. She always does right before court. She now is showing increased interest in calling them at night, as well as showing up to their events and being involved.

I dont believe that will last! As soon as this wears off, that she realizes this has to keep up for years...she wont be able to keep up. Especially when a man in her life is demanding time from her. She is doign it now so she might jockey for a better position with the court when we do the final order. But, unlike her, I dont do these things with the kids because of court or because of her. I have always done them with the kids...it is what I enjoy doing. I dont want to do other things. I really dont! And when there comes a woman in my life one day, she will understand that and support that. Or she wont be around!!

If she ends up with the Troll, he aint gonna like playing second fiddle with my kids. He will like this court arrangement, as the kids will be gone most of the time. She has them durign school days. She will be available to him on weekends, when she isnt working. He will have the best of all worlds. Kids gone most of the time. A woman that makes a lot of money. One that will be there when he needs her. But is gone a lot working, so he can go do stuff on his own. what's not to like? Of course, that means he also isnt seeign his girls in Florida. but he really doesnt care about that anyway. He'll see them at Christmas!

My wife thought she won. And in a way, she did if you are jsut countign the score. She is ahead off the last verdict by $1500. She doesnt have the stigma of having custody go to the father again...this time it is shared custody.

But the shared custody goes primarily to me. I get almost every weekend. I get 4 days a week. I get Spring Break. All in all, I am satisfied.

As I told my youngest, no one won! Everyone lost. But there was nothing more I could do, folks...when a wife wants to run from God and seek life in her own image. She is in for a rude awakening, especially if her back goes out and she cannot work. And it will be all her fault!

In the meantime, I move forward and I am being aggressive with my plans for the future. I will go into more of that at a later time.

But for now, that is what happened. And if anyone has any questiosn or wants to open a discussion, just let me know.

Standing in His Presence

I like it too, Pep!!

Standing in His Presence

Thanks FamilyFirst!

Standing in His Presence

Typed as fast as I could!! Thanks for the post!

Standing in His Presence

Oh, one more thing...

Since this is a fault state, I could be divorced in a about a month. But, for reasons I cant put in open forum right now, we have decided to wait the year of separation for the uncontested divorce. I am in no hurry! I dont need to get married by fall. So, since I have cause but refuse to use it right now, we will just stay this way until next June.

[Standing in His Presence[/b]

You're a good man, MM.

-ol' 2long

Thanks 2Long!

Standing in His presence

MM-

Sounds to me like you went about this like you would have carried out any other mission...with style and clear goal in mind!

I like how the first thing that happened was the original deal was thrown out the window!

What's Muphy's First Law as applied to combat?

"The first casualty in every initial contact with the enemy is...THE BATTLE PLAN!"

Which is why having other plans already established and prepared are important, and never losing sight of the goal.

Great job MM!

Thanks Owl. That is exactly right! Which is why I chose the attorney I did. He makes an okay battle plan. it gets things moving. But he is brilliant in seeing where the battle is headed once the action starts. He sees weaknesses. He sees the intentions of the "enemy." He reacts well.

It is what we call in the military as a Frago. we first get the operations Order (OPORD) before the mission. You try to plan everything and rehearse everything. But as you said Owl, Murphy's Law of Combat comes in. So, as the battle rages, you issue fragmentation orders (Fragos). They are changes to the OPORD as you go along.

It is why her attorneys (both times) came in with their plans, but never seemed to react in changes to the battlefield. They kept fighting a battle that had changed. Their enemy was no longer there. Their plan was no longer working.

I have no doubt that the prayers for blinding the enemy helped with that. Hard to react when you dont have intel!

Yeah, I have always had plans. Many of them. Tried to be prepared for every eventuality that I could think of. But in the end, once the battle starts, you just have to trust God, trust your men, and trust yourself. As FH told me earlier when I asked about making deals...he said that it really has to be made at the time...on the ground.

And as it was happening, I could feel the Holy Spirit over my shoulder, gently pointing out the right way. The right way became clear...as JustLearning is always pointing out.

Thanks Owl!

Standing in His presence

MM, good choice here. Because Divorces are a matter of public record (in NY anyway) no one needs to know "why".

I am quite glad to hear of this outcome. Your children have a good man for a father. I wish you nothing but the best as you heal from this. Stay strong....

(((((Mortarman)))))

If you'll pardon a little bad grammar....

Ya done good son!!!

May God continue to provide you with His wisdom and to protect your children. May God touch you wife's heart over the next year and lead her back.

God bless.