Well, folks...we finished the deposition today. It was crazy. Her attorney is a low life. Wanted to hang out asking questions about our sex life.

Anyway, court is Wednesday morning. I will need all of your prayers, as this will be a battle.

We know what her attorney will try to do now. Paint me into a corner as either scarey, or not wanting sex with my wife (as if that was the problem...lol!!! He actually tried to put our lack of sex on me and not being able to perform. folks, that has NEVER happened! Been some times where things needed to get warmed up...but never have I not finished the job, if you know what I mean). He is gonna try to pain me as a guy that would rather watch porno than be with my wife. Again, that is silly!

He is gonna try to paint me as not supporting my kids and family. That is even though she is the one that left, she is the one that wouldnt work on the finances, nor the marriage.

And more...

So, basically, he will take what few "facts" he has and try to spin me into someone I am not. The interesting thing is if the judge will fall for his mischaracterizations and lies. I pray that he does see the truth!!

I am far from perfect and have made my share of mistakes. But I have committed myself to my God, to repentence and to healing my family and marriage.

Mrs. Mortarman has never done so!

So, I pray that the Enemy does not prevail here. That I stand before this judge a humble man and that I do so only to do what is right for my kids. I pray that the judge will have discernment and will be led by the Lord to the truth. I pray that the Lord's name will not be besmirched by Satan winning on Wednesday and Mrs. Mortarman getting custody.

I pray that my attempt towards reconciliation will not turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life, one where my children will have to pay for a long, long time.

Folks, it is truly out of my hands now. And I can hear the Enemy trying to sow seeds of doubt in my mind. The attack is fierce tonight. Satan keeps bringing up what it will be like for me and the kids if my wife should get custody. It is overwhelming. This is the final battle. And EVERYTHING is at stake!

My entire future. My kids' future. All hang in the balance. I cannot fathom how she can get custody...how any sane person would allow that!

I say this prayer in order to admit that being this close to the edge is scary! "Lord, please help me with my unbelief. Please help me with my doubts. Please help me to stand...to know that You are the One...that it is Your decision here. Please dont let my children end up learning all the wrong things from these past four years. That selfishness works. That greed works. Lord, I ask you to watch over my kids and to protect them from this. That it be YOUR will be done."

Folks, I am out of ammo...and out of time! What will Thursday morning look like? Will everything I love and have worked so hard for be gone...a reward to a person who has actively tried to destroy me?

Life with the kids with her and OM and her calling the shots will be unbearable. This just cannot happen! It cant. everything...everything is now riding on this verdict.

In His arms.

MM,

Extra prayers going up for favor for you and protection for the kids during the next few days. Also for peace and a calm spirit.

Bless you.

S&C

Mortarman, I wish I could give you a real, great big hug..

((((( MM )))))

When I awake Wednesday morning, I will get on my knees and pray for you and your children.

Bless you, carnation

Oh Mortar-

I'm in tears here.....I can't believe this, I'm so sorry.

This is the first I've heard of this.

Oh Mortar, I will pray for you, you have always been my rock, I care about you and your family very much, you've always been such a wonderful asset to this board.

I'm so, so sorry.

God Bless You,

-Caren

God Bless, Mortarman! I will leave you with this scripture:

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Praying for you, your wife, the kids, the attorneys, and the judge, MM.

In contrast..

Nothing is riding on this verdict.

Something to think about.

S&C,

Thank you. It is hard not being able to do anymore. Not being able to affect the battle. And of course, not knowing the outcome. I want a "weapon"...I want to join the Lord in this fight. If I am going down, I want to go down fighting.

But I feel that I am sidelined. That my entire life is now dependent on a lot of other people...and I am on the sideline.

I want to fight. And feel instead that I am stuck out of the battle...powerless. I know I have the power thru the Lord...but I dont want to sit this one out.

I want a mission...I want the fight. How in the world do I just sit by and let others decide my fate? And the fate and future of my children?

In His arms.

Thank you. I will need as many people on their knees as I can get.

Including myself.

In His arms.

(((MM)))

I never posted to you before but the spirit lead me to do so, to remind you that:

GOD IS IN CONTROL

I will be praying for you and the kids

God Bless
Pepsi

Thank you Caren for the prayers. But I want you to know that as I have always been happy to be there for you...please remember, I am not your rock. There is One that is your Rock!! And He will see you thru your own trials that you are going thru. He has the strength to handle both of our problems. I am but a man!

Thans again...and I continue to pray for your sitch!.

In His arms.

I appreciate this, ML. And I do know this. I know my doubt is from the Enemy. And that doubt is sin. I need to stand against this.

In His arms.

NBII...THANK YOU!!

In His arms.

My prayers go out to you and your family.....

MM

i must have confused your story with someone elses...i thought you and your wife were reconciled

i'm sorry that you're facing this battle

Mortorman,

My prayers are also with you.

I know the fear, the questions, the feeling of knowing you can not do a thing to change the eventual outcome. It's terrifying when it's your childrens future at stake.

I came across this today. It's written on a wall hanging a very dear person gave me while going through the A nonsense.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart & lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths." - Proverbs 3:5 - 6

My XH and I had a stalemate at our first court hearing regarding the custody of the children. The court had us keep the same plans we had which kept them with him and his OW/wife most of the time. I was devestated.

I cam back to this passage and prayed on it. I held on to "he will direct your paths" like a lifeline.

In the end I won custody but it was a huge test of my faith and my endurance.

You and your family will be in my prayers each day. I have faith that the judge will see through all the lies and deceit.

Keep your head high and your faith strong.

FIM

Noodle,

Thank you for this. My good friend who just became a pastor just called and prayed with me a few minutes ago. He sent me Psalm 37 to pray over, which I will post below. He said "MM, He has been there before for you. He will be there again. All is not lost Wednesday, no matter which way it goes. He has won. You are His. He has made promises. He always keeps His promises!"

I just need to get to this!


In His arms.

Thank you. And it does hearten me to know and see the Spirit moving. Thank you for listening to Him!

In His arms.

Thanks Barking!

In His arms.

No confusion EAV! My wife didnt stay in recovery. She didnt make the effort to make it work. And now here we are. Unfortunately.

In His arms.

Thank you FIM!

In His arms.

i'm sorry mortarman

my H and i attempted recovery for 8 months before he left....long before i found this website

neither one of us did the right things...we didn't know how to heal

is there no more chance for the two of you to work things out?

MM,
I apologize for I, too, thought you were in recovery. I appreciate your threads on the roles of husbands and wives. You have an incredible view and understanding on marriage and love. It's so unfortunate that your wife didn't share same.

God has blessed you. Your postings have impacted many lives and many relationships. It is unfortunate that you have experienced such pain, but through the pain, God is using you. Not easy to remember when you are in this situation.

Please remember that God is with you. Remember the poem "Footprints". God has you in His arms. Feel his grace. Feel his love. Gain strength from His presence in your life. He will see you through.

You remain in my prayers.

SS

One thing to remember as you say your prayers - for your children's sake - that they were His before they were yours. He loves them. He wants them raised in light. Let's pray that the judge is faithful and filled with that same light!

MM,

I will be where you are in about 7 weeks and know exactly how you are feeling. My WW is still as crazy and addicted as the day I found out about her A with a lunatic, Sex addict, OCD, serial cheater, etc.

Know from someone who will be watching and making a special effort to pray for you and your children that are being thought of an lifted up!

God Bless you and your children...

MM,

I am praying for you as I am facing the beginning of the struggle that you are facing the end of. Your words of truth have inspired me and I believe that God is greater than anything we face here. His will be done.

Thank you for your husbands and wives roles thread. It has been invaluable for me to understand what I need to be doing in my marriage to achieve recovery. Thanks for the inspiration always - you and your family are in my prayers.

All I am and will become in Him,

MM, you're in my thoughts and prayers tonight. Find peace, rather than fight. You are in Good Hands.

MM

for all the loving advice you have given and all the difference that you have made to others in need.....you deserve a loving gift from God

i hope that you get it soon

MM... you said you were out of ammo...not so...you have hired your "ammo" in the form of a qualified attorney with whom you have shared both your saga and your faith.

Let your faith in God, and your faith in your attorney carry you through this mighty battle. One does not have to swing a sword or pull a trigger to be a soldier in the Lord's army.

Peace and grace for you,
SD

MM,

Steady as she goes mister. You will make the best of the situation NO MATTER what it turns out to be. I think you are strong enough to handle anything. I always hope for our judicial system if not faith in it.

God Bless,

JL

Be true to yourself ... you have already won!

Pep

MM -
I will be praying for you, brother. You have guided me, like so many others here, through this Helll. I appreciate your guidance, and now I will be on my knees for you.

You and Bob helped me believe that justice belongs to God. What an awesome feeling - to know that God is just! What could I possibly do!?!? If GOD HIMSELF is taking care of the vengeance part - I can rest knowing that it is IN HIS ARMS. He has given me PEACE that even bewilders those that are close to me.

I do not know if that makes sense, or helps. But it sure gave me peace when you and Bob and others helped me to understand it.

This warrior is on his knees for you.

In his arms, for sure.

far

God's blessings on you and your children, MM.

You are in my prayers!

My dear MM,

Your future may seem shakey but your faith isn't. Trust where the stablility lies in your life.

Know that it will seem the evil will win but in the end it never does. Never.

Sending you hugz and support from the middle of the deep blue.

Orchid.

There was a man who was asleep one night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man He had a work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture placing thoughts into the man's mind such as; "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it? etc."

Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.

These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man even more. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum of effort and that will be good enough." And that he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of Prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.

"Lord" he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock a half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"

To this the Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when long ago I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me, your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard.

Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock.

BUT YOUR CALLING WAS TO BE OBEDIENT, TO PUSH AND TO EXERCISE YOUR FAITH AND TRUST IN MY WISDOM. This you have done. I, my faithful servant, will now move the rock."

Feel your strength, O citizen of heaven and rejoice.

MM,

You have never been on the sidelines. Your weapon of choice is used for pulling down strongholds (2 Cor. 10:3-4) and once your battle is in the hands of other, it becomes more of a spiritual war than ever.

Your fight is now in trenches, your weapon is your knees. Because it is when you are on you knees that God dispatches His messengers.

2 Kings 6:16-18

16 "Don't be afraid!" Elisha told him. "For there are more on our side than on theirs!" 17 Then Elisha prayed, "O LORD, open his eyes and let him see!" The LORD opened his servant's eyes, and when he looked up, he saw that the hillside around Elisha was filled with horses and chariots of fire.

18 As the Aramean army advanced toward them, Elisha prayed, "O LORD, please make them blind." And the LORD did as Elisha asked.

You are well armed my friend.

S&C

(((((Mortarman)))))

I hear your "human side," and the attempt by Satan to sow seads of doubt and discouragement. I hear your "wish" for the outcome loud and clear.

If I may, as with Job and with Jesus, neither "wanted" to go through the loss of family nor the loss of life, but in each case they "clung" to their "spritual side" and their trust in the one who is stronger than Satan. The "battle" for the spritual side is strong because the "flesh" IS weak. Let me "loan" you Philippians 4:13, Romans 8:28, and Isaiah 35:3-10 in this time of trial to strengthen your spirit and uphold your flesh. God IS in control. He IS our refuge. NOTHING happens without God allowing it to happen in his omniscience.

Know, too, that many are praying for you, your children, and for your wife during this time, that the Lord's will be done in your lives.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." (1Peter 5:10-11 NIV)

God bless and hold you in the palm of his hand.

The passage in Ephesians says, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints,” Ephesians 6:11-18.

I've never posted to you but have followed your threads and benefited from your kind offerings of wisdom and experience.

Prayers to all involved...you are loved and blessed, do not despair, you are not alone.

MM, you and your family are in my prayers too.

I am new to this site, but I wanted to pass along my hopes and prayers for you along with all of the others here. I know I'm both new and really in no place to give advice, but I have always found strength in 2 phrases that I grew up with in church.

1. God will NEVER give you more than he knows you can handle.

2. That which does not kill me, only makes me stronger.

I hope these simple words can be of even the smallest comfort to you. All the best from a brother in arms.

MM,

To me you are the man that I know here from your typewritten words, views, expressions....

Too bad you can't print out everything you have ever typed out here and hand that to the Judge along with the rest of your lawyer's case work.

I believe that would speak volumes.

Anyway, I do wish you the BEST of blessings and hope that you prevail in every way at your hearing.

Plank.

St. Theresa's Prayer:

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....

May you be content knowing you are a child of God....

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

ARK^^

All things are possible, I guess? But right now, it is not even on the radar. My wife is intent on destroying me.

In His arms.

SoulSurvivor...thanks!

In His arms.

Mortar-

I would like to explain my "Rock" comment on my previous post.

I am very aware that Jesus is my rock, but I have always felt that God was leading me to your wisdom. You are a very wise man, and I believe the Lord speaks through you....you have never steered me wrong.

I know that throughout the Bible good people are put through trials, perhaps to test their faith, I believe this is probably the case with you. But you are strong in your relationship with God, and he will bring you through this.

I have always thought that Mrs.Mortarman was a very lucky woman to have such a strong spiritual leader for a husband, I can't believe she is throwing that away.

You are a good man, and those are a rarity.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I know the Lord will bring you through this, and that he has great plans for you.

In God's Love,

-Caren

KaylaAndy,

Thanks. I remember a few years ago, in the beginning of this mess, someone asked me "do I trust God with my kids?" And the answer at the time was "no." Because I had left on deployment and had prayed continually that he protect my wife and family. But as soon as I was gone, the Evil One entered my home. And destroyed it.

So, for the longest time, I was angry with God for allowing this...for not protecting them. It took me a long time to get past that.

And so, I do have to remember that He does indeed love them more than I do. It is hard to let go when I see them being sucked into this mess. After what their own mother has done to them...it is hard for me to trust anyone with them.

But you are right...they are His!

In His arms.

SD...thanks! It is so against my infantryman's nature to not be swinging something!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> It is very hard for me to be patient and/or be still.

In His arms.

I pray that yours will have a better ending. Thanks again.

In His arms.

Peace. Just for awhile, I would love that.

In His arms.

Thanks! I would love something from Him at this time. Not because I deserve it. But just because I am His.

In His arms.

Thanks again, SD. After fighting for so long, it is hard to just sit. It is all I know now.

In His arms.

Thanks JL. I am trying to remain steady. It is hard with artillery raining down around you. Hard to hear...hard to think. I just need some quiet...just a few hours to catch my breath. But satan is not letting up. He is increasing his attack. I could go on and on with the things that have happened just in the last 12 hours. You folks would not believe it. The next 24 probably will be filled with even more.

Just an hour of quiet. Of the doubts out of my head. Of the visions of what might be out of my head. I just need time to reload.

In His arms.

Thanks Pep. I know the end is assured. I know the Evil One has already lost.

I know my kids will always know what I have done for them. I know that I did the right thing, no matter what happens.

It is just not acceptable for her to get custody after all she has done to them. It is not a viable outcome.

In His arms.

Thanks Far...I do know that justice and vengeance belong to Him. And I dont even seek myself being an agent of that vengeance anymore. I have been well past that for awhile. But I do want to see it happen. I want to see justice come to those that are destroying my kids and me...or at least attempting to. I want to see justice come to those that believe that it is okay for me and the kids to be apart.

In His arms.

Thank you Faithful!

In His arms.

And I do appreciate it. Thanks UVA!

In His arms.

Thanks Orchid! It has been a long battle. I am tired.

In His arms.

FF...this puts it all in perspective. Thanks!

In His arms.

MM,

I am praying for you...don't know how the Big Guy intends to handle this, but I do believe that, when an earthly judge hears your story and how your WW messed around on you while you were defending all of us and our way of life as Americans, he will be none too pleased....

Biggest hugs and prayers your way,

BB

Thanks S&C! The battle has raged so intensely lately, that I am no longer on my knees. Last night, for the first time since I can even remember, I lay prostrate before the Lord. And everything just spilled out. It was actually a little unnerving, I have to admit.

My pastor sunday suggested that I do so. To get alone with the Lord...and just lay completely out. Give up all control, all effort. Show in my actions that I am willing to not hold onto one single thing.

I have never done that before. Never laid myself before the Lord like that before. I have always come to Him, taking a knee, listening...trying to obey.

This was different! So NOT natural for me. I lay there for about 15 minutes, saying "well, I'm down here...and the carpet definitely needs to be cleaned as my face is smashed into it and it smells." But I continued to lay there. And all eventually came flooding out.

Now that I think about it...the funny thing was that while I was there...it was quiet. For the first time in weeks, it was quiet. Once it all came flooding out, it just got quiet.

I think I know where I will be tonight.

In His arms.

FH, I had almost forgotten about Job. Thanks for the reminder!

You know, I was told one time that if the Master suffered these things, then why not the servant? I think back to the "Passion fo Christ" movie. Of that depiction of Jesus in the Garden. Of Him prostrate on the ground, in deep anguish...asking the Father to pass the cup from Him. And satan in the background...taunting Him, tempting Him.

I cant believe how much more I understand of what Jesus went thru for me.

Of course, Jesus went on to say "nevertheless, let Your will be done." And while it is hard to let go like that, I know inside that I really do want His will done...not mine!

In His arms.

Thanks 2Much. This is the battle call of all soldiers. In the Army, it is what we call Prep for Combat. It is what I need to do now. Thanks again for the reminder.

In His arms.

Thank you FinallyLearning!

In His arms.

Continued prayers in behalf of your family.

SS

Soldier...thank you. I will look in on your sitch once mine has stabilized. Right now, I am a little engaged with the enemy!!

It's always good as a soldier to know that you are never alone, even when no one is around. We never leave a man behind!

Thanks again.

In His arms.

Plank...I wish all that know me could be there. I pray the judge can see the truth, in the midst of the lies that her attorney will spread. His mischaracterizations. I wish for justice.

Thanks again.

In His arms.

Thank you Ark!!!!

In His arms.

Thank you Caren! My sister.

In His arms.

BB...that is all I ask. The truth. Justice. Thanks!!

In His arms.

Thanks SS!! They are needed.

In His arms.

((( Mortarman )))

I have just read where you have replied to each and everyone who has written to you.

What a very kind man you are.

God WILL reward you !!!

Oh by the way ~ this is breaking my heart. I will be waiting for the Good Word tomorrow when this battle is over with.

Mortarman, I know you can feel the envelope of love from everyone here.

Carnation

(((MORTARMAN)))

My Brother...I give you this today in our ongoing FIGHT to deliver us from EVIL...

Finally be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the FULL ARMOR OF GOD, so that when the day comes you will be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of TRUTH buckled around your waist, and with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of FAITH, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one....With this in mind, BE ALERT and always keep on praying for all the saints. Ephesians 6: 10-18


"fervently" praying for you and your family...

That I can. It is as if satan is still attacking, but unlike before, his attacks are less effectual. In some ways, he seems confused. Almost blindly firing at me right now. Before, it was one barrage after another. Today? He hits me at times...but I see a lot fo near misses.

I have no doubt it is because of all of the prayers. I have no doubt that right now, in the spiritual realm, there are angels from Heaven delivering Shock and Awe on the evil ones.

I am hunkered down in my fox hole!! Calling in fire. And as a mortarman i nthe Army, I knwo what it is like to get that call from some lone kid out there...scared, alone and overwhelmed. And we tell the kid to "hang in there...help is on the way." And in a minute or so, he hears the help come.

And a minute later? He stands...his position secure.

This is no different folks!!

In His arms.

All I can add are my prayers for you and your family. ((((((((((((((((((((MM)))))))))))))))))))))))

Let's all cry out to God for our friend, brother, guide at this moment.

That the judge will see the truth, and rule accordingly.

on my knees.

far

Ooops...

I didn't know someone else had already quoted Ephesians...

Yes, it is our BATTLE CRY...

Yes, we are all crying out to the Lord..who will not ever leave you or forsake you...

praying for ya.....be encouraged.

Wonderful Counsellor, hear my prayer.

Lord God, my brother mortarman is under attack, so that means we ALL are under attack. Stand him firm, Holy Lord I pray, and set a hedge of angels around him against this present darkness.

King of Kings, I pray that you use our prayers to confuse and enfeeble the dark forces at work amongst his wife's supporters, that their spiritual "dirty bombs" will fizzle to naught against YOUR righteousness.

Wonderful Counsellor, place in Mortarman's mouth YOUR words; strengthen his arm with YOUR might, guide his actions to YOUR plan and Lord deliver unto him YOUR peace that surpasses all understanding.

Lord God , let a stronghold of evil be pulled down and destroyed utterly on Wednesday, and that his WWs every thought be bought into captivity of Jesus.

I pray that Wednesday and Mortarman's situation be a resounding glorious testament to you Lord and your faithfulness to us. Let evil be humbled on that day and YOUR justice be done.

I pray this as a poor sinner, saved by grace

Amen

Is there any possibility of countering her arguments with her coming back to the marriage feigning reconciliation only to try to get custody back from you? I know you don't want to play dirty...but isn't that essentially what she has done since she seemed to never have ended her A?

MM -

I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Hang in there - God has a plan, and He will work it out, and you and your kids are a part of that.

Satan is on the hunt for you - every soul he takes from God hurts God, and that's his whole mission in life. It's not even about you or me - it's about hurting the Creator. We as individuals matter to God - we're just a body count to Satan in his battle with God. In other words, we matter little to the fallen one, so don't waste your time letting him undermine your belief and faith. He's not worth it.

Stay strong in your faith, and remember that the outcome is already determined, and the winner has already been announced. Don't let him undermine your confidence in God.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1, NKJV)

You are better armed and equipped for this fight than you might feel right now. To go back to the example you gave, you're the scared kid in an exposed position asking for help - and rest assured that help is on the way, even if you can't see or hear it yet. When it arrives, you'll be ready to carry the fight to the enemy.

Thank you all for the prayers. I am out of time tonight in trying to answer each one, as I am doing some final work for my attorney.

Yes Trix...that is exactly what we will say. And guess what? At 4pm the day before, they assign the judges for the next day's cases. We were hoping to get the same judge as before, as then he would probably not like my wife trying to get around his previous order.

At 4:15pm, I learned that it is indeed the previous judge that has been assigned!

One small step!

Also, we submitted our counter file today. I have asked for FULL legal and physical custody of the children, and child support.

And, I found out that her attorney made an offer today. He told my attorney they are offering a 4-day/three-day schedule (joint custody). Interesting that they are trying to make an offer!

Would love to hear what folks think about that? Safe way out? Or trust in the Lord and go for broke?

In His arms.

Can't you go for broke, but still settle if you have to?

t&l

MM -


I'm no expert, but I'd say continue to trust in the Lord and go for broke. The simple fact that they're already offering what amount's to an out-of-court settlement tells me that they may believe they don't have a strong enough case to get what they're asking for.

As I understand your situation, you have intended to go for full custody all along, just as the first time. Don't give up your pursuit now, unless your attorney believes solidly that you should.

Weigh your options and pray about them. Just because the other side is throwing out a (soiled) white piece of cloth does not mean now is the time to accept their "surrender". Unless there are solid reasons for you to fight for less than full custody, do not accept anything short of an unconditional surrender. There is a time for mercy, and there is a time to press the attack.

Rhetorical questions???

"Just bow down and we won't throw you into the furnace, you meddlesome trio."

"Don't bow down and we'll keep you out of the lion's den Danny boy."

But YOU, brother, are on the front lines and only you have all the intel with which to answer your questions. I know, it's sort of "weaseling" on an answer, but it is the truth.

I am much more confident in your knowledge and your faith in God than I would be in any opinion that I could offer.

So, I'll do the "next best thing." May God grant you the wisdom of Solomon for the sake of His Son and His "bride."

God stengthen and uphold you, today and every day.

God bless.

MM, Once again, my prayers are with you. I do have a question regarding your ensuing custody battle. Is your WW a bad mother or just someone who is basically a good person who's made some horrible decisions in the midst of her A?

If you feel (and your attorney agrees) that you have a good chance of getting primary custody of your children, then go for it! One thing to think about though. Who do you want to decide the fate of your family? The court or can you and your WW come to some agreement that will shield your children from the nightmare of a full blown custody evaluation? They are not only psychologically damaging to your kids but they are VERY costly for both you and your WW.

Don't you think it would be best if you could get in front of a mediator and work out the custody arrangement yourselves rather than leaving it up to the court? Is your WW a drug addict? Has she physically abused you and your children? Other than the fact that she is trapped in a fantasy world of her A, is she a bad mother? Think of those questions, trust me I've been there as our D was humming along. We went to a mediator and worked out our custody arrangement on OUR terms. Sure, I could have put it in the courts hands but I was advised by my attorney, the nediator and several mental health professionals to avoud the evaluation process because the courts STILL favor custody to the mother unless they are raging drug addicts ****** bent on destroying their lives and a danger to themselves and their family.

Keep in mind that in divorce, nobody wins and you know you got a fair shake when you are both equally pissed off about the settlement arrangements.

It's odd that I know more about the D process than I wish and only hope to avoid the D by learning the MB way from folks like yourself.

Again, my prayers go out to you.....

Thanks FH!! I guess that prayer is what I need. And wisdom to know what is the right path tomorrow, should such offers come up. Knowing whether they are God sent...or the enemy just trying to get something...that is the discernment I need!

In His arms.

Thanks Barking! Good questions. Let me answer them individually.


She used to be a great Mom. She is no longer that. She has made poor decisions in regards to them, including the affair and divorce. She cannot be trusted. I wish she could be who she used to be.


Tried to negotiate. She wouldnt go for it. Interesting that they are now offering something.


I wish we could. But unfortunately, she hasnt budged until now. So, we'll see wha tthis offer is tomorrow!


Again, thanks!!

In His arms.

It's dark outside. I've been driving through the countryside for about 45 min. Sunrise woun't be for awhile yet, not until around 6:00 am.

I see a light in the distance. It's bright white stands out against the darkness. It's good to see this light. I drive closer, I can finally make out the source of the light.

It's a small church, near the highway, surrounded by fields. The only light at the church comes from a lit cross, placed high upon its steple.

I smile, it's my reminder to say my prayers to the Lord. I pray and give thanks for all the blessings that the Lord has given me. I pray for my friends whom I've never met that the Lord will guide them in his will and grant them the strength to persurvere.

I remembered to include you this morning MM.

I had been wondering how you were doing. I had not seen your thread for awhile.

I'll remember to say another prayer for you in the morning again. I've got my roadside reminder <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

May you receive GOD's blessing tomorrow. Let us know how things went when you can.

MM - Safe way out? NO. This is a war my friend and you will be victorious and enjoy the spoils. God will not permit the emeny to destroy your children. Go for broke. I am thinking or you and praying for you my friend.

How can good compromise with evil?

So, you say she cannot be trusted. What do you mean by that? Is she an ill fit mother and a danger to your children or is it just that she cannot be trusted to be monogamous... to you. That does not constitute an unfit mother. Just more to think about before your big day tomorrow.

BS

MM, I am praying for you and your children at this moment. I am also praying for your wife...that somehow she sees even a little of the destruction that she is leaving in her wake.

As far as the joint custody offer...could it be that the children are making it known that they want to live with you? I would imagine that they are savvy enough to figure out exactly what their mother, with the help of MiL (who may be talking against you in their presence), is doing...and don't like it at all.

I was glad to read your report today - and will pray for you through to completion of your report tomorrow.

One thought should give you comfort.

Your wife has lived in the light. Once a soul has been in that light, God claims it and the little fantasy the OM has nurtured with your wife has a seed of discontent sown by the Almighty - OM has caused her to abandon all that she once held dear. It will cost her dearly tomorrow no matter the outcome. At some point, she will see the birthright she gave up for a temporary fleeting thing with this evil man and that seed will sprout a conscience...

There have been times I've never expected to see that seed sprout where I could witness it. But when 1 of the fold is lost, Our Savior seeks out that One.

Father, I lift up my brother to you today. I ask that you give him a spirit of peace today and that you will walk ahead of him and provide victory. I pray that your spirit will fill up the court room and confuse the enemy and the opposing attorney. That light will shine on any lies and have them be revealed.

I pray for the protection of the children and MM and a ruling that will give MM full custody. I also pray that his integrity will shine through and every one of his statements and actions will give you glory.

Thank you for the wisdom you give MM and I ask that your blessings fall abundantly upon him.

In the name of Jesus.

Amen

S&C

Folks,

Thank you all. I am up now getting ready to go. "Prep for Combat."

The Lord was good to me last night. Due to all of the prayers, at about 7:30pm last night, the noise stopped and I fell asleep. I did not wake until 3:30am. I got this feeling as if someone was standing guard over me so I could rest. It was needed.

I have come to the point that I am not even praying about the outcome. As Jesus said...Father, let this cup pass. I have also asked this, and it will not pass. I dont want this fight this morning. Never did. But the battle has come to me and I have no choice.

Jesus the went on to say, as I said in a previous post...that nevertheless, let Your will be done. That is my main prayer today.

Again, from myself and my three children, I thank all of you for the support and prayers. This is not done alone!

I have spent a long time resting in the Lord...remaining in His arms. Today, I will stand. They can take all the shots at me they want. I will stand.

The last thing I remembered last night was what Jesus said on the Cross. Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do. My wife and her attorney have no idea what they are doing...how grieved the Lord is.

So, today I ask for justice and for His will be done. But I also ask that the Lord forgive them today that seek to destroy me. As my pastor said, they are not rebelling against or betraying you. They are doing so against the Lord.

Any soldier that says he is not scared before heading into combat is a liar. I am no different! I guess I just need to keep my eyes firmly on Him as I exit the boat.

Anyway, thank you all. Your prayers have made a difference. More than you know.

In His arms.

Barking-



She is a WAYWARD SPOUSE..........they don't think about the welfare of anyone but themselves.

YES Mrs.Mortar does love her kids, but as Mortar has said before she loves herself above all others, right now even above the Lord.

Mortarman is a deeply religious man, and has been raising his kids in the word. He wants his children to grow up right, and his WW divorcing him to be with OM is showing them that evil, and adultery is an okay thing.

So, in my opinion she is indeed and unfit mother.

God Bless,

-Caren

Mortar-

I prayed for you this morning, I prayed for your children. I also prayed that his will be done.

We all know that the Lord works in mysterious ways, I will be anxiously awaiting the results of your day in court.

We all love and respect you very much Mortar and our prayers go with you into that courtroom today.

God Bless You,

-Caren

Mortarman
I got this feeling as if someone was standing guard over me so I could rest.

I occasionally get a 'burden' to pray in a certain way. I payed for a hedge of angels as was my burden. The Lord was faithful !

"Thank you Lord God for setting a hedge of angels around our Brother ! Praise you ! Include his children in that defensive ring that NO evil shall pass this day !"

Amen

MM

A soldiers prayer for a soldier, I said this prayer a few days ago for my DH who is again going to Afghanistan any time now.
I do hope and believe it will help you as it will my DH .....

Friends, we gather in this place ....to pray for our friends, husbands, brothers and sons who today are facing the ultimate test of a soldiers life, battle.
It is sometimes hard, in times like these, to understand God's will. We pray to be granted comfort and acceptance to bear what may be the unbearable.

Let us pray

Our good Lord, grant them to serve thee as thou deservest; to give and not to count the cost; to fight and not to heed the wounds; to toil and not to seek for rest; to labour and not to ask for any reward, save that of knowing that they do thy will; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Unto God‘s gracious mercy and protection we commit them. The Lord bless them and keep them. The Lord make his face to shine upon them, and be gracious unto them. The Lord lift up his countenance upon them, and give them peace, both now and evermore. Amen.

all the best MM

Caren,

I completely agree with you. Trust me, I (like everyone else here) has firsthand experience with this however, from the courts perspective it does not matter if the mom (or dad) is a wayward spouse (unless there is specific case law in that state to the contrary).

Just because the WS is a selfish pig, does not constitute an unfit parent. I'm only trying to point out things from the courts perspective and unless MM's WW is a raging crack addict and a danger to the kids, the primary custodian will more than likely be mom. The best MM should hope for is a 50/50 arrangement spending equal time with the kids.

My prayers are with you MM.....

BS

Not entirely true...

Recent statistics indicate that men more often than not are awarded custody in "contested" cases.

Why? Because of your assumption ("more than likely the mom......"). Men typically don't prosecute and contest cases they can't or don't have a good chance of winning, therefore the statistics. If MM has done his job, like I think he has, Mrs MM could be in trouble today. Not only is a WS committing adultery but in the midst of committing adultery they become selfish, self centered, abandon important things like the children emotionally and physically, they make the OP the object of their full attention, they become obsessed and say and do things that make them look unstable (which they are), they lie, lie, lie, they take on new unsavory habits and friends, ...

My point is that no one simply committs adultery and everyting else in their life is just like it has always been. People who become WS's have to become someone new, reinvent themselves and this new person and their characteristics are not normally suited to be the custodial parent to minor children.

By the way barking..........his state recognizes adultery, whereas states like mine - Ohio - do not.

He won custody of those children before when his wife was having her *A*, and she ended up coming back and trying to work it out.

I don't know what has transpired to make her get back in contact with OM, and chuck her marriage, and hurt her children all over again, but I would hope the judge would weigh these things very carefully.

Mortarman has been a pillar of the MB:GQII community, and I'm sure he's a pillar of his own community. He is a clear headed and good man, and he deserves custody of those children.

I hope that the court sees it that way too.

God Bless,

-Caren

Yep. All true but it's difficult to predict if you will get a judge that sees it that way. The real problem is when you go through a complete custody evaluation. That is where the potential damage to the kids is greatest as the fight can take it's toll the longer it takes. I guess we will see later today after MM has his day in court.

I'm with you and MM all the way here! I only want to point out the possibility of a harsh reality if the Judge doesn't see it this way.

Prayers for you today, and for your children. Also I will hold up the judge in prayer, that justice will reign.

Ditto what Believer said. Prayers for you and yours MM.

I read through a lot of this, MM, and you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

One bit of advice that my attorney gave me jibed with what a whole lot of people around here told me at the same time. "If it feels good, DON'T DO IT."

Seems apropose to me. Would it feel good to go for broke and "win"? Very possible that it would.

Don't go with stuff that'll feed your ego. You've got more important things to consider. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just got off the phone with MM.

He is out enjoying lunch with his mother and is quite elated or I should say relieved with the outcome this morning/afternoon. He will be here later with the full update and to correct/add any details I left off:

Shared Custody:

MM- gets the kids Thursday evening through Monday evening every week (4 full days + the benefit of weekends and 3 day weekends during the school year)

Mrs.MM - Monday evening through Thursday evening every week (3 full days...albeit all school days)

NO cohabitation or overnight guests other than blood relatives until the divorce is final (so OM can't move in).

Divorce won't finalize for about 11 more months unless MM wants to accelerate it based upon adultery.

MM pays $450 back support and only $300 a month continuing support.

All in all...a victory that MM feels very blessed to have been granted.

My thoughts and prayers remain with the Mortarmans family.

Thank God,

Mr. Wondering

Whew!

Please give MM our regards and a support hug....

Awhhhh heck MM.....here's a big {{{{ALOHA 2 U!}}}} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It is a hard battle but you done good!

Will the WS ever see the light of day? Not sure but we know u do! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

(((((MM)))))

Hugs, brother.

Thank you Mr. W for the update on MM court dealings. I just clicked on hoping for good news on this --

And there you were !!

Thank you Lord for continuing to look down on one of our favorites and, I know, one of Your's !!!

Blessings to all, carnation

[color:"red"] WHOOPIE*********

this is really great news!

Thank you God [/color]

Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!

I will have up shortly the nuts and bolts of it. And why this deal, while siding fairly with both sides...might be a nightmare for my wife.

One which she alone created!!

But before I get up the particulars, I want to say thank you to my Lord Jesus. He stood by me. I felt Him there. I never waivered! even with some of the crap they pulled (you will hear shortly). As we walked back in for the verdict, I had my head down praying: "Your will...Your will...Your will." My wife has now butted heads with God and my attorney three times. She has lost all three!

Secondly, thank you all for the great support. And even more so...the prayers!! They were felt! The hedge put up around me last night was incredible. I have never slept that deeply. And it is because of you...because of you interceding. The Lord heard you!

I tell you, I looked at their side and saw...nothing. It was like just her attorney and her. But over on my side of the room, I had this presence...vision if you will...of three "soldiers" standing behind me. Almost the way the secret service stands behind the President. I could feel them there. I could in a way, visualize them there.

It was as if the Lord had dispatched angels to be there for me. I have no doubt that He did. But, to allow me to "see" them, meant the world to me. Knowing they were there, knowing what I had on that side of the room...I stood firm. You will hear shortly bout shannigans they tried to pull before, to cower me and my attorney. But those angels were there. And the Lord said to me "No deal."

So, I stood. If the Lord is with me, if He dispatched THREE angels to stand over me...who on this earth could possibly be against me! I felt like I could conquer the world today! I have never...I mean NEVER felt that kind of power before!

Folks...thank you!!! My saga is coming to an end. And while my marriage is also, I have fought the good fight. I can stand before my children and say their Old Man did everythign he could! I didnt get everything, as John Wondering stated above. But I got the important things...my children (I will outline the particulars shortly).

So, I move forward now. Time to lick my wounds. Get back in shape. Clear up the rest of those finances. Get my new home for me and the kids. And move forward with them.

I will have more time now to serve the Lord. Not caught in military deployments or this mess with my wife the last 4 years, I am now able to stand. To serve Him wherever He asks me to go.

All credit goes to Him. I am but a soldier.

More later!!

Today...I will no longer sign out with "In His arms." From this moment forward, I stand beside Him. And we will walk together from here.

So, my sign off is such:

Standing Always in His Presence.

MM, I am so happy for you. You can now look forward to beginning a new life.

I too am looking forward to some closure to my situation as I'm not going to lay down anymore. Time to move forward so I can resume my life......

I am grinning like a fool <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

One more quick thank you.....

To the Old Dominion....the Capital of the South....the Great Commonwealth of Virginia. Which has enough sense to have fault laws in divorce cases and also have enough sense to see past the X chromosome and see that a Y can be a great parent also and elect judges that seek justice.

Sic Semper Tyrannus
Thus Always to Tyrants

Standing Always in His Presence

MM,

This is great and also a great testimony to Gods power and will. You have been truly blessed!

{{{{{{{{{MM}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Congrats!!!!

WAY TO GOOOOOOO!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

(((((((((((((((((MORTAR))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so happy!!!!!! You are such a wonderful man, and the Lord will always be by your side.

I am anxious to hear the stuff that your wife and her attorney tried to pull!!

PRAISE THE LORD,

-Caren

And I'm crying like a fool! (I'm such a sap) Happy tears for you and your kids MM! Your angels gave me goosebumps, too!

Peace,
--SC

Folks...a few friends have decided I need an adult beverage. So, I will go have one (or two!).

I will come back on later tonight and put the blow-by-blow on here, as I think it will help all of us know how these things go.

Plus, you all have been so involved in this for so long...you deserve to know how it went. You were there!!

But right now, I deserve a beer.

Always in His Presence

Almighty God I thank you for the blessing of a hedge of Angels.

NO evil passed it this day. AMEN !

Jacob wrestled with God and earned a new name : Israel

This Day, Mortarman you have a new name : "He who walks beside God" for you have walked steadfastly beside Him through travails and against evil without diverting from HIS path.

Claim this name as the blessing it is.

Amen.

Halleluia!

I haven't posted much as ds has strep throat...and working like mad..but knew good things would happen for you...prayed and expected them.

Just as you, in the end, even though my M failed, there is so much peace and calm knowing you did all you could do.

Yes, Mortar,your soldiers were standing there...I was there too in spirit. and some others, yes,your angels, were in the mongst of all of us MB prayer warriors who care for you and your family so very much.

will the wS get it? probably. but know that if a ws continues down that ws path, they won't get better...many times they get worse...i myself am going thru some tough times wtih him as he's doing some imho very damaging things to my ds..saying to him too...and i am retaining a new attorney and may seek a modification in custody in the next six months.

i wouldn't be surprised if that happened wtih you too...as the ws don't get better unless they find their faith and pull their heads outta their butts and leave the fog forever. she should be thanking heaven she got any custody at all...and it's great about the no overnights...but my xh tried to circumvent it....if she's trying to angle around it...like having om stay until 2 am and leave before breakfast, you may have to enlist a pi for that...as that is serious grounds for contempt...and will certainly be part of my re-evaluation of custody case..just one of the thousands of issues i have wtih the x.

you are a man of HONOR...integrity...hope...and wisdom. you are a MB hero and champion to so many here. andyes, one day your precious children will look to you with admiration in their eyes knowing their dad moved mountains for them...i am truly sorry you're joining the "d" club mortar...but someday someone who is truly worthy of you and your precious children will be brought into your life...and life is definitely much easier wtihout the undue stress a ws presents in it.

God bless you my friend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That choked me up with tears. Very glad things worked out in His way. MM, your WW will be in my prayers.

MM,

""Today...I will no longer sign out with "In His arms." From this moment forward, I stand beside Him. And we will walk together from here.

So, my sign off is such:

Standing Always in His Presence.""

VERY AWESOME!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I got all misty and goose bumpy!!

God bless you!

kirk

AWESOME, my friend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wonderfull news MM.

Yesterday I had a picture in my mind very like what you describe..I pictured yourself in court with witnesses [everyone who posted actually showing up] standing ready to give testimony and a heavenly host behind you while your WW stood alone except for her mother and they were both lost.

I deleted it thinking..that's silly why bother posting your little daydream!

Now I wish I had posted it after all because I think that you are correct in believing that you weren't alone in that room..and I wouldn't be suprised if many people who posted to you yesterday had a similar experience.

WOW MM.

MM:

Praise the LORD!!! We are doing a whirlwind vacation on your side of the states and I have not checked in since we started a couple weeks ago. I however had this overwhelming urge to check in tonight and I am so glad that I did. Your kids are so Blessed to have a dad who will stand up and fight for them and for his beliefs. We need so many more men like you in our kids lives. You have also showed them how much you love them and even though you have had some tough moments you have not dogged on their mom. Because even though she is not following the right path she is still their mom and you showing them that will go far with your kiddos.

We were at Gettysburg yesterday and as I was reading your posts, I was seeing what must have been happening to you in how all those men felt in Gettysburg.

You have shown us your incredible faith and yet your flesh side also. However your faith and your walk has far out done your flesh side. You have been an incredible testimony to many. You are truly a spiritual leader and have come so far in your walk. None of us are perfect in our walks, however GOD uses these walks in so many ways.

My prayers to you and your family.

HIS WILL BE DONE!

congrats! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

AND What a Powerful Presence it is Indeed!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Overjoyed that you Feel sooo Happy with the Outcome! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm sure that brew tastes like Nectar!
Have Another ......You deserve it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Truly,
Standing in Faith can be Oh So Trying (at times) ......but Ultimately -- Oh So Rewarding. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Could go on and ON and On .......so I'll wrap that We ALL Are Smiling WITH YOU (and your children). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Peach, I couldn't have said it any better.

MM, you dererve this outcome and I'm happy that you can begin the process of moving on and focusing on your kids now. Enjoy that "adult beverage" and try to relax a little now.

All the best.

HTW

I like Sapporo dark...have 1 4 me....with a friend so you don't have to drink and drive, ok?

w/b waiting for the update. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

LOL Orchid,

For a sec there I thought you said..have 14!

MM

I haven't been on in a few days - but wow - what a week for you - this is great news and the power of prayer really does work when it's what God has in store for you.

(((HUGS))) and congaats!

MM -

Congratulations on the outcome. That was a great story to share...hearing that you actually felt (saw?) the presence of the angels.

I look forward to hearing more about your day in court.

waiting for that update....

and heartfelt congratulations to you MM!

Praise the Lord !

This brought tears to my eyes.

May he guide you to see the best path, and do things properly.

SS

Wow MM,

That must have been some "adult beverage". lol

I was going to wait until you posted again but just couldn't. I wanted to offer my congrats to you and praise to God. And to ditto what peachy said.

Hope the beverage wears off soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Blessings always.

S&C

MM,
I am so happy that things went so well for you!

And the angels...yes, God does send them to help us. He sent them to help my dad through the last few days of his life. Daddy saw them, and after that, he had very little pain and died peacefully 4 days later, which is unusual for someone with emphysema.

Now, we need to keep praying for a home for you and the kids! I'm sure there must be one coming up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh no. MM hasn't posted yet.....hope he didn't have 14. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

MM....where r u?!?!?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

MM is probably taking a well deserved rest after the events of yesterday.

we love ya dude

la la la

ROFLMAO about Pep's new sigline...

LA

Wow Mortar, how many beers did you have?!?!? LOL

Front and Center Soldier.............we need the rest of the story <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

It's coming folks. Justpeachy had it right. I wanted to post what happened, but I was exhausted! It has taken me two days of R&R to get back up and feel normal again.

So, working on the update now. It will be kinda long, as I know many may want to hear and need to hear how things went.

Anyway...patience. I will deliver.

Standing Always in His Presence

write it in installments !!!

The ladies are always so impatient!!

Standing in His Presence

HURRY UP, DANG IT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Okay...in deference to Pep & ML...here is the first installment. I'll let you know once I have it all up here (may take a few posts). Let me start with the order from the Judge (Mr. W had it pretty well summed up):


I will start in next with what happened. And what is happening now (because you wont believe what my wife did at the first pick-up yesterday!!!). But a short summary of the vital statistics of this order:

1. I pay $301 to her a month...I have to pay her $450 this week for the last two months.
2. I have the kids 4 days a week, including almost every weekend. She has the kids in the middle of the week, for a totla of 3 days a week.
3. Depending on which days she decides are her vacation week (which might change these numbers by one or two days), the total number of days with the kids over the next year is: Father 205...Mother 160.

More soon!

Standing in His Presence

Next Installment: Pre-trial

I walked in to my attorney's office at 8:30am Wednesday morning. We started going over some figures, making sure all of the numbers added up on salary, etc. While we were doing so, my wife's attorney comes in. So, her attorney (Mark) and my attorney (Jon) go into a conference room. Fifteen minutes later, Mark leaves and Jon comes in. Says that the deal they were offering on Monday is off the table now.

He said when the kids got home on Tuesday, that my oldest son told my wife that I said:

"If your mom gets custody, you will probably miss baseball games. So, you will be kicked off the team>"
And...
"Sometimes, when mothers get custody, the fathers come back and kill the mothers and the children."

All of you shocked? I was POed!!!!! What in the world were they talking about? There was nothing that ever escaped my mouth concernign that last one. And the first one, the only thing I have ever pointed out to my oldest is the rules published by the high school coach on missing games/practices. And that on hsi travel baseball team, that if he misses, he may be benched if someoen is there and beats him out.

That statement about killing the kids, etc stiffened my back. Where Mark might have gotten some type of negotiation later on before court...after this, I was done! We were going before the judge!

So, I finished up with my attorney and we headed across the street to the court. Then, the first bad news. We werent getting the same judge. He didnt come in. So, we would be picked up by one of the other judges. I am praying at this time "Lord, what's up? Why the change here?"

So, we have to wait awhile. We are in a long hallway. My wife is a few seats down with her attorney. And she also brought my oldest son. As soon as I got there, he got up and came over to sit with me. And spent most of our waiting time with me (although he played the political route and moved back over with his mom a few times).

Anyway, Jon and Mark talk again. Mark is now saying the deal is back on. They are offering: me to have Friday night, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday morning...and I pay $565. At the same time, Mark tells Jon he will put my son on the stand, as well as bring in testimony from some friends of mine that had fallen away in the last month due to a disagreemnt over baseball. About this time, my MIL arrives with my youngest. She had left my 12yo girl back at their house.

Jon takes me in the main hallway, tells me the deal and asks me with a smile "So, what do you wanna do?" I told him: "Jon, I didnt give everything up, go thru this whole ordeal, have her leave and come back three times and have my kids go thru this He!! for me to go spineless now. No deal! As a matter of fact, if it looks like we have to deal...offer them this: me 4 days, her 3 days. I'll pay minimal child support. But for now, forget it! That crap about my son has ticked me off!"

So, he tells Mark "no deal" and about that time, they call us in...so there were no deals made or accepted after that. Notice the deal I said, because it is almost exactly what happened!!

Next up...inside the courtroom.

Standing in His Presence

*ahem*

Mortar-

Waiting for next installment..........you like making us wait don't you??? LOL

We want the details!!!

God Bless,

-Caren

Well if custody started this week, MM is probably with his kids until Monday. I know that's where I'd be. MB...? Kids...? MB...? Kids...? Yep! Kids!

Blessings to you and the kids MM.

Aloha.

S&C

Yes, MM I'm waiting on the next installment, also. Glad to see you posted and are doing great.

CarenMc<------------------------Impatient woman........you love to make us wait don't you??!?!? LOL

God Bless You Hon,

-Caren

I doubt you remember me mortarman, but I remember you.
I posted here 2 years ago under the name lostnlonelygirl. Your replies really helped me during times of great stress. I am forever grateful for the support you gave me. I do wish your situation would have tuned out better. I wanted to tell you, even though I know it does not help your situation, but my husband and I have been in recovery almost 2 years, and are doing well living overseas. Thank you so much! You will never know how much you helped my husband and I! God Bless you!

Thank you! I am glad to hear that you guys have made it! Stay in touch...and stay close to the Lord.

Standing in His Presence

Okay…finally had time to get back to this. The kids had me going all weekend long. My wife picks them up at 3pm today, so I will get a breather for the next three days. Be able to catch up on some things that have not gotten done over all of this mess. Anyway, here is the court update:


We went into the courtroom and sat down. I was on the left side, and Mrs. Mortarman on the right. The judge was already in there, and began to ask for documents, etc from our attorneys. Then both attorneys gave their opening remarks. Mark goes ahead and asks for the very same deal they offered me in the hall earlier. My attorney states that we are going for full custody.

Once that was done, the judge asked my wife’s attorney (Mark) to call his first witness…which was my wife.

She got on the stand, which was right in front of my table, and Mark began asking all sorts of basic questions. Like her name, address (which she messed up), etc. Then he began in on my wife’s back injury from her car accident a year ago. He spent a lot of time on that one. It appears that he was trying to play the “poor wifey” card with the judge. That she might not be able to work, or work as much because of her back.

He then went on to ask my wife about what bills she paid, how much she made, etc. Again, Mark was trying to say that I wasn’t providing anything towards the family financially and that my wife was doing all of the heavy lifting. This is all interesting, as you will see in a minute. Watch what happens once my attorney is able to introduce the facts of the situation…and how Mark and my wife react.

Anyway, almost nothing in their questioning had to do with the kids, except what she has bought them (clothes, etc). Nothing about her involvement in their education, activities, etc. My attorney picked up on that in a hurry!

When he went to cross examine my wife, he immediately zeroed in on her financial situation. He began going thru all of the costs, etc. That is when the judge chimed in, asking my wife:


Between the Porky Pig response (you know the one…”aabbbaadaaa abbaaadda”), she had no response. He had busted her again on being financially irresponsible…and it was telling that the judge was the one that chimed in.

My mother’s house, where we are staying right now as I look for housing in the school district, had been vilified by my wife in their questioning…as unfit for the kids to live at (not sure why). But my attorney (Jon) fired back with “Isnt it true, Mrs. MM, that you lived in that house twice during the marriage (we were there the first 6 months of our marriage…and one other time for 2 days as we waited on a new home to be ready)? So, why was it suitable then, and not now?” Again, Porky would have been jealous at how good she was at babbling.

He went on to ask her about the financial situation. He asked her:


My wife came unhinged at that!! She looked straight at me and screamed:


In the matter of 5 minutes, my attorney had her completely off balanced. The judge immediately went off on my wife:


Her attorney came over and spoke with her. And we continued. My attorney left that issue for the moment, as he would come back to it when he had me on the stand. He finished up with my wife by asking her if she was still in contact with the OM. Mark objected and the judge sustained, stating that for now…unless adultery since we moved back together can be proven, that he would leave that for the divorce hearing. Right now we were just doing custody.

So, my attorney finished with her by asking her about her job. He asked her what she did. She replied that she was a registered nurse and served in the trauma unit. He then asked what she did there. She had stated earlier that she had been moved to scheduler and light duty because of her back (this is where my attorney is awesome…he is great at picking up on things and cross-examining witnesses). So, Jon asks her “Do you make your own schedule?” She replies that she does. My attorney then asks her why she is asking for custody, but giving Friday nights, Sat and Sun, to me. She states that it is because she works those days. He then asks her “When was the last time that you worked Friday, Saturday and Sunday.” She says she doesn’t recall. “Last weekend?” She says “no.” “The weekend before?” “No.” “How about the weekend before that?” “No.”

My attorney had a copy of her schedule and asked her “Isnt it true that you haven’t worked a Friday, Saturday and Sunday yet this year?” She Porky Pigged that one with some lame “I’m not sure.”

So, my attorney closed the deal on her with asking her:


The reason for that last questioning had to do with two things. First, on the issue of her being with the kids on the weekends. Both of us had shown calendars that showed me with the kids exclusively almost every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. By her showing that she could make her schedule, that she hadn’t worked every weekend in its entirety…but was still not with the kids at their functions…it showed that she was more interested in other things!

The second was to show that she wasn’t making $5400 for child support purposes, but instead $10,000 a month. Which would put her income ahead of mine. In Virginia, child support is a formula, based on who has custody and the amounts each parent earns. So, by showing her making more money, it would change the calculations.

So, my wife stepped down. Mark calls me next to the stand. As I head up there, the judge asks both attorneys, for the sake of time, that I stay up there for my attorney’s questioning. They agreed.

Mark asks me some simple questions. And then goes straight into the bills. “Mr. Mortarman, what bills do you pay in the household?” I stated that I have the entire list of every dime for the last 7 months right there next to my attorney. Mark wont let me get it. He just keeps asking me “well, state to me what bills you have been paying.” I again state that I cannot due so intelligently without my notes. He persists…but I do not back down.

Mark continues this tack until the judge asks me: “Mr. Mortarman, I believe that Mr. Sandground is trying to get the specifics of the financial situation. Can you recollect any of what he is trying to ask?” I tell the judge that I can on some, but would be better served if I could see my notes from my Microsoft Money (which outlined every dime spent). The judge says that I can have it, and my attorney brings it to me.

Now, remember the outburst by my wife? Well, here was my response to that. Mark asks me:


So, my wife’s outburst went for naught. I had provable records showing my support. Her ascertain, and Marks ascertain, that I had done nothing towards household bills had been proven false.

Mark gave up shortly thereafter, and my attorney came up to question me. He asked me questions about my involvement with the kids. Who does their homework with them? Who is at all of their events? Who takes them to church? All of the answers were “me.”

He asked me about the finances. I said I was trying to take care of the past mess we had accrued, mostly due to a flood, and to me not being able to tell Mrs. MM “no.” I had not gotten away from our bills in my name by declaring bankruptcy like my wife.

He then asked the big question. “Mortarman…why do you believe that you should have custody of these children?” And I went on a usual Mortarman roll:


And I left the stand. The judge then asked us to leave, as he went to make his decision.

Next up…the decision…the reaction…and the last few days under the new paradigm.

Standing in His Presence

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

I am the FWW in our situation. You wrote to my husband Pete in the summer of 2004, shortly after d-day. We legally separated, and were physically separated for a year. He was in Virginia, I was in California. We are currently living in Okinawa, Japan. Moving overseas has been a "gift" from God. We are preparing for a 9 month deployment to Afganistan, ant it will no doubt be the biggest step in our 2 year recovery.

WOW MORTAR you are the example to all BS's that records are ESSENTIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep those records.

The only records I can keep are the ones where he's not giving me a dime in child support, and the time I felt sorry for him and paid his electric bill (I have proof of that on my bank records).

Keep fighting the good fight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren

I am so glad to hear this. Good luck to both of you and concentrate on the Lord. I understand deployments. It will be over before you know it. Both of you stay strong and keep doing all of the things you have in order to move forward from here.

Standing in His presence

Records were key!!! I will go into that more later on in another post. But suffice it to say, without records, my wife would have run right over me with her lies and mischaracterizations.

Standing in His Presence

Before I tell you the verdict, I forgot to mention some things in the trial. First off, there were more records that helped me there. The first was the financial breakdown that I had. I could show where EVERY dime went. I had been keeping meticulous records since November, with less meticulous records before that. So, when her attorney and her stated that I had not provided, it was easy to prove wrong...backed up by the bank records. You cant do this overnight. You cant play catch-up, either. You must record everything as it happens. I was able to show not only what I paid directly to my wife to help with household bills, but also where I spent everything else. The other household bills that I was paying directly.

She had no counter-argument because she could not refute my records, and had no corresponding record system herself.

Secondly, I had a log (or journal). Daily, I would record the happenings of the day before. What happened with the kids. What my wife said. The days events. Once we separated, I kept a log on when we had the kids.

Now, she had her day planner...but it was obvious that she had gone in there and recorded when we had the kids after the fact. her attorney, while she was o nthe stand, had her list the days she had the kids. She went thru it, and it made it look like she had them like 26 days or something, with me havign somewhere around 14. Not true.

When I was on the stand, I read from my journal. My journal showed that we had them evenly, with 19 days for each one of them. When I proved that one of her dates in her book was wrong (because she had referenced another event when she stated she picked up the kids...but that event happened on a different day), the judge then could accept the veracity of my calendar and dismiss hers. It is one of the reasons that he came up with the custody solution he did. This was VERY key folks!

example: She stated on one question on the stand that when I got custody before, that I had left the kids with her for 16 days. I was laughing. Really. what the heck was she talking about? we had gone to court Dec 13, 2004. Sixteen days later was Dec 29. She was stating that I hadnt seen my kids for Christmas. Hah! I had my journal from back then too. Reality: I had let her have the kids for 6 days straight, right after court, because she was devastated from losing custody. I had done so out of kindness. I was repaid with her lying on the stand.

The last thing I wanted to mention before I give you the verdict and after...is that the opening arguments by the attorneys were telling. Mark wanted to concentrate on me not providing...and my wife workign hard, albeit with a very bad back. He totally concentrated o nthe financial end of the deal. And when we proved most of his ascertains wrong, there went his case also.

Jon, my attorney, concentrated first on me as a father. A guy who had suffered at the hands of his wife's betrayals...but still endeavered to save the family. Even after getting custody before. He showed the lack of care and concern by my wife, as she shipped them off to her mothers for 3 months so she could go to school and carry on adultery. He showed her leaving twice more, once for 8 months...with her barely seeing the kids. He showed me consistently providing for my wife to be able to come back and try to reconcile, only for her to fly off the handle again. That it was all about her.

Okay, now to the verdict and the aftermath...

Standing in His Presence

Geesh! This is like a soap opera where you anxiously wait for the next days episode. Type faster, type faster. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'm glad that things worked out so well for you.

HU2006

This is the first time I have read this thread. My hat's off to you MM, you have handled yourself extremely well. Anyone who has a WS that is trying to "rail road" them should read your story.

Now, I'm on the edge of my seat too!!! Can't wait to see the "verdict" post!

The verdict

We sat outside for probably 20 minutes. The kids came up (the boys had been outside, hanging out with my MIL and my mother). My youngest sat right next to me. I was mostly silent, and he just sat there...watching me. My oldest was nervous, so he kinda paced back and forth between me and my wife down the hall.

I sat most of that 20 minutes with my head in my hands...praying. I kept getting thoughts in my head ("You should have said this or that""You arent going to win""That judge is goingto hammer you"). I knew this was just more attacks. In the meantime, my boys are trying to talk to me. So, I got my mother to occupy them, while I sat alone and prayed. Prayign over and over again "No. That aint how it is going to go down. I refuse to accept those thoughts. Your will, Lord."

Then the deputy came out and ushered us in. The boys stayed in the hallway, and our two mothers came in to hear the verdict. As I walked in, I just kept saying over and over under my breath "Your will, Your will..."

We sat down again and I am now deep in prayer. I cannot even hear what is going on. The judge is talking to the attorneys about something. I have no idea.

But then he goes to the verdict. He has typed up the verdict, and reads directly from it. He provides us a copy right after. And here is what it says exactly:


Next...the aftermath of the verdict.

Standing in His Presence

nice!

After the verdict, we headed for the door. My mother, who was seated behind me, overheard my wife telling her attorney "Thank you...we won." As I will go into later, she will chaneg that statement just a day later, because she has yet to fully understand what the judge ordered.

I walked out into the hall. My youngest came up, fearful, and asked "who won, Dad?" I told him "No one. But it is going to be alright now." I told both boys to go ahead with their Mom as I had to head over to my attorney's office to go over things. And that I would see them the next day.

My attorney and I left. My Mom asked me to lunch, so I told her to come over to my attorney's office and we would go after we were done.

At my attorney's office, we went over the specifics. While I didnt get the primary custody and her paying me $1200 a month as before, the time I have with the kids is the same or even better, since it is specifically outlined by the court (last time, it gave liberal visitation to my wife...which would mean her constantly bickering about what that meant!).

Also, the child support I am paying right now had to do (I saw the worksheet the judge used) with the fact that I am not paying a mortgage or rent right now...as we stay at my mothers and we get a place (since my wife sprung this on us at the last minute). Once I have a mortgage or rent, as well as her having a few months making what she is making now...then those numbers will change. She may even have to pay me!

After I left the attorney's office, I called Mr. Wondering to tell him the news and have him update you all. I then went to have a steak!

All in all, everything turned out well. But it hasnt for my wife.

The next day, after telling everyone "I won! I get the kids most of the time and he pays me child support," she found out something wasnt right. And in the process, broke one of the rules of the order.

The next day, I came to pick up the kids. While I was loading their stuff in the car, she came out and engaged me in talk about what their schedule was for the weekened, etc. I will go into why she was asking that in a minute!

I give her the dates and times of the upcoming events. She then begins discussing the verdict and that she will get me the request for the fifth weekend for her to get them. I said "Mrs. MM, that isnt what it says. But we cannot discuss this right now as the kids are right here. Read it again." What it says is that if there is a fifth weekend in the month, as outlined by a fifth Friday, then she can send me a letter NLT 21 days in advance and get that weekend. There is only a couple this year (with Dec, and that is already taken care of with the Christmas break stuff), and that was June, Sept and March. march is also a problem for her, as that is the kids' Spring Break, which goes to me. So, she only gets two weekends this year.

Anyway, she starts getting agitated, asking me if I would go ahead and give her the check for the $450 that was due saturday. I told her that I hadnt been paid yet and wasnt going to be until the next day. She said "Well, I'm not going right out and cashing it." I told her "How do I know that? I cant trust that." She was wide eyed that I wouldnt trust her not to cash it until Friday. I ended up giving to her on Saturday at the kids' swimming event.

So, she is now agitated and talking about this stuff non-stop in front of the kids. I keep repeating that we cannot do this, and that she can call me later and we can discuss it. She then mentions somethign about her winning and getting most of the time with them. She states she gets 183 days and I get 182. I again tell her to stop, and that she needs to read the order again. That the part she is refering to is for child support, not custody.

She huffs off, saying "we will see about that. This is gonna change."

So, the kids and I mount up and begin to drive. Thirty seconds later, my wife calls and says "It says right here that I get 183 days and you get 182." I told her to again read the entire order, and contact her attorney if she didnt understand it. That I had the kids next to me and could not discuss it then.

One more event. Last night she calsl the kids to say goodnight. She then wants to talk to me. I tell the kids to leave the room and then get on the phone. She says "I will get you the info concerning the 5th weekend and the one week vacation by tomorrow, after I see my attorney to explain thsi order to me. I am still a little foggy on what it says. I think it says that I get them every 5th weekend." Yes folks, she used the word "foggy!"

I told her "Great. I need to know when that vacation week is. But on the 5th weekend thing, it specifically states that this is the 5th weekend of a month, as defined by the 5th Friday. If there is no 5th Friday in the month, there is no 5th weekend."

Again, she was POed. She stated that she would talk to her attorney the next day and get the truth. I told her that I understood that she didnt understand. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So, that's it! Oh, one mroe thing. I told you she has been askign questions about when the kids events are. My wife has showed some increased interest in their events prior to court. She always does right before court. She now is showing increased interest in calling them at night, as well as showing up to their events and being involved.

I dont believe that will last! As soon as this wears off, that she realizes this has to keep up for years...she wont be able to keep up. Especially when a man in her life is demanding time from her. She is doign it now so she might jockey for a better position with the court when we do the final order. But, unlike her, I dont do these things with the kids because of court or because of her. I have always done them with the kids...it is what I enjoy doing. I dont want to do other things. I really dont! And when there comes a woman in my life one day, she will understand that and support that. Or she wont be around!!

If she ends up with the Troll, he aint gonna like playing second fiddle with my kids. He will like this court arrangement, as the kids will be gone most of the time. She has them durign school days. She will be available to him on weekends, when she isnt working. He will have the best of all worlds. Kids gone most of the time. A woman that makes a lot of money. One that will be there when he needs her. But is gone a lot working, so he can go do stuff on his own. what's not to like? Of course, that means he also isnt seeign his girls in Florida. but he really doesnt care about that anyway. He'll see them at Christmas!

My wife thought she won. And in a way, she did if you are jsut countign the score. She is ahead off the last verdict by $1500. She doesnt have the stigma of having custody go to the father again...this time it is shared custody.

But the shared custody goes primarily to me. I get almost every weekend. I get 4 days a week. I get Spring Break. All in all, I am satisfied.

As I told my youngest, no one won! Everyone lost. But there was nothing more I could do, folks...when a wife wants to run from God and seek life in her own image. She is in for a rude awakening, especially if her back goes out and she cannot work. And it will be all her fault!

In the meantime, I move forward and I am being aggressive with my plans for the future. I will go into more of that at a later time.

But for now, that is what happened. And if anyone has any questiosn or wants to open a discussion, just let me know.

Standing in His Presence

I like it too, Pep!!

Standing in His Presence

Thanks FamilyFirst!

Standing in His Presence

Typed as fast as I could!! Thanks for the post!

Standing in His Presence

Oh, one more thing...

Since this is a fault state, I could be divorced in a about a month. But, for reasons I cant put in open forum right now, we have decided to wait the year of separation for the uncontested divorce. I am in no hurry! I dont need to get married by fall. So, since I have cause but refuse to use it right now, we will just stay this way until next June.

[Standing in His Presence[/b]

You're a good man, MM.

-ol' 2long

Thanks 2Long!

Standing in His presence

MM-

Sounds to me like you went about this like you would have carried out any other mission...with style and clear goal in mind!

I like how the first thing that happened was the original deal was thrown out the window!

What's Muphy's First Law as applied to combat?

"The first casualty in every initial contact with the enemy is...THE BATTLE PLAN!"

Which is why having other plans already established and prepared are important, and never losing sight of the goal.

Great job MM!

Thanks Owl. That is exactly right! Which is why I chose the attorney I did. He makes an okay battle plan. it gets things moving. But he is brilliant in seeing where the battle is headed once the action starts. He sees weaknesses. He sees the intentions of the "enemy." He reacts well.

It is what we call in the military as a Frago. we first get the operations Order (OPORD) before the mission. You try to plan everything and rehearse everything. But as you said Owl, Murphy's Law of Combat comes in. So, as the battle rages, you issue fragmentation orders (Fragos). They are changes to the OPORD as you go along.

It is why her attorneys (both times) came in with their plans, but never seemed to react in changes to the battlefield. They kept fighting a battle that had changed. Their enemy was no longer there. Their plan was no longer working.

I have no doubt that the prayers for blinding the enemy helped with that. Hard to react when you dont have intel!

Yeah, I have always had plans. Many of them. Tried to be prepared for every eventuality that I could think of. But in the end, once the battle starts, you just have to trust God, trust your men, and trust yourself. As FH told me earlier when I asked about making deals...he said that it really has to be made at the time...on the ground.

And as it was happening, I could feel the Holy Spirit over my shoulder, gently pointing out the right way. The right way became clear...as JustLearning is always pointing out.

Thanks Owl!

Standing in His presence

MM, good choice here. Because Divorces are a matter of public record (in NY anyway) no one needs to know "why".

I am quite glad to hear of this outcome. Your children have a good man for a father. I wish you nothing but the best as you heal from this. Stay strong....

(((((Mortarman)))))

If you'll pardon a little bad grammar....

Ya done good son!!!

May God continue to provide you with His wisdom and to protect your children. May God touch you wife's heart over the next year and lead her back.

God bless.

you my dear sir are the HERO of the week!!! and a hero for life to you very lucky children! god bless!

MM,

I hate to say congratulations given that you really did love your W and wanted to maintain your marriage. But, given all that has transpired you have done very very well. You will never have to worry about "did I give this every chance".

I note that you could have gotten full custody again, but choose not to, and I suspect I know why you have chosen to not have a quick divorce. I hope that works out well for you.

Must go, but it is good that this has turned out as it has given your W's lack of interest in the marriage.

God Bless,

JL

MM,

Wow....wow...wow.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I could feel the tension and cheered at how well you and your attorney handled yourselves. Her attorney and the WS were their own worst enemy in that court. You just had to present your facts and let the judge take it from there.

Judges are not stupid. Funny how the WS thinks everyone will believe their stories. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I kept wanting to see the financial part settle more in your favor. How dare she under report her income.

As for the children, there are no winners but their dad will make sure the children are winners..... in life this is a hard lesson learned but you stil have each other.

Glad your mother was there. How is MIL in all of this?

All the best to you and your children.

Take care,
L.

Yeah. And this thing aint over yet. The final divorce stuff has to be done. Added to that, I still have some things that my wife values right now that she wont be able to have in her life under the current order. Like the OM...and some other things that I must sit on for awhile and not make public...lest I give away my position. I am in no hurry. I dont need to get married in a month. So, this is no skin off my back. But it is for her!


Thank you.

Standing in His Presence

Thanks FH. The Lord is good. I also hope that the Lord will find a way to lead my wife back to Him. It is the only way her life will ever be made right. It is doubtful that she will ever be led back to me...but I dont doubt the power of God and what He can do. So, who knows?

But I proceed forward without her. And see where He takes me next.

Standing in His Presence

Thanks Nikko! It isnt hard being a hero if you just follow the Lord.

In reality, the only thing I have really made sure of in all of this is that my kids will always be able to look into my eyes with the look they have had the last few years. Dad has always come thru. It has allowed me to show them where this truly comes from...and that is Him. They have begun to understand that.

Standing in His Presence

JL, thanks! I understand what you mean. While there is a loss here...there is also freedom now from the mess. And in that, I am thankful. Unlike Hosea, I dont want this to last 10 years! Five has been enough! Hosea was a better man than me, I have to say.

On the divorce issue, I did mention above a little why I am in no hurry. You can probably guess some of the reasons. But I cannot put them out there right now, jsut in case my wife decides to look on here. Suffice it to say, it is in my best interest to hold right now...and as an aside, it thwarts my wife from doign some of the things she wants/needs to do.

Thanks again, JL.

Standing in His Presence

It is funny! Kinda weird. I dont blame her attorney...he did an awesome job, with the lame case he was handed. This guy does work for Larry King...he is expensive and well known. So, he did a great job considering. But when you start with crap...there isnt much you can do to make crap edible. And judges really are hardly ever fooled.


Which is one of the reasons I have things on hold. I wont say anymore right now.


Yeah. it is weird how WWs act. This week, our dog that we have had for 12 years went to the vet. He has a hip problem that is gettign worse. The vet said that he might not make it thru the summer, and we may have to think about putting him down. The kids and I were there. That dog has been there since a few months before my daughter was born, so he has always been a part of their lives. Sad that their mom is doing this at the same time that they will probably lose the dog.

I decided not to do it right away, as this has been a very tough week on the kids. Let a week or two go by, and then do it. The dog is doing okay right now, just cant walk stairs too well. But it is degradign fast and we will have to make a decision in the next few weeks.

The main reason I brought this up was that my wife calls my mother to ask what is up with the dog. My wife says "That is sad. The kids are losing so much lately." Huh? I agree...but the reason they are losing so much is that she is doing this to them. Sure, the dog isnt her fault. But everything else is. I wonder sometimes if my wife has a brain in her head! (Oopppssss...I am sure that is probably a Disrespectful Judgement <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />).

She asked if she could come when we put the dog down. I said "no." She never really like the dog, was upset that we even got him. The kids know she doesnt like him. So, I told her we will do this ourselves. She was a little put off by that. But heh...when you leave the family...you dont get to participate in family events.


My MIL is probably the single biggest outside reason that my wife is who she is and the reason this hasnt worked out. My MIL is a piece of work. She wants my wife to get the kids for possession purposes. But when the kids are there, my MIL spends very little time with the kids. She does take them to swimming or baseball or whatever, when my wife cant be there. But if there is someone taking them, my MIL doesnt come unless my wife drags her along. My mom, though...comes to everything. She loves watching the kids. she loves coming to their events.

Seems to me, that both my wife and I followed our parents. It is too bad that hers were so messed up. I thank God I had the ones I did.


Thanks Orchid!

Standing in His Presence

MM,

You said
MM, I don't need to guess and say no more. I believe I understand fully.

God Bless,

JL

MM,

""She then mentions somethign about her winning and getting most of the time with them. She states she gets 183 days and I get 182.""

TOO FUNNY!! This says mucho about Mrs MM. And MOST of the time?? It's all a competition with her?

I know that you say nobody won, and you are correct. But I think you came out smellin' like a rose. Specially when you obtain your own place and have to change the child support #s.

I KNOW your kids won...having you on the weekends! Hope your son can do the baseball dealio!

krk

I see strains for both of you in the current schedule, MM. Eventually there will come a time (it will take a long while) when you long for a whole Saturday to do whatever YOU want to do. Just like your wife will long (much sooner, I suspect) for time to spend with your kids to do what they would like to do on a Saturday.

I'm glad that this part of the journey is over for you, MM. I think things went as well as this kind of tragedy can.

I would like to know, though, what you are going to do for the next few months to further your own growth and healing. You've been planning for this and the other events along the path to divorce for a long time. But have you planned out how you will heal and the things you will do to learn and grow? Would you be able to share some of that with the ever-eager crowd? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My interpretation of Mrs. MM's comments .... she was worried MM might get FULL custody & she would get "visitation".

I think that's what she has indicated here. THAT is her "victory".

meanwhile, the children come from a broken home <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> .... some dumb-[censored] victory her adultery has brought (DJ .... opps)

Pep

ABSOLUTELY!! It is about winning. About getting all she can, at whatever cost.


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


He can now! I have 90% of the weekends!

Standing in His Presence

Pep, she was worried. She was worried she would be branded yet again as a mother that lost her kids. But in this case, she actually thought she won...that she got money from me AND she would have the kids more than me. Which wasnt the case. And when the money sitch changes and she might possibly start paying me? Well, then her "we won" will be completely hollow.

Yeah. Look what her stupid behavior has wrought on everyone. (Okay, I knwo that was another DJ!)

Standing in His Presence

Maybe. I havent spent more than two weekends in the last 4 years apart from the kids. So, not sure how much I will want to be away. But it is possible. Especially in the future, if there is someone in my life. But that is what grandma is for, right? So Dad can have a few hours!

What my wife longs for is no longer my responsibility nor my concern. My concern is my kids and my family. My wife is no longer a part of that family. She made her choices. These are the consequences of those choices. It is what she sought. she wanted divorce. She wanted this to go to court. She rolled the dice. This is what she got.

At least for the near future, I doubt this will cause her any angst. This will allow her to do whatever she wants on the weekend. To act liek a teenager in heat. Of course, if she wants to come to the children's baseball, swimming, etc...she can. And she might for some of it. But the woman she has become...I figure this is perfect for what she seeks. Sadly!


They did.


I can. And will as we go along, as some of it is just flushing out. I may be enterign a partnership for a new business. We are in discussions right now. I also continue to be active in baseball, coaching on two teams. Of course, my time is occupied mostly with the kids. And I also am trying to get active in the church with marriages/divorce, etc. Plus getting a new home.

A VERY full plate right now! The last four years, I have been stuck fighting this battle. I now can look forward and plan for the future. And it is looking pretty good. And it looks like that it wont take long for it to get real good.

Of course, that will burn my wife's panties to see me get everything we were building for...everything we wanted. I wont feel sorry for her, though. She made her choice.

Standing in His Presence

I applaud your strong faith mortor.. as things in my sitch have turned completely upside down and sideways I have learned (and maybe this was the plan all along) to give EVERYTHING over to God. I don't worry about anything anymore, I know He will take care of it all. My ex still wayward (the one you helped me with with the military stuff, remember?) has actually filed for full custody of our children! Like he would ever get it. I spoke with his attorney who called me (I am representing myself at the moment on this issue as I feel it will get way solved out of court) and I don't think my ex realizes this man is a Christian! And saw MY side on many things. And disagreed with my ex on many more. So, God works in strange ways. I lay everything at His feet every single day because so much is out of my control now.

You are proof mortor, that standing by God He will take care of His own... He will! mlhb

I'm glad you're looking forward, MM.

And I know it feels good to be able to do things that you wanted to do, and that your wife wanted to do, too.

I understand why you would say it will make your wife unhappy to see it. I look forward to the day when you've healed enough to forgive. It takes a long time. You'll know when you actually care how she feels again.

It took me, oh, two years to really get there. It was an ugly time, let me tell you. I never did anything awful, but there were times when I allowed my lack of compassion to lead me to do things that are unnecessarily upsetting for my ex. I'm glad I don't feel the need to do that very often anymore. Not so much for her sake, but more because I feel better about myself now.

Hello Mortarman:

I was just directed to your post by _AD_, because he said that you and I seem to be in a very similar situation re custody. I have a potentially very adversial custody case coming up. I've only had the oppportunity to read the last couple of pages of your post, but I understand that you have just gone through a very tough custody case yourself.

As I was reading about your struggles, one of the things that struck me was your statement somewhere that you are at peace with yourself because in your heart you know you did what you had to do to try to preserve your marriage and do what is right for your children. This struck me because I've basically promised myself and my family the same thing: I will do anything humanly possible to try to save my marriage. If it can't be done, I will do anything I can to protect my children and do what's best for them.

Anyway, if at all possible, I would like to invite you to come and have a look at my post "I feel crushed" in the GQ II section. Maybe there's some information you're willing to share. If not, no hard feelings.

I wish you peace...

V

MLHB,

Sorry I didnt see your post before.


I absolutely agree. Sometimes, even though it is happening to us...it really is about us. Sometimes, the Lord has to use extreme measures to get us where we needed to be. If all of this had not happened, if I hadnt trusted Him thru this...would I be in the relationship with Him that I am today? Doubtful. While I didnt want this and would love for it to be different, I also know that I would not change the relationship I now have with the Lord for my marriage. I guess what I am saying is that I value the relationship I have with Jesus now...more than I value being able to go back and do this whole thing differently.


Good luck. Ha! He is delusional.


Stay there...right beside Him. Do not take your eyes off Him.


That He will. He will take care of you, if you let Him.

Standing in His Presence

Just J, I know what you are getting at here. But I do have to say that I have forgiven her. If I had not, I would have never tried to reconcile. I also would not have the relationship with Jesus that I have. He says that if I do not forgive, He will not forgive me. So my forgiveness has nothing really to do with my wife and everything to do with me not hindering my relationship with Christ. On whether I care how my wife feels...I of course care. The issue is not caring, it is whether I have sympathy for her.

It is like if she was hammering a nail and slammed it into her thumb. I would care that she hurt her thumb. I also would have sympathy for her pain...I would try to help her feel better.

But, if she stood there knowing the truth...and still decided to hit her thumb on purpose with the hammer...how would I feel? I would still care, as she would have a damaged thumb and a lot of pain. but I would have no sympathy for her. None. she did it on purpose. She knew the consequences. And my responsibility to help heal her of the self-inflicted pain...well, I have no responsibility for that.

I hope that better explains my position on that.


That is good. And as I said, since her consequences and wounds will all be self-inflicted, it really has allowed me to move on. To not be responsible. To not feel that I need to help. To not feel that I need to show sympathy for her.

Because I do not. There is not one ounce of sympathy for her for what she has done and the consequences she will reap. she chose this route. she was shown mercy and forgiveness by me and God. And she turned her back on both of us. She was given more than enough chances to stop her destructive behavior...to stop rebelling against God. And she still chooses even to this day to raise the hammer and defy everyone that she will hit her thumb on purpose and there will be no pain.

I have no sympathy for that. I have little compassion for that either. I actually feel that if I were to act that way, that I would be an idiot! And I look at those that do so, also are mentally challenged.

As I have outlined before, sinning is different than rebelling. It really is. All of us sin...we make mistakes. I have sympathy and compassion for those that suffer consequences of their sins...as I do also.

In rebellion, I have no sympathy. And neither does God. God actually outlines in Hebrews 10 that the Christian that is in rebellion no longer is covered by the blood of Christ for their rebellion. They are to face their consequences head on. No mercy. No forgiveness. As it goes on to say for Christians..."it is a terrible thign to fall into the hands of the Living God."

I have no sympathy nor compassion for those that reap the consequences of rebellion. I tried to save my wife and my family those consequences. I protected her for years from those consequences, hoping she would turn back from her rebellion. Sadly, my protecting her may have enabled her.

But the Lord told me earlier this year to "let the unbeliever go." The Lord has had enough. He is freeing me and the kids from this he!! that she has put all of us thru. He is also preparing to bring those consequences of her rebellion down squarely on her head. And she has no one else to blame but herself.

So, I do care for my wife and the fact that she is where she is. I tried so hard to help her back from the edge of the cliff. But she put herself there. And now, the Lord has asked me...no, commanded me...to get out of the way so He may deal with her. And I am glad that it is no longer my problem...that He has now taken up my cause. She cannot run from the Father. As mothers all over the Earth used to say..."wait until your father gets home." Well, guess what? Daddy is home and he is not pleased!

I hope that explains where I am coming from.

Standing in His presence

Yes, MM. It does help explain where you're coming from.

I agree that her actions caused great harm. I don't make judgments about rebellion against God. That's between her and God, for me.

More importantly, though, I don't have the bitter edge of anger and frustration and fury that comes through when you write about it. I don't have the blame and the finger-pointing.

Those things are causing -you- harm, MM. Perhaps they impede your relationship with Jesus? I know that some of the things Wayne Dyer wrote would seem to indicate that. I don't know if that's right, though. I do know that it is something that would be healthier to heal from rather than hanging onto.

It takes quite a bit of time to choose to heal rather than to hang on to the anger and rage. The first step is to really look at it, really accept it, really feel it -- and then feel the loss and agony underneath.

MM,

I was wondering how u r doing. Despite all that has been thrown against you and your family, it is good to hear from you. Tough love isn't easy.....it's not suppose t/b.

Keep up the good work.

take care,
L.

V,

Sorry I missed this. I will take a look.

Standing in His Presence