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thank you wontrainalways...
and you are so right it is a hard road..battle if you will...and yes,he has to face these decisions as well.
I continue to check e-mail...and will probally do so for sometime yet...and try to replace those feelings with family & my husband...it is a long, slow process I know.
FWW- Me (44)
BH (47)
married 23 years
EA/PA 02/05 - 07/06
in REAL recovery since 8/06
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like why doesn't he just write me anyway? is this an email account you used just for you two? if so, CLOSE THE ACCOUNT. work on making it not matter TO YOU if he emails you or not. put this in YOUR hands not his. what will you do if you find an email from him? right now, you are waiting for his action to react to. i challange you to create your own actions. delete the account. if the account is not just used for you and he, block his email (and DON"T LOG IT!! been there, done that!!) make it impossible for you to know what he has or has not done. make choices based on what you want for you. take action for yourself!!! what do you think? have i riled you up enough to do it???
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cuz if not, i could keep going...
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no ...that is pretty good ammunition...however I use the account for a variety of things. I have deleted his name from my address book (that is a start)..at least it is not staring me in the face everytime I am logged in.
There is a that part of me that needs to know...what he is thinking...how he is thinking....IF he is thinking anything...
However, I am fighting the urge to know, and remind myself it doesn't really matter. I am sure I will continue to "want" some type of contact...for sometime...but not giving in..is what I am shooting for at the moment!
FWW- Me (44)
BH (47)
married 23 years
EA/PA 02/05 - 07/06
in REAL recovery since 8/06
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i had a mantra for a while..
"OM is no longer my concern."
getting it out of your book is just a start. good for you.
keep fighting the urge to know. work towards indifference.
it does not matter. OM is no longer your concern.
work on wanting something else. like integrity, pride.
i don't think i ever saw an answer to the question i posed...
have the choices you have made in the past made you the type of person you envisioned for yourself?
trust me, i know how HARD this is. i have been there.
don't go easy on yourself crazy. push yourself. stretch beyond. get that email blocked (keep it blocked!!! yes, i've been there done that too, it's blocked, it's not blocked, it's blocked...)
keep reading and posting here too.
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to answer your question FL..
No..I did not envision myself to be someone who would lie, cheat, and betray..those are the things I dispise the most. I can validate..validate..validate..why...but it will always come back to those facts...
and yes..flip flopping between I can..I can't...I can..I'can't..is my current struggle...
as of today...the "I can" is winning!
FWW- Me (44)
BH (47)
married 23 years
EA/PA 02/05 - 07/06
in REAL recovery since 8/06
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as of today...the "I can" is winning! GOOD FOR YOU!!! so since you are feeling so strong. BLOCK THAT EMAIL ADDRESS - NO LOGGING!!! ok? this action will tell yourself, OM IS NO LONGER MY CONCERN!!! and that is the msg you need to tell yourself via YOUR ACTIONS. i know what i am asking you is hard 2crazy, i really do. I've been in your shoes way more than you can possible realize. you can do this. keep posting. i'm rooting for you
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FL you are a heaven sent keep an eye on her.
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thanks for the compliment.
trust me, i got a lot of help when i came here probably more messed up then she.
and 213601, i hope your marriage recovers. i'm very sorry for your pain.
you are a hero for all you are doing for your family.
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My post quite awhile back:
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2
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How about emailing me at the address below. I got a file I want to share with you that I gave my wife last spring. It's copyrighted stuff that I can't post here but I can share it with MB friends off the board. Maybe it will assist you in your life altering decision process.
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My address is below. It is a shared account with my wife so there is nothing inappropriate about it.
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Mr. Wondering I never did hear from you. You are in the midst of the battle between the "wanta's" and the "oughta's"....the information I want to provide you with will, perhaps, provide you with some worthwile personal motivators to allign you firmly with the "oughta's". I guarantee you will find it invaluable reading. Just a simple email and it's yours. I will not comment or otherwise address your situation. I am just very certain you were meant to read it. Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Thanks FL.
People here are wonderful and I’m no hero, I’m scared like everybody else, I’m doing
What I can to keep my family together, and help my WW see the light.
You are an inspiration FL.
2crazy how are you feeling today.
you can call me Tony.
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hi 2crazy, i'm thinking about you. I wanted to let you know, once i leave work today, i may not be back online until monday. i'll look for you then.
stay strong!! keep posting.
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2crazy
How are you holding up?
The weekend is coming why don’t you take your H on a date, have some fun for a change, keep your feet on the ground, and your mind of OM.
Yes I know these are my wishes but hey maybe it will happen.
You are a brave woman, for doing this on your own.
Take care and keep posting.
Tony.
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Hello all,
I am holding on, it is tough some days..heck, it is tough some hours!! However, I am hanging on, and, at the suggestion of FL, I have adopted a mantra....
"He is NOT MINE, to think about"
And yes Tony, my husband and I actually have some "fun" time planned, we are going to a car cruise with friends on Saturday. Something he enjoys more than I, however, learning to spend time together, is a good place to start!...
Take care all..Have a great weekend!
FWW- Me (44)
BH (47)
married 23 years
EA/PA 02/05 - 07/06
in REAL recovery since 8/06
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2,
YES!!! I was just about to suggest that, but add STAY AWAY FROM ANY TECHNOLOGY! Leave the cell phone at home and no computer time.
Take a week without it. Then the strain isn't there and you can just breathe!
Moral of the Mayonnaise Jar: Do you want a full life? Or just sand? --------------------------------------------------------------- BS: Me: 33 WS: 32 Married 10 years Affair Started: May 06 Exposure: July 06 Daughter 4 years Son 2 years
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Good morning all!
Feeling good today....climbing that ladder up out of the fog!...some days you climb up a rung only to fall down two...however..I have not let go of the ladder!..and I'm moving up two rungs today....
Hope everyone is doing well...thanks for being here..for the support...encouragement....even the harsh truths....mostly for the opportunity to share our experiences and learn from each other...
For anyone "new" who is reading these posts...continue to read..the steps in the process of healing & recovery are long and hard...not everyone will see the steps in the same order, or even go work them in the same order...but at least begin the journey!..and hold the path steady....
FWW- Me (44)
BH (47)
married 23 years
EA/PA 02/05 - 07/06
in REAL recovery since 8/06
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HI 2crazy
I’m glad you’re doing ok thank you for being here and sharing your story,
You have no idea how many people you’re helping and will help with your
Posts and your story, a lot of words of wisdom in your last post, seems to me that you are seeing a bit clearer the fog seems to be lifting fast for you, keep your head up high.
When you feel the urge to contact OM just post here first, I’ check this site a few times a day, and I’m keeping an eye on you, I feel that your journey is mine and I hope I could help.
And thank you for posting.
Tony.
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Thanks Tony,
yes, TODAY, I am seeing clear....one thing I am learning and feeling, is that this is truly a day to day journey and struggle. It is very easy to slip back into the fog, when a disagreement happens, a "bad day", or just a lousy feeling inside occurs. It is very tempting to contact the OM. I have typed the e-mails, which helps to get it out...then I find myself here, reading...and I delete the message...and go on another day..
"The OM is not MINE to think about!"
I look around, at my family, and then think somethin positive about my husband that has happened int he last 24 - 48 hours, and I get through...
good luck to all who are recovering....trying to recover...or thinking about it...it is a step in the right direction....
"The OM is not MINE to think about"
FWW- Me (44)
BH (47)
married 23 years
EA/PA 02/05 - 07/06
in REAL recovery since 8/06
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good for you!! so now let me push just a little more <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (we MB people are pushy, pushy, pushy) did you block his email addy?
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