so much has happened since the kids have been here since friday. its been a very emotional time for me. With the ODS and his family staying out there with WH(EX?) its torn me up. I finally went out there on sunday afternoon and got my grandson and he has been with me since. DD has stayed with me and not seen her dad except for about 20 mins. the whole time.

I did have a discussion with ODS about all of this and I asked him what if it had been me who did this what would you think? He said Mom I would have thought bad of you and called you a HO. So of course I said whats the difference then.

WH says he is coming to get the two dogs sometime in the next week as they have now rented a house they are moving into. Makes things seem so permante with them. But ****** I thought things with us were the same way and we see what happened. He didn't hestitate to walk away from me or our home we owned.

I called my attorney again yesterday to find the status on the D papers. Still have not been signed or filed by him or his side. He can't get any answer as to why. He asked did WH pay me, I said yes but not the back support. So he wrote letter to WH'S attorney and said they have two weeks to file the papers and get the back money to me or we go back to court for contempt. He said BS I told you when we left the court that day in June we would be back in court that this was not over yet.I told him I spoke with WH about the papers and how he acted like he didn't know they had to be signed. He said BS he knows I am sure he was told he is stalling for some reason. I don't want stalling anymore I want this over. I am tired of being jerked around by him....

There are other things that happened but I am sure everyone gets the idea of what its been like for me the last week or so. Its been ******.....

{{{hurting}} Can I kick your ODS's butt?

Well the divorce papers have been signed ,sealed and delivered. So now its really been done.

if someone had said to me a year ago I would be divorced today I would have said no way. This time last year my EXWH was still very much involved with me and so unsure. I had so much faith he would come out of this fantasy life and come home. Boy did he prove me wrong.

I never really thought he would throw away our 25 year mariage. We had made it through so many bad times together as well as the good times. Its like he has wiped the slate clean and has forgotten everything except the bad.

I have resigned myself to the fact he is done. Maybe she is what he has needed and wanted someone who is manipulative and demanding. He does not have to think for himself she does it for him now. They will be moving into a home they are renting together sometime in the next week and he will be getting two of our dogs. If there had been anyway possible for me to keep them I would have. I know he loves them and misses them so they will be ok. Not sure how she is gonna react but I can't worry about that. So out of low income into a real home with my son and two of my dogs trying to make their lives normal so to speak. She got what she wanted my life, my husband.

I still have so many unresolved things I feel I need to say to him. I have yet to be come angry with him and tell him exacttly what I think. He kept saying I was not fighting hard enough. What did he want me to do scream,yell and throw things at him? Was I suppose to confront her and tell her to stay away? I knew that would only cause more hurt feelings and justifications for him. He thinks I didn't care enough because I didn't do what he thinks I should have done. Even with all of what he has said I am still proud of myself for taking the high road and being a lady and not falling to their level.

So now its time for Plan BS. No more plan a or b for our marriage that is over and done. Time for me to care for me and move on in life.

I do wish him the best and hope he finds what he is searching for. I will never accept her as part of my childrens lives after all that has happened but I can get past it. I don't have to see or speak to her ever if I choose not to. If by chance we have to be in the same place due to our children or grandchildren she will be just a bug on the floor to me.

I still hope on day my EXWH wil see all he has done and realize just because he has changed women the problems he has will still be the same only difference is a different body is waking up beside him.

Hurting

Just talked to my attorney. EXWH is now in contempt of court. He was late for hus July alimony and his date for August is now 16 days late. he also shorted me 100.00 so that also is gonna hurt him....

One darn thing for sure not my problem how he gets the money, its now time to pay the piper and reap the consequences of his actions. OW wants him so bad she needs to step up to the plate and be his partner in everything , not just tearing my marriage apart help him pay his obligations.......


Hurting

Tell him to go rob a liquer store or better yet borrow it from his new in-laws.

I know you have already been told this but his affair marriage will never make it. Even if he stays married for any length of time that relationship will always be based on doubt and miss-trust.

Mr. G

I know your right they will never make it long term or at least happily anyway.

they are not married yet as she is not even divorced. And he can't marry for six months from the date of our divorce being granted. its not final up until that date. The same goes for her once the divorce it is granted she will have to wait six months as well.

I know there is no trust between them and never will be. She watches his every move like a hawk. She is so afraid of him and I even talking that he steers clear of me at all costs. What a sad way to live.....

Uggh, what a way to live a life....

Invest in yourself, invest in your children. Help them to learn the values of loving relationship. I think you already know this.

Do you need to take legal action to get him to come up with the cash? Is he current with child support?

Mr. G

Mr. G,

My attorney is sending out a letter to his to let him know we will file contempt charges within two weeks if all money's are not caught up.

He does not pay me child support as he has our 16 year old son. The boy told the judge he wanted to live with his father. I fought it on moral grounds and all but what my son wanted prevailed. The judge did say the child was acting out and that I as his mother had done all I could do and it was time for his dad to be a dad. He sid to me you are a good mom but I don't think you can handle this childs behaviors since your H left and so its up to him to be a dad.

He also told my EXWH that the problems I was having with DS will come to him and they are starting. The judge also told my EX that I am not paying him CS. Basically he told EXWH these are the consequences of your own actions deal with it. So I get alimony and he gets nothing. I do things for my DS and buy him what he needs. I tak my role as his mother very serious and do what needs to be done for him. But I do not have to pay my EX anything.

We do have joint custody with very good visitaion for me. Right now DS is doing his own thing and pretty much blowing me off but I still make contact and let him know I love and miss him.... I am just trying to let time work and let him realize on his on who has his best interests at heart. I could force more visitation but I feel it would be counterproductive to force anything and cause more resentment. He is going to have to figure this out for himself.

As for EXWH no holding back though. if I have to drag his butt to court monthly to make my point about his obligations to me, so be it...... These are his consequences for his choices.

Great to hear from you Hurting, and as always, what you
have said really "hits home". It's coming up on a year
from when my WH got involved with OW, and I never would
have believed he's still be off in fantasy-affair land
after all this time, especially after all their fights,
break-ups, his DUI, phone calls, and drama.

Don't think I'll ever understand why WH would leave a
happy, stable marriage, nice home, dog he loved, and
wife who gave 100pct to be with a sleazy, clingy,
manipulative and controlling OW, who like yours is so
paranoid and insecure she watches him every minute,
checks his phone, goes through his stuff, calls me,
etc. I've always thought he'd come to his senses, miss
his real life and want to come back, but as time drags
on I'm getting less sure that any of our life means
anything to him anymore..

Every day is tough, but I take it a day at a time, am
continuing to work on and care for me, and as of late,
have had plenty else to worry about-
(losing job, health issues, had to replace hot water heater
last week, etc.)
Glad that I'll be off on my litte trip in a couple days
and have a change of scenery-

As always, you impress me with your class, grace and dignity
in handling everything. I don't think your WH begins to know
what he's gotten himself into, but he's going to as he has
to deal and live with OW, try to be a Dad, and live up to
the consequences of his action financially.
Hugs to you !
Slammed

Slammed,

thanks for your kind words. I am trying so hard to stay on the high road. I right now just want to blast his a$$... I want so badly to tell him what I think of him right now. How spineless and so not the man I know.

I hope you jhave a wonderful time on your trip. A change of scenery will do wonders I am sure. I am ready for a little change myself. Once I get settled in a place of my own I want to take a few days and go somewhere myself. I have not left this place since all this crap started except to take my DD to Indiana and that was no relaxing trip.

Keep your chin up Slammed it will get better.

hurting

You know what, Okla? I'd be very tempted to DO IT!

Catch him off guard, alone, no witnesses, and say your peace. Dont tell him you need to speak with him (so he cant warn the family), just catch him out sometime.

The D is over, the legal stuff is taken care of, not much to loose, from my point of view. Course I'm not the coolest cucumber on the board <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. Just my two-cents - Dru

There's no rule on the High Road that you cannot speak your truth. I see nothiing low about it - Dru

Hurting, I know it really stinks that the divorce is final now, but I pray that you find some relief from the drama. For me, knowing that the legal stuff was finally over was such a huge relief!

Of course, that doesn't mean the divorce is over. I had read somewhere there are three divorces... legal, emotional and spiritual. Guess which one is the easiest?? My prayers will continue to be with you and your family.

I'm sure you read it all the time, but I just wanted to add my voice to the choir.... you are such an inspiration to so many on this board. You have handled yourself with nothing but dignity, grace and class. You can truly hold your head up high.

As for the x....I would probably just let him come to his conclusion about what he has done to himself, his children, and his wife (not to mention OW's family!). That's what I've resolved to do with mine. He'll find out on his own what a mistake he's made, sooner or later. Mine already is complaining about money (which wouldn't be a problem if OW would get off her duff and get a job). He's backing off a little on DD, too... He used to keep her til 10 on dance class nights, now he says he can't do that anymore b/c it "interferes with him getting ready for work." Whatever.

If you're really wanting to say your piece, why not write a letter he'll never read, then burn it or something? It could be symbolic for letting go. Getting it out on paper always helps me, and then I feel like the bigger person for not being a b****.

Your son will gain some maturity in the next year or so and will see the light providing you stay on the “high road”. This is almost always the case. You have already been through it twice so I guess you know.

Most of the time children become their parents, so I think you can plan with some confidence that your son will benefit from your always extended hand.

Mr. G