My H and I are 9 months after D Day. NC as far as I can tell. He is very remorseful and does everything I ask.

Immediately after D Day we went thru the "honeymoon period" of having sex everyday. After a few months that became a more normal 2 or 3 times a week. Now it is once a week and I suspect he never has O's. He can barely get thru the act without Viagra. When I try to question him (gently), he denies a problem and says everything is normal. He pretends to reach O. I get the feeling he is just trying to fulfill his husbandly duty to me and is getting no pleasure.

I worry that this is a sign of renewed A's but can find no evidence to support this. He is 55 and maybe this is age catching up with his libido. He is under a lot of stress from changing jobs (it's a better one with a different company).

I don't know what to do to help him, since he won't discuss it with me.

If he's taking Viagra, presumably he's discussed this with his MD & medical problems have been ruled out ...???

If so, it's probably stress.

Do something very out-of-character & surprising in the bedroom ... or the kitchen, or the hallway .... if you get my drift.......

see if amping up the novelty helps

Pep

DK,

Your story sounds similar to mine. Sometimes it helps us if I give him massage with no other expectations; he'll usually initiate a couple hours later with success. Our MC suggested NOT having sex for a week, but to concentrate on meeting each others (other) ENs. My H is overseas until Dec, so we'll see what happens when he comes home.

He is very touchy about me initiating Sex. He says it puts pressure on him and that is bad.

if you feel sexy

it is fine for you to say

"I feel sexy"

but

it might be smarter for you to make loving phone calls to him throughout the day ... get him thinking about you

how about deep kissing... does he object to this as well?

It is so out of character for me to do anything overtly s$xy, (he has trained me well over the years), he would feel pressured. The less frequency of our S$x life is not a problem for me. BUT it worries me that it is symptomatic of something else. The bottom line is, if he feels no desire for me, he will turn somewhere else. In his mind, I am sure he blames me for his lack of libido.

so what?

here's the deal ... if you compromise your desire to have a healthy sex life WITH YOUR HUSBAND because he might feel "pressured" ... this is a very shakey foundation to begin with ..... in my opinion

am I incorrect?

I don't know, we've been shaking along for a very long time. Maybe, I am too old to change him or me. We have always had lots of sex because he was always "ready" for 35 years. I just worry about his lack of interest all of a sudden, probably it's useless.

what were you hoping to learn from this thread?

I want to know if his sudden disinterest is a symptom of a new affair.

Could be that his guilt is finally catching up with him.

I just heard on the news that ED can be a precurser/marker of a heart condition. The recent stress would also be a environmental marker. 55 years old...better safe then sorry.

Perhaps he should see a cardiologist or get a physical.

Mr. Wondering

Do you mean he is depressed? Possibly, definitely stressed out from all these months after D Day.

I have worried about the Heart angle, too. I have read about the connection recently. Men can be so stubborn about admitting to a problem of this sort.