Wilson,

I'm proud of you for not giving up, despite your W's nastiness and threats. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

Did your W end up leaving? Thorstein is right... she is fog babbling, big time. Don't believe for a minute that she wanted to come home last weekend because she didn't have a place to stay... she is trying to justify her bad behavior and she is not herself right now... she is sick.

I agree you shouldn't give up and should continue with Plan A. Now that OM's W knows, this will make things VERY uncomfortable for your W and OM, especially at work. I think at some point you should inform the principal. I can't imagine any principal wanting two teachers in his school engaged in an A... especially in a high school. That looks bad, bad, bad to the community. Even if the principal just talks to them, it will have a tremendous impact on the A.

I think ADs are a good idea... they helped me tremendously. I'm so,so sorry for what you are going through. Let us know how you are feeling today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Katie

Things are not going so well for me this morning. I got very little sleep last night again. I did call my family doctor today and have an appointment to go see him. (I can't keep functioning like this). My wife did leave last night and I do not expect to see her again until Sat. morning when she is to start moving out. Obviously I am pretty down today.

In talking to OMW last night I learned that OM had put a deposit down on his own apartment within a few days of my WW. In appears from the IM’s I caught with the key logger that this has been their plan for a couple of months. Both move out so they can spend more time together. OMW indicated that she was surprised last week when OM disconnected the phone. He did it suddenly and told her it was to cut down on the bills.

I have not called the HR director back at the school board but probably will today. I realize that our marriage has no chance if they are seeing each other daily at work. It may not help but I am at least going to try.

Please pray for me and OM’s W.

I spoke to the HR director. He basically told me that there was not much they could do other than make sure they did not teach in the same classroom. He did advise he would consult the board's attorney to see if possible to move one of them. It doesn’t sound like they much care about it as long as it does not effect the education of the students.

I did find this online:

“Standard 10: Professional Conduct – An educator should demonstrate conduct that follows generally recognized professional standards. Unethical conduct is any conduct that impairs the certificate holder’s ability to function professionally in his or her employment position or a pattern of behavior or conduct that is detrimental to the health, welfare, discipline or morals of the students.”

IMO the last part “morals of the students” should be clear cut. I guess they view it otherwise. I am not sure if there is anything else I can do but just sit back and wait to see what happens with WW and OM.

I am a teacher. Unfortunately for the kids (and I can think of one child of a teacher, in particular) affairs happen all too often in schools.

There is one going on within my department. It is known and the Administration does nothing about it.

It disgusts me.

Get a lawyer and bring a suit against the school board using the morals thing. However the [color:"red"] should [/color] might get ya.

Standard 10: Professional Conduct – An educator [color:"red"] should [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> demonstrate conduct that follows generally recognized professional standards. [color:"blue"]Unethical conduct is any conduct that impairs the certificate holder’s ability to function professionally in his or her employment position or a pattern of behavior or conduct that is detrimental to the health, welfare, discipline or morals of the students.” [/color]

This should help you but who knows. Good Luck! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Give the time to act upon your request then have your attorney send a letter to them reminding them of their own policies

Thank you for the advice but I am not interested in fighting with the school board. I just want my wife back.
I guess I will just see if they call me back. I have a feeling I will get a call from my WW this evening. I am sure her and OM have spoke today and she is upset with me for talking to OMW.

keep both dogs ... get a court order that YOU keep the dogs

Wilson,

Have you read any of Orchid's posts on reverse babbling? I will try and bump one up for you. Hopefully they will help you when you hear from your WW.

When are you seeing your doc?

KM

So far she has not called. Maybe she won't. I did see the doc today and he gave me AD's and a sleep aid.

I have read up on reverse babbling from Orchid's sig. I just get so tired of hearing it from her. Guess I am not to the point that it does not bother me anymore.

The dogs are mine, don't worry. I did get them both for her but they have become part of her bad memories in our newly rewritten history. She has not hardly even paid them any attention over the past few weeks. She used to come home from work and play with them for a couple of hours everyday. The last 24 hrs the dogs have been running around trying to find her and waiting at the door like she is coming home any minute. It breaks my heart to see them missing her too.

my ww loved my dog too always caring and wanting to rush home to see him but now when she stops by for some of her things i have to tell her to acknowledge him?
i guess when someone is in that state of mind they only care about 1 thing themselves it is selfish behavour and i hope both of our wives wake up soon good luck and keep fighting through

Wilson,

Hope you had a better sleep last night.

Are you taking care of yourself? Have you spent time with family and friends?

Keep letting us know how you're doing.

KM

I got an okay nights sleep. I took a sleep aid and slept from around 11-1 and then 3-6. WW said she would be here by 8am to move and it is now 10:10. They still are not here and no phone call either.

I will probably leave after they get here to move not sure if I can watch her move out. I will probably take the dogs and go to a relative’s house.

wilson, does she know what she can and can't take? I am sorry this day is here, but rest assured that it is far from over. We have seen far worse cases than this come back from the grave. So, don't give up hope.

The more she leaves behind the more "things" there are to miss. Plus when she "visits" in the future it needs to feel like home.

If I were you I'd stay to make it as uncomfortable and painful for HER as possible. Sure she'll attack you and try to get you to leave them alone but that's only an indication of HER pain. She is 100% responsible for such consequences. Let her comments bounce off you.

I'd make her leave everything and anything that could be considered joint...indicating slightly that the court will divide up "YOUR" stuff if there ever is an actual divorce. She should only be taking what is absolutely "hers". Try not to let her take a bunch of furniture.

While she's packing up stuff in rooms you may be cleaning up what to be YOUR place behind her. Maybe one particular room needs painting and you can indicate you're going to take this opportunity to paint it. Start emptying the rest of the room behind her to do so. Over the next few days and weeks fixing up the home will give you a good distraction, meet a need of your wife's, and let wife know you are not sulking and crying in bed like a wimp since she left. It's tangible proof that you are moving on possible and a little piece of wife won't quite like you being happy with her gone. When she see's it next it needs to be clean and different...YOUR place.

Do what you can. I understand how difficult this is. But the fight continues.

Mr. Wondering

She moved all of her stuff out today. She took most of our stuff. I did stay here to make it harder on her and her parents while moving. I do plan on doing some improvement projects in the next couple of weeks as I figure I will have no choice but to sell the house.

I learned tonight that OM is already in his apartment. OMW kicked him out after I told her about the A. I can only hope that is not were WW stayed the last two nights. WW ask me today before she left if I was done or if I still wanted to give it a chance. I told her that I still wanted her in my life but I could not deal with it is she was still seeing OM. She admitted to still talking to him but that was it. I found out later about him already being out in his apartment or I would have asked more questions.

In talking to OMW it seems that OM is trying to get her to take him back. My WW is just the opposite. She acts as if he hung the moon and I am dirt. Of course I do not know if WW knows OM wants to stay with his W. Also in talking to her is seems me and OM are pretty much opposite emotionally. I usually am not real emotional (except for the last month) and he usually is.

When the OM is exposed, he usually tries like crazy to get his wife back. I hope you told her about MB.

You did well in exposing to her. He will be wanting his wife back, and more afraid to continue the A. That is what you want.

It is very early in all of this. Sit back and watch.

It’s poker time.

If your WW war really over you why should she ask you whether you were done or not? It’s just like trying to bluff your way out of a bad hand. In all tough negotiations it’s a basic rule to be in a position of power – to be in control of the proceedings. I think that is what your WW is trying to create; a position where she can dictate the terms of your marriage.

Rather than sink into dark thoughts about whether WW was with OM for the last couple of days then have in mind that OM Is probably trying all he can to save his marriage. Therefore the odds are heavily in your favour that WW is alone. Even if he is with her, there is little you can do to stop that right now.

I agree that you should not focus too much on the school since the HR dept is not willing to do much. How about extending the exposure ring? How about the PTA, friends and so on?

Just follow the MB principals. Read MyWiffeILove’s story for guidance and inspiration. Listen to Mr. Wondering. Take care of you and

WW sent me a text message a couple of hours ago. "Thinking of you, call if you want". I am so confused by her. Yesterday she moves out and today she is thinking of me??? This is driving me crazy. I have not called her. Any thoughts...

Your W is out of her mind... remember, she is like a drug addict... she is not herself and is completely irrational.

She says "call me if you want." Are you in Plan A or B? I wouldn't call her if I were you... remember, she said "if you want." Mabye... for your sanity... you don't want to.

Let her think a little bit about what she's missing. This is very good. You are the comfort of home, and she is in a strange place right now. She is confused and alone... all by her doing. Let her think about this.

Don't respond to silly messages like the one she sent you. If, however, she seems serious about fixing things, re-establish your boundaries. She must stop working with OM, she must go to MC with you, she must move back home.

Remember how folks here said this was just the beginning? Here you go...

Did you visit your relatives today? How are you feeling?