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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1
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Joined: Aug 2006
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Please be patient as I finally have enough nerve to post and will need some time to learn the ropes here.

I'm 39 weeks pregnant with #3. Each of my pregnancies I've always had tremendous fears that DH was cheating on me. It most likely was my fault due to the pregnancy hormones, looking & feeling fat, uncomfortable, wild imagination, etc.

This pregnancy is worse. A few months ago I noticed large blocks of time he couldn't account for. Times I've called his work and he wasn't around. He left his ring home one day (could have been an accident although we've been married 9 years next month).

What has really upset me recently happend last night and tonight. Last night I got into bed after he fell asleep and he was on my side of the bed so I brushed up against him and he said "ohhhh, so your trying to steal my pencils" which was said in a very suggestive way and he started to hug me. In the morning he said he had no recollection of that. I asked him if a female was flirting with him at work but he denied it.

Tonight really scared me. 4am the phone rings and a woman is on the other end saying she is a friend of mine. Long story short she won't give me her name and wasn't too happy when I said I was pregnant and didn't need crank calls at 4am. DH picks up the phone and starts talking to her (I'm in the next room). She tells him her name, where she is, what she's doing, and is crying. After he hangs up he calls the police to see if they can find her and see whats going on.

I causally said to DH "oh I hope your girlfriend is ok". He flew off the handle and is really mad at me.

Here is the deal. This could all be my imagination, my fluctuating hormones, the fact that I have a 8 1/2 lb baby in my belly and I've been rejected from the hospital twice because the contractions I'm continually having aren't opening up my cervix and I'm due in a week.

I have his password to his private email acct but he could have others. I'm going to see what keylogger is all about. My DH & I have known each other for 15 years (college sweethearts), married 9 next month and he isn't the type to cheat. Ok, that sounded lame!

What do I do next? Wait for concrete information? How do I get it? Will all this blow over after I have the baby & get back into shape? Do you think this is all in my imagination? Thank you for any advice.

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 75
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 75
Welcome to MB, sorry you are here, especially when you've got more important things to worry about right now!

First of all - infidelity is not your fault. If your DH is "stepping out" it is his decision alone. I would begin by using that password and by snooping as much as is possible in your condition.

Keep calm and get proof is the best advice I can give you right now. When you get more information keep posting and gathering your evidence to figure out what's going on and where to go next.

There are some real experts here who have seen it all before... Believe me, you are not alone and these folks are here to help you through every step of the way with a plan that works.

Hang in there and keep yourself and that little one healthy.

All I am and will become in Him,


sbmmal BH 29 (Me) WW 29 M: 07-20-2001; DD Age 2 EA/PA: 5/06 - Present D-Day: 6-3-06 Deployed Since 11/05, Leave Due in 07/05 Home Forever and Out of Army 10/06... Praying for Us and Seeking God Feverishly!!!
Joined: Jan 2001
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Hi,

Like SBM, I'd like to welcome you to MB. I am sorry that at what s/b a beautiful and joyous time in your life, that you are not feeling safe in your M.

I don't see it as a hormonal problem. Set that aside. From what you wrote, any W w/b mad if a woman called the house at 4am, crying, then my H would have to call the police. Add to that when H would get mad....? What's wrong with that picture?

You are due anytime so he s/b doing all within his power to make you feel safe and beautiful NOT unwanted and suspicious.

Here's what I recommend:

1. Tell your OB. Pay attention to what he recommends. The OB may want to have a chat with your H to remind your H of his H responsibilities to his growing family. The last thing you need to deal with is a A.

2. Go see a good MC ASAP and get a support plan. If you can't.....call Steve H for some phone counseling. That you can do from your home. Steve will help you get a plan.

3. Secure your finances.

4. Create a support group. You don't have to tell all to all, just enough so they can support you and ask they respect your decisions. Remember to get support you have to expose so select wisely.

5. Read Surviving an Affair (Harley) and Love must be tough (Dobson).

6. Let your H know you need his full support and if he is in any way shape or form giving support to 'other women', that is detrimental to you and the children. Then watch his actions. If he gets angry, that's a fair tell tale sign he is having an EA at least or EA/PA. If he is, don't explode, read up on plan A and B. Implement plan A for you and make your permanent personal improvements. Once done and your mind/heart are in sync.....then understand and implement plan B. It w/b hard but may be necessary if you want to survive for you and your family.

Understand the A is a selfish virus capable of changing the nicest of people into the most horrid creatures.

Keep posting. There are several who post here who have dealt with pregnancy issues while dealing with the A. One gal even had twins!

take care,
L.

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 232
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Posts: 232
couldbe-
Welcome, and sorry you're here during a time that should be joyous for you and H. I think each man responds differently to pregnancy and pending birth. Yours seems to want to run away, or at least pretend it's not happening.

Is he having an A? Well, you don't have a lot of evidence yet, but that can change. Look into a voice activiated tape recorder, you can buy one at radio shack. Put it somewhere you think H might go to have private discussions (bedroom, home office, car, etc.). Check his cell phone usage, if you can. The big tip offs for me were the large number of calls made back and forth in the middle of the night. My H needed a "fix" around 2 or 3 am, so it became pretty obvious what was going on.

Good luck, and keep posting. THere are a lot of vets on this board who have great advice. It gets slower on the weekends, but you will still get lots of advice to help you thru this.


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